Tasteless headline of the (yester)day
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
A plague would make my job as mayor easier
There’s a little bit for both liberals and conservatives to hate about Rudy in this excerpt from Meet the Next President:
Rudy Giuliani says he wanted to deport all 400,000 illegal immigrants from New York City when he was mayor, but ended up welcoming most of those who were “causing me no trouble.”
In an interview for the new book “Meet the Next President,” Giuliani lamented that the Immigration and Naturalization Service deported only 700 to 1,500 of the city’s 400,000 aliens each year during his mayoralty. Giuliani said it was obvious the INS was not about to increase deportation “from 700 or 1,500 to 400,000.”
“If they could, I would have turned all the people over. It would have helped me. I would have had a smaller population. I would have had fewer problems,” the Republican presidential candidate told The Examiner in an interview.
Monday, December 10, 2007
A Cash, Carter and Kauffman Christmas
Johnny Cash and June Carter’s ‘79 Christmas special featuring one very surprising guest.
Now more than ever…
Whoever altered this train car ad for The New York Times on the Metro North line just may be the funniest person alive.
In case you can’t read it:
NOW MORE THAN EVER, THESE TIMES DEMAND
THE TIMESPOTATO SALAD
Sunday, December 09, 2007
The Sunday Selector: December 9th, 2007
“Crazy Horses”—The Osmonds (via Missing the Moon)
- MORE FUN THAN IT SHOULD BE: If Jackson Pollack could have right-clicked to change paint colors, maybe he wouldn’t have drank himself to death. (via oh. you. again.)
- RUSSERT DOES GOOD: If you missed it this morning, Tim Russert was pretty aggressive with Rudy Guliani this morning. Best Russert quote: “Using that reasoning, would it be appropriate for a president to provide Secret Service protection for his mistress?” “Best” Guiliani quote: “I don’t make many mistakes, but when I make them, they’re big ones.” You can watch it here. Transcript here.
(Please note: My internet connection was down nearly all day, so this is all I have for you. It’s driving me absolutely crazy at the moment trying to get anywhere on the innertubes. Yeeeeeaaaaaarrrgh!)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Baby Jesus butt plugs
Too funny. I love it when “good” Christians talk dirty. And I love it even more when they mix up their disgust for homosexuals and Muslims into one gooey stew of stupidity.
I get a kick out out of Mike Gravel and watched that last “Power to the People” video he did over and over and over, but if you’re going to say the following in your new video (below the fold):
“But the country needs a guy like me. Candidates today can’t tell you their favorite ice cream without a focus group. I’ll tell them exactly what I think.”
...you might want to leave the following off of the video’s YouTube page:
(Produced by Hodge Pictures/ screenplay by Joe Shepter)
If you’re wondering, Joe Shepter’s favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Paul Krugman is a terrorist
The wingnuts were right!
UPDATE: He’s lucky he didn’t get the Uday and Quasi treatment.
Last night at the Rwanda Reporting benefit (great time!) I was talking with someone about this great vignette (featuring RZA, GZA & Bill Murray) from an otherwise not-so-great film (Coffee and Cigarettes). Enjoy.
“Car 118, we’ve got a mistress on the upper east side who needs emergency transport to Saks.”
Dear Daily News, a “girlfriend” is something you have when you’re not a married man, a “mistress” is something you have when you’re a married man fucking around on your wife. Thank you.
It looks like the Noble Knight of Nineelevenstan was strong-arming the NYPD to play limo service for Judi “First Mistress” Nathan long before it had been recently reported. The New York Daily News has it all:
Judith Nathan got taxpayer-funded chauffeur services from the NYPD earlier than previously disclosed - even before her affair with then-Mayor Rudy Giuliani was revealed, witnesses and sources tell the Daily News.
“It went on for months before the affair was public,” said Lee Degenstein, 52, a retired Smith Barney vice president who formerly lived at 200 E. 94th St., Nathan’s old building.
“It was going on longer than anybody thought,” added Degenstein, who, along with others in the neighborhood, said they often saw Nathan hopping into unmarked NYPD cars in early 2000, before the affair was revealed that May.
When pressed by The News Thursday, aides to the Republican presidential hopeful conceded that Nathan got police protection “sporadically” before December 2000 - the previously acknowledged beginning of her taxpayer-funded detail.
Then-Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik said in January 2001 the NYPD assigned Nathan round-the-clock protection the month before because of an unspecified threat against her on a streetcorner near her home. He insisted at a news conference she had no guards until then.
Thursday, Giuliani aides changed their story. They said Nathan had received previously undisclosed “threats” earlier in 2000, and that protection was provided at those times.
They refused to provide dates, describe the nature of the threats or confirm - as witnesses and a law enforcement source now contend - that the protection began before she was publicly identified as the married mayor’s girlfriend in May 2000.
That would make the threat justification all the more puzzling, because she wasn’t a public figure.
A law enforcement source familiar with mayoral protection said Nathan got bodyguards as far back as 1999, shortly after the affair began.
“If she had to go shopping, errands, that’s where you went,” the source said.
Other residents at the building said they often saw Nathan coming and going with two well-dressed drivers, who occasionally toted her packages.
“She was always coming back with shopping bags from the different well-known stores in New York,” said Jacqueline Elman, a building resident for 12 years who walked her dog regularly and often spotted Nathan, who became the third Mrs. Giuliani in 2003.
But, ya know, quick, look over there! Bill Clinton is getting a blow job!
MORE: Who should be ashamed of themselves?
Thursday, December 06, 2007
What to do the next few days in New York City
This is a quick reminder guide for my fellow Big Applets:
- Williamsburg: Go to the Rwanda Reporting benefit tonight at Supreme Trading featuring a performance by Francis and the Lights, free hard-to-find Rwandan food and an hour’s worth of complimentary Bass beer. The donation is a measly $20.
- Manhattan: Go to see the wonderful and unique documentary Billy the Kid that opened last night at the IFC Center for a limited engagement. I haven’t had time to finish my review, but you can read some of the raves at Metacritic.
- Manhattan: Go to see the long-awaited Holy Modal Rounders documentary Bound to Lose (and accompanying live music bonuses) at the Anthology during its one-week run (starts this Friday).
UPDATE: In comments the delightful and reliable Robin from oh. you. again. recommends buying tix for Au Revoir Parapluie (Farewell, Umbrella) at BAM in downtown Brooklyn. I’m doing that right now.
Suddenly Seeking Stupid Syndrome
I was going to write about the Little Green Footfungi’s reaction to the Omaha shopping mall murders, but Lawyers, Guns and Money beat me to it. I know nutters have come up with a lot of ridiculous ideas in recent years, but Sudden Jihad Syndrome just may be the absolute dumbest. It lays bear their intense paranoia, full-throttle Islamophobia, and knuckle-dragging numbskullery all in one simple little phrase.
As for the knee-jerk first reaction, a friend in Omaha who’s listening to reports live on the radio says it’s not Islamic terror.
Probably spot on….but before you rule it out, just remember Lee Boyd Malvo.
How do these bedwetters sleep at night?
UPDATE: Since I suffer from Giuliani Derangement Syndrome, I should note that Daniel Pipes, who coined the term Sudden Jihad Syndrome, was signed on as an adviser to the Giuliani team.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I’d Prefer David Cross, But This Will Do for Now
My wife and I were just talking about how we haven’t read or heard much about Al Franken’s run for the Senate lately, but today The NY Times has published an article about him working the ropes in Minnesota. I hope the state’s Democrats do the right thing and nominate him because, well, it would be entertaining as hell to watch him run against the thoroughly despicable Norm Coleman. Best quote (via an MP3 audio excerpt available with the article):
To the extent that I have money from show business ... ya know, he gets it from big pharma, big insurance, big tobacco, big coal, you know, I get it from big comedy. And big comedy doesn’t want anything from me. Big comedy doesn’t want me to put the seventh fleet off of China so that they don’t make more knock-offs of Caddyshack.
ADDED AL FRANKEN BONUS!!!: Video of him giving a speech this year at a wedding in Little Rock, AK on 11/24.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Sy of Relief
Quick question: Is Sy Hersh ever wrong about anything?
Quick answer: No.
CONVERSELY: While we’re on the subject….
Quick question: Is John Bolton ever right about anything?
Quick answer: No.