Monday, December 01, 2008

Getting Raped By Your Crazy Uncle And Being Forced To Have The Baby Even If It Kills You, For Jesus!

(Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Bobby Jindal)

Hello, Rumproast! It is such an honor to join this blog. I’m sure you’re wondering what that shocking blog post title is all about, so let’s get to it!

Legendary exorcist Bobby Jindal, also known as Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, is apparently the 2012 Republicans’ version of Barack Obama, because I guess he could be mistaken for black from a distance?

Steve Schmidt, who just successfully managed John McCain’s bid to pathetically lose the presidency and any last shred of his dignity says:

“The question is not whether he’ll be president, but when he’ll be president, because he will be elected someday.”

Take that to the bank! But don’t expect to withdraw any money, because there isn’t any left in America!

Anyway, getting back to the shocking title of this blog post, about getting raped by your crazy uncle and being forced to have the baby even if it might kill you (for Jesus!), it turns out that Bobby Jindal really, really hates abortion. I mean really, really, really, really hates it. And if he ever became president, you could never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, have one: conservatives like what they have heard about the public and private Jindal: his steadfast opposition to abortion without exceptions; his disapproval of embryonic stem cell research; his and his wife Supriya’s decision in 1997 to enter into a Louisiana covenant marriage that prohibits no-fault divorce in the state; and his decision in June to sign into law the Louisiana Science Education Act, a bill heartily supported by creationists that permits public school teachers to educate students about both the theory of “scientific design” and criticisms of Darwinian evolutionary concepts.

There’s a whole host of crazy in that paragraph about which one could write an entire book, but I’ll just deal with the abortion part.

This man will never be president if he is against abortion without exceptions. Just think about it. No exceptions. Not rape. Not incest. Not life of the mother being at risk.

Attention women of America
. Consider this: You have been raped. By your crazy ass uncle Bobby (no relation). If you have the baby it will likely kill you. Is there any way you could have an abortion, to literally save your life? Not if Bobby Jindal is president, because apparently he believes that you getting raped by your uncle and suffering a painful death while giving birth to your rapechild is all somehow part of God’s glorious plan for you.

Don’t you feel better knowing that Jesus loves you?

Seriously, even Sarah Palin had the decency and wisdom (I can’t believe I just typed that) to make an exception for abortion when it came to the life of the mother being in jeopardy. And Sarah Palin? Everybody hates Sarah Palin!

There, now Bobby Jindal will never be president. My work is done.

(Cross posted at The November Blog)

Posted by Noah on 12/01/08 at 02:55 PM

Categories: Politics

Give Real World the Red Hook

Those poor bastards in Red Hook, Brooklyn (a neighborhood near the Rumproast HQ)  thought they had it bad when Ikea laid a giant unassembled turd on their turf, but, sweet jeebus, it just doesn’t get any worse that this. My heartfelt condolences. If I lived there I’d be organizing a crew to saw Pier 40 off at its base and push it into the bay.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/01/08 at 12:20 PM

Categories: New York CityBrooklynNewsSkull HampersTelevision

What Tom Hilton Said

Instead of blockquoting nearly the entire last two paragraphs of his post, which I’m in full agreement with, I’ll just direct you right to it.

This concludes today’s edition of What Tom Hilton Said.

RELATED: Since this shoehorns nicely with some of the points made in Hilton’s post, here’s the latest editorial from one of the leading pernicious hypercritical gnatrooters:

This is the mythic “independence” we’re supposed to crave — a czar who doesn’t owe anyone. It is the foreseeable result of a Dear Leader-ism prevalent in foreign autocracies, but never paramount in America until now — and it will have its benefits and drawbacks.

Wielding his campaign’s massive e-mail list, the new president could mobilize supporters to press Congress for a new New Deal. Or, he could mobilize that army to blunt pressure on his government for a new New Deal. The point is that Obama alone gets to choose — that for all the talk of “bottom-up” politics, his movement’s structure grants him a top-down power that no previous president had.

For better or worse, that leaves us relying more than ever on our Dear Leader’s impulses. Sure, we should be thankful when Dear Leader’s whims serve the people — but also unsurprised when they don’t.

Never mind David Sirota’s totally ludicrous statement that because of Obama’s “massive e-mail list” he now wields “a top-down power that no previous president had” (someone may want to tell Sanford Wallace he now qualifies for King of the Universe), but is it necessary these days to compare Obama to Kim Jong-il—while dismissing Obama supporters as star-struck, naive and compliant—to prove that you’re a 100% Grade A progressive? Or does it really only imply that you’re kind of a mouthy, condescending dick?

MORE: From Mithras.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/01/08 at 10:06 AM

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaEditorialsElection '08Poliblogs

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