Sunday, May 31, 2009

Somebody else wanna come up with the requisite “813th trimester” joke?

Never could pen a punchline and dry-heave at the same time.

Boy, AP, you sure do have the magic touch when it comes to encapsulating.

And the long dark night of the First Amendment absolutist’s soul begins… now.

In lighter news, an attempt to delve into Sotomayor’s record ended up yielding results eerily similar to the ones my recreational Google searches tend to come back with. I especially like 11, where they cite the back-cover blurb (NSFW, and probably not H either).

Still not as obscene as that AP headline, though.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/31/09 at 08:12 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersRelijun

Will she or won’t she? Random Sunday Morning Ponderfication

Last weekend I read the last Harry Potter book. Later I had an unrelated conversation with a friend about writers who don’t know when to shut up. You know the one’s I mean. The dudes and dudettes who take a plot line or cast of characters or what have you and spin it out into 3,405,926 books, each one more tedious than the last. [Looks at Terry Brooks.] 

Stop smirking. We both realized part of our griping was pure jealousy, so there. And I can’t honestly say that if someone offered me truckloads of cash to write the same book over and over and over and over, that I would say no. Although I’d expect a gent with horns and a pitchfork to take part in the proceedings. And by the time a writer’s third book has gone sprinting off the shelves and publishers are fighting for your attention and no one dares mention the “E” word in your presence, the old ego must need its own seat flights.

Plus, what if the fans go loony ga-ga when you end a series and you wind up like the dude in Misery?

So I can understand why one book becomes three books becomes a dozen. Really. But aren’t these people afraid of going Anne Rice and becoming so detached from reality and so in love with their own legend that snot-nosed bloggers use their name as shorthand for an insanely egotistical writer who needs to get a grip?

[Looks at Anne McCaffrey]

Apparently not. Not that I’m saying Anne McCaffrey is a loony. Especially if you’re a loony ga-ga fan. But man. Does that woman do anything but write? Someone should check to see if her family has her chained to her desk.

So. Where was I? Oh yes. Rowling. Who has vowed to never ever ever write another Harry Potter book. I’m not saying she’s a liar or playing coy or even that she doesn’t currently mean what she said. Still, I give it five years before she puts out another.

Discuss.

That is to say, discuss without spoilers or you’ll be forced to listen to Sarah Palin speeches until your brain runs out of your ears.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 05/31/09 at 08:26 AM
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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Auto-Tune the News #4

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/30/09 at 04:30 PM
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Friday, May 29, 2009

A good metaphor holds up upon inspection; this is not that kind of metaphor

Hey, look, Israel, I’m not saying you deserved it, but really, how do you expect them to respond to such cruel and barbaric treatment?

read the whole post »

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/29/09 at 08:12 PM
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Categories: NewsPolitics

Republic Enema

Ugly Matt Damon and Ugly Bill Walton create (surprise!) something really ugly.  I could only make it to the two minute mark.  Yes, that’s a challenge. [hat tip TeresaKopec]

MORE: That figures. They get their “juice” from the Powertools or, as they’re known in the hip hop world, De La Soulless.

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/29/09 at 01:15 PM
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Categories: MusicMusic VideosPoliticsNuttersSkull Hampers

Speaking of torture, they’re letting this guy speak publicly again

Oh, America, you lovable buncha schizos, with your “nuke the ragheads” one day and your “yay antiwar black dude” the next.

I still can’t decide which I find more shocking—-that we let this imbecile run the country for eight years, or that we let him stop. CNN:

“The firsht thing y’do ish ashk, what’sh legal?” he said. “Whadda th’ lawyersh shay ish poshible? Ah made th’ deshishion, within th’ law, t’get information sho ah can shay t’mahshelf, ‘ah’ve done what it takesh t’do mah duty t’protect th’ Murkan people.’ Ah can tell you that th’ information we got shaved livesh.”

Yeah, that’s great, Greystoke, glad you could weigh in. I keep forgetting to send you a thank-you note for the whole global shockwave of anti-Americanism thing. And that was before you made us synonymous with torture and lawlessness, so it looks like I’ve got some stationary to buy, eh?

Oh, and from the links-that-won’t-ruin-your-lunch department: for reasons beyond just the obvious, I’m pretty sure I don’t have the option of not buying this.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 05/29/09 at 12:21 PM
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Michael Steele: GOP Needs To Stop “Slammin’ And Rammin’” On Sotomayor

I’m beginning to think describing Michael Steele as “the gift that keeps on giving” is totally insufficient.  He deserves his own special term. Please leave your ideas in the comments.

RELATED: Karl Rove, who is proving himself to be one of the most clueless political consultants of all-time, continues to slam and ram. The only people who are going to fall for the “empathy is a bad word” shtick is the dwindling wingnut base.

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/29/09 at 09:08 AM
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Categories: PoliticsEditorialsNuttersSkull Hampers

Respect the Robot

I was going to do the robot at Roastacon, but after seeing this I’m going to take a pass. You’ll all have to settle for my Mick Jagger. (p.s. a preemptive apology for the judge in the middle.)

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/29/09 at 08:20 AM
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Your morning read

The utterly fearless Allan Brauer (he would jump into a cage with a lion)  vs. loathsome douchebag Mark Krikorian: Assimilate this!

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/29/09 at 08:10 AM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersPoliblogsPolisnark

US v. McKinnon: Unequal under the Law

This NYT article caught my eye this morning:

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon plans to create a new military command for cyberspace, administration officials said Thursday, stepping up preparations by the armed forces to conduct both offensive and defensive computer warfare.
The military command would complement a civilian effort to be announced by President Obama on Friday that would overhaul the way the United States safeguards its computer networks.
Mr. Obama, officials said, will announce the creation of a White House office - reporting to both the National Security Council and the National Economic Council - that will coordinate a multibillion-dollar effort to restrict access to government computers and protect systems that run the stock exchanges, clear global banking transactions and manage the air traffic control system.

The use of the term “warfare” is obviously a bit chilling, I’d expect there to be squalls from the wingnutsphere and elsewhere about civil liberties implications etc., and it makes me a little uneasy myself.

But given that the Pentagon estimates that there are a quarter of a million attacks on its systems every year, it’s pretty obvious that the US needs to improve its computer security, as the case of UK citizen Gary McKinnon illustrates.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 05/29/09 at 04:53 AM
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Categories: Politics

Thursday, May 28, 2009

If I ever taught a class on how to write polisnark…

...I would show my students the beginning of this post and tell them all to consider moving home and opening up a shop selling window blinds to gullible geriatrics because they’ll never be this funny:

The Obamas have a terrible relationship with the Queen of England, Elizabeth Windsor. This is known. When they visited the Queen a few months ago, Barack Obama gave Her Majesty a “Touch iPod” loaded with hardcore interracial pornography films and swine flu. Michelle Obama, meanwhile, grabbed the Queen’s boobs for at least 30 minutes. The whole affair was vulgar.

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/28/09 at 08:22 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '08Polisnark

Is that a crucifix in your cassock or are you just happy to see me?

image

Here’s a weird story: A self-styled “Roman Catholic priestess” with White House press credentials got booted from the press area near Air Force One as she was awaiting President Obama’s arrival:

A reporter for a small newspaper was forcibly removed from a press area near Air Force One shortly before President Barack Obama arrived at Los Angeles International Airport to depart California early Thursday.

Airport security officers carried the woman away by the feet and arms as she protested her removal.

Lee said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press that she wanted to hand Obama a letter urging him “to take a stand for traditional marriage.”

She said she asked a Secret Service agent to give the president her letter, but he refused and referred her to a White House staffer. Lee said she refused to give the staffer the letter.

“I said, ‘I’ll take my chances if (the president) comes by here,’” said Lee, who identified herself as a Roman Catholic priestess who lives in Anaheim, Calif. “He became annoyed that I wouldn’t give him the letter.”

Lee, who was wearing what she described as a cassock, said she protested when she was asked to leave.

“I said, ‘Why are you bothering me?’ They escorted me outside the gate,” she said.

She said security officers allowed her to return when she promised she would not yell or wave, but then other officers arrived and told her to leave.

“I said, ‘I’m not leaving,’” she said. “They tried to drag me out.”

Two officers then picked her up and carried her out. An Associated Press photographer photographed the incident.

“I was afraid you could see under my clothes,” she said, her voice choking up.

Lee, who said this was the second presidential event she has covered, was later released.

Well, as a Roman Catholic, Ms. Lee apparently follows the church line on traditional marriage. But I wonder if she’s heard about its stance on female priests? Christ on a baggage cart, I know the standards for obtaining White House press credentials are pretty low, but come on…

[Cross-posted at Betty Cracker]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/28/09 at 04:07 PM
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The Hand Wringing Continues

Jeebus, now the wingnuts are bleating that the Chrysler dealerships being closed were being politically targeted by the Obamabot thugs because they donated money to the Republicans in the past and not to the Democrat Fascistosocialists.  92% of political contributions made by dealerships marked for closure was given to Republicans therefore this MUST be a partisan spanking!

Only one problem with that theory says Nate Silver:

Overall, 88 percent of the contributions from [all] car dealers went to Republican candidates and just 12 percent to Democratic candidates. By comparison, the list of dealers on Doug Ross’s list (which I haven’t vetted, but I assume is fine) gave 92 percent of their money to Republicans—not really a significant difference.

There’s no conspiracy here, folks—just some bad math.

He then goes on to point out that it’s no mystery car dealers tend to be Republican.  Most of them are older white males who are relatively affluent and live in the suburbs.  Duh.

Meanwhile via No More Mister Nice Blog, Rushbo has compared conservatives today to an “oppressed minority”, relegated to sit at the back of the bus.  O.M.G.

Posted by marindenver on 05/28/09 at 11:17 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '08NuttersOur Stupid Media

Straight White Magoo

If it wasn’t for Osama Bin Laden, Roger L. Magoo would have never realized how sick he was of being oppressed by racist Puerto Rican women.

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/28/09 at 09:49 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersPoliblogsSkull Hampers

Super Important Rumproast Bulletin!!!

  • Roastacon is definitely on for June 6th at 6PM! Many thanks to Mrs. Polly for helping scout out a great location for a Saturday night in the quaint little town of Manhattan. If you’d like to attend, please email me via roastacon|at|rumproast.com using the email addy you use to comment here and include your screen name. I’ll be sending out an extremely detailed and classified email this weekend with all of the info. If I get my shit together, I may set up a private forum for attendees, but don’t hold your breath. In addition, if you’d like to proudly announce to the whole damn world that you’re attending, please do so in the comments here.
  • What part of “don’t hold your breath” didn’t you understand?  Stop it!
  • I’ve received several reports that Rumproast is getting blocked by IT fascists at some places of employment.  Since it’s extremely important to me that YOU ARE NOT PRODUCTIVE AT WORK (Galt!), if your stupid bosses are blocking this extremely prestigious, award-winning blog, please ask your tech support geeks (threaten them if you have to) what web blocking software/service your company uses and email me the info at bringit|at|rumproast.com. Thank you. Fuck.
  • I am going to try extremely hard again to redesign this blog to make it a lot more flexible (sexy!).  I tried a few weeks back and failed miserably because I have some insane notion of doing it all in CSS (aka swine flu).  My goal is to complete it by this Saturday.  Since everyone very predictably hates web redesigns except for the people who create them, please get it out of your systems now by complaining about how much it sucks in the comments. I don’t want my weekend ruined. Thx!
  • Follow Rumproast on Twitter because I tweet stuff like a video of monkeys having sex on the hood of a car. Oh, you dirty, dirty monkeys! Since this is an extremely prestigious, award-winning blog, I can’t post stuff like that here, so it’s like bonus material for bad people. Or something like that.

Posted by Kevin K. on 05/28/09 at 08:39 AM
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Categories: Rumproast Related

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