Today’s Edition: Media Elites Trying to Be Comedians
Brian Williams: Funny
Chris Cillizza and Dana Milbank: Not Funny
UPDATE: The Cillizza and Milbank video of “Mouthpiece Theater” was pulled by the Washington Post, probably because of the lame/sexist joke about Hillary Clinton drinking “Mad Bitch” beer.
UPDATE: Media Matters grabbed the video and posted it here.
Ha ha, this hip hop horror is even worse than Stiltz & Serious C’s last one and, as an added bonus, they’ve added a midget breakdancer to their “crew.” I hope they never stop making music.
NOTE: I’m going to make this post sticky for the day because The Young Cons keep deleting/reuploading the video and I think it’s vitally important that more people see this video than the one starring Anthony Weiner, primarily because Weiner’s video contains no breakdancing.
WHAT IT IS: Eggplant with Yogurt and Dill via Food Network magazine.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE: Everything that washed up on Long Island Sound after a heavy rainstorm (with pieces of unwashed horse hooves thrown in for good measure).
Listen, I love pizza. If I had to pick a last meal, chances are pretty good it would solely consist of or at least include pizza. I would have sex with a well-made pie if it had a hole in it. I LOVE PIZZA THAT FUCKING MUCH. But I’d never ever pay $5 for a plain slice regardless of where it was made.
And let me tell ya something very few people are willing to admit (because they’re assholes), Di Fara’s pizzeria is probably the most overrated eating establishment in all of the five boroughs. Don’t believe the Chowhound message boards, home to some of the most loathsome, crumb-covered, head-butt-deserving douchebags in the world, where Di Fara’s is adored and fawned over like a cheesy Holy Grail. DI FARA’S IS NOT WORTH IT. Getting there is a pain in the ass (even if you live in Brooklyn), the whole ordering process is about as pleasant as getting a colonoscopy, and the resulting pie, which you NEARLY HAVE TO DIE FOR, ain’t all that. It’s way too oily, the crust is overly-charred, and even the goddamn fresh basil (fresh=grown in the window of a decrepit Brooklyn pizzeria), which Domenico meticulously (and slowly ... SO FUCKING SLOWLY) cuts over each pie with a pair of scissors, is really nothing more than the equivalent of an erratic BeDazzling.
I mean, look at this pie that I had to shoulder-out a sneering Russian day laborer to get for nearly a half hour (after already waiting twenty minutes at our dirty table) AND I ORDERED THE DAMN THING:
Inappropriately burnt crust, enough olive oil on it so that I could slip ‘n’ slide my way home instead of taking the bus, expensive as shit (before this latest price increase), an ordering process that’s just plain fucking cruel (TAKE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ORDER? WHY WOULD THE DI FARA ZOMBIE STAFF WANT TO DO THAT?!?), and, on top of it all, look at the crap basil job I got from Dom, the only person allowed to touch the pies at Di Fara’s BECAUSE HE IS JESUS H. CRUST. If I’m going to wait even longer for basil to be slowly scissored over my pie a) I want it all cut and b) I want it somewhat evenly distributed.
So thanks to the vastly (and, obviously, maddeningly) overrated Di Fara’s, plain slices in NYC will probably be $3 by the end of the summer. And I can’t even enjoy a $2.25 slice now, while it still exists, because I’m on a goddamn diet. SO I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE NOW.
I guess this schtick could get old eventually. Not yet though.
Note: Let me know if this version gets pulled and I’ll ask one of you to grab the Hulu link (which won’t work where I am, ho hum) and pass it on to me.
So kc’s heading to college next month and needs a laptop. If you remember from Mrs. P.‘s Roastapalooza wrap-up of the sensational Roastacon party, kc became enamored of Mrs. P.‘s adorable red mini laptop and felt she had to have one too. Not wanting to discourage this idea, because they’re like $400 or so cheaper than full size laptops, I did voice the reservation that they are too small to contain a CD/DVD drive and she would need one for loading on necessary software. A little research allayed this concern since external CD/DVD drives are available and don’t add much to the price. Ditto with a RAM upgrade. After sorting through the various itty bitties out there, she eventually settled on this adorable blue one (clad in its cunning decorative protective gelskin):
To appreciate the miniscule size, here it is on top of my full size laptop:
Yet, it has a comfortable full size keyboard:
Best of all it is very lightweight (important for lugging it around campus) and will fit into the bootleg *Coach* purse from Canal Street. Which reminds me. Did I ever tell you guys about the excellent Canal Street bootleg *Coach* purse adventure that Mrs. P., kc and I had after dim sum on Sunday morning?
It’s awful that no one’s showing respect for James Crowley when he tells his side of the story when it’s clear that Professor Gates is being “embarrassing” and “less-than-intelligent” when he gives his account of what happened.
Birfitis is now being discussed around the world. For anyone just joining us, I highly recommend these lovely illustrated guides to the mind of the Birfer Queen and her drones. I also wanted offer an explanation of Birfitis so you’ll understand why more people are coming down with this affliction even though the very least they can expect is a lifetime of mockery. So, don your HAZMAT suits because it will require a peek into the only place darker, filthier, more tension-filled and cramped than a Port-o-Let at a Teabagger rally.
The brain of the racist. Form a line and mind your heads please, there’s very little room in here. And watch out for the bacon streaks of fear. Ready? We’ll begin.
9,000 petawatts of fear keep the racist brain in a constant flux between two belief states:
1. Those People need to stay in their place.
2. Those People need to go back to where they came from.
1. is the ground state. However, as Those People move away from Their Place, fear tips the brain towards 2.
While the average racist couldn’t articulate where exactly Their Place is if you rammed a half-stick of dynamite up his ass and brandished a pack of waterproof matches (not that I’m suggesting anything), I’m sure we’ll all agree that President of the United States of America is not it.
More severe cases moved towards state 2. the moment Obama announced he would run for President. However, while the idiots currently entertaining us with their antics were desperate to warn the world that an African-American was trying to get out of his place, they are bright enough to realize commenting directly on his race could have negative consequences.
Michelle Malkin was on TODAY this morning complaining about Barack Obama “shoot[ing] his mouth off” (savor the sweet, sweet irony) and calling him a “racial opportunist.” You can watch it here if you want, but these two images sum it up her interview with Matt Lauer just as well and will save you from asking for four minutes of your life back.
Here’s the blurb on the TODAY show’s front page:
And this is the frame the online video ends with:
If you could bottle sunshine, Michelle Malkin would be right behind you with a sledgehammer.
"[W]e wholeheartedly endorse the excellent Rumproast blog" -- Jim Newell, Wonkette
"Mind you, don’t let yourself be trapped dialoging with these guys: truth is their enemy; pyschological warfare and misinformation dissemination is their profession." -- TeaParty.org
