And with this, Eek Week mercifully draws to a close. If anybody needs me, I’ll be out vacillating between decrying the proliferation of sexually provocative Halloween costumes and staring at women in sexually provocative Halloween costumes.
Rumproast Films presents:
(No, not that one. No, not the one with Sybil Danning. No, not the one where they’re part kangaroo—look, it’s got nothing to do with the werewolf movies, okay? Just… you’ll see)
The only woman running in New York’s District 23 race, moderate Republican Dede Scozzafava, dropped out today, less than a week after noted feminist Sarah Palin endorsed her male opponent, Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman. Palin also endorsed Rick “Kill ‘em All and Let God Sort ‘em Out!” Perry in Texas over noted female GOPer Kay Bailey Hutchison. Interestingly, Dick Cheney is backing Hutchison. Sisterhood is powerful, y’all!
As I mentioned in the comments here, I fervently hope Palin turns her attention to the GOP primary race for Florida’s open senate seat. The winger candidate, Marco Rubio, has been gaining on moderate Republican Charlie Crist, though Rubio still trails by double-digits.
A withering blast of Starburst power could knock Crist out in the primary, making a senate seat the GOP would almost certainly retain with Crist very much up for grabs. However, since there’s no female GOP candidate for Palin to oppose, she might choose to set her Starburst on stun. Dang it.
This will be the final Eek Week post written in first-person. I’ve got something big planned for tomorrow—it’s my thank-you to everyone here who uncomplainingly allowed me to go full metal fanboy all over the place without even tipping my hat in the direction of Rumproast’s raison d’etre, the intersection of politics amd stupididty (I mean, an entire week about all things horror and no Palin jokes? I’m just so done with her, though. She’s like Freddy Kreuger—she only exists if you believe she does). Well, save for those two attempted swipes at right-wingers that resulted in me kinda wanting to hang out with them. Jeez, now every time John J. Miller says something idiotic about deficits or abortion I’ll think yeah, but he reads Lovecraft to his kids and that is awesome.
So that’s the plan for tomorrow (and what I’m calling a “thank-you” will still be an ungainly mess that’s not as amusing as it seems to think it is, but at least you’ll recognize the subject matter), but allow me to take this moment to express appreciation for the soapbox and for all the feedback; special thanks to StrangeAppar8us for the dedication (talk about the gift that keeps on giving!) and to frequent commenter Mike for being almost as big of a dork about this stuff as me.
Join us this Veteran’s Day, November 11, 2009, at 11 PM Eastern Standard Time for 11 minutes of darkness all across America as we honor those who have fought to defend our country and preserve the Constitution.
10:45 PM, EST : light your home, inside and out.
11:00 PM, EST : turn off all your lights.
11:11 PM, EST : turn lights on again, for at least 15 minutes
Send a simple, powerful message to Congress: “Stop the radical expansion of the federal government. “
This just may be the dumbest form of protest in the history of mankind: sitting in the dark for 11 minutes and hoping your neighbors notice. How many of them do you think are going to use The Clapper?
Apparently they’ve redecorated over at the wingnut Powerline blog, transforming the former “man cave” into something straight outta Planet Frou-Frou, with fainting couches strewn all about and smelling salts conveniently located on all the spindly, antique side tables.
Back in the day, you could count on the Powertools to let loose a rousing chorus of “huzzahs” whenever George W. Bush indulged in his trademark dick-swinging machismo on the foreign policy front: You’re either with us or agin’ us! Dead or alive! Smoke ‘em outta their caves! Bring it on!
Two Republicans on Thursday became the latest victims of a “phishing attack” that has inconvenienced a number of Twitter users this week.
Followers of Florida senatorial candidate Marco Rubio were greeted for a portion of this afternoon by tweets advertising a Web site that sells colon cleansing products. Some subscribers of Tennessee gubernatorial candidate Zach Wamp’s Twitter feed similarly received direct messages that them to visit a colon cleansing-related Web site.
Thankfully, today Rubio and Wamp’s Twitter accounts will go back to being completely full of shit.
Not as wild a ride as Judge Land’s earlier dismissal in Rhodes v. Obama, but Judge Carter schools Orly in his own calm, measured way—even suggesting that he found Gary Kreep to be the more competent counsel for the Plaintiffs. Zing!
UPDATE: I hope Orly is wearing her flame-retardant lashes when she reads Carter’s closing rebuke:
Plaintiffs have encouraged the Court to ignore these mandates of the Constitution; to disregard the limits on its power put in place by the Constitution; and to effectively overthrow a sitting president who was popularly elected by “We the People”–over sixty-nine million of the people. Plaintiffs have attacked the judiciary, including every prior court that has dismissed their claim, as unpatriotic and even treasonous for refusing to grant their requests and for adhering to the terms of the Constitution which set forth its jurisdiction. Respecting the constitutional role and jurisdiction of this Court is not unpatriotic. Quite the contrary, this Court considers commitment to that constitutional role to be the ultimate reflection of patriotism. Therefore, for the reasons stated above, Defendants’ Motion to Dismiss is GRANTED.
I wrote the following piece a couple years ago; you might be inclined to say I bit off more than I could chew with this Eek Week business and that I’m padding out its run with a recycled bit. I would say that, in keeping with the spirit of the holiday, I’m exhuming something long-dead and unleashing it upon an unsuspecting world. I’ll grant you it’s a fine distinction.
Just a note: the idea for a Monkey’s Paw instruction manual came to me in a dream; in this dream, I was sitting around my apartment trying to think of something to write, and then I was like “hey, y’know what’d be kinda funny? A Monkey’s Paw instruction manual.” Then I woke up. How’s that for a fantastical inner mindscape? Relatedly, my sex dreams invariably feature people I’ve already had sex with. It’s like a virtual reality program that lets you live the life of a guy sitting in an EEG chair wearing big-ass goggles.
A compendium of reax to Obama’s scheduled signing of the Girl Scouts USA Commemorative Coin:
FOX NEWS HOST GLENN BECK AND GUEST PANELIST ORLY TAITZ DISCUSS NEW COIN
On the 10/29/09 edition of The Glenn Beck Show, Beck and his guest, Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq., delved into questions raised by Obama’s support of the new Girl Scouts USA Commemorative Coin.
“It is to be manufactured using silver mined in Kenya,” Taitz noted. “I have filed suit in federal court to compel the US Treasurer to investigate on behalf of the American people.”
“The Girl Scout logo is interesting,” Beck replied. “At first glance, it looks very much like the logo on the iconic cookies. What could be more innocent than apple-cheeked cherubs raising funds by delivering sugary treats to friendly neighbors? It’s as American as apple pie.
“But a reverse image of the coin reveals something more sinister,” Beck continued. “When you take a photo from an oblique angle and produce a negative, the Girl Scouts logo morphs into something frightening—some might even say it bears a striking resemblance to the Soviet hammer and sickle design.”
Beck paused for a moment, struggling to compose himself while applying Vicks Vap-O-Rub beneath his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “It’s just that I love my country so much. And I fear for it.”