Friday, October 02, 2009

Drown me! Roast me! Hang me! Do whatever you please!*

It’s time we face up to the truth. We’re deathly afraid of Sarah Palin.

No, look. Look, I don’t like it either, but it’s too late to deny it. The RealAmerican Palindrones are on to us. They’ve flocked to Amazon’s and Barnes & Noble’s websites in order to gaze in adoration at the picture of the cover of Going Rouge: An American Story, and sing the praises of America’s Savior. And her book. You betcha. Even though they haven’t read it. Also. And they’ve let the world know our shameful secret, damn them:

After reading lots of negative comments about Sarah Palin posted mostly by closed minded liberals I have come to the conclusion that they are really frightened by a strong, decisive woman who has proven herself to be a true conservative.

I’m so ashamed!

In addition, what the lefty-lefts fear is that she appeals to “real” people, unlike Obama and his cronies who are definitely from the “elitist” crowd.

Please, please stop tormenting us!

As much hipe [sic] as the liberals would like to stir up about Sarah, and believe me they won’t stop until after 2012, they can’t admit that she scares them to DEATH.

Oh God, not ALL CAPS! How can we deny anything written in ALL CAPS?

I just can’t figure out how they know. Did they sense our laughter was a ruse to hide the shrieks of fear? Did they detect the quaver in our voices as we mocked that accent or dialect or speech impediment or whatever the Hell that is? And what will happen if they realize that should Sarah Palin win the GOP nomination for PotUS, all the dirty Islahomocommies will run screaming for the Canadian border?

Gosh. I sure hope they don’t find out!

While I’m thinking of it, do NOT check out this horrifying post at Wonkette. You won’t sleep for a week.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 10/02/09 at 07:24 PM
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Traitorous Anti-American U.S. Census Tells Cartographers Where Americans Really Live

and don't you forget it, red-state m-fers

Conservatives have darn good reasons to hate and fear the U.S. Census, and nooo, they’re not ALL because the Census satellite is map-spotting dissidents for importation to FEMA camps.

Here is some population-based map nonsense dreamed up by eggheads at the University of Sheffield, based on census data and, worse, information from the United Nations.  God preserve the nation from the error of thinking that most of it is now urban and coastal, that a small population of red-state screamers is making a disproportionately loud noise, and especially from drawing the conclusion that the president was elected legitimately by a substantial majority.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/02/09 at 03:22 PM
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Categories: ImagesMessylaneousPolitics

“Pop” goes the weasel

Another monumentally dumb idea from National Review’s Augean stable of bloggers—John J. Miller highlights a reader’s objection to the proposed soft drink tax and suggests dubbing wingnut tea parties “pop parties” instead:

image

These people don’t know shit about branding or regional language differences. The whole “tea party” thing is supposed to invoke the Boston Tea Party, taxation without representation, coiled snake flags, etc., right?

If you call it a “pop party,” not only do you junk the historical references, none of the repressed drag queens in Glenn Beck’s 9/12 Patriot Clubs get to dress up in tights and tri-cornered hats. Total buzz-kill.

Also, unlike Miller’s self-admittedly smelly correspondent, many people in the country don’t even call soft drinks “pop.” According to this unimpeachable source, “soda” edges out “pop” in many places, and “coke” (used in the generic sense) dominates Dixie:

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[Click here for better look at detailed map.]

As someone who might say I’m going to the store to buy “cokes” when I actually intend to purchase a six-pack of Mountain Dew, I can tell you that “pop” grates on my ears like a buzz-saw on a banjo. Judging from the amount of ridicule I encountered for calling generic soft drinks “cokes” during my brief time living in Boston (where they call soft drinks “tonics,” of all things), I think the feeling is heartily mutual.

So go ahead, call it a “pop party.” We non-teabaggers will sit on the sidelines laughing our asses off as the regional soft drink terminology gap causes you to explode into internecine civil war like so many Mentos in a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke.

[Cross-posted at Betty Cracker]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/02/09 at 01:36 PM
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Categories: PoliticsNutters

Wingnuts focus on Al Franken win *again* because of ... wait for it ... ACORN!

The most priceless part is when Laura Ingraham complains to Bill O’Reilly that Democrats always win recounts. How do these people not walk around punching themselves in the face all day?

Posted by Kevin K. on 10/02/09 at 10:09 AM
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On Sex Clinics and Crazy Congress Critters

The lovely Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Fuckedupistan) never fails to disappoint.

While my heart goes out to however few moderate/sane constituents she may have, to them I say “You’re Not Working Hard Enough to Get Rid of Her”.

Posted by gimmeabreak on 10/02/09 at 08:27 AM
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Categories:

Friday doggy bloggy

LOLDOGS edition:

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/02/09 at 07:16 AM
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Categories: Critters

Friday Morning Music: Gus & Fin’s cover of Joy Division’s “Transmission”

They’re back! Fin is on the ukulele, but Gus has moved on from the cigar box uke to the cigar box guitar.  Enjoy.

 

Posted by Kevin K. on 10/02/09 at 05:52 AM
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Categories: MusicMusic VideosGus & FinYouTubidity

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Can we put Alan Grayson in Charge of Democratic Talking Points?

I’m sure most of you caught the freshman Florida Dem representative’s interpretation of the Republican health care proposal (or should we say, lack thereof) in front of Congress the other day.  (If you missed it, here’s the nutshell version.  “Don’t get sick.  If you do, die quickly.”)  Fauxraged Republicans immediately demanded an apology so he complied.  By apologizing to the approximately 44,000 Americans who died just last year because they didn’t have health insurance and thus were denied effective treatment.  Just the plain fact of that says enough. 

But he had more to say on CNN’s situation room yesterday.

I particularly liked his description of Republicans as “foot dragging, knuckle dragging Neanderthals who think they can dictate policy to America by being stubborn.”  And the way he practically laughed in Alex Castellanos’ face for suggesting that tort reform and buying insurance across state lines are the answers to all our problems.  Anyone want to hear more Dems talking like this?  I do.

Posted by marindenver on 10/01/09 at 03:46 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaHealth CareNuttersOur Stupid Media

I have no alternative ...

... but to call a caption competition.


image


Cheat sheet here. Learnèd linguistic analysis here.

[Via]

Minor Update: For inspiration, views of the oeuvre from different perspectives here.

Posted by YAFB on 10/01/09 at 03:01 PM
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Big Bird channels Orly Taitz

Looks like Big Bird and Taitz share more than an affinity for garish eyeshadow…

[Excerpt from a Conan O’Brien sketch]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/01/09 at 01:41 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaHealth CareNuttersYouTubidity

Happy, Healthy Obamas Out Of Touch With Miserable Americans

Posted by Kevin K. on 10/01/09 at 11:58 AM
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OMG

I’m still tuckered out from the last one.

October 12th. Mark your calendars.

MORE: Oh, the fun we had.

UPDATE: Wonkette is locked ‘n’ loaded.

Posted by Kevin K. on 10/01/09 at 10:25 AM
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Categories: PoliticsPoliblogsRumproast Related

I love the smell of flop sweat in the morning

Don’t say we didn’t warn you. It looks like Al Gore’s former roommate must relinquish the Worst Political Comic Ever title: Behold the excruciating awfulness that is Joe the Comic:

Christ, the turds he used to plunge up from the depths of clogged toilets had better comic timing and delivery.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/01/09 at 08:11 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '08St. McSameNuttersYouTubidity

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