Stay Classy, Jackie Mason
One of the largest steaming piles of stupid to be found on YouTube is Jackie “Sniffles” Mason’s WorldNutDaily channel and he really outdid himself with his latest video. In this entry, titled “It’s time to thank God for Obama’s failures,” he babbles about how America is the greatest country in the world except when he says it isn’t the greatest country on Earth because Obama is destroying it but then at the end he says America has never been in better shape than it is now. And then somewhere in the middle of that mindless, floppy-lipped mush he says the following about Obama (about 2 minutes in):
Not everybody deserves to be a president. A man like him should be a doorman, should be a singer, a dancer, a pilot…
MORE: If that wasn’t bad enough, guess which “brilliant” and “fascinating” person Mason (and his radioactive left arm) would like to see become the president? Yep, you nailed it.
I’ve got nothing
Just not feeling that bloggy this morning. You?
TS has something, though. Unfortunately, I think the answer will be “this afternoon.”
Sunday, November 29, 2009
On the Origin of Speciousness -OR- The Sleep of Reason, and the Disorders Thereof
Political fantasist C. Edmund Wright at American Thinker peels back the meningeal wrappings of Palin Derangement Syndrome, and reveals the psychic taproot of irrational lib-brain Sarahnoia: She’s just as scary-stupid as Reagan.
Palin and Reagan are similar in that they both can use a few simple words and communicate more truth to average Americans than the media elites can with rambling professorial or lawyer speak. When she told Charlie Gibson that “you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska,” she refers to a profound sense of reality one automatically gets when you see your mortal enemy every single day. Now I understood it the day she said it. Send a memo to David Brooks please.
When Reagan quipped “tell ‘em the bombing starts in five minutes,” he spoke volumes about the good guys, the bad guys, our relative capabilities and our moral imperative. Brevity is the soul of wit—and does not require a teleprompter. Many Americans understood the genius in that so-called off-handed comment instantly. Oh, so did Gorbachev.
So there it is. We fear Palin not because she is impaired, but because—like Reagan—she is profoundly impaired.
This Sentence Was Actually Typed Into a Computer
[W]ho will join me in saying “Mr. Bowers and Ms. Hamsher, tear down this Star Chamber!”?
That concludes today’s edition of “This Sentence Was Actually Typed Into a Computer.”
Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?
Christmas starts a little earlier every year. Here’s Ebenezer Scrooge making an appearance at NRO while those lucky enough to afford a Thanksgiving turkey still have leftovers in the fridge:
If only those stupid, lazy people would take advantage of the abundant jobs and opportunities out there—particularly the children!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Maru the Box Cat’s Magic Show
What in the World were these People Thinking?
Or maybe I should say *thinking* because coherent thought processes don’t seem to have been part of the picture.
First we have the Heenes aka The Balloon Family:
Most of you will remember that they staged an elaborate hoax in which they claimed that their youngest son was trapped in a compartment attached to a large balloon which was “accidentally” set loose. After hours of chasing the balloon across the plains, rescuers watched as it finally landed and then discovered - no boy inside! The boy, according to his parents, had been hiding in the attic. Unfortunately for them the kid has a truthful streak and blurted out on national teevee that he thought the whole thing was “for a show”. This was not the first clue that a hoax was involved. For one thing Richard Heene called Channel 9 before he called 911. On November 13 Richard and Mayumi Heene pled guilty to felony and misdemeanor charges respectively.
What was the point of all this? To get on a reality TV show.
Now, only a few weeks later, up come the Salahis:
The Salahis managed to lie their way into the White House state dinner that was held in honor of the Prime Minister of India and his wife the other night. After apparently being turned away in their vehicle, they re-grouped and tried again at the pedestrian entrance. This time they were successful and managed to be photographed with VP Joe Biden and COS Rahm Emmanuel. And, as the picture clearly shows, they actually shook hands with the Pres. in the reception line.
Naturally the Secret Service is hugely embarrassed and criminal charges will almost certainly be filed against the couple.
And what was the point of all this? To get on a reality TV show.
Really? Really? Being on the teevees is so very important to these people that they are willing to risk criminal prosecution and felony convictions to achieve their goals? Or maybe my first conclusion was correct. *Thinking* just didn’t enter into it at all.
Palin, Bachmann to Activate “Large Moron Collider” at Tea Party Nation Opryland Confab
In the most ambitious bid yet to create an unstable fusion reaction between negatively-charged particles of American Exceptionalism and the man-made carbonate nuclei of Home Shopping Network gemstones, Tea Party Nation has announced that US Rep. Michele Bachmann will join Facebook celebrity Sarah Palin to headline the National Tea Party Convention in February.
The event will be held at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, TN, the former geographical location of Branson, MO.
Cover charge for the just-plain-folks “grassroots” meetup is a workingman-priced $549. How you get there and where you sleep are your own lookout, Pilgrim.
No word yet on expected attendance, although scientists at the Rumproast Blogospheric Institute speculate that any number exceeding 1,000 will be sufficient to achieve “Critical Boobosity,” causing the entire venue to instantly teleport back to the “mindset-synchronous” year of 1873.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday Evening Music: The Fiery Furnaces’ “Even In The Rain”
Who Wants Gravy With Their Glock?
Here in Western Pennsylvania, the “Holiday Celebration Turns Tragic” headlines are practically a foregone, given our dimwit propensity to show off our firearms at the dinner table.
Usually, it’s the brand-new or just-reblued “unloaded” hand howitzer with a stray round in the chamber that brings the happy blather to a halt. However, in the process of Googling the local news, I found a poster at DU who’s assembled a compendium of Thanksgiving shooting stories from around the nation—and, so far, “rage-driven” is beating “accidental” by about 5-0.
Holidays bring out the sharp edges in every group. But are we angrier as a nation this Thanksgiving? Have any of you ‘Roasters observed a spike in psychotic breaks around the mulled wine or down at the local Retail Death Star?
Field reports are welcome. I’m not sure there’s a reliable statistical model for distinguishing routine breakdowns and domestic conflicts from the ratcheting poom-poom-poom of Right-Left/Patriots-vs.-Marxists blood-oaths on the Internet jungle drums, but I’m keen to assemble the data.
Meanwhile—be safe. Be polite. Remember to compliment the chef. Don’t try to cut into the line for the Zhu Zhu Hamsters. And never trust the idiot who tells you it’s OK to look down the barrel because he took the clip out.
Sarah Palin can’t stop quitting things
From the Yakima Herald-Republic:
Palin had announced on Twitter that she would be running the 5K race, organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross.
However, she didn’t finish the race, opting to leave the course early to avoid more crowds at the end. About 40 minutes into the run, people gathered at the finish line to get more pictures of Palin started to learn that she was gone.
America, there is nothing this proud, patriotic gal can’t quit and she will prove such a thing by quitting everything until the end of time. Also.
Food prøn: Winner—Dessert That Most Resembles a Hawaiian Shirt
A neighbor brought it. I have no idea what’s in it. But it reminds me of a Hawaiian shirt my grandfather used to wear.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
An Important Thanksgiving Message for Sarah Palin
A Misanthrope Gives Thanks
William S. Burroughs reading A Thanksgiving Prayer. Because it’s not a real holiday without a crabby uncle who thinks the whole thing’s a crock of shit, and doesn’t care who knows it.
(This a Google video, so you may need to click the “Play” button to launch. If the embedded player hates you, the source video is here.)
For John Dillinger
In hope he is still alive
Thanks for the wild turkey and Passenger Pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts
Thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison
Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger
Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcasses to rot
Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes
Thanks for the American Dream to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through
Thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches
For decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces
Thanks for “Kill a Queer for Christ” stickers
Thanks for laboratory AIDS
Thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs
Thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business
Thanks for a nation of finks
Yes, thanks for all the memories—“All right, lets see your arms”
You always were a headache and you always were a bore
Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.
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