Sunday, January 31, 2010

GOPurity Test spits out a false positive, McConnell swallows

Imagine the Republicans’ surprise. There they were, happily chowing down on Senatorfold Brown’s* mantastic meat, when they notice he’s got a tattoo around his navel. Squinting closely they make out the words “I’m pro-choice and I vote.”

If you’re thinking the next scene features hysterical sobbing, a shower running full blast and vigorous scrubbing ... You still don’t realize how loath the Repugs are to give up their latest shiny new toy [via True/Slant]:

“He’s gonna be an independent voice for Massachusetts. We expect that. Republicans from the northeast are not exactly like Republicans from the south or the west, we understand that. We have a big tent party. And we’re thrilled to have him.” - Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KYJelly)

Don’t talk with your mouth full senator.

In addition to the guffaw-worthiness of Mitch’s attempt to pretend his party is in full control of anything but the worst the South has to offer and a few freaks who are just as obnoxious, right about the time Brown was telling Barbara Walters that he HATES BABIES, a lot of the cool kids in the GOP were in the far foreign land of “Hawaii,” deciding which kids they’d let into the club house [via The Minneapolis Star-Tribune]:

The new rule will not prevent support for moderate Republican candidates but will bar funding for those judged to be too far to the left, [Bill Crocker - Texas RNC] said.

“No more Scozzafavas, please. No more Specters, please. No more Chafees, please.”

Looks like that thar purity test needs a little more calibration, Hoss.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to enjoy watching the teabagging twerps as they try to spin this and then give up and start screaming they was had.

[xp 300]

*Huge h/t - Allan.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 01/31/10 at 08:21 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '10Nutters

What Atrios said

Here.

Everyone needs to calm down and stop taking everything so seriously. I’ve been blogging a long time and I’ve never witnessed anything remotely close to the overall level of anger in the poliblogosphere right now. It’s not healthy or productive. The blogosphere is quickly flipping from being one of the best things to happen to modern day politics to one of the absolute worst.

RELATED: This podcast featuring Blue Gal and Driftglass addressing progressive concerns about the current political environment was a very enjoyable listen. They make some great and very reasonable points. A wonderful (and, at times, funny) discussion and a great antidote to a sucky week. p.s. Who knew Driftglass was Joe Conason?

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/31/10 at 03:32 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaPoliblogs

Sunday Krazy Konspiracy Klue Jumble

Hey, ‘Roasters! Can you “connect the dots” in this 1980s music video by Godley & Creme? It features a spooky Mechanical Mannequin Band that seems to be mocking the viewer, so you just know it’s talking to you!

Here are some obvious clues to get you started:

—“Englishman”
—“New York”
—“Chicago”
—“Strange Apparatus” (FOUR times, at least)
—Queen-like vocal harmonies
—Something that sounds like “Jewish Barack”
—“No Way Street” (Possible address or Google Map coordinates?)

There’s lots more, but I’m not going to do all the work for you. Let’s share the fun!

Post your Krazy Konspiracy scenarios in the comments below. Printed lyrics are here, so feel free to cheat. We’ll compile the best crackpot hallucinations and forward them to the Federal Bureau of Futile Wankery for impartial prize judging.

Good luck and Goo Goo G’Joob!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/31/10 at 11:09 AM
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Categories: Knee SlappersMusicMusic VideosPoliticsNuttersSkull Hampers

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Late Night Snack: More Than You Can Chew

This is a band that used to play gigs in my home town [name withheld for security reasons], eons before I found my niche in subliminal opinion marketing. A whack tune with a curiously timely message, and the same T-shirt Obama’s been wearing ever since the night of the SOTU.


Mother Nature blighted me, she shorted on the peach
All the women laughed at me while reaching in the sheets

Time had passed and nothing grew, I thought that all was lost
‘Cuz Mother Nature forgot me and hit with Killer Frost

Took all kinds of growing pills from backs of magazines
Kept on stuffing toilet paper down my old blue jeans

Gathered all my money took a boat across the sea
Doctors and ‘lectricians said they’d build a brand new me

Now I’ve got
Steel Grapes
All the man that you can handle,
Steel Grapes
More than you can chew,
Steel Grapes
You’re burning both ends of the candle
Now it’s up to you

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/30/10 at 09:57 PM
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Categories: MessylaneousMusicMusic VideosPolitics

Help Pee-Wee Find His Bicycle!

He has photos. He has charts. He has scale models. He has 217 pieces of evidence in a cardboard box. But what does it all mean? And who’s behind it?

Pee-Wee has no fucking idea. But he’s counting on you to help him!

(This is now officially the second-greatest paranoid crack-up I’ve witnessed in my lifetime. Posted in honor of Pee-Wee’s recent return to live theater, his new iPad video at FunnyOrDie.com and his sublime puppet show on the penultimate episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. Also, because paranoia just never stops being funny, which is why God made Orly Taitz and TimeCube.)

[For Mrs. Polly, NickT and all the gang at Wardenclyffe]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/30/10 at 01:02 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsBedwettersNuttersPolisnarkSkull HampersYouTubidity

Today’s “God, I Wish I Came Up With That Idea” Blog: Awkward Stock Photos

Awkward Stock Photos

[via FREEwilly, where a commenter linked to a similar blog, iStock WTF]

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/30/10 at 11:56 AM
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Friday, January 29, 2010

The Civil War as performed by CLAYMEN

8th grade history projects were never this cool (or Tarantino-esque) when I was a kid. *sigh*

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/29/10 at 07:23 PM
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Categories: CrittersKnee SlappersMessylaneousYouTubidity

The Power of Pork

The other white meat.  The National Pork Council, or some such organization, promotes eating pork as a healthy alternative to red meats.  As the nutrition page on their website points out, lean cuts of pork are analogous to white meat chicken in terms of fat and calories and have even more vitamins.  Assuming you’re not vegetarian or have other dietary restrictions, that would seem like a good enough reason to include pork in your diet, right?

Well now the semi-hotforanolderladypolitician President of Argentina, Cristina Kirchner, has taken the power of pork to a whole new level.

Semi-hotforanolderladypolitician President of Argentina, Cristina Kirchner:

image

read the whole post »

Posted by marindenver on 01/29/10 at 02:24 PM
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Categories: CrittersFoodKnee Slappers

Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”: Literal Video Version

Hot off the presses and one of the better ones…

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/29/10 at 02:16 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersMusicMusic VideosYouTubidity

BREAKING NEWS: Peggy Noonan is a ninny

Well, that’s hardly news, but today’s column brings fresh evidence that she’s willing to offer an ignorant opinion on a subject she knows nothing about to score political points. The subject is insurance:

The public in 2009 would have been happy to see a simple bill that mandated insurance companies offer coverage without respect to previous medical conditions. The administration could have had that—and the victory of it—last winter. Instead, they were greedy for glory.


That’s a swell idea, actually, because forcing insurance companies to cover everyone without also compelling people to buy insurance before they get sick would put the insurance companies out of business toot sweet, thus paving the way for single payer.

Most Republicans understand that, which is why they, Joe Lieberman and other Big Insurance shills would filibuster such a measure. I’m all for bringing it up for debate—and for loudly publicizing their opposition to it so people who don’t pay attention to politics (or how insurance works) would see the GOP as a party in the pocket of the e-ville insurance empire.

But that’s not what Noonan is suggesting. In fact, she put up a spirited defense of Big Insurance executives last November. She just doesn’t get how it works—she thinks the Dems could have abolished preexisting conditions and moved merrily on to other priorities. She is, in short, a ninny.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 01/29/10 at 01:27 PM
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Categories: PoliticsHealth CareOur Stupid Media

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Mentally unbalanced person hatches cunning plan to support mascara habit

Attention suckers! Now that you’ve packed away your 100 copies of Going Rouge and purchased all the Tea Bagger bling you’ll ever need, you’re probably wondering if there’s another two-bit huckster out there who’d like to relieve you of your money.  Fear not. America continues to maintain a healthy credulous dimwit/scam artist ratio. Whoo! U.S.A.  [via TPM]:

Taitz also said on her blog this week that she is considering running for state office in California, either for attorney general or secretary of state, so she could sue Obama for his records [Yes, that Taitz. The one with the law school degree she got by sending in 95,682 UPC labels from her Revlon products. -ed].

“We don’t need 50 secretaries of state or 50 Attorney Generals suing Obama. If only one sues and gets discovery, we are done,” she wrote. [For a given value of “done” because a conspiracy theorist will never accept evidence that counters whatever the neighbor’s koi have told him because any evidence that appears to counter the theory MUST BE FALSE. -ed.]

She also said she’d need $3,000 to $4,000 to start her campaign, and estimated a run would cost $100,000 in all. Taitz also said she’d need a campaign manager and volunteers. [Next time you think your job sucks, imagine working for this whack-a-loon. Or don’t. Your boss might be kind of startled if you run up to him and kiss him on the lips. -ed.]

So there you go, your latest money pit. She’s got a PayPal button on her blog. Just remember, when you look at the negative balance on your bank account, it’s them damn sozializt demoncrats’ fault!

Have fun!

[xp 300]

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 01/28/10 at 11:26 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsSkull Hampers

Stanky McHangdown Tells GOP Leaders Not to Count on His Senate Vote

According to AP, freshly-minted US Senator from Massachusetts Scott Brown is prepared to “go rogue” in ways that may not delight Conservative supporters who hyped his campaign image as the “anti-Obama,” and viewed his election as a door-slamming rejection of the Democratic Senate agenda.

Scott Brown says he has already told Senate Republican leaders they won’t always be able to count on his vote. The man who staged an upset in last week’s Massachusetts Senate special election, in part by pledging to be the 41st GOP vote against President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, told The Associated Press in an interview Thursday that he staked his claim in early conversations with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and Minority Whip Jon Kyl.

“I already told them, you know, `I got here with the help of a close group of friends and very little help from anyone down there, so there’ll be issues when I’ll be with you and there are issues when I won’t be with you,’” Brown said Thursday during the half-hour interview. “So, I just need to look at each vote and then make a proper analysis and then decide.”

Brown’s studly 1982 nude pictorial in Cosmo inspired some of his female admirers to dub him “Hottie McAwesome.” But the thought that “McAwesome” could rhyme with “McCain” is a stick of political mind-candy that makes even us Radical Lefties a little bit horny. 

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/28/10 at 08:04 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '08St. McSameElection '10

A FAQ about HillBuzz vs. Rumproast (and Me)

Starting this weekend the proprietor(s?) of HillBuzz.org launched an attack against Rumproast and, more specifically, my wife (who has absolutely nothing to do with this blog) and me. You can head over there to read what’s been going on. The first related post (“Thank You For Your Support”) was published on January 23rd. There has been a steady stream of posts about the “attack” on the main HillBuzz blogger (whom I will refer to as “Mr. HillBuzz”) since then that contain several false accusations about Rumproast, me, Betty Cracker and Mrs. Polly’s long dormant Snarkopolitan blog. What follows is a quick, FAQ-style rundown of facts related to this debacle.

Q: Was Mr. HillBuzz “attacked”?
A: A UK blogger named TheBigotBasher, who has no affiliation with Rumproast aside from occasionally commenting here, used Mr. HillBuzz’s real name on the internet and referred to him as a “racist.” From what I gather, TheBigotBasher posted this info in the form of blog entries, diaries and/or comments at his own WordPress blog, StupidPumas.com (currently offline—don’t know why, don’t care), Daily Kos and Democratic Underground. I won’t link to specific citations because the ones that remain contain Mr. HillBuzz’s real identity. Mr. HillBuzz is also claiming he was subjected to various forms of offline intimidation (calls to his employers, physical threats, etc.), but since I’ve concluded that he’s an unrepentant liar I don’t believe any of it without proof, which he hasn’t provided.

Q: Did TheBigotBasher attempt to reveal Mr. HillBuzz’s identity elsewhere?
A: Funny you should ask that. Yes, TheBigotBasher attempted to leave a comment with that info here (including the identity of HillBuzz.org’s domain name admin, who appears to have nothing to do with HillBuzz’s blogging activities) a week or so back, but I deleted the comment the minute I saw it and basically told TheBigotBasher to bugger off. I do not support, nor have I ever supported, the outing of people who blog or comment under aliases, regardless of what I personally think about them. This occurred before I was aware that TheBigotBasher was posting this info elsewhere and before Mr. HillBuzz went public about his “attack.” Mr. HillBuzz was informed that I deleted the comment in my very first email to him (more on that below) but he continues to write that Rumproast actively promoted TheBigotBasher’s accusations.  That’s simply a bold-faced lie.  I also banned TheBigotBasher from commenting here based on that comment as well as past issues I’ve had with him.

Q: But didn’t Mr. HillBuzz originally think you were TheBigotBasher?
A: Yes, he did. I have no idea how he came to that conclusion (nor can I figure out most of the conspiratorial nonsense he’s currently confabulating over at his blog), but early in the morning on Sunday January 24th he published a post at HillBuzz containing my full name in the title and several times in the body of the post, pictures of me, and my entire work history that he culled from my LinkedIn profile (which he also linked to). He also wrote about my wife, asking where she works and if “her employer know [sic] what her husband is doing,” even though, as I stated earlier, she has absolutely nothing to do with this blog or the blogosphere in general. Because he’s classy that way.

Q: What did you do?
A: I immediately sent an email via the HillBuzz email account demanding that he take the post down and threatening him with legal action if he didn’t do so.

Q: Did he take it down?
A: Not until I sent a second email to his personal email address. The post came down at approximately 4:15 AM after being online for at least three hours. Yes, I had to stay up all night and I was really sick.

Q: Was he apologetic?
A: Not at all. He just made more wild accusations.

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/28/10 at 05:15 PM
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Categories: Rumproast Related

RIP J.D. Salinger

JD Salinger

“Boy, when you’re dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.”

J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Ch. 20

J.D. Salinger has passed away today at the age of 91. RIP, Mr. Salinger. We hardly knew you, but you seemed to know us pretty well.

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/28/10 at 01:34 PM
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Ex-Governor Gobbledygook [UPDATED with commentary from StrangeAppar8us]

The Wasilla Word Salad is now served with 25% more “common sense.” Also.

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/28/10 at 12:10 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaNuttersSarah PalinSkull HampersTelevisionYouTubidity

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