Friday, April 02, 2010

The doctor won’t see you now

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If any of you Obots find yourself experiencing a burning sensation when you pee in Mont Dora, Florida, don’t seek help from Dr. Jack Cassell. He doesn’t want to see your Democrat Party junk.

However, if you’re pissing pure American tea—if your urine is filtered through patriotic, anti-socialist kidneys, the doctor will see you now. Even if he’ll be paid for his services via a socialist scheme like Medicare. Freedom isn’t free, you know.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/02/10 at 08:49 AM
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Friday Morning Music: Jason Collett’s “Love Is A Dirty Word”

Posted by Kevin K. on 04/02/10 at 05:42 AM
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Categories: MusicMusic VideosYouTubidity

Thursday, April 01, 2010

George Takei’s Census PSA Terrifies Test Conservatives in Lab Study

A gay, married Mr. Sulu reminds paranoid census hold-outs that they have nothing to fear from Liberal Big Government.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/01/10 at 11:11 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersSkull HampersYouTubidity

Bill O’Reilly: Not a complete douchebag

This is not an April Fool’s post: Bill O’Reilly actually did two totally non-douche things this week. On Tuesday, he picked up the tab for the court costs a fallen Marine’s father incurred when he sued the odious Fred “God Hates Fags” Phelps for disrupting his son’s funeral. The father lost his case and was ordered to pay the Phelps con-artist gang’s expenses:

“No. 1 cable news host Bill O’Reilly said Tuesday that he will personally write a check to cover $16,500 in legal costs for the father of a fallen U.S. Marine who sued the members of a church who picketed his son’s funeral.”

Tuesday night, O’Reilly declared on his Fox News Channel show, “That is an outrage. I will pay Mr. Snyder’s obligation. I am not going to let this injustice stand.”

“It’s obvious they were disturbing the peace by disrupting the funeral. They should have been arrested, but our system is so screwed up, so screwed up, that loons are allowed to run wild. Snyder is fighting the good fight, and he is taking his case to the Supreme Court as he should. We are behind him 100 percent.”

Good on ya, Bill-O.

Then, yesterday, O’Reilly smacked down smirking cretin Jason Mattera, whose absurd encounter with Al Franken was mentioned here earlier in the week:

This is even more amazing when you consider that Franken once called O’Reilly a “splotchy bully” in print. The look on Mattera’s face when he realized he’s really being scolded even though he dutifully trotted out every Fox-Palin talking point is priceless.

O’Reilly is still a splotchy bully and general all-around asshole. But apparently he has his good points too. Who knew?

[H/T: Humboldt Blue for the tip on O’Reilly’s generosity to the Marine’s dad]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/01/10 at 04:39 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsOur Stupid MediaYouTubidity

I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real

Here’s Victoria Jackson, looking very Tammy Faye-esque, at the Galtamont Teabagger Rally in Searchlight, NV this weekend.  You will be very thankful for the wind.

The whole thing is a steaming pile of stupid, but my favorite part was right after she bragged about how her teabaggin’ pals “fight with truth” (as opposed to the lyin’ lefties), she actually said the following:

“My parents were a teacher and a nurse and they couldn’t afford to send me to college but their taxes were used to send poor people to college.  I don’t know how that works. But I’m 50 and I’m getting my BA this May and I paid for it myself.”

So you got that?  Poor lil’ Victoria couldn’t afford college when she was younger because those money-grubbing poor people (and the communist government) stole her education from her.

Oops:

Born Aug. 2,1959 in Miami, Florida, Victoria was raised in a Bible-believing, piano-playing, gymnastic home with no TV. Her dad was a gym coach, so she competed in gymnastics from ages 5-18.

Cheerleader..homecoming queen.. attended Florida Bible College; received a gymnastic scholarship to Furman University, attended Auburn University one year, and ended up in Hollywood, CA via summer stock in Alabama, where she met Johnny Crawford (The Rifleman) who promptly put her in his night club act and sent her a one-way ticket to the show-biz capital.

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 04/01/10 at 03:06 PM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggerySkull HampersYouTubidity

RNC Fundraising Hotline Wants to Show You What Made Mr. Whipple Squeeze the Charmin

Just days after the flap over an RNC-reimbursed romp at a lesbian-themed strip club, ABC News’ The Note reports that a misprinted fundraising mailer has been directing would-be GOP donors to a toll-free sex line. 

Apparently, callers who thought they’d be buying political favors from gruff, foofy-haired white men with baked-on Wolff tans were surprised when a female voice offered them their choice of eager audio sex-partners. 
 
At one point, the recording assures the caller that “We love nasty talk as much as you do.”

[Editor’s Fantasy: Really? You love the nasty talk? Well, then, take off your pants and tell me that Obama’s a Marxist Muslim-sympathizer who was born in Kenya. Yeah, that’s it, you nasty girl. And I’ll bet you want the Estate Tax repealed, don’t you? DON’T YOU??? You want it SOOOOOO bad…and you don’t care WHO repeals it for you, DO you, you wild, wanton, supply-side beast?]

Republicans and humiliating, hilarious sexual hijinks. It just never gets old.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/01/10 at 02:58 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsPolisnark

An April Fools’ Day Tribute to Roxanne of Rox Populi

No blogger owned April Fools’ Day like the now-retired Roxanne of Rox Populi. Her April 1st parodies of Michelle Malkin’s site (2005) and Protein Wisdom (2006) were works of art. Enjoy.

Posted by Kevin K. on 04/01/10 at 12:46 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsNuttersPoliblogsPolisnark

Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild replacing LL Cool J on Palin’s show

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Unbe-fucking-lievable. Here’s the Fox News press release:

Sarah Palin is proud to announce a special guest for the inaugural edition of Real American Stories: Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild. The titled gentlewoman, who prefers to be called “just plain old Lynn,” will share details of her unique American life, including her rise from humble beginnings as an aviation corporation CEO’s daughter to a powerful position within one of the world’s largest international, family-owned banking conglomerates.

Lynn and Sarah will also chat about how the Democrat Party has strayed from its commonsense conservative roots, and why that prompted a premier donor like Lynn to throw her support to the McCain-Palin ticket. Be sure to tune in at 10 PM Eastern time—you won’t want to miss this stimulating, inspiring conversation! We guarantee you’ll come away impressed with one true-blue American’s American story!

I think I just threw up in my mouth. A lot.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/01/10 at 08:34 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersSarah PalinOur Stupid MediaTelevision

The Internet Explained!

“I used to walk twenty miles in the snow to log on to the internet.”

Posted by Kevin K. on 04/01/10 at 06:47 AM
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Categories: Geek SpeakKnee SlappersSkull HampersTelevisionYouTubidity

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