Saturday, July 03, 2010

Toxic Avenger: Anderson Cooper Peeved That Gulf Cleanup Is Insufficiently Hazardous and Chaotic

Look—AC has a point in that I’m sure the PTB would prefer that coverage of the containment and cleanup operations not degenerate into a 24/7 scavenger hunt to capture the most sensational images of muck-strangled wildlife or the most damning documentary evidence of CorpGov negligence and intentional crimes-against-humanity. And, as far as I’m concerned, he has every right to smear himself with fistfuls of bubbling toluene and xylene, before tossing a kitchen match into a naptha-soaked stretch of wetlands and diving in to save the burning dolphins. Hell, with any luck, his crew might be right at the scene when beach-strolling terrorists fire an AT-4 shoulder-mounted rocket at a topped-off skimmer ship or a loitering Coast Guard cutter they saw on TV. If you enjoyed the Hindenburg Disaster, you can’t help but appreciate the entertainment potential of unrestricted civilian access to a gigantic, flammable, mutagen-rich body of water choked with thousands of unprotected boats, oil rigs and squishy, blood-filled humans.

But, seriously—a 65-foot safety perimeter around maneuvering ships, terrified dying animals and piles of transdermally absorbable toxins isn’t really the same thing as being batoned to the ground while your field camera is crushed by pneumatic vice-grips and thrown into a Bulk Degausser.

I’m sure there are lots of things down there that no one wants Cooper to see. But if 65 feet of clear air is the only thing stopping him from getting the story, either he’s really not earning that paycheck, or I own better cameras than CNN.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/03/10 at 12:50 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsOur Stupid Media

Kathleen Parker Forgets Key Rule of Journalism

When you’re in a hole, don’t keep digging.

Kathleen has a sad  because she’s gotten pissed off e-mails from “self-identifying African Americans” politely, and some not so politely, disagreeing with her recent declaration that Obama is our first female president.

Kathleen explains.

Do I think people are too sensitive? Yes. Do I think I may have overstepped the line? No. It’s a column, not a dissertation. And my thesis, bouncing off the notion that Bill Clinton was the first black president, is serious only insofar as you really think Clinton is black.

Yes, because the purpose of having a column is so that I can say anything I want without the benefit of fact checking or backing up my opinions.  And can’t you guys take a joke?

read the whole post »

Posted by marindenver on 07/03/10 at 11:59 AM

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaEditorialsOur Stupid Media

Dining Room Table Vs. Barney Frank at some Democratic party whatever in Brookline, MA

Actual screencap from this official campaign video. Heil!

This happened like three trillion weeks ago (okay, June 13th) but I don’t think any other blog in THE ENTIRE WORLD covered this uncomfortable thing, so ...  EXXXCLUSIVE!!!!!!! If you squint really hard MA Dem congressional candidate Rachel Brown could easily be a Correntewhiner® frontpager or a teeth-gnashing FDL comment monster. It’s totally amazing and oh so confusing. We are all Lyndon LaRouche now! Yay for democracy! Yay for Mars!!!!!!

Posted by Kevin K. on 07/03/10 at 06:24 AM

Friday, July 02, 2010

4th of July Food PrØn: Quick and Easy Tea Party Candidate Cake

Like all holidays, the 4th of July is an obligatory, bullshit celebration that will inevitably force you to share oxygen with pin-headed Wingnut primates you can’t legally kill and who refuse to leave because they drove all the way from Bumfuck, Idaho in their mint-restored ‘71 HemiCuda but are too cheap to spring for a room at the Super 8. Now, however, you can whip up a simple, appealing Third Party Spoiler that’s guaranteed to plunge them into a self-annihilating ideological null-space you can fill with any room-temperature Democrat who’s not currently under indictment.

You will need the following ingredients:

♦  8 cups baking soda
♦  45 egg whites (Separate non-white portions and mail any fetal chicks to Liberty University for proper, reverent disposal and mourning.)
♦  1 cup Mother Moose’s® Permanent Fund Dividend Oil-Based Attention Shortening
♦  1 tri-cornered hat (Pulled or minced.)
♦  1 Gadsden Flag (Snake bits only. Trim them out of the yellow field, and save the excess fabric to make patriotic ammo-cozies.)
♦  1 pocket version of the US Constitution (with the 16th Amendment and Commerce Clause carefully stripped out, and the remainder vigorously whisked until only the 2nd and 10th Amendments remain floating on top of the foam.)
♦  1 GRUCCI MINESHELL MAYHEM assortment pack (or the LIVE FREE OR DIE® 21-Shot crackling fan buster-box or the BADA BING BADA BOOM 19-Shot destructo-sampler.)
♦  2 tbsp. Milk of Common Sense® or other artificial education-substitute
♦  1 tsp. Bachmann Bitters
♦  Rick Barber’s Scary Dead Presidents® Brand coarse, unseasoned, tax-free Salt of the Earth, sprinkled to taste.

Stir ingredients until the mixture resists logic and clings to God or a gun. Trowel into a flat, shallow, irony-free pan. Bake at highest available oven temperature for one minute, or until explosions, whistling and “mweep-mwow” noises become unbearable. (Refer to above video for bake-time clues and finished cake reference dimensions and sounds.) Allow 15 minutes for cake to cool and stop moaning, then drape with red-white-and-blue bunting for a rube-pleasing presentation.

Voy-la! You have a vote-splitting, RINO-killing, meal-ending taste-treat that serves 10-12 members of “We the People,” or can be grudgingly redistributed to 100+ illegal immigrants and non-producing Liberal parasites.

And isn’t that what Freedom’s all about?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/02/10 at 10:44 PM

Categories: FoodRecipes

Steele Cage Death Match: GOP Reax


I’m certain I speak for most liberals when I say I sincerely hope Boston Terrier-loving RNC Chairman Michael Steele hangs onto his job in the wake of his latest gaffe. Who could be better than Steele? (For us, I mean.)

But a quick look at the reaction by conservative luminaries is not promising:

Rush Limbaugh: I think the media has been very desirous that a black GOP Chairman do well. They’re interested in black Chairmen doing well. I think there’s a little hope invested in Steele and he got a lot of credit for the performance of his team that he really didn’t deserve. 

Glenn Beck: Michael Steele has a deep-seated hatred for white people.

Jonah Goldberg: Steele is really a liberal. And a fascist!

Bill Kristol: We would note now that even the threat of war against Steele seems to be encouraging stirrings toward political reform in Iran and Saudi Arabia, and a measure of cooperation in the war against al Qaeda from other governments in the region. It turns out it really is better to be respected and feared than to be thought to share, with exquisite sensitivity, other people’s pain.

Ken Adelman: I believe that demolishing Steele’s power and liberating the RNC would be a cakewalk.

Dick Cheney: I really do believe the RNC staff will greet us as liberators.

Pam Geller: He is a bottomless fountain of Jew-hatred who wants to orchestrate the gang-rape of Israel at the filthy hands of Hamas. Oh wait, Steele?

Sean Hannity: He is not a great American.

Ted Nugent: I want to jam two automatic rifles in his face, empty both magazines and skull-fuck his eye sockets.

Erick Erickson: We will crush Steele, see him driven before us and hear the lamentations of his women.

See what I mean? Mikey, we hardly knew ye…

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/02/10 at 02:15 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Mind like a Steele fap [UPDATED]

The Democrats will gain seats in the mid-term elections. Well, it’s possible if RNC Chairman Michael Steele will be leading the GOP effort in November. He’s said some astonishingly stupid shit during his tenure, but this takes the prize:

“The McChrystal incident, to me, was very comical. And I think it’s a reflection of the frustration that a lot of our military leaders have with this Administration and their prosecution of the war in Afghanistan,” said Steele. “Keep in mind again, federal candidates, this was a war of Obama’s choosing. This is not something the United States had actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in.”

“It was one of those, one of those areas of the total board of foreign policy [“in the Middle East”?—Note: The audio is not quite clear in this section.] that we would be in the background, sort of shaping the changes that were necessary in Afghanistan as opposed to directly engaging troops,” Steele continued. “But it was the president who was trying to be cute by half by flipping a script demonizing Iraq, while saying the battle really should be in Afghanistan. Well, if he’s such a student of history, has he not understood that you know that’s the one thing you don’t do, is engage in a land war in Afghanistan? All right, because everyone who has tried, over a thousand years of history, has failed. And there are reasons for that. There are other ways to engage in Afghanistan.”

It’s legitimate to debate whether or not the US should have invaded Afghanistan—in 2001—or whether it made sense to double down with a troop surge in 2010. But it’s flat-out delusional to pretend there wasn’t already a war there before Obama was even elected to the Senate. Just ask the dead soldiers and civilians. Oops—you can’t! They died. In a war.

Michael Steele is either an abysmally stupid man, a bald-faced liar or a raving nutbag. Or perhaps all three.


Well, despite what our lying eyes might tell us, Steele is right to say Obama started the Afghanistan war. Bill Kristol, who is never, ever right about anything, ever, calls bullshit on Steele. So Steele must be right.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/02/10 at 09:59 AM

Palin “Blows a Rack” at Bowling Expo

Another easy payday for the Queen of Queasy Metaphors, as Palin addresses the annual meeting of the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America. If you ever wondered how bowling relates to God, the Founders and the concept of a Democratic Republic, you can keep on wondering. The best case Sarah can make is that bowling is as ubiquitous as drugs, kudzu and workplace infidelity:

“Bowling has an honored place in our culture and is interwoven with our sense of community in our country. Go to any town or city and you will find bowling – it is truly a slice of Americana,” said Palin.  “Bowling has been able to evolve, innovate and capitalize on changes in culture to keep alive and flourish. Through the entrepreneurial spirit of its proprietors, bowling has seen a new resurgence and has never been more popular.” 

But wait—it gets worse. The Philadelphia Examiner records this deathless koan:

“I enjoy running and as I thought of that sport, how that contrasts with the community of bowling and I think of it as a community. Any sport that shares shoes truly in my mind is a community.”

Fuck the English language. Fuck the flag. Fuck the shared history. It’s all about the shoes, Babe. 

Also, according to the Examiner, “Palin recalled her youth when her father set pins in Idaho”:

“My Dad was on a Thursday night bowling league,” she said. “He bonded with his buddies. I have memories of that point of my life which mean very, very much to me.”

Sully finds that remarkable, since Sarah was only three months old when her family left Idaho and moved to Alaska…which may or may not provide anecdotal confirmation of the popular expression, “In Alaska, no one can hear you bowl.”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/02/10 at 04:06 AM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah Palin

“Remote Viewing” for the Masses—Overnight Weirdo Radio Thread

I was doing fine with morning deadlines and Coast to Coast AM. Then I made the fatal mistake of Googling “Art Bell.”

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/02/10 at 02:23 AM

Categories: Geek SpeakSkull HampersYouTubidity

End-of-the-World Music Break—The Last Emperor

Say what you will, but no other Access Prog-Blog has Ryuichi Sakamoto playing at three in the morning, I guaran-damn-tee.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/02/10 at 01:32 AM

Categories: MusicMusic Videos

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Limbaugh is Attacking Kagan for Being a Constitutionalist [UPDATED W/AUDIO]

No audio yet, but this is fucking ridiculous.

Limbaugh is on the radio attacking Elena Kagan because she suggested that interpreting the “inalienable rights” granted by “the Laws of Nature and Nature’s God” (as noted in the Declaration of Independence) isn’t part of the job description of a Supreme Court Justice, since the Declaration and the Constitution are, you know, two different things.

Oh, wait—now, he’s denying that the United States of America wasn’t totally founded by illegal immigrant invaders from Europe. Oh, and the Statue of Liberty isn’t there to welcome liberty-seeking émigrés from despotic, hopeless nations (cf. Glenn Beck)—the inscription on its base notwithstanding. (PS: Rush wants you to know that Emma Lazarus, who wrote that inscription, was a “rabid Zionist,” SO WHY AREN’T WE HELPING ISRAEL DESTROY IRAN?)

Welcome to the Age of Delusional American Revisionism. Obama’s immigration speech must be hitting the bone out there in Wingnuttia.

UPDATE: MediaMatters has the goods:

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/01/10 at 11:52 AM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSkull Hampers

This just may be the dumbest thing anyone can possibly say about the oil spill…

PJTV's AlfonZo Rachel

PJTV’s AlfonZo Rachel in his latest ZoNation video (below the fold):

I think it’s funny how liberals are always whining that we need to only use wind power or solar power because there’s not enough oil to sustain us. It’s a finite resource, but let some of that oil bust through a pipe out at sea and then they’re like, “Oh my God, look at all that oil!” It’s weird how in their minds there’s not enough oil to sustain us, but there’s enough oil to destroy us.

You know what else is funny/weird in my mind? How this video actually gets more sophisticated and intelligent when it switches to the subject of “fart taxes.” Low bar, I know, but there it is.

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 07/01/10 at 11:24 AM

The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time

I was all set to crow about how he probably missed Dolemite and then—ta-da!—there it was at the 1:05 mark. Any you would have included? I’m drawing a blank at the moment. Full movie list here. (WARNING: As it notes at the beginning, there’s some pretty strong language in this, so careful at work…)

UPDATE: Got it. Sylvester Stallone as Machine Gun Joe Viterbo in one of my favorite films of all time (seriously), Death Race 2000...

You know, Myra, some people might think you’re cute. But me, I think you’re one very large baked potato.

Posted by Kevin K. on 07/01/10 at 07:45 AM

Categories: Knee SlappersMoviesYouTubidity

Don’t call him stupid!


NRO Cornerite David Satter is dismayed to discover Obama is in denial about Russia’s E-Ville Empire-ness:

President Obama apparently knew that the FBI was about to arrest the members of the spy ring but did not raise the subject with Medvedev. This was a serious mistake. It reflects an unwillingness to face the truth about Russian actions and allows the Russians to perpetuate the notion that despite human-rights abuses, cooperation with Iran, and anti-American propaganda, there is harmony in its relationship with the U.S. The truth, however, is quite different as the now exposed spy ring shows. It is time to face that reality. The alternative is to face it later when its consequences will be much more difficult to control.

Uh, Mr. Satter? If Obama had mentioned the impending arrest, might Mr. Medvedev have discreetly excused himself from the meeting to make a quick phone call to inform Boris and Natasha to roll up operations and destroy incriminating documents?

Christ, what a moron.

[H/T: Roy Edroso]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/01/10 at 07:44 AM

Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersOur Stupid Media

Thursday Morning Music: the Book’s “A Cold Freezin’ Night”

Don’t let the gray screen fool you, this one’s pretty weird ‘n’ cool. Background here.

Posted by Kevin K. on 07/01/10 at 05:51 AM

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