Sunday, September 26, 2010

Are you a Real Progressive? No you aren’t! Unless you take this quiz.

The United States of America in the year 2010: The gutters of our nation’s most elitist cities run with latte-tainted urine as the progressive v. progressive pissing contest drags on. But thanks to a team of highly trained socio-political experts* the unpleasantness ends today.

Over the past six months† a crack team of sociology and political science professors from America’s tallest ivory towers, together with two former presidents and three retired Supreme Court justices‡ designed this simple 7-question test that will finally separate the true progressives from the backstabbing corporafascist bigoted neo-con pigs in tie-dye clothing. You must not have anything better to do right now or you wouldn’t be here, so pick up your Number 2 pencil and begin:

1. How do you feel when you think of the upcoming elections?

a) What? Didn’t we just do this?

b) A little nervous.

c) Really excited! I can’t wait to see the look on Obama’s face when Republicans take over and impeach him!

2. Look at this picture for exactly 15 seconds. You are filled with the urge to:

a) Spank the monkey in a carefree and defiant manner.

b) Shake my head sadly over the state of U.S. politics.

c) Once again ask why, oh why, the Democrats have failed to create an unorthodox, headline grabbing candidate who can recite talking points and other party propaganda.

3. Do you know what the term “Hippie Punching” means?

a) LOL. Is that like donkey punching?

b) [Sigh] Yes.

c) Clearly you have yet to read my 32,758 word, 5-part essay: The Punchocaust – The Life and Very, Very, Very Hard Times of a True Progressive among the Obots. Guess you’ve got better things to do while the world goes to shit, huh?

4. What role should progressive blogs play in politics?

a) [Fart]

b) They make a good place for people of similar political beliefs to quickly share information and ideas.

c) Look, I’m a plain spoken person and I have to say: What an incredibly stupid question. Progressive blogs, especially my blog, control the debate and the votes. If I’m not happy, a lot of DINO pols are going to be unemployed, the Republicans will be back in power and everyone will come crying to me!

5. If Republicans take the House and/or the Senate in the upcoming election, it will prove:

a) What day do we vote again?

b) Democratic leadership failed to adequately inform and energize voters.

c) I was right! I was right! In your FACE! I warned everyone but they didn’t listen. Now they’ll be sorry, they’ll ALL BE SORRY!

6. Have you ever directly contacted an elected official to share a concern, express an opinion, note your support/opposition to a bill, etc.?

a) No.

b) Yes.

c) Why the hell should I do that? I have a blog. They should read it every day if they want to know my opinion so badly. Not that they care.

7. In your opinion, the highest form of literature is:

a) Dirty limericks.

b) Well-crafted prose.

c) A ransom note.

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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 09/26/10 at 11:12 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10Manic Progressives

Why I Am Abandoning Obama and the Democratic Party Forever

I’ve been doing a lot of queasy soul-searching about this on the heels of Betty’s “Hippie-Punching” post, and while I wish to Christ my brutal self-interrogation had led me to a happier and more committed mental space, it did not. In fact—despite shrill protestations by the part of me that’s been bashing Conservatives since 2002 and was madly emailing Superdelegates at Denver to “ignore the PUMAs”—I am compelled to admit that, in the end, Obama and the Democratic Party have let me down, in ways that make a total Tea Party takeover of Congress and, eventually, the Executive Branch seem not merely essential and instructive, but poetically just.

My reasons are simple:

♦ Despite the fact that Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity told me that Obama was my “Messiah”—a thought that never even remotely entered my head unbidden—he has been no such thing.

♦ Because Obama was a Black Democrat who had more powerfully galvanized Conservative opposition—even to the point of questioning his eligibility as a citizen to run for the office—than any other Dem candidate in history including Hillary, it never occurred to me that he would be audacious enough to recapitulate Bill Clinton’s first-term missteps on DADT and Health Care Reform, thus ensuring an electoral blowback in the midterms.

♦ Notwithstanding the fact that I knew when I voted for him that there was no way out of Iraq and Afghanistan that would not further destabilize Central Asia, enhance Iran’s influence, encourage the collapse of Pakistan, challenge the cohesion of the NATO alliance and invite predictable power-play gambits from India, China and Russia that would totally recast the definitions of “victory” and “defeat,” I am upset that Obama has not brought all the troops home.

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Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/26/10 at 03:58 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10Manic Progressives

Tea Party Bags on Hoffman in NY 23 Contest; Hoffman Goes Murkowski on ‘Baggers

I’m sure you all remember last year’s NY 23 special Congressional election that saw Establishment Republican candidate Dede Scozzafava bail in the face of strong poll numbers from Democrat Bill Owens and the upstart Tea Party candidate Doug Hoffman. With endorsements from Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin, the largely unknown, charisma-challenged Hoffman was looking like another Scott Brown, at least until Scozzafava retired from the race and threw her support to Owens, the eventual winner.

Fast-forward to 2010: Tea Partiers pushed hard for Hoffman in his primary run for the full-term seat, which he lost to Non-Mutant GOP candidate Matthew A. Doheny. In light of Hoffman’s now non-existent prospects of winning the general election, the Tea Party that backed him has thrown its support to Doheny. In response, Hoffman—either undeterred by what the Tea Party did to Dan Maes in Colorado or inspired by the same “Me the People, and Fuck the Rest of You” spunk as Alaska’s Lisa Murkowski and Colorado’s Tom Tancredo—has opted to continue his run as a Third Party (Or would that be Fourth Party?) candidate because, you know, he can...and that’s what a Representative Constitutional Republic is all about.

Tedious, I know…but I love this stuff. America’s Tea Party: Manufacturing Monsters It Can’t Control Since 2009.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/26/10 at 12:35 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Tebow who?


True freshman Trey Burton got SIX touchdowns last night during the Gators’ romp over Kentucky. He rushed. He passed. He caught the ball.

(Hey, let me have my fun. We’re playing ‘Bama next week.)

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/26/10 at 08:21 AM

Categories: Sports

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Sharron Angle Interviewed By Juiced-Up, Yelling YouTube Bobblehead

Can we put the rumors that Sharron Angle is afraid of the media to rest now? Look and listen, people! Here she answers all sorts of really long, super tough questions from an overly-expressive teabaggin’ football fan with a webcam:



Posted by Kevin K. on 09/25/10 at 08:32 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersTeabaggerySkull HampersYouTubidity

Chastity Belt Barbie

I don’t want to condemn an entire state, but…damn. You guys picked this one over Mike Castle?

Posted by Tom65 on 09/25/10 at 01:16 PM

I’ll take “Things that are pre-snarked” for $500

Note: The AP now refers to Eddie Long as a pastor. I believe it is more respectful to use bishop, since that is his official title.*

Oh look. Another TalEvangical who hates the idea of gay men getting hitched is in the news [via AssPress]:

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 09/25/10 at 10:41 AM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersRelijun

Jon Stewart:  Republicans Singing That Same Old Song?

So I hyposthetized that the Pledge on America or whatever, being rolled out by the Repubs was really just the same old song sung a different way but Jon Stewart pretty much proves it.  Watch and enjoy ( via TPM)

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Postcards From the Pledge
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

Posted by marindenver on 09/25/10 at 12:55 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10Nutters

Friday, September 24, 2010

Never mind the fauxgressives, here’s the birfers! [updated]

You know what else is full of big scary ooga booga Muslimtude?

According to the pretty vacant mind of Orly Taitz, DDS, Esq., WTF, it’s ... No wait. You have to guess.

You’ll never guess.

Go on, try to guess!

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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 09/24/10 at 09:43 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersRelijunSkull Hampers

Dems Provide Real Small Business Relief With Small Business Jobs Act of 2010

While Republicans were busy crowing over managing to cram together a 21 (count ‘em 21!) page Contract on Pledge to America, Dems were in the legislative trenches crafting a bill which actually will give small (and medium sized) businesses some significant help in difficult times.  The Small Business Jobs Act of 2010, which had passed the House some time ago, then squeaked through the Senate after the recess with changes, has now been passed in final form by the House.

In addition to providing significant tax benefits to investing in office and plant infrastructure and equipment (retroactive back to January 1 purchases) the bill sets up a $30.0 billion dollar federal fund which will underwrite community banks who make loans to small businesses.  It’s been estimated that the $30 billion in underwriting will be leveraged out to about $300 billion in actual loans.  And this credit is desperately needed.  Small businesses are literally starving for working capital and lines of credit to expand and, you know, hire more people.

So you’d think the Repubs, the self-stated champions of small business (I mean isn’t that why they say we have to extend tax cuts to the wealthy - because it would hurt small businesses if we didn’t?) would be happy to get behind this bill and take some credit for it.  I could, I suppose, at this point interject something like BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!  AS IF!!  But I won’t.  These days I’m a little too jaded for that.  I’ll just say not OUR brand of Republicans.  No indeed.  I believe exactly three Republicans voted for this bill - two in the Senate and one in the House.  Why?  Because they’re calling it junior TARP (say what?) and pretending that access to short-term credit is not the life blood of small and medium size businesses.  And that, as a result of the near catastrophic financial melt-down of the last few years (caused by Republican policies no less) credit markets have not dried up to practically nothing for the businesses that need it.

This won’t be the game changer that will turn the whole economy around but it will start some sectors moving again and let a lot of small business owners sleep better at night.  Not a bad day’s work if you ask me.  Go Team Democrats!

Posted by marindenver on 09/24/10 at 06:35 PM

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '10Nutters

Texas Warns Muslins to Keep They Hands Offen Ar Textbooks!

via TPM

Some people in our great state of Texas apparently have nothing else to do but count references  to skeery mooslins v. Christians in young’uns’ text books and that ratio has come out too high!

According to board member Ken Mercer, many world history books are rife with such “Muslim propaganda.”

“One of the books I reviewed has 120 lines referencing Christian beliefs, but has 248 lines referencing Muslim beliefs,” Mercer told WOAI News Radio.

A draft of the resolution obtained by the Dallas Morning News reads, in part, that “diverse reviewers have repeatedly documented gross pro-Islamic, anti-Christian distortions in social studies texts,” including “sanitized definitions of ‘jihad’ that exclude religious intolerance or military aggression against non-Muslims ... which undergirds worldwide Muslim terrorism.”

This is in part due, the resolution argues, to “Middle-Easterners” infiltrating the textbook market.

“More such discriminatory treatment of religion may occur as Middle Easterners buy into the U.S. public school textbook oligopoly, as they are doing now,” it reads. As the Dallas Morning News pointed out, “They offered no specific evidence of such investments.”

Dayam.  Won’t be long ‘fore them in-fie-dels is tryin’ to build mosques next to Ground Zero!


Posted by marindenver on 09/24/10 at 05:33 PM

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersRelijun

Once the Jackets and Ties Come Off, You Know the Pants Are Next

They didn’t really do the “You-Know-We’re-Serious-Because-Our-Sleeves-Are-Rolled-Up” thing, did they? Gawd.

I guess there weren’t enough wife-beaters and hard-hats in the GOP prop room.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/24/10 at 01:10 PM

Categories: ImagesPolitics

Hippie-punching and its discontents


The number one item on Memeorandum right now—hotly discussed on lefty and righty blogs alike—is Susie Madrak’s confrontation with top Obama advisor David Axelrod yesterday during a liberal blogger conference call:

Madrak directly asked Axelrod: “Have you ever heard of hippie punching?” That prompted a long silence from Axelrod.

“You want us to help you, the first thing I would suggest is enough of the hippie punching,” Madrak added. “We’re the girl you’ll take under the bleachers but you won’t be seen with in the light of day.”

The reaction on most liberal blogs was, “Yeah! She sure told him!” Righty blogs welcomed it as a sign that the Dems are in disarray going into the midterm elections. My favorite reaction came from Lawnguylander in response to a “you-go-girl” post at Booman Tribune:

No, I don’t gotta love Susie Madrak

Except as a comic foil.  She gets a chance to speak to David Axelrod and what does she do?  She decides to make herself the story, talks to him in blogspeak and throws a weird sexual metaphor in for good measure.  It would have been better if she just yelled out, “I like pie!” or “all your base are belong to me.” Does her type talk to anyone besides other bloggers or blog commenters?  If I hadn’t already concluded that a good percentage of lefty bloggers are self referential, ego-based life forms and politically useless (except as opposition) I’d be embarrassed by her right now.  And so what if Axelrod came back at her?  Where they fucked up is by including the likes of her on the call in the first place.  I assume that more than Susie Madrak’s feelings was discussed on the call but from Greg Sargent’s article and from Memeorandum you’d never know it.  Does anyone know what other topics were covered?


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Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/24/10 at 07:21 AM

Ronald Reagan: I Sold Missiles to the Ayatollah So That Jesus Could Die for Your Sins

Ronald Reagan murdered America and pissed on its carcass. This is a funny video that tries to blame a lot of other people for what Ronnie enabled. Enjoy!

[Trigger Alert: Lots of Gadsden flags, angry assholes and “Me the People”/Sleeping Giant delusional bullshit. Probably Safe for Work, but try not to laugh out loud because some of your coworkers may think this baloney is for real.]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/24/10 at 02:21 AM

Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsNutters

Limbaugh: Why is Sex Tourism in the Dominican Republic Considered “Immoral”?

Oh, sorry—I thought he was complaining about how limited his options are now that he has a new trophy wife.

Turns out Rush is just explaining why Obama wants all Americans to be unemployed and impoverished so that he can…he can…um…be President of a totally unemployed, impoverished nation because…er…uh…you know…um…once America has no money, then…uh…Obama can, like…uh…tyrannize you, or something.

Rush Limbaugh is a bald, fat, racist bastard who lies three hours a day to people he hopes he’ll never have to share a toilet with. Not big news. Just wanted you to know.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/24/10 at 12:44 AM

Categories: PoliticsNutters

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