Saturday, November 27, 2010

Today is the day of days!

Because John Ball reads this crap so you don’t have to!

A daily tear down of Chris Muir’s “comic” strip that is 11,000,000,000 times funnier than Muir will ever be.

Even if he got hit in the face by a pie the size of a Beetle.

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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/27/10 at 05:47 PM

Categories: Knee SlappersSkull Hampers

Friday, November 26, 2010

New Taiwanese Animated News Video About the Palins from Next Media

This one covers everything from Dancing With the Stars to the Facebook flame wars to Sarah’s new book…

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/26/10 at 08:41 PM

Categories: Knee SlappersNewsPoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTelevisionYouTubidity

President Bloodied But Unbowed In Preview Of New Legislative Session

            Bloody But Unbowed

So we know the president can take an elbow. The one that he met with his face this afternoon caused 12 stitches worth of damage. No indication that Obama will offer to meet the offending elbow-owner half-way. Stay tuned for inevitable wingnut analysis of effeminacy ratio in relation to facial stitchery, since Sarahcuda would have sewn up her own face with a darning needle and sinew from a freshly slaughtered police horse.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 11/26/10 at 04:40 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack Obama

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Classless Palin Uses Thanksgiving Message to Mock Obama, Slam the Media [UPDATED]

While the Illegitimate Kenyan Usurper was encouraging Americans to “look out for one another” during these difficult times and reminding us to honor and thank the many thousands of US troops whose holidays are observed in the shadow of war, America’s Back-Seat Driver™ took to her Facebook soapbox to show us all how a Real Leader commemorates the National Day of Thanks—by peevishly lashing out at her critics over their reporting of her recent “North Korea” gaffe, and clearing the air over rumors that she’s trying to wrangle a slot for Christine O’Donnell on Dancing With The Stars. You know—the sort of Important Leader Stuff that JFK or Winston Churchill or Maggie Thatcher always talked about at moments of global economic and military crisis.

Anyone who expected her to not indulge in a bitchy snark-fest on The Day We Count Our Blessings was instantly disabused of the notion by her cheeky headline, “A Thanksgiving Message to All 57 States,” and her wacky opening compendium (Giggity!) of a dozen or so verbal slips by President Obama—complete with YouTube links, just so you know she’s not lying about them the way nasty, terrible people are always lying about her.

Then, as all Great Leaders do—and Sarah Palin more than any of them—she paints herself as the helpless victim of connivers, whisperers and the Gnomes Who Live Under the Stairs:

If the media had bothered to actually listen to all of my remarks on Glenn Beck’s radio show, they would have noticed that I refer to South Korea as our ally throughout, that I corrected myself seconds after my slip-of-the-tongue, and that I made it abundantly clear that pressure should be put on China to restrict energy exports to the North Korean regime. The media could even have done due diligence and checked my previous statements on the subject, which have always been consistent, and in fact even ahead of the curve. But why let the facts get in the way of a good story? (And for that matter, why not just make up stories out of thin air – like the totally false hard news story which has run for three days now reporting that I lobbied the producers of “Dancing with the Stars” to cast a former Senate candidate on their show. That lie is further clear proof that the media completely makes things up without doing even rudimentary fact-checking.)

Thanks, Sarah! On this day of solemn yet joyful introspection, as we reconcile the ledger of our individual hardships against the ever-renewing bounty of our Freedom and the never-failing Spirit of Generosity that infuses our families and countrymen, your Queeg-like paranoia and consuming obsession with petty slights and score-settling are an inspiration to us all! 

[UPDATE]: As a half-assed afterthought—or perhaps because she’s monitoring the Twitter reactions to her dipshit tantrum—Sarah throws a bone to America’s Armed Forces, urging all of us to contribute to the USO to say “Thank you” to our troops on Thanksgiving—about 90 minutes before Thanksgiving ends in the Lower 48.

Way to slip it in under the wire, Snooki! I guess you were too busy promoting your book to post that yesterday, when it might have mattered.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/25/10 at 10:30 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

FDR New Deal Blessings On All My FEMACORN Peeps!

            Great Gobbling Goof!

We’re coming back, you know. The socialist programs that will bankrupt our grandchildren have been enacted, so feast now! A turkey in every pot! Bwa-ha, and so on. And a wonderful Thanksgiving to all my Roasty companions. I will always be thankful for you, and to Kevin for starting up our jolly little blog.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 11/25/10 at 04:23 PM

Categories: MessylaneousPoliticsNuttersSkull Hampers

Commie Christian Pilgrim Bastards Almost Ruined It for All of Us

...or maybe not.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/25/10 at 01:46 PM

Categories: Skull HampersYouTubidity

A Heartwarming & Festive Rumproast Thanksgiving Tradition

Every year around this time we gather all of the kids in front of the monitor screens to enjoy Uncle Kevin’s award-winning, one-millisecond-long performance (more details here) in Quentin Tarantino & Robert Rodriguez’s film Grindhouse. Enjoy (unless you don’t like gore—you’ve been warned) and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

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Posted by Kevin K. on 11/25/10 at 10:56 AM

Categories: FoodKnee SlappersMoviesRumproast RelatedYouTubidity

Why Americans Need to Shut Up About the Crappy Economy and Be Grateful for Public Libraries

Can’t afford a turkey this year? Tough shit. For REAL Americans, hot water and a Cold War are the greatest gifts of Capitalism…so stop looking at Dad like he’s a broken-down, alcoholic loser, OK?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/25/10 at 09:32 AM

Categories: Skull HampersYouTubidity

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Here’s Hammer, don’t hurt him!*

This should take the sting off being stuck around a table with your family tomorrow [via AssPress]:

Former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay — once one of the most powerful and feared Republicans in Congress — was convicted Wednesday on charges he illegally funneled corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002.

In response to the verdict, The Hammer shouted “U Can’t Touch This!”

“This is an abuse of power. It’s a miscarriage of justice, and I still maintain that I am innocent. The criminalization of politics undermines our very system and I’m very disappointed in the outcome,” DeLay told reporters outside the courtroom. He remains free on bond, and his sentencing was tentatively set to begin on Dec. 20.

His tears are sweeter than my granny’s sweet potato pie.

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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/24/10 at 09:17 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsNutters

Palin Can’t See North Korea From Her House

And therefore doesn’t seem to know the difference between the North one and that South thingie over there too.  Now, ordinarily I’d be inclined to give her a pass over what she said:

But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies. We’re bound to by treaty

Everyone occasionally makes unintentional gaffes, after all.  But it’s what she said next, after the interviewer corrected her by saying “South Korean” that has me amazed.

Eh, Yeah. And we’re also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies, yes.

We’re “also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies” ?

Does she seriously not get the difference between the two countries?  Or totally comprehend which one we have treaties with?  It’s definitely not clear to me.  Maybe you guys have a different take on it?

Posted by marindenver on 11/24/10 at 04:07 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Thanksgiving Travel/Family/Food Horror Stories Thread

I figured I’d better move the Food Prep, Travel Hassles and Family Gunfights commentary up from the DWTS thread.

Have at it.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/24/10 at 11:26 AM

Categories: MessylaneousRumproast Related

Mindless Midnight Music

Mayall and friends, with special guest appearance by Don “Sugarcane” Harris on fiddle.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/24/10 at 01:00 AM

Categories: Music

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Can they vote on whether they have to Bomb, bomb, bomb. Bomb, bomb Iran?

Sen. War Hero McCain on the DADT survey, Sept. 28, 2010 [via JMG]:

“I urge you and Admiral Mullen to modify the review and the survey instrument, or to conduct supplemental surveys, aimed at ensuring that the question of whether the DADT policy should be changed is answered.”*

To which SoD Robert Gates replied:

Dear Sen. Crash & Burn,
I am not surprised you aren’t aware of how the military works. The only reason you got to ditch jets into the Gulf of Tonkin was because you rode through Annapolis on your daddy and granddaddy’s coat-tails. But since you missed the memo, allow me to remind you: The U.S. military is not a democracy. We do not vote on shit. Now get the hell out of my face, I’ve got a job to do.

Just kidding! Sec. Gates responded:

“I do not believe that military policy decisions — on this or any other subject — should be made through a referendum of Servicemembers.”

Close enough.


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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/23/10 at 11:43 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsElection '08St. McSameNutters

“Dancing With The Stars” Open Thread

Report any observed instances of fraud and abuse here.


Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/23/10 at 08:53 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTelevision

Preview: Todd Palin Dominates Week 3 of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”

Alaska has never seemed more real! Plus, it’s nice to see the “First Dude” get some main-stage action on Snooki’s show:

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 11/23/10 at 05:01 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTelevision

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