Thursday, February 24, 2011

Gaddafi Breaks Up with Libya Over the Phone

In a phone call to State Television, Brother Leader said he blames drugs and Bin Laden for alienating his country’s affections, and can’t believe it wasn’t satisfied with his selfless love, nice things and generous low-interest auto loans.

Then he hung up. But you just know he’ll be all over Libya’s answering machine later.

[UPDATE:] The Twitters are having a field day with this:

Dear Gadaffi: Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold as we broadcast your ramblings, or press 1 to speak to a puppet master.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/24/11 at 10:06 AM
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Categories: NewsSkull Hampers

Messrs. Lonely

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Straight from Boo-Fucking-Hoo-Ville:

The most extraordinary story in the news these days is the all-out assault that the Left is mounting against Charles and David Koch and their company, Koch Enterprises. A day doesn’t go buy—hardly an hour goes by—without some new attack being launched against these two lonely libertarians.

The Kochs plot hourly to glom onto ever-larger shares of the national pie, so it’s hardly surprising if they get a fork in the paw every now and then. The fact they’re becoming infamous for it gives me hope that this country isn’t beyond, well, hope.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 02/24/11 at 08:57 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggery

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Boehner Seems to Think Rejection of DOMA is a “Job Killing” Thing - UPDATED

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Seriously.  His spokespeep’s official response to Obama’s announcement that he believes DOMA is unconstitutional and the DOJ will no longer defend it was:

While Americans want Washington to focus on creating jobs and cutting spending, the President will have to explain why he thinks now is the appropriate time to stir up a controversial issue that sharply divides the nation,

Are you kidding me?!? Since the latest Congress convened the Repubs have not done one thing that could be considered “job creating”.  Instead they have focused on redefining “rape” to require that women be beat up or it doesn’t count,  and trying to ram through massive spending cuts, including de-funding public broadcasting and Planned Parenthood’s community health centers.  And given the news that these spending cuts could eliminate up to, count ‘em, 1,000,000 jobs, Speaker John “Let Them Eat Cake” Boehner responded “so be it”.

I guess I should be deeply offended that, after doing nothing whatsoever to create jobs, Boehner criticizes Obama’s announcement regarding DOMA because he should be out there creating more jobs instead!!!  However, for those who are incapable of multi-tasking, people like Obama must make them feel rather inadequate and inclined to lash out irrationally.  Plus IOKIYAR.

UPDATE  Bahahahahaha!  Mike Huckabee says gay marriage doesn’t just kill jobs it kills heterosexual marriages!

Huckabee opposes gay marriage on the grounds that, according to him, it destroys traditional families.

“There is a quantified impact of broken families,” Huckabee said. “[There is a] $300 billion dad deficit in America every year…that’s the amount of money that we spend as taxpayers to pick up the pieces because dads are derelict in their duties.”

Millions of dads are abandoning their families because . . . GAY MARRIAGE!  Who knew?  Man, they are really getting desperate with their *arguments*.

Posted by marindenver on 02/23/11 at 04:22 PM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsBarack ObamaElection '10NuttersTeabaggery

Obama administration betrays LGBT community. Again.

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Oh wait:

In a major reversal, the Obama administration has notified Congress that it will no longer defend the federal law that says marriage can exist only between a man and a woman.

Attorney General Eric Holder says he has recommended, and the president has agreed, that the law unconstitutionally discriminates against same-sex couples who are legally married but whose status is not recognized by the federal government.

But there’s really no difference between Republicans and Democrats. Don’t make a big deal about it. The NOM-NOMs aren’t:

WASHINGTON – The National Organization for Marriage responded to President Obama calling upon the Department of Justice to stop defending the Defense of Marriage Act:

“We have not yet begun to fight for marriage,” said Brian Brown, president of NOM.

“The Democrats are responding to their election loss with a series of extraordinary, extra-constitutional end runs around democracy, whether it’s fleeing the state in Wisconsin and Indiana to prevent a vote, or unilaterally declaring homosexuals a protected class under our Constitution, as President Obama just did,” said Brown. “We call on the House to intervene to protect DOMA, and to tell the Obama administration they have to respect the limits on their power. This fight is not over, it has only begun!”

Heh. Anything that makes those homophobic jackwagons all sputtery is full of win.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 02/23/11 at 02:50 PM
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Categories: LGBTNewsPoliticsManic ProgressivesNutters

Koch On The Line: Gov. Scott Walker Punked!

Ian Murphy from the Buffalo Beast heard that Scott Walker was refusing to take calls from the AWOL WI Democrats.

Who would he talk to? How about David Koch?

Part 2 after the fold.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 02/23/11 at 07:16 AM
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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rahmbot 2000 Takes Chicago

Chicago bows down before its new overlord.

Sorry, can't hear you over the screaming PUMAs.

Surviving members of the Hillary Clinton Sarah Palin Resistance Until Everyone Apologizes Don’t Ask Why You Know What You Did League flee city, seek asylum in South Bend.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 02/22/11 at 09:39 PM
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Categories: Politics

And Don’t Forget to Try Our Waco Taco. It’s “Muy Caliente”!

Somewhere, there’s a quirky, autocratic, Galt-like CEO who thought this was a good idea, but he’ll fire the agency for giving him what he wanted.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I clicked on their Web page.

And, yes. there seems to be a weird Jim Jones/Waco synchronicity thing going on today. but fuck if I can explain it.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/22/11 at 05:41 PM
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Categories: BoozeNewsSkull Hampers

Gaddafi Flees to 15th Century With Suitcase Nuke; Threatens to “Abort” Italian Renaissance

OK, I made that part up. But it would have fit right in with the most surreal hour-plus soliloquy since Jim Jones’ “Time to Go” speech in the Kool-Aid tent. In what was rightly described as a “lunatic rant” by an Al Jazeera commentator, Libya’s soon-to-be-comatose ruler read off a list of death penalty offenses; blamed his nation’s riots on “rats,” “agents” and “drugged youths”; praised China and the Soviet Union for violently crushing political dissent; and even suggested Waco as a template for preserving national unity.

No one knows if the presentation was live or taped, but it was obviously produced on-the-fly: Every few minutes, an off-screen minion would hand him a freshly-typed page, which Brother Leader would squint at in silence for several moments before launching into a new and totally-unrelated riff. 

Here are a few of the standout quotes, gleaned from the ‘Net:

I am a fighter, a revolutionary from tents ... I will die as a martyr at the end.

I have not yet ordered the use of force, not yet ordered one bullet to be fired ... when I do, everything will burn.

I will stay until the last drop of blood is spilled. Those who defy me will be executed. I will not leave. I will die as a martyr. Damn those who try to stir unrest.

People in front of tanks were crushed. The unity of China was more important than those people in Tiananmen Square.

When Tiananmen Square happened, tanks were sent in to deal with them. It’s not a joke. I will do whatever it takes to make sure part of the country isn’t taken away.

You men and women who love Gaddafi ...get out of your homes and fill the streets. Leave your homes and attack them in their lairs…Starting tomorrow the cordons will be lifted, go out and fight them.

Libya wants glory, Libya wants to be at the pinnacle, at the pinnacle of the world.

NRO has a wider selection here.

[UPDATE:] Time reports Gaddafi has ordered the destruction of oil pipelines to Mediterranean seaports.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/22/11 at 01:46 PM
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Categories: NewsSkull Hampers

News that makes you go GAH!

In a bizarre short music video, Gaddafi assures Libyans that he only wants to see them laughing in the purple rain:

According to the translation, Gaddafi says he wanted to address the “youths in Green Square” in person but was prevented from doing so by the rain. Well, why not just use that big fucking golf umbrella?

Also note the interesting mode of transportation and post-industrial backdrop. Rain delay my ass: He’s hiding so they don’t string him up. And if he has any brains at all, he’s trying to get out of the country.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 02/22/11 at 06:29 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsTelevisionYouTubidity

Monday, February 21, 2011

Forget Everything You Thought You Knew About Eye-Gouging Tedium

If only those walls could talk, this movie might have some dialogue worth sitting through.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/21/11 at 05:38 PM
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Categories: MoviesMovie NewsYouTubidity

Drudge: I’ll Pretend This Is About Hypocrisy, But It’s Really About Black People, Money and Ribs

Matt Drudge just can’t stop blowing that Blacks-in-the-White-House dogwhistle, as we noted here, here and here.

The original article Drudge links to today is titled First Lady Hits the Slopes, but — through a deft exercise in three-line “headline haiku” — he manages to evoke every “fat-elitist-uppity-Wookie” resentment meme currently circulating in the BreitBuzzosphere.

Rush just riffed on this, so you know it’s not about the calories.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/21/11 at 12:50 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsOur Stupid Media

The envelope, please…

And the award for tinhorn dictator whose rhetoric most conspicuously resembles that of a serial domestic abuser or mafia shakedown artist goes to…Son of Mad Mo:

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Here’s an al Jazeera translation of what Seif Gaddafi actually said:

I have to be honest with you. We are all armed, even the thugs and the unemployed. At this moment in time, tanks are driven about with civilians. In Bayda you have machine guns right in the middle of the city. Many arms have been stolen.

No one will come to Libya or do any business with Libya. We will call for new media laws, civil rights, lift the stupid punishments, we will have a constitution… We will tomorrow create a new Libya. We can agree on a new national anthem, new flag, new Libya. Or be prepared for civil war.

Forget about oil. The country will be divided like North and South Korea, we will see each other through a fence. You will wait in line for months for a visa. The Libyans who live in Europe and USA, their children go to school and they want you to fight. They are comfortable. They then want to come and rule us and Libya. They want us to kill each other then come, like in Iraq.”

Doesn’t Gaddafi have a less obviously creepy and sadistic son to send forth to placate the mob? This one’s doing it wrong.

[H/T to Rumproast colleague Strangeappar8us for the concept of retitling an al Jazeera screen cap]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 02/21/11 at 07:08 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsNutters

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Repubs Showing True Colors by Trying to De-fund Planned Parenthood

Among the many, many amendments added to the Continuing Resolution on government spending, which just passed the House, was an amendment from Mike Pence (R-Ind) to de-fund Planned Parenthood.  Not reduce their funding but completely terminate it.  Pence provided this explanation:

Pence hailed the passage of the bill in a statement, calling it “a victory for taxpayers and a victory for life. By banning federal funding to Planned Parenthood, Congress has taken a stand for millions of Americans who believe their tax dollars should not be used to subsidize the largest abortion provider in America.”

He continued: “I commend my colleagues in both parties for taking a stand for taxpayers and a stand for life. I encourage my colleagues in the Senate to support this legislation and end federal funding of Planned Parenthood once and for all.”

Although Planned Parenthood receives other funding, losing federal support would be a significant blow.  A recent annual report, posted at their website, indicates that federal grants and contracts, totaling about $350 million, comprise about 1/3 of their annual revenues.

First of all $350 million is a drop in the bucket of the federal budget so voting to completely de-fund the organization can only be seen as punitive.  Additionally the Repubs are voting to de-fund an organization that provides substantial non-abortion services for lower income women at affordable rates.  A review of Planned Parenthood’s mission statement reveals that more than 90% of services provided are for preventive priimary care in community health centers.

read the whole post »

Posted by marindenver on 02/20/11 at 03:31 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '10Manic ProgressivesNuttersTeabaggery

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Breitbart or Whorfin: Who Should Lead the Tea Party?

One is loud, self-serving, completely full of shit and thinks he’s making history. The other is from Planet 10. YOU make the call.

BROADBAND USERS: Grab a bottle of Jameson and play both videos simultaneously. It’s pretty funky.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/19/11 at 05:05 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsYouTubidity

Livestream: Madison Tea Party Rally

I’m late to the party, but it’s still going on.

Watch live streaming video from theuptake at livestream.com

[UPDATE:] Main show’s over, although the camera is still following the crowd around. The “Big Names” didn’t add much. If Breitbart was a real ass, I’ll try to post that segment later.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/19/11 at 02:41 PM
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Categories: NewsPolitics

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