Saturday, April 30, 2011

“Wonder-Trump Hair-Hat, Activate! Form of an Avenging Carpet Swatch!”

Tough night for Mr. Moneybags Smarty-Pants.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/30/11 at 10:02 PM
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Categories: ImagesKnee SlappersPolitics

Nerd Prom: White House Correspondents Dinner Live Stream

C-SPAN has it here.

Preliminaries, filler features and eating now. Main event begins at 9:40.

Probably no mention will be made of reports that NATO just killed a bunch of Gaddafis.

[UPDATE:] Trump arrives, gets booed by media. [H/T YAFB in the Rumper Room]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/30/11 at 07:34 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack Obama

At the Mons of Madness

It’s not Sex, it’s “Love-Craft.”

[Yet another nameless, unspeakable horror from the dank, cyclopean vault of Topless Robot.]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/30/11 at 05:56 PM
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Categories: Geek SpeakKnee SlappersYouTubidity

Rumproast Exclusive: Andrew Breitbart is a lefty mole!

Just as we received news that Andrew Breitbart had released yet another deceptively edited video to smear liberals (college professors this time), the BigHo himself stopped by Rumproast Studio for a brief chat. And boy, were we ever astonished to hear what he had to say:

So to recap: Breitbart admires Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Gore Vidal. He thinks William F. Buckley and Ronald Reagan were nihilists, and he wants to wrestle Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck in a gutter. It seems clear now that the entire BigHo enterprise is a lefty false-flag operation, with Breitbart brilliantly poised to remove the “conservative media’s” last vestiges of credibility (with people who don’t pay much attention). Well done, you crafty Machiavellian devil, you!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/30/11 at 03:08 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBedwettersNuttersOur Stupid MediaYouTubidity

Breitbart Lies Again; In Other News, Sun Rises In East, Ocean Has Tides

        Simply Breitbull
Oh, it’s not just that it’s the same old tune: dum de dum de LIBERAL dum de dum BIG OUTRAGE dum de dum VIDEO dum de really dum LIBERAL FIREDforced to resign de dum REAL VIDEO FOUND de dum de OUT OF CONTEXT EDITING.  It’s not even that the video of the “Union Thug + Liberal Professor Instilling Hatred & Violence” has clips not only shortened, but out of sequence, making the professor and her Union guest seem to be advocating what they’re actually cautioning against: the use of violence to achieve union objectives. Or that the hit-piece naturally results in the blameless college professor receiving death threats from Breitbart’s brain-dead believers.

But isn’t it about time that organizations stopped panic-firing their staff when the Little Big Liar and his minions target them, and started viewing Breitbart’s attention as an obvious recognition of merit, in fact a job recommendation to be included with pride in any C.V.? What better character reference could exist than to have been so conscientous as to be worthy of a smear piece with the discredited huckster’s imprimatur?

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/30/11 at 01:08 PM
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Categories: ImagesMessylaneousPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

Whine Of The Lonesome Cowboy

Dance, Cowboy, Dance

It would be hard not to enjoy TPM’s story of Montana Denny Rehberg, 23rd richest member of congress, who walked into a parcel of trouble by moaning about “struggling like anyone else.”  Anybody else, that is, whose self-reported assets are ” somewhere between $12.2 and $57.5 million”—almost as large a spread as the Rehberg Ranch itself, before Denny started carving it up and selling it off, anyway.

Rehberg’s sympathy for his own struggles doesn’t extend to lesser struggling types who might be likely to give into “the welfare lifestyle,” as he put it, by lazily soaking up federal money in the form of Pell grants. Shame. That money could be put to much better use protecting Montana from the immigration threat posed by the looming presence of Canada and its plaid-clad icebacks. Rehberg’s sympathy for icebacks and other illegal menaces is pretty much nil as well, also too.

His sympathy also doesn’t extend to the firefighters of Billings, against whom he filed a lawsuit for burned trees on ranch land he was intending to develop.

Altogether, you could say Denny Rehberg isn’t a very sympathetic guy.

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/30/11 at 10:20 AM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggery

Friday, April 29, 2011

Gov. Brewer: No Birther Bill, Campus Carry or HC Cuts, But Here’s Your Fucking License Plate

Arizona Tea Party darling Gov. Jan Brewer has recently vetoed a Birther bill and legislation that would permit concealed carry of firearms on college campuses, as well as a sneaky attempt to eliminate state coverage mandates for health insurance providers.

However, thanks to Brewer, Arizona now has a State Gun, a militia-sounding “State Guard” (in addition to the National Guard) and an official Tea Party license plate.

So thanks for all your money and votes, you nutty hat-wearin’, flag-wavin’ bastards…and just keep on Taking America Back, one rear bumper at a time.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/29/11 at 03:09 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah Palin

The United States of Fuck

Finally, a presidential cock-tease who’s as loud, dumb, boorish and self-absorbed as the ‘Baggers who’ve propelled him to the top of the GOP Leader Board.

BTW: Does anyone else NOT remember Hillary, Bill or John McCain demanding Obam-Ra’s birth certificate?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/29/11 at 10:05 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12Nutters

Rumproast Exclusive! First Glimpse of Royal Glamour Couple

              Who Are All These People Darling?

We’ve seen the dress! We’ve seen the dress!  You won’t be seeing any other Access Blog scooping the world media, but that’s what our massive search-engine haxxing skills are for.

What other blog offers you 24 hour coverage of stories we had no idea were happening until our insomnia drove us to turn on the television and say, “Oh! That thing is today!” The royal couple has lined Westminster Abbey with maple trees, btw, because maple trees indicate modesty, we are informed, and nothing says modest like importing a grove of trees into Westminster Abbey. Well, it’s better than Burnham Wood, anyway.

This is a De Facto open thread for anybody insane enough to be up at this hour, (with the exception of our UK friends, who should be up and losing a day of productivity by now). A drinking game involving ostrich feather hats could be devised, I’m sure. It isn’t too early, is it? Or late?

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/29/11 at 03:41 AM
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Thursday, April 28, 2011

Muslim Impostor President Eerily Concerned For Welfare of US Tornado Victims

What’s this dude’s game, anyway?

“We can’t control when or where a catastrophic storm will strike. But we can control how we respond to it. And I want every American who is affected by this disaster to know that the federal government will do everything we can to help you recover and stand with you as ou rebuild,” he said.

The president said he will travel to Alabama to view storm damage on Friday and offer condolences to some of the victims. Later in the day, he is scheduled to travel to Florida to see the launch of NASA’s space shuttle Endeavour on its final mission.

In addition, President Obama has spoken with governors in Alabama, Virginia, Tennessee, Georgia and Mississippi. He said he told the state leaders that the federal government will help in “any possible way,” particularly in Alabama.

I just don’t get it. He hates America, he’s dedicated his life to destroying our Unalienable, Self-Evident Kick-Assitude, and he fails to meet even the minimum Constitutional requirements for a Naturally White Citizen. Yet he’s doing more to help tornado-ravaged states that voted against him than Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and Orly Taitz combined. All I can think of is that maybe he plans to humiliate the Confederacy by swanning around the ruins of Alabama, handing out Confiscated Librul Yankee Gubmint Money while reciting lines from The Emperor Jones.

[UPDATE:]
Fuck me. This stopped being parody before I even finished writing it.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/28/11 at 09:21 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack Obama

Ayn On Anaïs Smackdown! Who’s Gonna Take It All?

Prepare to be written in the Diary of Doom!

Which unpronounceable photogenic cult-figure narcissist would come out on top in a steel-cage match? Though she might be mistaken by some for a lightweight, I’m going with Nin, who would have the advantage of having her own training cage, and having come out on top of welterweight June Miller more than once. And though her individual volumes don’t weigh as much as Rand’s, for sheer quantity she has Rand beat all hollow.

And for quality, weigh Rand’s Fauxjectivist selfishness crap against Nin’s philosophy:

The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.

And Rand is down! ....Eight! Nine! Ten! 

Not only does Nin win the bout, but you know she’ll do weird and wonderful things with the belt.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/28/11 at 05:28 PM
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Stupid Racist Harpy Baffled by Concept of Colored Printer Paper

Pamela Geller, once again appalled to find that not everything in the world is as white as she is.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/28/11 at 01:17 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaNuttersOur Stupid Media

Ceci N’est Pas Une Long Form

Fantasia On A Wingnut Melody

Behold the Heidelberg press, of the same vintage as the machine that was in use printing government documents like, say, long form birth certificates, in, say, Hawaii, around the time of the much questioned nativity of you-know-who. Wingnuts theorize that this press, one of which was sold at auction, was bought by “Obama cohorts’ to print a special Sucker Edition of the Long Form. Of course the Obama “cohorts” were planning to forge the Long Form eventually! This forum at Godlike Productions was discussing how to discredit the long form, should it ever appear, way back in 2009.

As if a little thing like the release of the Long Form could slow the Hatriot Party down. If anything, it gives them two documents with which to massage their conspiracy-swollen knobs. Reaction around the Altered States of Teabagistan has been fast and furious, and none more furious than the whackaloons’ favorite Raving Beauty, with her Pepto-Pink Playgun:

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/28/11 at 11:00 AM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersNuttersTeabaggeryRelijunSkull Hampers

The shame of it all

image

President Obama was born in Hawaii. Hawaii is a state in the United States of America. Obama is over 35 years old. He’s constitutionally qualified to be president. He won the election. That should have been the end of the story about Obama’s eligibility.

But there is something about this particular president that an alarming number of people find so unacceptable that they are willing to entertain absurd fantasies and believe obvious lies to avoid admitting the truth: that Barack Obama is the President of the United States.

Why? Because he’s black. There really is no other explanation for it as far as I’m concerned. If anyone has another plausible explanation, I’m all ears, but what the fuck else could it be about?

Even though I have always believed this birther bullshit is about race, I’ve spent months laughing at the birther morons. Reacting with amusement and scorn rather than anger and sadness is partially a function of how I deal with shit in general. But in this case, it’s at least in part attributable to the fact that I’m a white chick and thus entitled to the privileges thereunto appertaining.

Now I think maybe my reaction was inappropriate or at least insufficient. This video (via Angry Black Lady) is what changed my mind:

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/28/11 at 10:08 AM
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Thursday Morning Music: Caravan of Thieves—Psycho Killer

I don’t care what y’all say; these guys are awesome:

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/28/11 at 06:36 AM
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Categories: MusicYouTubidity

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