Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Chocolate Bunny Ear-Biting Day

Oh, you thought it was Easter? Nope.

Following our glorious victory over the Baby Jeebus in the “War on Christmas” campaign last winter, we agents of atheism and moral decay, led by Field Marshall Lady Gaga and Supreme Commander Ricky Gervais, have defeated the risen Christ in the “War on Easter:”

Next up: the campaign to abolish the “Assumption of the Virgin Mary” this August. Operating instructions will be delivered once we figure out just what it was that the Virgin Mary assumed.

PS: That Jennifer Smetters lady in the video looks like a promising heir to Phyllis Schlafly—she’s got the aggrieved, oppressed religious majority shtick down cold. And it never hurts to be a blonde when booking appearances on Fox.

[H/T: The Raw Story]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/24/11 at 07:34 AM
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Categories: PoliticsOur Stupid MediaWar In ErrorRelijunYouTubidity

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Exasperated Grandma: Enough With This Playstation, Young Man!


“No more all day, all night sitting in the house with toys whilst I break my back straying ‘mongst the boscage, gathering boughs for the ingle!  What is this “hacking” you speak of? Is it something like this?”

And so, the doughty matriarch raised her gnarled old arm, like unto the very oak limbs she bore upon her back, and severed the young laggard’s Playstation with one blow. And a great cry rose up, and the Twitters did run red.


Not really! All she did was chop through a fiber-optics cable and take all of Albania offline instantly.* And Georgia, and Azerbaijan, for good measure.

Just an old lady scavenging for scrap metal who hoped to score some copper, and underscored how easily we all might be reduced to a subsistance scrabbling through the underbrush, since the Internet dangles from some very slender threads

*Edit: Changed from “Armenia” to “Albania.” Then changed back to “Armenia,” because yr. editor relied on the Internet, and you see how well that works!
 

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/23/11 at 04:43 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersMessylaneousSkull Hampers

Mr. Smith Blows in Washington

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Despite copious evidence to the contrary, it’s an article of faith among The Village pundits that virtue and mental health (as well as their opposites) are equally distributed in the nation’s two major political parties. In The Village, policy differences are merely disagreements based on personal opinions. Neither side can legitimately claim a factual basis; it’s just a style choice, similar to a preference for serial commas.

Thus the news that 72% of Republicans believe a demonstrably crazy thing—that President Obama either is definitely or very well could be a secret Kenyan illegal alien illegitimately occupying the White House—is disorienting to the official pundit class.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/23/11 at 08:37 AM
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Friday, April 22, 2011

Please Messrs. Koch, we want some more . . .

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Because that is just the world the Kochs and their Tea Party cohorts want to return us to.  From wars on unions to the destruction of Medicare and Medicaid, massive tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy combined with tax increases on middle and lower income Americans, dismantling of social security and now the latest.  Getting rid of child labor laws!

Getcher roasted chestnuts right here!  Sorry, the roast goose is for the deserving class.

Posted by marindenver on 04/22/11 at 06:12 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersTeabaggery

Glenzilla Picks Another Winner

Yeah, That'll Work

Go on and guess who one certain ostensibly progressive phenom wouldn’t mind supporting for president in 2012 against his favorite nemesis, Barack Obama. No, go on, guess! No fair peeking at this excellent piece by Joy Reid, or else you’ll know that Glenn Greenwald, spokes-scourge for the Firebagging Nation, has his eye on former governor Gary Johnson (R-Randhole)* for president, to run possibly with Russell Feingold, who since he lost his seat last year certainly has the time, if not inclination. Why wouldn’t Russ want to partner up with an anti-union,anti-Medicare and Social Security, pro-tax cuts for the wealthy, anti-gay marriage (but he’s anti-all government-sanctioned marriage, so that’s all right, then—I guess) private prison enthusiast? (The government should get out of providing services, but purchasing them with the peoples’ tax money—-WINNING! And thanks, Charlie.)

The Cato Institute’s fiercest binary-thinker could be down with Johnson or some billionaire or another——-anything to shake up the two party system in the long run, however far in the future that may be. The suffering instituted in the here-and-now? You mean Bradley Manning’s suffering? Is there any other kind?

(Image presented in keeping with today’s Earth Day salute to animals, and the people who resemble them, but not nearly enough.)
*Is this new Internet tradition strong enough to survive being used in a Polly post? I hope so!

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/22/11 at 02:56 PM
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Billy Idol fish?

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Nope. Insufficiently snarly. Anyhoo, Happy Earth Day, everyone. Try not to litter.

[H/T: MSNBC]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/22/11 at 05:50 AM
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Categories: Critters

Thursday, April 21, 2011

There Is No Good Reason For This

   
I just don’t want to put up the disgusting picture that would accompany the story about the Californian GOP official, Marilyn Davenport, who sent out a thoroughly, robustly, vibrantly racist email and is apparently still somewhat puzzled that it could have been taken amiss.

In this nicely observed story in the OC Weekly, R. Scott Moxley details Marilyn Davenport’s journey through a range of emotions and public postures, from a Nixonian defensiveness (“Who leaked?”) to classic Republican-style lukewarm apology, to perhaps more genuine repentance, albeit tempered, as she exhibited to NBC, with invincible cluelessness:

When asked who she offended, Davenport said, “I assume I have offended the black people. Having friends who are black, I never intended for that.”

Oh Marilyn’s Black Friends, what an unenviable position you have! Shall you explain it to her, or is the thought just too exhausting?

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/21/11 at 07:49 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaNuttersSkull Hampers

What Do Tea Partiers Hunger to See in “Atlas Shrugged”?

Forget that this is a dumbshit anti-Obama mash-up of Atlas Shrugged vignettes and scary file footage assembled by Dick Armey’s corporate-owned, fake-grassroots “Tea Party” storefront for Big Money and Big Death. What struck me was the telling selection of mostly-unpreviewed scenes from the film — obviously chosen for their subliminal appeal to small-government Constitutionalists with footy pajamas, prostate problems and a fetish for red rubber ball-gags:   

00:19 — Red-hot pipe
00:28 — Dreamy New Zealand guy playing rich American patriot
00:31 — Dagny discovering Hank Rearden’s prototype Oscillating Anal Stimulator
00:41Star Trek: Deep Space Nine cast member in non-alien street clothes, and for once not quoting the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
00:47 — Old Glory! Fuck, yeah!
00:48 — Evil foreigners, women and sub-races applauding something bad for America
00:49 — Gratuitous black extra with no lines— WINNING!
00:50 — Potentially creepy-cool hallway sexual encounter with John Galt
01:00 — Barney Frank
01:04 — “Supergenius” office desk with no visible Skoal tins, PowerBall tickets or Werther’s Butterscotch Candies
01:13 — Name-embossed rigid metal penis surrogate
01:19 — Unstoppable pointy thrusting thing
01:32 — Train-through-archway Freudian dream symbol
01:41 — Pre-coital staring
01:47 — Director’s nephew as “Man Pushing Roll-Cart”
02:04 — Shirtless hot New Zealand guy doing manly phone-things
02:08 — Clothes-on, missionary-style dry sex
02:09 — Screaming woman whose hopes have been dashed by some elitist fag whose ass you could probably kick, even without those million-volt stun-knuckles you saw at the Survivalist Expo

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/21/11 at 11:43 AM
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Categories: MoviesPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryPolisnark

God Bless The Child Who Got His Own

    Dastardly Democrats!

You mustache-twisting, evil liberal toads, you have gone too far! You have angered our Sarah, with your attacks against Paul Ryan for being an orphan!  Spreading the outrageous falsehood that he wants to sucker widows and orphans out of the program that once succored him. That’s just Medicare he wants to slash, you unlettered oafs. How dare you and your trash-talking commie-in-chief say Ryan wants to cut Social Security like a serial killer at the very senior prom!

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/21/11 at 09:00 AM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsBedwettersHealth CareNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

Clean up on the pots and kettles aisle

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Sweet Jeebus, this is some funny shit:

A West Palm Beach-based group called Tea Party in Action is being criticized by other tea party groups who allege the organization is a front for the Republican Party of Florida and a hired gun for special interest groups in Tallahassee. The group’s executive director, Marianne Moran, dismisses the allegations.

[snip]

“Marianne Moran seems to be a tea party of one,’’ said Apryl Marie Fogel of Americans For Prosperity, the conservative advocacy group founded by the Koch brothers.

So a member of a fat cat-fellating false flag operation calls out the leader of a fake populist group for being a phony. That’s as hilariously un-self-aware as a Madonna fan criticizing Lady Gaga for being derivative.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/21/11 at 05:58 AM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Share and Sherrod-Like: “New” Breitbart Awes Dylan Ratigan With Growth

    Passionately Effective


On his face.
Last seen screaming “Go to Hell!” at Wisconsin teachers, nurses, and firemen, the stubble-jawed patron of high-concept hijinks basked in the adulation—no, according to Breitbart, accolades—of MSNBC’s windsock populist, Dylan Ratigan:

Dylan Ratigan: “I look at you and I see a smart man, I see an incredibly passionate and effective man.”

The two big noises had a most congenial interview, during which Breitbart not only revealed that his facial fungus was “ironic,” but that, thanks to his achieving his goal of eliminating the appalling threat Acorn presented to not only the country but himself and his little young’uns, he was a new man entirely. Via Mediaite:

But now, he says, “I believe I’ve turned the chapter here,” and the next chapter will be “a much more jocular, jovial and measured Andrew.”

Astonishingly, the “more measured Andrew” was showing off his mouth-merkin on the very same day the old race-baiter Breitbart was filing for both a change of venue and dismissal of Shirley Sherrod’s defamation suit against him, invoking a familiar name or two to argue that Sherrod was deliberately taking him out of context:

**UPDATE** Martin Bashir takes a much harder look at Andy, and Andy sees RED(s)

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/20/11 at 02:52 PM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid MediaSkull Hampers

Voter disenfranchisement: The next big thing

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Following their Supreme Court victory in the Citizens United case, which allows corporate interests to dominate political discourse, the GOP has turned its attention to neutralizing the last remaining speed bumps on their roadmap to 100% corporate dominion over US politics: working stiffs and those pesky voters, especially young folks, the poor, women and minorities.

The GOP’s post-2010 election union-busting spree has been covered widely (though the obvious motivation behind it is too seldom identified). The party is fully prepared to let their state-level apparatchiks go down in the fight to further the cause. As we’ve discussed in this space, Wisconsin’s Walker and Florida’s Scott are single-serving wingnut governors by design. No doubt they will profit handsomely once they’re turned out of office. It’s a feature, not a bug.

If the GOP can get unions—the only counterbalance to corporate money in US politics—out of the way, the last speed bump is the US voter. But we pride ourselves on being a very exceptional democracy, so voter disenfranchisement has to be handled delicately as we make the transition to Banana Republicanism.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/20/11 at 09:56 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '10Election '12Our Stupid Media

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

And such small portions!

Club Palin bouncer Rebecca Mansour (aka RAM) went on a Twitter toot early this week, complaining to multiple media outlets about their failure to cover her boss’s “successful Wisconsin speech” (i.e., the one in which Snowflake Snooki was shouted down by uncivil lefties according to the local media outlets that covered it as well as freelance wingnut documentarians).

The Palinites aren’t quite ready to face the hard truth—their idol is tanking in the polls against a short-fingered vulgarian like Trump and assorted other absurd figures because even most of her mouth-breathing sister-humping supporters now realize Palin isn’t qualified to manage a Taco Bell.

To hide their hurt, they’re going after their favorite punching bag, the “lamestream media” that they once excoriated for being overly focused Palin’s every fart and nose-twitch. Only now, they’re all “you don’t bring me flowers anymore.”

AlterNet’s Washington bureau chief Adele M. Stan had the perfect rejoinder:

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Well played, Ms. Stan.

PS: Sorry for two Snowflake Snooki posts in one day. I sense our time together is growing short, and while I am 100% confident in the GOP’s ability to keep serving up steaming piles of mock-fodder, La Palin is a special case. I’m going to miss her. Kind of.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/19/11 at 07:23 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '08NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

“And in the darkness bind them…”

SarahPAC, which is former half-term Governor Quittin’ Bull’s official sucker-shakedown site, launched a fancy-schmancy new look yesterday. This must mean she’s definitely running in 2012! Or else she’s not, but she knows the gravy train is reaching the station and wishes to shake loose a few last nickels before disembarking.

As on the Conservatives 4 Palin website, the new SarahPAC site features Quittin’ Bull looming majestically over a mountain range. An animated photo gallery depicts Palin projecting maximum spunk at various rallies. Then there’s this:

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What the hay? A stock image of disembodied, grabby white-dude hands? What can it mean?

And what are those ominous dark figures in the sky behind the hands? Liberal Nazgûls? Elitist Republican Ring-Wraiths coming to scoop up helpless commonsense conservatives and dash their brains out if Quittin’ Bull doesn’t intervene? It’s your call, America.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/19/11 at 06:45 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Monday, April 18, 2011

Bachmann’s Tax Day Rally Tepid Tea

    How Drained Was My Teacup

Presidential hopeful delusional Tea Party Trainwreck and object of media fascination Michele Bachmann can’t draw a crowd at a Tea Party event in—South Carolina?  Those of us praying for the Minnesotan madcap to steal the addled Alaskan’s thunder and make the Republican primary season the hoot it deserves to be may be awfully disappointed.

Not only was Bachmann unable to pull enough people to fill the small lawn in front of her, but she was accompanied by Governor Nikki Haley, who served only to draw the interest of blogger/alleged co-adulterer Will Folks, who maintains he knows a good candidate when he bangs one. Folks was let down by the crowd’s size:

Only 300 people (including a horde of Palmetto political operatives) attended the event in downtown Columbia, S.C. – which is a generous estimate in our book. That attendance figure – confirmed by other media outlets – amounts to less than one-tenth the size of multiple crowds that have gathered at the S.C. State House in recent years in support of parental choice.
It’s also roughly a tenth the size of the crowd that attended this same event in 2009.

Michele didn’t let the tepid turn-out dim her enthusiasm for slamming the President: “When [Obama] came in as the president of the United States, he decided we had to have this $700 billion bailout of Wall Street,” she firmly, and erroneously, declared to the Tea Partiers, who, according to Folks and other eyewitnesses, were virtually outnumbered by the media, the hated, hated, oh-so-librul media.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 04/18/11 at 08:08 PM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

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