Following our glorious victory over the Baby Jeebus in the “War on Christmas” campaign last winter, we agents of atheism and moral decay, led by Field Marshall Lady Gaga and Supreme Commander Ricky Gervais, have defeated the risen Christ in the “War on Easter:”
Next up: the campaign to abolish the “Assumption of the Virgin Mary” this August. Operating instructions will be delivered once we figure out just what it was that the Virgin Mary assumed.
PS: That Jennifer Smetters lady in the video looks like a promising heir to Phyllis Schlafly—she’s got the aggrieved, oppressed religious majority shtick down cold. And it never hurts to be a blonde when booking appearances on Fox.
“No more all day, all night sitting in the house with toys whilst I break my back straying ‘mongst the boscage, gathering boughs for the ingle! What is this “hacking” you speak of? Is it something like this?”
Just an old lady scavenging for scrap metal who hoped to score some copper, and underscored how easily we all might be reduced to a subsistance scrabbling through the underbrush, since the Internet dangles from some veryslenderthreads
*Edit: Changed from “Armenia” to “Albania.” Then changed back to “Armenia,” because yr. editor relied on the Internet, and you see how well that works!
Despite copious evidence to the contrary, it’s an article of faith among The Village pundits that virtue and mental health (as well as their opposites) are equally distributed in the nation’s two major political parties. In The Village, policy differences are merely disagreements based on personal opinions. Neither side can legitimately claim a factual basis; it’s just a style choice, similar to a preference for serial commas.
Thus the news that 72% of Republicans believe a demonstrably crazy thing—that President Obama either is definitely or very well could be a secret Kenyan illegal alien illegitimately occupying the White House—is disorienting to the official pundit class.
Because that is just the world the Kochs and their Tea Party cohorts want to return us to. From wars on unions to the destruction of Medicare and Medicaid, massive tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy combined with tax increases on middle and lower income Americans, dismantling of social security and now the latest. Getting rid ofchild labor laws!
Getcher roasted chestnuts right here! Sorry, the roast goose is for the deserving class.
Go on and guess who one certain ostensibly progressive phenom wouldn’t mind supporting for president in 2012 against his favorite nemesis, Barack Obama. No, go on, guess! No fair peeking at this excellent piece by Joy Reid, or else you’ll know that Glenn Greenwald, spokes-scourge for the Firebagging Nation, has his eye on former governor Gary Johnson (R-Randhole)* for president, to run possibly with Russell Feingold, who since he lost his seat last year certainly has the time, if not inclination. Why wouldn’t Russ want to partner up with an anti-union,anti-Medicare and Social Security, pro-tax cuts for the wealthy, anti-gay marriage (but he’s anti-all government-sanctioned marriage, so that’s all right, then—I guess) private prison enthusiast? (The government should get out of providing services, but purchasing them with the peoples’ tax money—-WINNING! And thanks, Charlie.)
The Cato Institute’s fiercest binary-thinker could be down with Johnson or some billionaire or another——-anything to shake up the two party system in the long run, however far in the future that may be. The suffering instituted in the here-and-now? You mean Bradley Manning’s suffering? Is there any other kind?
(Image presented in keeping with today’s Earth Day salute to animals, and the people who resemble them, but not nearly enough.)
*Is this new Internet tradition strong enough to survive being used in a Polly post? I hope so!
In this nicely observed story in the OC Weekly, R. Scott Moxley details Marilyn Davenport’s journey through a range of emotions and public postures, from a Nixonian defensiveness (“Who leaked?”) to classic Republican-style lukewarm apology, to perhaps more genuine repentance, albeit tempered, as she exhibited to NBC, with invincible cluelessness:
When asked who she offended, Davenport said, “I assume I have offended the black people. Having friends who are black, I never intended for that.”
Oh Marilyn’s Black Friends, what an unenviable position you have! Shall you explain it to her, or is the thought just too exhausting?
Forget that this is a dumbshit anti-Obama mash-up of Atlas Shrugged vignettes and scary file footage assembled by Dick Armey’s corporate-owned, fake-grassroots “Tea Party” storefront for Big Money and Big Death. What struck me was the telling selection of mostly-unpreviewed scenes from the film — obviously chosen for their subliminal appeal to small-government Constitutionalists with footy pajamas, prostate problems and a fetish for red rubber ball-gags:
00:19 — Red-hot pipe 00:28 — Dreamy New Zealand guy playing rich American patriot 00:31 — Dagny discovering Hank Rearden’s prototype Oscillating Anal Stimulator 00:41 — Star Trek: Deep Space Nine cast member in non-alien street clothes, and for once not quoting the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition 00:47 — Old Glory! Fuck, yeah! 00:48 — Evil foreigners, women and sub-races applauding something bad for America 00:49 — Gratuitous black extra with no lines— WINNING! 00:50 — Potentially creepy-cool hallway sexual encounter with John Galt 01:00 — Barney Frank 01:04 — “Supergenius” office desk with no visible Skoal tins, PowerBall tickets or Werther’s Butterscotch Candies 01:13 — Name-embossed rigid metal penis surrogate 01:19 — Unstoppable pointy thrusting thing 01:32 — Train-through-archway Freudian dream symbol 01:41 — Pre-coital staring 01:47 — Director’s nephew as “Man Pushing Roll-Cart” 02:04 — Shirtless hot New Zealand guy doing manly phone-things 02:08 — Clothes-on, missionary-style dry sex 02:09 — Screaming woman whose hopes have been dashed by some elitist fag whose ass you could probably kick, even without those million-volt stun-knuckles you saw at the Survivalist Expo
A West Palm Beach-based group called Tea Party in Action is being criticized by other tea party groups who allege the organization is a front for the Republican Party of Florida and a hired gun for special interest groups in Tallahassee. The group’s executive director, Marianne Moran, dismisses the allegations.
“Marianne Moran seems to be a tea party of one,’’ said Apryl Marie Fogel of Americans For Prosperity, the conservative advocacy group founded by the Koch brothers.
So a member of a fat cat-fellating false flag operation calls out the leader of a fake populist group for being a phony. That’s as hilariously un-self-aware as a Madonna fan criticizing Lady Gaga for being derivative.
Dylan Ratigan: “I look at you and I see a smart man, I see an incredibly passionate and effective man.”
The two big noises had a most congenial interview, during which Breitbart not only revealed that his facial fungus was “ironic,” but that, thanks to his achieving his goal of eliminating the appalling threat Acorn presented to not only the country but himself and his little young’uns, he was a new man entirely. Via Mediaite:
But now, he says, “I believe I’ve turned the chapter here,” and the next chapter will be “a much more jocular, jovial and measured Andrew.”
Following their Supreme Court victory in the Citizens United case, which allows corporate interests to dominate political discourse, the GOP has turned its attention to neutralizing the last remaining speed bumps on their roadmap to 100% corporate dominion over US politics: working stiffs and those pesky voters, especially young folks, the poor, women and minorities.
The GOP’s post-2010 election union-busting spree has been covered widely (though the obvious motivation behind it is too seldom identified). The party is fully prepared to let their state-level apparatchiks go down in the fight to further the cause. As we’ve discussed in this space, Wisconsin’s Walker and Florida’s Scott are single-serving wingnut governors by design. No doubt they will profit handsomely once they’re turned out of office. It’s a feature, not a bug.
If the GOP can get unions—the only counterbalance to corporate money in US politics—out of the way, the last speed bump is the US voter. But we pride ourselves on being a very exceptional democracy, so voter disenfranchisement has to be handled delicately as we make the transition to Banana Republicanism.
Club Palin bouncer Rebecca Mansour (aka RAM) went on a Twitter toot early this week, complaining to multiple media outlets about their failure to cover her boss’s “successful Wisconsin speech” (i.e., the one in which Snowflake Snooki was shouted down by uncivil lefties according to the local media outlets that covered it as well as freelance wingnut documentarians).
The Palinites aren’t quite ready to face the hard truth—their idol is tanking in the polls against a short-fingered vulgarian like Trump and assorted other absurd figures because even most of her mouth-breathing sister-humping supporters now realize Palin isn’t qualified to manage a Taco Bell.
To hide their hurt, they’re going after their favorite punching bag, the “lamestream media” that they once excoriated for being overly focused Palin’s every fart and nose-twitch. Only now, they’re all “you don’t bring me flowers anymore.”
PS: Sorry for two Snowflake Snooki posts in one day. I sense our time together is growing short, and while I am 100% confident in the GOP’s ability to keep serving up steaming piles of mock-fodder, La Palin is a special case. I’m going to miss her. Kind of.
SarahPAC, which is former half-term Governor Quittin’ Bull’s official sucker-shakedown site, launched a fancy-schmancy new look yesterday. This must mean she’s definitely running in 2012! Or else she’s not, but she knows the gravy train is reaching the station and wishes to shake loose a few last nickels before disembarking.
As on the Conservatives 4 Palin website, the new SarahPAC site features Quittin’ Bull looming majestically over a mountain range. An animated photo gallery depicts Palin projecting maximum spunk at various rallies. Then there’s this:
What the hay? A stock image of disembodied, grabby white-dude hands? What can it mean?
And what are those ominous dark figures in the sky behind the hands? Liberal Nazgûls? Elitist Republican Ring-Wraiths coming to scoop up helpless commonsense conservatives and dash their brains out if Quittin’ Bull doesn’t intervene? It’s your call, America.
Presidential hopeful delusional Tea Party Trainwreck and object of media fascination Michele Bachmann can’t draw a crowd at a Tea Party event in—South Carolina? Those of us praying for the Minnesotan madcap to steal the addled Alaskan’s thunder and make the Republican primary season the hoot it deserves to be may be awfully disappointed.
Only 300 people (including a horde of Palmetto political operatives) attended the event in downtown Columbia, S.C. – which is a generous estimate in our book. That attendance figure – confirmed by other media outlets – amounts to less than one-tenth the size of multiple crowds that have gathered at the S.C. State House in recent years in support of parental choice.
It’s also roughly a tenth the size of the crowd that attended this same event in 2009.
Michele didn’t let the tepid turn-out dim her enthusiasm for slamming the President: “When [Obama] came in as the president of the United States, he decided we had to have this $700 billion bailout of Wall Street,” she firmly, and erroneously, declared to the Tea Partiers, who, according to Folks and other eyewitnesses, were virtually outnumbered by the media, the hated, hated, oh-so-librul media.