Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Bumpit/Tribble 2012 : The Quality Is Unbaleevable

      The Child Stays In The Picture

EXCLUSIVE! Rumproast is pleased to have scooped the rest of the media, whose noses were pressed against the window of secluded Times Square ‘s La Famiglia Pizza (coincidentally a venue appearing in whatever that rotten show was that the President pre-empted) while The Blundering AlsoToo and the Tribble (™YAFB) ingested some long-form formaggio.

The cream of journalism did manage to record Half-Governor Me the People daintily sawing at her pepperoni with a knife and fork while Melania For-the-Moment-Trump manufactured her own food from the light given off by her diamond-weighted knuckles. However, thanks to your devoted Roastazon Reporter’s ability to shinny up pink marble using only plastic ivy and security cameras for handholds (a leftover from her days as a clerk for Spencer Gifts), she was able to grab this exclusive shot of the Teabagger Dream Ticket taken just as the Alaskan Frozen Cheesecake was presenting the Friend of The Blacks with the only trophy he’d never had to desert another trophy for. Note Piper Palin trying to engage the attention of somebody. Anybody. Tired. All hard glittery surfaces.Want to lay down, Mom. Mom?

Not funny: genuine picture of a little girl with worse bags under her eyes than Amy Winehouse.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 05/31/11 at 11:57 PM

Categories: ImagesPoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryOur Stupid MediaSkull Hampers

“The Herman Cain Train”: Early Nominee for Worst 2011 Music Video NOT Involving Spider-Man

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/31/11 at 04:43 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryYouTubidity

Ding-A-Ling, Meet Bell. Bell, Meet Ding-A-Ling.

For anyone who cares, Palin has arrived in Philadelphia. Shushannah Walshe and Scott Conroy, co-authors of Sarah from Alaska, seem to be the Friendly Media embeds on the tour, although it looks like Michael Smerconish got some face-time with the Unplannedidate herself. 

PS: I don’t do Twitter, but I believe that “rxn” is a compressed form of the Irish word “ruction”...as in “a row and a ruction soon began.” Or if not, it should be.

[UPDATE:] What the—? A party? For me?

Palin was mobbed by over 200 reporters and supporters as she made the brief walk from Independence Hall to the Liberty Bell. In a brief interview as she stood next to the Liberty Bell, she said the chaotic nature of her tour is only out of respect for the other people making visits.

“It’s quite chaotic anywhere we get off on the bus,” she said “We don’t want to interrupt any people or their nice plans for vacation.”

[UPDATE:] Below the fold: Eat Microphone, Piper!

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/31/11 at 12:45 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

What Breitbart and the revolting RW blogosphere would rather you didn’t hear about

I’ll move on from the ludicrous contortions of the Underpants Gnomes smear I touched on yesterday, to check out one reason why Anthony Weiner may have been the target of a desperate attempt by a bunch of idle gossiping vindictive shitheads to send up a smokescreen over the weekend (and coincidentally target a number of young women as objects of their revolting fantasy life just because they followed Weiner on Twitter). From Stephanie Mencimer at Mother Jones:

Following an old Washington tradition of dumping required but embarrassing information on a Friday night before a major holiday, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas finally released the details of his wife’s income from her year or so working for the tea party group Liberty Central, which fought President Obama’s health care reform law. His new financial disclosure form indicates that his wife, Virginia Thomas, received $150,000 in salary from the group and less than $15,000 in payments from an anti-health care lobbying firm she started.

The disclosure was apparently prompted in part by Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY), who had been needling Thomas (including on Twitter) for months to disclose how much money his wife earned from Liberty Central. That’s because challenges to Obama’s health care reform bill are likely to end up before the Supreme Court sooner rather than later, and if Thomas and his wife benefited from her income working against the bill, the justice has an enormous conflict of interest in hearing any legal challenge. Thomas had failed to disclose Virginia’s income on his financial disclosure forms for 20 years, and under pressure from Weiner and others, he had recently amended old ones to reflect hundreds of thousands of dollars she had earned working for the conservative Heritage Foundation think tank, which also opposed Obama’s health care plan.

But Thomas had not disclosed how much money his wife made from her controversial venture into Liberty Central.
Justice Thomas finally released the details of her compensation Friday night, but the disclosure, and Weiner’s triumphant press release announcing the move, were largely overshadowed by Weinergate.

Neat trick, huh?

Posted by YAFB on 05/31/11 at 11:16 AM

New DHS Screening Technology Identifies Terrorists, Criminals, Conservatives

The system uses a computer program that studies physiological indicators of a person, such as heart rate and the steadiness of a person’s gaze, and then uses the data to make a judgment on whether that individual has “malintent.”

Glenn Beck is worried that people like him will be targeted for Precog Malintent Testing. But, hell, you only need a fucking radio to know he rates a strip-search and a room at the Supermax.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/31/11 at 10:56 AM

Categories: Geek SpeakPoliticsNutters

Love in the Ruins

I’ve been off the grid for most of the last week, performing a mission of mercy and hanging out near the muddy, majestic Suwannee River:


Mr. Cracker, who is no cracker at all and is in fact from New York State, claims that the Suwannee is one of a handful of Florida rivers that is worthy of being called a river. With the same tone in which many New Yorkers claim you can’t get a decent pizza outside the Empire State, the mister relegates most of our Florida rivers to “crick” status. But even he has to admit the Suwannee is somewhat impressive.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/31/11 at 07:25 AM

Categories: Messylaneous

Monday, May 30, 2011

Neglected Child Seeks Love, Attention from Pair of Shoes

My Dad used to leave me in the car while he shot the shit with guys who owned gas stations, so I know the drill. My inanimate friend was a fuel-pump named “Mr. Squeaky.”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/30/11 at 08:00 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Free-ish Republic

A note from the owner:


This message is intended for those posters on FR who seem to have missed my prior statements in this regard and insist on advocating for these bastards.

I’d rather shut the place down than be involved in any effort to install abortionist/gay rights pushing RINOS like Romney or Giuliani into the White House!!

Do NOT push this crap on FR. Take your business elsewhere!! And I don’t care how long you’ve been here!!

Because, gawdammit, an America where gay people can have abortions won’t be worth saving.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/30/11 at 05:35 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersPoliblogs

Palin Non-Campaign Bus Plans Stops in Historic Iowa, Home of America’s Oldest Islamic Mosque

I’m just guessing it’s all about the Mosque, since the Wikipedia list of big-name historic sites is pretty thin…unless she’s got a hankering to apologize to the Indians or visit the Herbert Hoover Presidential Library.

But, hey — as long as it’s not about the Iowa Primary (nudge-nudge), I guess it’s OK.

A political Merry Prankster, Palin clearly relishes her unique ability to confound and surprise her prospective opponents, as she test-drives a possible presidential run that she and her team—with a discernible wink—have publicly billed as something akin to a mere sightseeing trip.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/30/11 at 02:37 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

600 More Days, Bitchez

President Obama honors America’s fallen warriors in a ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery.

Meanwhile. a thoroughly knicker-twisted old fartknocker laments that we have 600 days left in this utterly despicable Kenyan Impostor’s Evil Reign of Wreath-Laying, Warsaw-Ghetto Homage-Paying and Tornado-Victim Comforting. And that’s just his FIRST term!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/30/11 at 01:10 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack Obama

Biggus Dickus wants an audience with YOU [Minor update]

Welcome to Monday morning on Rumproast. I won’t detain you long as you sluggishly slurp your coffee and come to terms with the week ahead.

But since everybody else on the Internons seems to be discussing this storm in a Y-front, it would be remiss not to comment on the outrage du weekend—the Anthony Weinergate Twitter account hacking would-be “scandal” pumped up by Underpants Gnomes Andrew Breitpart, Lee Stranathing, and one patriotusa76, a.k.a. the clairvoyant Dan Wolfe (motto: “Conservative Reagan Republican. No Obamacare, socialism, sharia. Proud of the USA & Proud to be an American with NO apologies. No elitists need apply.”), the only living witness to the atrocity that saw a twitpic of somebody’s suspiciously gray underwear swathing a rather modestly proportioned gherkin allegedly dispatched to an unwitting and quite possibly unwilling recipient.

Dan Wolfe clairvoyant? Well, we’re all about evidence here at Rumproast, and—somebody disinter Arthur C. Clarke if you can get near his spinning remains—here it is:


Don’t bother looking for it now, as this is what will greet you:*

@patriotusa76’s Tweets are protected.

Only confirmed followers have access to @patriotusa76’s Tweets and complete profile. You need to send a request before you can start following this account.

By the evidential standards currently in play, I think that counts as a truly damning admission of guilt.

From all accounts, the best timeline of events surrounding this drama can be found at stef’s post over at GOS. However, exercising my graphic forensic skills, I have managed to isolate the original twitpic before Wolfe doctored it. To preserve your breakfasts, I will place it after the fold.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 05/30/11 at 09:04 AM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid MediaPoliblogsSkull Hampers

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Thunder Drone

                The Great Wasilloo
              I’d Better Not See That Ted Shpak!

She came, and as usual, she divided.

But it doesn’t exactly look like she conquered:

Back Seat Driver Acknowledges Crowds

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 05/29/11 at 09:06 PM

Categories: ImagesKnee SlappersPoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Sully and Joe Klein Tee-Up Palin for Failed Vanity Run

Because, as any Freeper will tell you, Liberal media always promotes the weakest Conservative candidate to run against Our Guy. I only hope she was watching.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/29/11 at 10:35 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media


[UPDATE:] Back-seat driving, as usual.

AP Photo/Alex Brandon. Story and more photos at Salt Lake Tribune.

[MORE UPDATE:] She loves the noise and “the smell of the emissions.” Charming girl.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/29/11 at 09:54 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Day of the Vulcan Couch-Meld

Yeah, I’m watching the morning news shows, and I’ll be slowly excavating the household wreckage of My Winter As a Helpless Cripple all weekend. But I can guarantee that any Federation Vessel Distress Calls will be going straight to voicemail until Tuesday. 

[H/T Topless Robot]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/29/11 at 09:18 AM

Categories: MusicMusic Videos

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