Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Swastikas Over Brooklyn: Glenn Beck Now Officially A Pathetic Crank

Now that Glenn’s appointed himself Supergoy, the Last Righteous Gentile of Krypton and Israel’s Caped Defender, his Doomsday Schtick has shifted from creepy E Plebnista cargo cultage to a bizarre “Morning Zoo Messiah” trip which entails taking his broadcast empire private and teaching his subscribers how to rebuild society after the Impending Global Collapse/Antichrist Takeover. 

On his radio show today, he’s flipped-out by this unattributed YouTube clip of Gaza Flotilla supporters, which somehow ties together all of his pet conspiracies regarding Commies, Nazis, Van Jones, George Soros, ACORN, Obama, Jesus, the Rev. Wright, Louis Farrakhan, Health Care Reform, the United Nations, the Worldwide Caliphate, overpriced gold coins and indestructible survivalist foodstocks.

Fox News must be absolutely giddy at the knowledge he’s almost out the door:

[UPDATE:] I missed this somehow, but I guess Beck may be extra crazy today after encountering some of the folks he routinely accuses of destroying America at Bryant Park in NYC.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/28/11 at 10:57 AM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Lighten the feck up, Frances

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Remember that awesome Samuel L. Jackson reading of faux-bedtime story “Go the Fuck to Sleep”? A YouTube posted here a couple of weeks back has been removed, but in case you missed it, here’s a link to an as-yet unyanked vid, and here is a link to Rachel Maddow’s piece on the hilarious tale.

Naturally, a well-meaning scold has emerged to spoil the fun. In a CNN piece entitled “Go the F*** to Sleep Not Funny,” evangelical author Karen Spears Zacharias writes:

As the title suggests, “Go the F*** to Sleep” mocks the parental frustrations of trying to lay a child down to bed. Crass in concept and execution, this is an expletive-filled bedtime story intended solely for the amusement of parents.

Joan Demarest is an attorney in Corvallis, Oregon, and the mother of three young boys. Demarest told me that initially she thought the book was funny. That was before she read it. “Now I find it unsettling. I don’t like violent language in association with children.”

Wait a minute. She found it funny before she read it? How does that work? And what violent language? There are a lot of swear words, yes. But nowhere does the book say “Go the fuck to sleep or I’ll kick your little ass.”

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/28/11 at 08:42 AM
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Tuesday Morning Music: Fascinating Aida’s “Cheap Flights”

At some ludicrous hour tomorrow morning, Ms. YAFB and I will set out on a week-long vacation to the socialist paradise of Ikealand. The only feasible flight was via Ryanair, so if we don’t make it back, this will be my last post. Be wonderful to each other.

Note: Some strong language. Go especially easy with the snippets of the second song the clip seques into if you’re at work with those of a sensitive disposition.

Posted by YAFB on 06/28/11 at 06:38 AM
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Monday, June 27, 2011

“Jacques Has a New Beret. Repeat. Jacques Has a New Beret”: Pella Invasion Plans Back On

Additional after-film barbeque tickets have foolishly been made available.

If you’re playing catch-up, the preparations for the imminent liberation of Pella, Iowa are chronicled here.

[UPDATE:] ADDITIONAL TICKETS ARE SOLD OUT. GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER! WE’RE IN SOME REAL PRETTY SHIT NOW!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/27/11 at 04:19 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Bachmann’s Announcement Speech Really Kinda Sucked

From the news coverage, you’d almost think she said something significant. But I’ve seen more passion and energy at a mall opening.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/27/11 at 03:21 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

We’re All Bozos On This Bus

Michele Bachmann accidentally praises serial killer Johne Wayne Gacy.

Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too.

Or as the Duke himself would say:

Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.

H/T Steve M.

PS: Hah! Wikipedia just changed John Wayne’s birthplace from Waterloo to Winterset in the space of two clicks. But Winterset, Iowa remains placid amidst the buzz.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/27/11 at 02:05 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Waterloo Meets Its Bachmann

    High Fruitcake Corn Syrup

America’s consumption of high-fruitcake corn syrup doubled this morning as Iowa’s own “did I mention I’m from here? Minnesota, ptui!” Michele Bachmann ended the lack of speculation over her presidential ambitions and dispensed folksy reminiscences as high as an elephant’s eye, if not very pleasing to some elephants’ ears (And that’s without even going into the soundtrack, astutely covered by Betty Cracker below).

Within the barracks of the Palinese Liberation Army, target practice has already gotten under way: Michele Bachmann is thin-skinned and ungracious, Michele Bachmann is an exact duplicate of Obama, Inveterate Liar Bachmann is a Tool of the scumbag Establishment Order! 

That’s just crazy talk, Palinistas; Michele Bachmann isn’t a tool, she’s a Conservative; she’s one of you; she’s a three-legged stool!

In other words, unstable.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 06/27/11 at 11:55 AM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

The Great Corn Blight of 2011: Beehive-Girl, WASP-Woman Swarm First-in-Nation Primary State

Michele Bachmann kicked-off her Presidential campaign today in her home town of Waterloo, Iowa.

Sarah Palin will be in Pella, Iowa tomorrow to attend the premiere of her two-hour trance-mix relaxation tape, The Undefeated. (Pie and punch, however, will NOT be served.)

“Waterloo”? “The Undefeated?” Yeah, well, 9/11 changed everything.

Michelle Bachmann’s campaign consultant says Sarah is not a serious candidate.

Palin says Bachmann doesn’t have executive experience.

But don’t expect this to turn into some sort of mean-spirited ‘Bagger-On-‘Bagger Death Match in the Octagon. That’s not what the Founders would have wanted.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/27/11 at 11:10 AM
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Categories:

Second Thoughts

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Dear NBC’s Chuck Todd, Mark Murray, Domenico Montanaro and Ali Weinberg:

Linking neo-McCarthyite Congresswoman Michele Bachmann to the eponymous Canadian band Bachman-Turner Overdrive might have been mildly clever the first 700 or so times it was done. But your tortured construction above adds nothing to the genre. It also confuses your colleague Luke “Tater Tot” Russert. Kindly desist.

Sincerely, etc.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/27/11 at 09:35 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Newt knows from “terrible muddles”

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When it comes to dispensing commentary on certain topics, sometimes the way one has lived one’s life is just self-disqualifying. For example, it would be goddamned unseemly for me to lecture another blogger for using profanity. Amy Winehouse probably isn’t your go-to gal for sobriety tips. Kanye West has not been asked to write a column on awards show decorum.

And Newt Gingrich, for the sweet love of Christ, should really clam up on the topic of matrimony. But no:

Republican presidential contender Newt Gingrich on Saturday said the adoption of same-sex marriage in New York showed the nation is “drifting toward a terrible muddle.”

Saying he thinks marriage is between a man and a woman, he told reporters that he “would like to find ways to defend that view as legitimately and effectively as possible.”

“I think the president should be, frankly, enforcing [DOMA], and I think we are drifting toward a terrible muddle which I think is going to be very, very difficult and painful to work our way out of,” he said.

Though probably not quite as painful as receiving divorce papers while recovering from cancer surgery. Look, we all know Gingrich’s “candidacy” is really about receiving free publicity so he can continue his very profitable direct-mail scam enterprise.

I’ve got no problem with that—it’s no worse than parlaying a truncated political career into reality show gigs and book deals for oneself and one’s unemployable offspring. But must the republic endure the further indignity of being lectured on marriage by a serial adulterer who transforms normal women into frightening gynoids? I think not, fellow citizens. I think not.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/27/11 at 06:41 AM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryPolisnark

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Even If You Don’t Have a Ticket for the Movie, Go to Pella, Iowa on Tuesday and Watch Fun Happen!

That seems to be the message from Conservatives 4 Palin and a bevy of Undefeated boosters on Sarah’s Facebook page:

I’ll reiterate that it could be very important that you head down to Pella even if you don’t have a ticket to see the movie just to show support for the Governor. Perhaps the spontaneous support that she will hopefully see in Pella, Iowa, on Tuesday will be what finally convinces her to make an announcement that she’s running for the presidency if she has not already arrived at a decision.

It’s been a long time since the Governor has held a public event where people knew exactly where she was going to be and at what time. It’s been a long-time since she’s had an interview on a network that gets more than a million viewers. What happens on Tuesday may turn out to be one of the turning points that finally convinced the Governor that she should run for the presidency.

Pella has a population of about 10,000. The Opera House seats 300. The screening is sold out. There’s going to be a barbeque afterwards that may or may not (probably “not”) be open to the public.

Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t shake the feeling that this could end up being really exciting for all the wrong reasons, like when the fireworks launcher fell over at my college Homecoming.

[UPDATE:] People will come.

[MONDAY UPDATE:]  OH FUCK! STAND DOWN, STAY HOME, DON’T COME! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/26/11 at 03:22 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Daily Caller Poor Craft Advisory

Treacher Who? Treacher To A Sense of Humor, Bigot!

Just because it wasn’t enough that snark-flatlining Daily Caller cub Laura Donovan can’t recognize irony even when Anderson Cooper titles a segment “RidicuList,” or that she hasn’t the faintest idea how to walk back a glaring error gracefully, one of her DC elders rushed to throw a lifeline to the “professional journalist and columnist”—it says so right at the top of her blog!—and sadly snide whippersnapper.

Cooper had lectured the young lady like an exasperated freshman English professor addressing an especially sluggish legacy student, and didn’t spare the Caller for printing the glorified intern’s misreporting:

“I bet at The Daily Caller, if someone tells a knock knock joke everyone runs to the door and waits to see who comes in.

Naturally, Treacher showed both Anderson and whiny little Laura how real commentary is done: knock-knock, Anderson Cooper is TEH GHEY! Har!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Anderson Cooper.
Well, thank you for stopping by, but we really don’t need any Mary Kay.

Sadly, stampeding employees at the DC never caught Treacher’s punchline, and several had to be treated for doorknob-shaped contusions.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 06/26/11 at 01:00 PM
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Categories: ImagesKnee SlappersLGBTMessylaneousPoliticsNuttersOur Stupid MediaSkull Hampers

Third, Non-Infamous Koch Brother Bids $2.3 Million for “Billy the Kid” Tintype Portrait

Who knew there were three of these guys?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/26/11 at 12:38 PM
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Bachmann: States’ Rights Trump Federal Laws On Gay Marriage, As Long As They’re Banning It

VIDEO CLIP BELOW THE FOLD: In an interview with Chris Wallace on “Fox News Sunday,” Michele Bachmann asserted the inviolable 10th Amendment right of individual states to pass anti-Gay Marriage laws, unless they don’t — in which case she would make it a priority of her Presidency to amend the Constitution so that the Federal Government could force states to ban Gay Marriage. 

“The states have the right to pass the laws they want to,” Bachmann told “Fox News Sunday,” adding that such an issue should really be on the ballot so that voters can decide whether gay marriage should be the law of the land.

“Every time it’s going on the ballot, the people have decided to keep the traditional definition,” she said. “After all, the family is the fundamental unit of government.”

But Bachmann added that it’s not a contradiction to pursue a federal constitutional amendment that would trump state law, and if she were president she would do so. A constitutional amendment would require a two-thirds vote of Congress and ratification by three-quarters of the states.

Got that? She’s all for States’ Rights as long as the states are pushing back against a Liberal DC government, but she’d nuke the 10th Amendment if the states all started voting like New York. And there is no inherent contradiction there, whatever, I swear.

Here’s most of the exchange, courtesy of The Daily Beast:

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/26/11 at 10:37 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Custer’s Not Very Good Day, 135 Years Ago

“Hurrah, boys, we got them!”

Actually, the anniversary was yesterday, but this just felt more like a “Sunday” thing.

Bad judgment trumps a good theme song, every time.

Nice, short but illuminating interview with Evan S. Connell, author of Son of the Morning Star, my choice for best Custer book to read on a hot day in late June.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/26/11 at 10:12 AM
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Categories: Messylaneous

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