Thursday, July 28, 2011

Sharron Angle “unfriends” John McCain

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John McCain, who is a “maverick” on the planet where “maverick” is synonymous with “weather vane,” sensed a shift in the wind and took to the Senate floor to denounce the “tea-party Hobbits” who are threatening to toss our economy into the fires of Mount Doom:

The idea seems to be that if the House GOP refuses to raise the debt ceiling, a default crisis or gradual government shutdown will ensue, and the public will turn en masse against . . . Barack Obama. The Republican House that failed to raise the debt ceiling would somehow escape all blame. Then Democrats would have no choice but to pass a balanced-budget amendment and reform entitlements, and the tea-party Hobbits could return to Middle Earth having defeated Mordor.

This is the kind of crack political thinking that turned Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell into GOP Senate nominees. The reality is that the debt limit will be raised one way or another, and the only issue now is with how much fiscal reform and what political fallout.

Of course, McCain neglected to mention that he attempted to foist Angle the Crackpot Hobbit off on America by campaigning for her. Nor did he allude to the fact that he elevated the Queen of the Teatards to the national stage by choosing Quitting Bull as his running mate in 2008.

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/28/11 at 03:11 PM
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Rumproast Ahoy! What I Did On My Holidays (With Free Open Thread): Part I

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I doubt my presence has been missed much over the past few weeks, as my co-bloggers have certainly kept you amused, informed, and wrily exasperated as usual. Ms. YAFB and I have been on not one, but two holidays this July, after a couple of years when we barely managed any—the first to the wedding of a family friend in wildest Sweden, and the second a week’s voyage on the T.S. Royalist, which some of you may recall from a post of mine from a couple of years ago. I won’t subject you to the full Vogon poetry session of endless holiday snaps, but I’ll share a few, and in return hope that you’ll help me get up to speed with what’s going on in the world—I’ve been without radio and TV for most of the month, let alone access to the blogosphere. You can assume I know about the Norwegian massacre, Amy Winehouse’s untimely death, and the still-grinding budget process, but as for the rest, I have a power of reading to catch up with—not least from this blog!

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Posted by YAFB on 07/28/11 at 10:56 AM
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The Wile E. Coyote of Burglars

Remember the World’s Saddest Beer Run? This is even sadder!

If only there were a FAIL Olympics…

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/28/11 at 09:01 AM
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Categories: BoozeYouTubidity

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

You might be David Frum if ...

This photo sends you reeling to the swooning couch [via FrumpForum]:

How DARE they make themselves at home?

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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/27/11 at 09:48 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersOur Stupid Media

While America Implodes, Bachmann Is Focused on Band Bookings for Ames Straw Poll

Priorities, babe, priorities:

With the clock ticking down Wednesday on the debt limit negotiations in Washington, presidential candidate Michele Bachmann announced her entertainment lineup for the Aug. 13 GOP straw poll in Ames, Iowa.


The Minnesota Republican’s campaign team released a program that includes country music singers Richie McDonald and Tim Rushlow, along with Christian artist Charles Billingsley.

Bachmann, one of three House members in the GOP nominating contest, has drawn fire for missing a large number of votes over the past week of her campaign.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/27/11 at 06:51 PM
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Categories: MusicPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Could This Be the Magic at Last?: Palin to Keynote Labor Day Tea Party Launch

We all know she’s a bigger tease than Barry’s intro to the Vegas-disco-schmaltz train wreck above, but Labor Day has long been rumored to be the kickoff date for “Operation Faceplant.” And, as Scott Conroy reports, a surprise announcement at a rally for a relatively unknown Tea Party splinter group would seem to fit her strategy of doing incomprehensible things at odd times for reasons known only to her. (In fairness, he calls it “unconventional.” “Incomprehensible” is my own editorial take.):

The outdoor rally on the first Saturday in September will take place at a field in Waukee, located just outside of Des Moines, and will be hosted by the Tea Party of America — an Iowa-based political action committee that was founded in May.

The midday affair will be the new group’s kickoff event and is sure to generate a large crowd and massive media attention.

I know, I know. Sarah is whirling like a cyclone in my mind, rent-free. But, dammit, I can hardly contain myself, knowing that I may be only five weeks away from finally knowing the wonder of all of her (kick-kick-turn).

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/27/11 at 04:00 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Hostile Harvest

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Though free to choose my friends, I am powerless to choose my family and neighbors. Thus, I often receive fascinating insights into the thinking of rural, conservative Floridians—Fox News viewing, Rush Limbaugh-listening, Confederate flag-displaying voters of the type who elected (P)Rick Scott as the state’s governor and think Sarah Palin would be a good president.

So here’s what I’ve learned the past couple of weeks over back-fence beers, community boat motor-teardowns and tractor-pull play-dates: These folks are PISSED about this debt ceiling thing. Not at Obama (although they still reflexively despise him)—at Boehner and the Republican members of the House and Senate.

Something that has been blindingly obvious to us libtards for decades—that the GOP’s top priority is to transfer ever-larger shares of the nation’s wealth to the top 1%—is finally beginning to dawn on the working class conservatives I know.

Now, I realize “anecdote” does not equal “data.” I have no idea how this debt ceiling thing will eventually shake out. And did I mention these folks hate Obama’s guts? But still, little shards of reality seem to be piercing the Fox News Armor of Ignorance.

Some Republicans are already declaring victory. They’re crowing about how, no matter what happens, they’ve managed to preserve corporate jet owner and hedge fund manager tax breaks while boning the middle class. God knows their end-zone dance isn’t entirely without justification, as many liberals have noted.

But by showing themselves to be fat cat-coddling bullies, by so nakedly sowing the seeds of top-down class warfare, the Republicans may have lost Uncle Tater for good. And if they lose Uncle Tater, they may just reap the whirlwind.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/27/11 at 02:39 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersBushCoNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Debt Ceiling Wedgie: Rick Scott Totally Melvined by CNN Anchors

On CNN’s “American Morning,” Florida Gov. Rick Scott doggedly flogged the same “Don’t raise the debt ceiling, just balance your checkbook and let the country burn” horsehit Teabaggery that Sarah was shovelling on “Greta” last night. The only difference was that — unlike “Softball” Van Susteren — CNN anchors Christine Romans and Ali Velshi didn’t hug him like a musical plush-toy. 

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/27/11 at 01:13 PM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggery

Now Recruiting: Village of the Damned/Children of the Corn/Zontar, Thing from Venus 4 Palin

SEE THE MOVIE. OBEY. DON’T ASK QUESTIONS. CONSUME AND REPRODUCE.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/27/11 at 12:12 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Dear God, Please Let This Nitwit Run for President

Sarah’s plan to avert financial crisis is to pretend it can’t happen. Sarah’s plan to resolve the current deadlock between Tea Party Republicans and RINOs, the House and Senate, and Congress and the WH is to double down on Cut, Cap and Balance — a bill that’s already dead, nobody wants and would be vetoed by the President anyway. If this is the Machiavellian slyness with which Palin governed Alaska, I’m amazed the place has streetlights.

Also, it’s important to bash Obama for not keeping America’s cash in one sock drawer and its bills in the other, like she does.

But never mind all that. The key part of the “Follow the Money” clip is Sarah’s answer at 3:11. It sounds like the “fire in her belly” to run for President has become more of a “pilot light on the Gas Stove of Helping America, Generally, in Whatever Role.” To which I say, “Not so fast, Snowbilly Griftress!” WE MUST NOT LET HER BACK OUT NOW. SARAH MUST PAY FOR HER SINS BY ENDURING THE TRAUMA AND SUFFERING OF A BRUTAL GOP PRIMARY, FOLLOWED (POSSIBLY) BY THE SOUL-DESTROYING RIGORS OF A GENERAL ELECTION RUN. AND SHE ABSOLUTELY MUST SUBJECT HERSELF TO ENDLESS MOCKERY AND HUMILIATION AT THE HANDS OF PEOPLE LIKE ME, WHO’VE PAID OUR DUES AND DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT 15 MONTHS WRITING ABOUT RICK PERRY.

So, please — join Sarah’s Facebook page today. Volunteer for Organizing 4 Palin in key swing states. Post online videos of cute kids begging her to run for the sake of American’s Children. Remind everyone you meet on the street that Obama is a Muslim and Sarah Palin loves Jesus. And BLOG BLOG BLOG on Sarah-friendly sites that America wants Sarah, that you know in your heart the 2012 election is already in the bag, and that you and hundreds of your friends are ready to donate the max on the day she announces.

Don’t let Sarah go wobbly now. America needs Sarah Palin more than ever — and by “America” I mean Liberals, Progressives, Lefty bloggers, animated Fox TV shows, late-night comedians and Barack Hussein Obama.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/27/11 at 10:47 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Maybe she should use a teleprompter…

Is gay-married homophobe Michele Bachmann dreaming of an opposite-marriage to our dreamy president? Or does she just need a teleprompter to remember her own name?

This wingnut obsession with teleprompters puzzles me, particularly when GOP politicians read their “haha, Obama uses a teleprompter!” jokes off a teleprompter.

But Bachmann doesn’t need a teleprompter since Congresswomaning is only a part-time job—even in these times of want and woe!—thus leaving Bachmann plenty of time to memorize her speeches.

[H/T: Crooks & Liars]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/27/11 at 06:27 AM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryYouTubidity

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Sound of clown shoes can’t drown out wedding bells in NY

File under developments that should surprise exactly no one [via Care2]:

Just one day after New York’s same-sex marriage law went into effect a group of religious conservatives filed on Monday a lawsuit to have the Marriage Equality Act struck down.

Of course you’re asking: “Why, if they must be utter dickheads, didn’t they file suit immediately after NY passed the law?”

I could answer that question, but you really don’t want me to. Let’s just say it involves three goats, a gross of waterbugs, a very pretty pony, a barrel of Astroglide (TM) and a bag of ball peen hammers and let your imagination do the rest.

Just kidding! (Maybe.) Stop clawing at your mind’s eye. (Or not.)

They did it because it wasn’t physically possible to piss on the wedding cake of every couple who was able to get married when the law went into effect.

Cuomo’s office responded with a polite FU:

The complaint, as it goes, has been slammed by N.Y. Gov. Andrew Cuomo whose spokesman Josh Vlasto went as far to say, “The plaintiffs lack a basic understanding of the laws of the state of New York. The suit is without merit.”

Law, schmaw. They gotta hit up the rubes for “legal defense funds” before the Republicans frag the economy. And h8rs gotta h8, youbetcha.

Meanwhile…

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Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/26/11 at 08:32 PM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

An organized community—Updated

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Sarah Palin and teatards of her ilk like to deride President Obama with the term “community organizer,” as if coordinating folks to take action were somehow less noble than peddling ghostwritten memoirs, starring in gauche reality TV shows or running around in moth-eaten Colonial garb. But you know who the original American community organizers were? The Founding Fathers, that’s who.

When the debt ceiling negotiations originally broke down, Obama reportedly told Cantor and Boehner he was going to “take it to the American people.” And he has. Repeatedly. Wingnut concern troll David Frum is unimpressed:

“Presidents win negotiations when they can mobilize the public behind them. That was Ronald Reagan’s secret weapon in 1981. It has never been Barack Obama’s. And the results are as we all see.”

Even some who genuinely support the president aren’t impressed with his attempts to get the people behind him. BooMan, for example:

Instead of following my brilliant advice [show some righteous anger and explicitly threaten to veto lame GOP bills], the president instead asked people to call their representatives in Washington, as if the Republicans give a shit about their constituents. Obama did succeed in overwhelming the congressional telephone system, so that’s something (if you want to contact your representative go here). But I don’t think his performance tonight was strong or adequate.

I’m not so sure about that. According to CNN, the phone lines are still jammed, and Boehner and other leaders’ servers crashed under the weight of the response. Check out the reader comments at CNN. Hell, even a sizable number of Fox News readers, who have been fed a steady diet of bullshit and obfuscation on this issue, aren’t singing in unison from the GOP hymnal.

The Republicans don’t give a shit about their constituents, true. But they care very much about their careers. I’m not sure anything can save the economy from their reckless dumbfuckery. But if anything can, it’s an organized community.

Update—Now with moar Nancy Smash below the fold!

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/26/11 at 02:51 PM
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Sure, your pet is cute…

But can he or she read?

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Screw all this maddening political crap. Open thread.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/26/11 at 10:41 AM
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Categories: Critters

The Three Little Whigs

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By happy coincidence, if Speaker Boehner has standard-issue wedding tackle comprising one twig and two berries, Norquist, Limbaugh and Erickson have three objects to divide between them. While there can be no doubt that these three men each hold a piece of Boehner’s junk, some mistakenly assume that their motivations are identical.

This assumption does the men a disservice: They are actually quite a diverse troika, despite all being somewhat sweaty, corpulent white males who share a conservative worldview, a yen for media attention and a fondness for gopher buggery. [Typo—ed.]

How do they differ? Well, Norquist wants to destroy the US government altogether, hence his famous “drown it in a bathtub” quote. He’s a businessman, though, or at least a tool of businessmen, so he isn’t actively pushing for a default.

Limbaugh, on the other hand, famously wants Obama to fail, and if it takes linking the default deadline with Ramadan to make his drooling army of Dittoheads recoil in horror at a deal that averts default, that’s fine with him. Their credit card interest rates will skyrocket after a default, of course. But Limbaugh is a multimillionaire who ives in a gated community and has a pantry filled to bursting with the Three Cs (Cheetos, cigars and caviar), so he’ll be fine.

And finally there’s Erickson, who is just too dumb to grasp the implications of default and thus reflexively opposes a man Erickson’s hero, the late Senator Jesse Helms, would have privately called “that no-‘count nigra.” Erickson doesn’t see the piano winched via fraying rope over his own head. He’s too busy preening about his vast influence with the teatard loons in the House to look up.

So there you have it, folks: Half of our political system is controlled by three narcissistic sociopaths who are by turns destructive, vindictive and stupid. Boehner dares not make a move without their say-so. Therefore, we are doomed. The end.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/26/11 at 09:11 AM
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