Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Beck goes all Aimee Semple McPherson in Israel

Weepy pre-operative transemite* Glenn Beck opened his “Restoring Courage” thingie in Israel this afternoon with a hokey monologue punctuated by interfaith musical interludes that seemed more like a cheap bit of biblical theme-park hucksterism than the planet course-altering event promised.

Not to worry: Beck pre-spun the event yesterday by claiming that it would prevent the planet’s destruction even if no one showed up and it received no media attention.

So far, Beck has screwed up at least two “facts” from the bible: 1) God first allegedly revealed himself to mankind in the Garden of Eden rather than Jerusalem, and 2) God supposedly wrote the 10 Commandments on the tablets with flames from his fingertips rather than Moses chiseling the words as Beck claimed. Still waiting for the pillar of fire. Media Matters is on it.

Will this sad crazy person go away now? Probably not.

*H/T to co-blogger StrangeAppar8us for that brilliant phrasing.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/24/11 at 09:48 AM

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersRelijun

You had me at “tiny purple bike shorts”


Ridiculous wingnut-beloved British rag the Daily Mailflailing as ever for a way to simultaneously tut and leer at world events involving those of a female persuasion—is shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that FLOTUS donned a pair of bike shorts to go biking whereas POTUS did not.

Well, it’s shocked, but of course, it’s also fapping itself to a frenzy.

Michelle Obama shows up her husband in tiny purple bike shorts as the President lags behind in jeans

Michelle Obama showed off her enviably toned thighs as she powered past the President in tiny purple cycling shorts on the first family’s bike ride on Martha’s Vineyard today.

Wearing a fashionable printed T-shirt and Converse trainers, the First Lady showed that she still has style, even when on vacation.

But her husband looked goofy and tired as he lagged behind wearing a baggy black polo shirt, and perhaps more surprisingly jeans.

I was wondering where it was, but at last I got your August Surprise right here—Obama: Return of the Mom Jeans.

In the finest journalistic traditions of the Mail, the article is naturally accompanied by extensive shots of not just FLOTUS, but her young daughters wearing equally “tiny shorts” and showing off their “enviably toned thighs” while the captions deride the President for covering his up. 

Anyway, “tiny”? *cleans glasses* Nope, don’t see it. Refund, please.

You know who else wore tiny bike shorts?

It’s not long after breakfast-time, so I’ll reveal the answer after the fold.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 08/24/11 at 07:56 AM

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaOur Stupid MediaSkull Hampers

The “Rudy” of punditry


DougJ at Balloon Juice is ready for an extinction-level event to punish our civilization for bestowing accolades on a columnist capable of this level of banality:

Meanwhile, Mr. President, on a rainy day, rent the movie “Tin Cup.” There is a great scene where Dr. Molly Griswold is trying to help Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy, the golf pro, rediscover his swing — and himself. She finally tells him: “Roy ... don’t try to be cool or smooth or whatever; just be honest and take a risk. And you know what, whatever happens, if you act from the heart, you can’t make a mistake.”

Can’t argue with DougJ’s sentiment. Friedman as always lacks insight. There is no “great scene” in “Tin Cup,” which is a thoroughly stupid movie. And the supposedly profound point—that “if you act from the heart, you can’t make a mistake”—is absurd. 

But rather than think about the depressing state of politics and punditry, let’s focus instead on bad sports movies—the very worst. There are so many. And they are bad in so many ways.

What do you consider the worst sports movie of all time? My possibly controversial answer: “Rudy.” The mister and I argue about this all the time. He thinks it’s a great movie. I think it’s depressing and dumb.

I get that we’re supposed to be impressed with Rudy’s perseverance. But goddamnit, he’s bad at football! It’s not admirable that he persists at it after it becomes clear that he’s always going to suck—it’s pathetic.

Come to think of it, Rudy and Friedman have something in common: They’re both bad at what they do, and they both receive unwarranted accolades for contributing nothing of importance to their respective fields.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/24/11 at 06:38 AM

Categories: MoviesPoliticsOur Stupid Media

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

They come over here, they kill our zombies ...


A quirk of tax law means that Scotland’s currently a good place for overseas film companies to make movies. A quirk of history means that some of Glasgow’s older architecture and grid street layout bears a striking resemblance to Philadelphia’s. A quirk of genetics, climate, and social engineering means that zombie extras apparently aren’t difficult to find.

All this made Glasgow city centre’s George Square and surrounding streets a shoo-in for the shoot of some key scenes from the upcoming movie of Max Brooks’s 2006 novel World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, starring Brad Pitt.

There’s a slideshow of the shoot here, and the Daily What has a fun little quiz to see if you can tell the streets and buildings of Philadelphia from those of Glasgow when they haven’t been all gussied up for $ (I got 80%).

I haven’t ventured into the city during the shoot—the location’s cordoned off to the hoi polloi, and by the look of that pic above, not without good reason. I’ve also not read the book, but if they film the climax on a Saturday night after a Celtic—Rangers soccer match, my money’s on the zombies.

Posted by YAFB on 08/23/11 at 09:23 PM

Jon Huntsman: The Mandarin Candidate

You know, I’m impressed as hell by anyone who can master any flavor of spoken Chinese. I’m just not sure I’d be quite so eager to have this “go viral.”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/23/11 at 07:02 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12

Breaking: Earthquake Reported Just About Everywhere in US East

Getting reports from Tennessee, Ohio, Vermont, New York, New Jersey, DC, Maryland and Virginia.

I thought my office here in Pittsburgh rolled for a moment, but I figured it was just the beer.

Let me know if you felt anything.

OK, well I guess this was it. But felt in Tennessee and Vermont? Wild.

Looks like the largest quake in Virginia in more than 100 years. That one was felt at comparable distances.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/23/11 at 01:03 PM

Categories: News

Perry Inspires Texas-Sized God-Box

[Image: The colossal, one-of-a-kind “Rick Perry Mezuzah” next to the mezuzah of a normally-endowed, non-Texan Jew.]

Everything’s bigger in Texas. And that goes quadruple-plus for the humble doorway mezuzah:

Recently in June of this year (2011) Texas did something unique in passing a special law explicitly permitting the display of a Mezuzah up to 25 inches tall. This law overrides the authority of the Condo boards to ban Mezuzahs. This has come to be known as the Mezuzah Law.

After the bill was passed by the Texas legislature, the only question was whether Governor Rick Perry would sign it into law. When he did, we came up with the idea of commissioning a large, Texas style Mezuzah in his honor. We called up our friends at CJ Art in Israel and asked them to make us a very large Mezuzah from Jerusalem stone.

In order to push the envelope a bit we told them to make it 26” tall - one inch taller than is protected by the Texas law. They loved the idea and got right to work on it. It arrived in our store in Los Angeles only a few days before Governor Perry announced his presidential campaign. What timing!

There’s only one, and it’s a thousand bucks plus the cost of the scroll. However, rumor has it that the “Rick Perry Rodeo Roundup Tefillin & Phylacteries” set will be value-priced for the merely-observant or Orthodox ‘Roaster-on-a-budget.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/23/11 at 12:31 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12Relijun

Fear of Snark Drives Huntsman into Bachmann’s Arms

And he was doing so well. Having begun to stake out a claim to being the non-batshit crazy GOP candidate to the extent that some in the lefty baggertariat were hailing him as an acceptable alternative to Obama, Jon Huntsman scoffingly laughed off Piers Morgan’s question about whether he’d be willing to serve as running mate to Mitt Romney:

There’d be too many jokes about that. No, I can’t imagine it at all.

Once Huntsman finished slapping his knee, Morgan pressed him about whether he’d consider serving as veep nominee with a Tea Party candidate, specifically Michele Bachmann. He waxed earnest:

You know, if you love this country, you serve this country. Every time I’ve been asked to serve over different administrations, from Reagan to the two Bushes to President Obama, I have the same answer. If you love this country, you serve her. If you’re in a position to better the country, to bring whatever background you have to bear, whatever experiences to use in fine-tuning our future, I’ll be the first person to sign up, absolutely.

I can’t imagine why he assumes a Bachmann/Huntsman ticket would attract less derision than a Romney/Huntsman one. Maybe you can clue me in. Or maybe we can nip this one in the bud through preemptive snark ...

* Apologies for exposing you to Piers Morgan at this hour of the day. Well, and for Piers Morgan in general.

Posted by YAFB on 08/23/11 at 07:37 AM

Monday, August 22, 2011

Rick Perry:  Book?  What Book?

Shorter Rick Perry:  Maybe I thought that THEN but, hey y’all, this is now!

image  image

via Think Progress

Fed Up, Rick Perry’s manifesto of Tentherism, apparently no longer reflects Perry’s real views.  No, no, it is simply a historical reflection on how the Constitution has been trashed by previous presidents enacting such restrictions on our freedom as Social Security and Medicare. And putting gummint money into our dadgum public schools!

And it seems that folks, well, don’t like to hear that kind of thinking. 

In an interview, Mr. Sullivan acknowledged that many passages in Mr. Perry’s “Fed Up!” could dog his presidential campaign. The book, Mr. Sullivan said, “is a look back, not a path forward.” It was written “as a review and critique of 50 years of federal excesses, not in any way as a 2012 campaign blueprint or manifesto,” Mr. Sullivan said.

Of course!  That would explain perfectly why Perry tells people to “read my book” when asked about whether he thinks such soshulistic laws are constitutional or stuff.

Sorry Guv, you wrote it, you published it, you distributed it nationwide and you’re gonna have to own it.  :-D

Posted by marindenver on 08/22/11 at 02:50 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

The shores of Tripoli


Now that the Gaddafi regime, which is older than Jennifer Aniston, appears to be collapsing, it’ll be fascinating to watch the post-collapse spin, given the way the conflict was framed by US politicians. Those more sympathetic toward the president tended to describe NATO’s involvement as an “intervention,” as if it featured family members surprising Libya in a room and tearfully voicing their concerns about its self-destructive behavior.

The Republicans, however, have insisted all along that it was a “war,” or, more specifically, “Obama’s war.” Modern-day Republicans are wondrously fond of war, but they made an exception for “Obama’s war.” Even the most hawkish donned love beads and headbands and created colorful “Make Love, Not War” posters to carry as they converged on the Capitol in a massive anti-war demonstration.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/22/11 at 01:23 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersBushCoElection '08St. McSameNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Sarah Palin Has a Wide-Angle Lens

This is a couple of days old, but a lot of people are reading it as Palin’s first official campaign ad. If so, the message seems to be: “I have a wide-angle lens. Does Michele Bachmann have a wide-angle lens? Does Herman Cain have a wide-angle lens? Does Barack Obama have a wide-angle lens he didn’t buy from China with borrowed stimulus money? I have a wide-angle lens that I bought myself in an entrepreunerial spirit with good old American dollars I earned by being an Exceptional American. And you know what? My wide-angle lens makes America all roundy and seasicky and 3AM drunky and larger-than-life again, just like the face of the cop who pulled you over for backing your car through the car wash with the windows open, and trying to dry-hump the clown head at the fast-food drive-thru. Wheeeeeee! Vote for me and my wide-angle lens! I’m a fisherwoman with a fish-eye, and that’s good for Alaska…I mean, America!”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/22/11 at 11:43 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryYouTubidity

Glenn Beck Only One Covering Glenn Beck’s “Earth-Changing” Israel Event

Pre-operative transemite Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Courage” tour in Israel isn’t getting the warm, gooey US media-love that last year’s “Restoring Honor” event in DC attracted. Not only that, but the Israelis aren’t exactly thrilled that he’s there, either.

The domestic attention received by Beck’s visit appeared to be largely negative, with Israeli-Arab Parliamentarian Ahmed Tibi calling him “a bizarre, conservative, neo-fascist comedian who is motivated by a hatred of Islam,” according to an article in the Jerusalem Post last Thursday. The next day, the weekend edition of Israel’s largest daily Yediot Aharonoth published an article dripping with sarcasm and smirk, describing Beck’s visit to the West Bank settlement of Itamar, where he toured the house where five members of a settler family were murdered this past March. In the article, Beck is described as a sort of hapless charlatan crying on cue and traipsing through the West Bank in an armored convoy suitable for a head of state. The left-wing Israeli organization Peace Now announced Sunday that it will be holding a protest on Wednesday afternoon, ahead of Beck’s penultimate rally on later that night.

Having gotten the boot from Fox and wrung as many fake tears as he could from the mummified husks of the Founding Fathers, Beck is seeking ever-larger crosses on which to crucify himself. Unfortunately, no one can see him bleeding on radio, and only the hardest of the hard-core would pay good money to watch him work out his demons here.

Here’s hoping he never appoints himself the spokesperson for the Armenian Genocide, ‘cause those folks got enough problems already.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/22/11 at 11:05 AM

Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersWar In ErrorRelijun

Amy Siskind: Liberalism’s Ex-Girlfriend

You broke her heart, and now she hates you. She keyed your Audi and fried your vinyl album collection in Crisco. She got elected to your Borough Zoning Council just so she could tear down your privacy fence and have your driveway designated a “toll road.” She sent a confidential letter to your company’s HR department requesting clarification on corporate policy regarding homosexuality, gambling addictions and employee theft, and signed your name to it. Now she’s on Fox News shilling for a candidate who’ll burn you both, only Amy will be laughing as the flames consume her on a pile of your favorite Italian pullovers.

Then you’ll be sorry. And you’ll wish you’d been nicer, you selfish bastard.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/22/11 at 09:12 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12Manic ProgressivesNuttersPUMAs

Monday Morning Music: John Cooper Clarke’s “Beasley Street” + Surprise Bonus Track

In case you’re wondering about the funky set, this is a live version from sadly mourned seminal BBC late-night music show The Old Grey Whistle Test, with a brief cameo from Whispering Bob Harris as an intro.

You folks seem to be getting more into open threads lately, so go for it if you feel so inclined.

Bonus track below the fold.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 08/22/11 at 07:34 AM

Sunday, August 21, 2011

End of a Regime

Al Jazeera is reporting live on what appears to be the liberation of Tripoli and the end of the Gaddafi regime.

Here’s hoping this is a good thing for the Libyan people. However it turns out, of course, it will be a bad thing that Obama and NATO did what Ronald Reagan failed to do.

TPM Livewire is also posting updates. [Thanks, Polly!]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/21/11 at 07:36 PM

Categories: News

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