Friday, October 21, 2011

Sweet Jesus, I hate Lindsey Graham

Via a comment from Big Bad Bald Bastard in this thread, we learn that John McCain’s delightful Chia pet, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, has big plans for Libya:

This is the same Lindsey Graham who, at the outset of the Libya mission, was screeching “Quagmire!” as fast as his earnestly moving lips could form the syllables. But now that Qaddafi is taking a dirt nap, he regrets that the president didn’t parachute Halliburton in to prepare the way for the ExxonMobil liberation!

Jesus Christ, what a loathsome, heinous buffoon.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/21/11 at 04:11 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersYouTubidity

Veni, Vidi, Two-In-The-Hat

America’s top diplomat, perhaps a tad giddier over Gaddafi’s death than State Department protocols would encourage.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/21/11 at 08:39 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaHillary Clinton

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Only 1 Shopping Day Left Until the Apocalypse

I know I should have told you sooner, but the world ends tomorrow.

Apologies for the oversight…and the inconvenience. Good luck and Godspeed. It was a privilege serving with you.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/20/11 at 03:13 PM
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Categories: NewsYouTubidity

Looks Like We’ve Seen The Last Of Qaddafy

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Well, Libya’s interim government says he’s dead, but they would, wouldn’t they? **UPDATE** Or, they didn’t. ( Ten minutes ago, they did, but that’s the fog of war! Sorry!—ed.) **UPDATEUPDATE** AS OF 1:25: He’s mostly looking still dead, and the President will speak from the Rose Garden at 2.

His convoy was attacked by NATO aircraft in his hometown of Sirte, the last Khadaffi, or Qadafy, or what you will, stronghold. The WaPo is hanging back slightly, going with “Conflicting reports” say he’s dead. Or he was wounded in both legs, captured, and subsequently may or may not have become dead.

In any case, the crafty old thing is captured, and reports of his death are probably not exaggerated. **UPDATE** Libyan officials are confirming that the graphic photo Strange has linked to in comments is Gaddafi. (via TPM Livewire) And the body is being taken to “a secure location,” because Dick Cheney hasn’t had a feed in a while.

(OT note: no, your Flash hasn’t crashed: the Blingee isn’t blinking. It’s just a jpg. Apparently I may have burnt a hole in Rumproast with too many Blingees too close together, so this is just a screencap. To see the thing blink, go here. I’ll have to go on a low-Blingee diet!)

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/20/11 at 07:46 AM
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Categories: ImagesNews

She don’t need no steenking title!

In a Fox News appearance champion griftess Sarah Palin made shortly before she astonished and confounded followers by declining to seek the presidency, she declared that a silly old title like “president” was unnecessary to wield great influence over the direction of the country. Unshackled by the trappings of a campaign, Snowflake Snooki then traveled to South Korea to inform the South Koreans that freedom is good and Chinese might is worrisome.

This weekend, Palin will deliver equally profound wisdom at the following venue in Tupelo, Mississippi:

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While it may look like a shuttered Linen’s ‘n Things outlet, this structure is actually the BancorpSouth Arena, which will soon host the Extraordinary Women Conference 2011. It appears to have ample parking, which is a good thing since the former half-term governor will be joined on the stage by several other world-shakers:

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The event site doesn’t indicate who gets top billing, but hopefully Palin is the opener since there’s no reason to suspect the other ladies didn’t actually author the Jesus-themed Lifetime Movie specials and daily devotional tomes with which they are credited. Can a ribbon-cutting ceremony at the Yazoo Piggly-Wiggly be far behind?

[H/T: C4P]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/20/11 at 06:23 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '08Election '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Will Mittens Pave the Path to a Perry Comeback?

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Is the Romney camp implying that Rick Perry is a brainless, slack-jawed yokel who would be utterly crushed in a head-to-head match-up with the Kenyan Usurper in this new video? Sin duda, as Romney’s fired leaf-blower might say.

And it’s true—Perry apparently is dumber than a post, unable to outwit a toadstool, incapable of pouring water out of a cowboy boot if the directions were on the heel, etc. But I think old Willard got just a leeetle too excited when it dawned on him just what a babbling halfwit Perry is, and old Willard forgot something kinda important about the constituency he’s attempting to woo: The GOP base doesn’t consider stupid a serious drawback in a candidate.

They went wild over booger-eating moron Sarah Palin. They worship Ronald “Amiable Dunce” Reagan. George “C+ Augustus” Bush anyone? Moreover, the base tends to get riled when some snooty-pants elitist looks down his patrician nose at the abstract-thought impaired. I’m just saying Mittens better watch his ass, if he knows what’s good for him.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/19/11 at 06:14 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBushCoElection '12MittensNuttersTeabaggery

Headlines That Confuse Me

Romney Beating Obama in a Fight for Wall St. Cash

Obama struggling to raise donations from Wall Street

Obama has more cash from financial sector than GOP hopefuls combined, data show

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/19/11 at 05:21 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaElection '12

#godwinning

Look Blingee, it's hard to explain, but there really is a reason for this

Huzzah! Thers at Whiskey Fire has discovered the Internet’s dumbest post, and it goes right along with the oh-so-fashionable Occupy Wall Street = NAZIS meme making the rounds in Wingnuttry Today: What is this threatening, bizarre “#” symbol OWS protesters are wearing? It’s like a SWASTIKA, but with twice as many lines and they’re not bent or anything, but it’s at THE WELL KNOWN 45-degree NAZI ANGLE!

The post is by” Zombie” of Pajamas Media, of course (H/T Dan Coyle at Thers’ place). It must never have rained on the Teahadists there; they’d drown like turkeys.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/19/11 at 11:24 AM
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Categories: ImagesKnee SlappersPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

Palin Slams Candidates for Ducking Moderator’s Questions, Just Like She Did in 2008

I’m sure you remember the winky ex-Governor in 2008’s VP Debate with Joe Biden who famously informed moderator Gwen Ifill that she reserved the right to respond to panel questions with prepared answers on wholly unrelated topics. 

Compare and contrast that to Palin’s comments beginning at 6:15 in the clip from her Tuesday night appearance of Fox’s “On the Record”:

It amazes me that the candidates so often get to escape actually answering the question. They get to spin and pivot and go off to the sound bite that they want in the ten seconds that they have to make their point.

Oh, but it was so rogue-y when she refused to play by the rules. What a difference a payday makes.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/19/11 at 07:57 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah Palin

Being a Peasant Is Actually Quite Pleasant

In response to the “We Are the 99%” Tumblr page, which chronicles the travails of Occupy Wall Street supporters in this shitty economy, notorious wingnut asshole Erick Erickson started a “We Are the 53%”  Tumblr page, referencing the supposed percentage of Americans who make enough money to pay federal income taxes. The point is to, I dunno, put those whiny hippies in their place while emphasizing how hard Erickson works as a CNN hack, wingnut talk radio bloviator and paid blogger.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the hippie-punch fest: Some of the 53%-er stories were so sad they could make you want to occupy more than Wall Street, which kinda undermined Erickson’s point.

Preferring laughter to tears, LG&M offered a sweatshop version of a 53% entry. And imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, I offer my own:

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We should all be grateful, really.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/19/11 at 07:45 AM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Double Down, Herman! : The Electrifying GOP Vegas Debate Liveblog

Rollling 999


Brace yourself, Pizza-Man. You were a pretty good lounge act, but you’re on the main stage now. Watch it live at CNN.com. More as your frazzled hostess can provide.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/18/11 at 06:48 PM
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Categories: ImagesMessylaneousNewsPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One

Border Personality

It’s on again. So what if it turns out that the country still doesn’t have a sense of humor and joking about sizzling human fajitas on your Freedom Fence to cheering tea-swilling ghouls is a bad thing. Even the American Thinker’s appalled (H/T marindenver):

Note to Mr. Cain: It took several centuries to build the Great Wall - a structure that actually is 5 separate walls that were eventually connected - more or less. Unfortunately for the Chinese, it worked about as well as our current efforts to keep out illegals.
What is surprising about Cain’s proposal is that putting enough juice through the fence to kill people is horrifically expensive, not to mention horrifically wrong.

You walk it back, of course, as you’ve done so many times before, using Apology Form GOP-4EV4: “If anyone was offended.” But then you walk it forward again, because damn, it’s such a good idea—it’s one of your ideas.  And Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who brings out the best in everyone, is watching, after all!  President Herman Cain is going to build that Fence, and use Technology , because there’s a world of muzzily undefined but availableTechnology out there.  And of course it all runs on Alternating Current.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/18/11 at 11:48 AM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

The President’s Teleprompter Is Missing

INFAMY! TREASON! THE REPUBLIC IN PERIL!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/18/11 at 10:06 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack Obama

Jesse Jackson PreOccupies the NYPD

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Can’t say the Rev. doesn’t still have It. The NYPD decides that midnight is an excellent time to take down the Occupy Wall Street medical tent, protesters link arms around it, an unpleasant tenseness envelops all concerned, and PRESTO, there’s Jesse Jackson, right there, linking arms like the old pro he is. All livestreamed, of course. And, God bless’em, up on YouTube, instantly. Cops confer, disperse. Elated bwa-ha-has and empowered discovery by young lady: we can do stuff!

Imagine the despair of the lieutenant or inspector who thought, “we told those @#^&!s no structures, and THAT’S A STRUCTURE!” only to find himself face to face with the very Reverend Mr. Big Stuff, fresh from the unveiling of the statue of HIS FRIEND Martin Luther King, on the Mall in DC, yesterday. And he pops up here.  At midnight. Instantly.

Now the loo, or D.I., whoever is stuffing that white shirt, as the kids call him, is looking like a dick.* A failed dick. But the Rev. Jackson, with whom we’ve had our problems from time to time, is definitely smelling like a rose.

Maybe they should try to get him into one of those matador costumes.

*Moving in on the medical tent? At midnight? Any argument that it wasn’t a dick move will be met with vociferous disagreement and last night’s gnocchi, which were a little heavy but make pretty good missiles. Hey, I didn’t take a vow of non-violence.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/18/11 at 12:19 AM
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Monday, October 17, 2011

Attention Starved Santorum Does Not Appreciate SNL’s Notice

Wahwahwah, poor little Ricky Santorum is being bullied by mean Saturday Night Live.  This sketch, which parodied the format of the recent GOP presidential debate, which seated candidates according to their standings in the polls, put Santorum all the way out to a {gasp!} gay bar in San Francisco while Bachmann and the Newster shared the relative comfort of a broom closet.  (Closet?  Hmmmm.  What are they gettting at?)

Little Ricky was NOT amused!

“We’ve been hammered by the left for my standing up for the traditional family and I will continue to do so,” Santorum said. “The left, unfortunately, participates in bullying more than the right does. They say that they’re tolerant, and they’re anything but tolerant of people who disagree with them and support traditional values.”

I don’t know, though, Ricky.  At least it’s some attention.  The donors haven’t been giving you much of it lately.  Look for a resignation press conference, complete with sobbing children, any time now.

Posted by marindenver on 10/17/11 at 03:20 PM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsElection '12

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