Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I am PUNY, hear me ROAR!!!!

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As LTMidnight pointed out in the comments to gil’s post down yonder, PUMA’s BAAAACK. Or something very like it. Because it worked out so well last time. HuffPo’s Sam Stein reports:

Huffington Post reader Andrew Rohrberger (via an Off The Bus submission) grabbed a copy of the audio of the “Run Hillary 2012” robocalls that are reportedly being made in an attempt to persuade the secretary of state to run for the White House.

The script leads one to believe we’d be living in a veritable utopia if only Clinton had won in 2008.

America would be better off today if Hillary Clinton was our president. The Wall Street robber barons would be jailed, young people could afford college and find jobs and six million homeowners wouldn’t face foreclosure. We need to change our course. Please sign our petition to draft Hillary Clinton for president.

Clinton’s not running, of course. And it’s remarkable to see that people are still holding out hope that she might change her mind. That said, the call represents an extreme version of the type of buyer’s remorse that Obama faces in the months ahead.

Sure, Sam, some disgruntled and highly gullible self-proclaimed lefties are ripe for the ratfucking picking. From the Left:

I can’t say I am surprised by any of this. President Obama’s support is tepid at best and among some demographic groups, nonexistent. If there was ever an election campaign ripe for a third party challenger, I believe 2012 is it.

If Hillary decides to jump in at the 11th hour, she will have my support and the support of my Blog.

Well, polls this far out are pretty meaningless, but about that “tepid support.” Do you mean among Democrats?

The narrative that Obama is losing the base was debunked by a new CNN poll which found that support for the renomination of the president has tied an all-time high.

The CNN poll found that overall 81% of those surveyed thought that the Democratic Party should nominate Obama again. Only 18% of respondents thought that the Democratic Party should go with a different candidate.

Or do you mean among the electorate at large?

Aided by comparison to the vastly unpopular Congress, Barack Obama has advanced to a 49 percent job approval rating in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll - his best showing since spring, and one that, if it holds, that may put his re-election prospects back within reach.

Run Hillary 2012.net was registered through a proxy service and there’s no contact info at all on the site, so whoever’s behind it evidently doesn’t want to be publicly identified. Funny that.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 12/20/11 at 06:20 AM
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Monday, December 19, 2011

The Wydening Gyre

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Menachem Begins!

I’m not sure what annoys me most about this piece. Is it the musta-pulled-something stretch it took to straightfacedly compare the positions of, on one side, Paul Krugman, Sherrod Brown, and Pete Stark, and on the other, some Tea Party jagoff?

Or maybe it’s this:

In contrast, Mitt Romney, who knows something about health care legislation, welcomed the Ryan-Wyden proposal, which is not too far removed from a Medicare reform plan the former Massachusetts Governor had put forward earlier, as “an enormous achievement.”

Why yes, of course the voice of bipartisan reason, the healing center, the maypole we can dance around nonidealogically just happens to be the once and probably future leading contender for the Republican presidential nomination. Christ, I haven’t seen false equivalence pay off like that since the mirror scene in Evil Dead II.

read the whole post »

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/19/11 at 07:01 PM
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Categories: PoliticsEditorialsElection '12Health CareOur Stupid Media

Kim Jong-nil

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The Henny-swilling Elvis impersonator has joined the Choir Invisible. This can only embolden the Muslim Brotherhood. I blame Obama.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/19/11 at 09:00 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersNutters

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Just in case you didn’t have this tune stuck in your head already

Feel free to sing along at home! But only if you’ve got a decent singing voice. And maybe sing along to something else.


Romney the Faux Man is as rigid as a pole
With his temples gray and his gaydar frayed
Beady eyes betray no soul

Romney the Faux Man has a skintone plastic hide
He’s from handsome stock but your average rock‘s
More lifelike side by side

There must have been some magic in that number twenty-three
That’s no great shakes but hey, at least ‘twas a plurality

O, Romney the Faux Man’s not the frontrunner because
He’s a pand’ring ace but he plays the base
‘Bout as well as Clayton does

Stuttery stump speech, stuttery stump speech
Look at Romney’s hair
Stuttery stump speech, stuttery stump speech
Substance-free as air

Romney the Faux Man, he’s the next best thing to real
Be a shoo-in but he’s just not nuts
Enough to seal the deal

Fave of the Village, he’s not like those other brutes
Marriage just for hets and a ten-grand bet
Only chance to beat out Newt

He’s got charisma like a slightly more fun-loving Lurch
And a visage you could slap on pamphlets for Subgenius Church

Poor Romney the Faux Man needs some Tea Party support
So he’ll gladly pan his own health care plan
And he won’t let you abort

Stuttery stump speech, stuttery stump speech
Look at Romney’s hair
Stuttery stump speech, stuttery stump speech
Message: I don’t care

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/18/11 at 06:08 PM
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Categories: MusicPoliticsElection '12Mittens

Most costly Oedipal drama in history draws to a close

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The Iraq War is over, at least officially. It was, as then-Illinois State Senator Barack Obama said in 2002, a “dumb war:”

I don’t oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war. What I am opposed to is the cynical attempt by Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz and other armchair, weekend warriors in this administration to shove their own ideological agendas down our throats, irrespective of the costs in lives lost and in hardships borne.

The “cost in lives and hardships borne” Mr. Obama accurately predicted is impossible to fully reckon, as is the monetary cost. Well over 100,000 people are needlessly dead, tens of thousands more physically and psychologically scarred for life and around a trillion sorely needed-dollars poured down a rat hole.

How did this happen? There are many reasons, but the short answer is that it was a perfect storm of assholes. It was an event that brought together a small but influential group of arrogant neo-con dick-swingers eager to impose their vision on the world, profit-seeking conglomerates yearning to cash in, a supine media and a nation insane with fear in the wake of the 9/11 attacks.

But none of it would have been possible without the insecure, not-too-bright scion of a prominent political family who was then in the Oval Office and burning to prove to his patrician daddy that he is too smart and capable, not dumb, not like people say. So now we know what happens when Fredo Corleone leapfrogs his smarter brother to become the Godfather—only of a nuclear-armed superpower instead of an organized crime family. Not pretty, is it?

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/18/11 at 09:13 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBedwettersBushCoNuttersOur Stupid MediaWar In Error

With Friends Like These: Romney and Coulter Court the Tea Party, Results Are Predictable

Amid the other fusses this last week or so, Mitt Romney’s enlistment of Ann Coulter as a surrogate after she had expressed grave reservations about his wingnut credentials earlier in the year was a little overshadowed. For some reason, the Romney campaign imagined that inflicting her dulcet tones in robocalls to voters in Iowa would be a winning tactic.

Mitt is desperate to win Tea Party support from current GOP frontrunner Newt Gingrich, and recently picked up the endorsement of South Carolina’s Tea Party darling, Governor Nikki Haley, flitting round the state in a series of town halls where he declared:

“I actually think that on the issues of the day and the experience that I would bring to the White House, that I line up pretty darn well with Tea Partiers.”

Meanwhile, Coulter’s televised contribution to the rough wooing was highlighted by Media Matters and picked up by Mediaite.

It’s a Sunday morning, you may be fragile after the excesses of last night or the rigors of the week, so unless you have the stomach or the masochistic streak to view Coulter in full cry at this hour of the day, here’s the punchline from the interview:

Pemmaraju pressed Coulter on Romney’s conservatism, adding that the Tea Party has resisted him strongly, an indication he may not be as conservative as she thinks. Coulter replied that the Tea Party was “wrong about this” because “they’re looking at who is going to go around bombastically demanding to see Obama’s birth certificate or calling him a Kenyan,” instead of substance.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 12/18/11 at 08:51 AM
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Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Peanuts Holiday Special Centers Around an Offscreen Copyright Attorney Voiced by a Trumpet

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No, you fool! I said shoot me a message on Linkedin!


Happy Underdog Day! Here’s a list of scheduled activities:


5pm: Shoeshine A Go-Go!

6pm: Change your name back, what’s this “Yasiin” shit?

6:30pm: Unattractive female partner? Guess what position you’re doing it in tonight! And remember, reverse cowgirl is a thematically appropriate way to fantasize she’s that cute little number in accounting, not like you’re any great shakes.

7:30pm: Get it bronzed. I don’t care what.

8pm: Wear a tuxedo in Tennessee. Get your faggot ass beat… in style.

8:30pm: Ask Randy Jackson from American Idol if he’s taking the over or the under. You’ve got a 50/50 chance of eliciting the seasonally-appropriate response, but slightly less-than-even odds if you’re not Randy Jackson’s bookie.

9pm: Dress your dog up in a little pilot’s uniform, reenact the “under, over” scene from Airplane II replacing “Dunn” with “dog.” Tell yourself you’re alone because you value your freedom.

9:30pm: Come from behind for a major upset. No no wait, I mean in a sporting compet… oooooooh. (wince) Yep, that’s pretty much what I’d imagine a stiletto heel would do to an eyeball.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/17/11 at 04:21 PM
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Categories: MessylaneousRelijun

He’s also bilingual in English and Jive

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Nice try, Wisconsin and Ohio, but I’m afraid you’re just not going to walk away with the prize on “America’s Biggest Bastard Governor” this season. Florida’s Rick Scott is just as wingnutty and union-busty as your chief execs, but he brings a level of personal awkwardness and presumptuousness to the role that your governors simply can’t match:

Confronted by a group of angry Florida A&M students outside his home on Thursday night, Florida Governor Rick Scott (R) attempted to generate some empathy by telling the mostly black crowd that he grew up in public housing.

[snip]

“The white guv bizarrely attempted to quell the mostly black crowd by beginning his speech with some version of: ‘Hey, I grew up in public housing,’” the Miami New Times explained. “To which students protested, ‘We’re not poor!’” ... It might not have been called out as sounding racist if Scott hadn’t tried that very same approach with a group of black lawmakers in February.

“I grew up probably in the same situation as you guys,” he said to a collection of black Democrats. “I started school in public housing. My dad had a sixth-grade education.”

The comments led to Scott being booted from the luncheon.

Bring it, Governors Walker and Kasich. You’ll never out-asshole our Governor Scott.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/17/11 at 08:47 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '10NuttersTeabaggery

Friday, December 16, 2011

Rumperdome II: Beyond the One from a Few Days Ago

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we don’t need to hold on for another hero ‘til the end of the night

I’m often asked “gil, why do you read the Daily Caller if you don’t agree with its editorial stance, gain insight from its reporting, or find its human-interest stories compelling?” To which I can only respond “You’re not really here! You’re something my subconscious whipped up in response to the battery of booze and pills I’ve ingested, then sent forth to taunt me! GO ‘WAY!” Then I whip a bottle at them and they evaporate. But they raise an interesting question!

An interesting question I’m not going to answer, because this isn’t about me, it’s about me getting my jollies setting you, the readers, against each other in a horrifying bout of bloodsport. That’s right, it’s time for…

THAT THING I SAID IN THE TITLE ALREADY. (trumpet fanfare)

read the whole post »

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/16/11 at 07:13 PM
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Categories: Geek SpeakMessylaneousSports

Un-Aired LOWE’S Commercial for “All-American Muslim”

Posted by Admin on 12/16/11 at 07:48 AM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsBedwettersRelijunTelevisionYouTubidity

Christopher Hitchens, 1949-2011

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He could be pompous, overbearing, haughty and reductive. He could be brave, brilliant, original and hilarious. All at the same time! May that atheist in a foxhole rest in peace.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/16/11 at 06:38 AM
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Categories: News

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Today in His, Hers, and Everything in Betweenstory*

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December 15th, 1973: The American Psychiatric Association declassifies homosexuality as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It was a big deal at the time; there probably should’ve been a celebration or something, but good luck trying to get a buncha gays to go out and party.

Anyway, that’s all well and good, but I wish the APA would get back to me about my proposal of a new classification in the DSM for men who have multiple cats and a Yorkshire Terrier, favor retro-kitsch decor, spend all year looking forward to Halloween, fuss over their facial hair until it’s just so, Rollerblade shirtless, and had major problems with the final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer but somehow aren’t gay, possibly due to atomic radiation or child abuse. I mean c’mon, there’s obviously something wrong with the ol’ noggin, yet here I am not collecting disability like a chump.

*yes, I realize this is not an accurate depiction of the spectrum of human sexuality, shut up

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/15/11 at 05:16 PM
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Categories: LGBT

Mack out with your black out

From comments:

Nothing about the NDAA? Seems to be a liberal blog blackout regarding the official death of the Bill of Rights.

Uh… why, no, Raven Rant, I was um, I was just going to address that! I mean, I certainly haven’t been bought off by the Obama administration, if that’s what you’re implying… hey! Bill Daley, what are you doing in my apartment? In that apron? Get the hell out and take your delicious-smelling homemade treats with you!

(SLAM)

The nerve, thinking my silence could be purchased with their filthy blood money, or in this case, toffee and confectioner’s sugar.

Did you know that today is the 220th birthday of the Bill of Rights? Well, don’t put on that little hat and blow that whistle with the rolled-up paper attachment that unfurls just yet, because it’s also… its deathday! There, Raven, happy? Or do I have to specify that I’m not in favor of the NDAA? Because I’m not, I think it’s bullshit.

Hey waaaiiit a minute. I just cursed. In public! Hold on, lemme try something.

(assembles freely, plays with Voltron toy)

(regulates militia, and pretty darn well, I might add)

(takes dog out, observes doo process)

Clearly the Bill of Rights’s death has been greatly exaggerated.

Anyway, here’s Rachel Maddow talking with someone who knows more about the NDAA than I do, a bar he clears by knowing it’s not the governing body for dodgeball:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Oh hey, Daley dropped one on his way out.

(munch)

Mmm, blood blondie.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/15/11 at 08:51 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsWar In ErrorTelevision

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

And whatever walked there, had some cake

Happy Birthday, Shirley Jackson! Hey, I know a fun game: let’s juxtapose some of her most famous writing with an excerpt from her obituary, see if it gives us chills:

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.

In 1965, Shirley Jackson died of heart failure in her sleep, at her home in North Bennington, at the age of 48. Jackson had suffered throughout her life from various neuroses and psychosomatic illnesses.

Yep, definitely got some chills. That’s what I love about her, she can always be counted on to provide those.

Some fans like to honor this day by buying a lottery ticket. Not me, though; I’m gonna go to a haunted house and watch chicks make out.

Okay, that’s a lie. I’m actually going to search online for the hardcover edition of The Haunting of Hill House I gave to a girlfriend years ago and see if it’s still going for an obscene amount of money. God damn I wish it’d been something easily replaceable, like an engagement ring.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/14/11 at 07:44 PM
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Huckabortion of a Headline

TPM is one of my favorite political news sites, but boy did they ever fuck up this headline:

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The link to the full article tells about the most fetus-fetishy of the GOP candidates gathering to screen a Huckabee-Citizens United anti-choice documentary. But from the front page caption, I was expecting to read about a mob of Personhood freaks lying in wait for the doctor who aborted Huckabee’s miraculous Jeebus-baby. Maybe it’s just me…

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/14/11 at 03:54 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsNutters

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