Friday, April 20, 2012

Romney’s Campaign Staff Isn’t Working

It’s been apparent for a while now that despite the vast wealth at his disposal, Mittens’ campaign is a few sammitches short of a picnic. Heck, all that money doesn’t even buy you any new ideas.

Witness the shameless “borrowing” of a legendary UK Conservative Party poster from way back in 1979—the fateful election that brought Margaret Thatcher to power. Here’s Mittens’ minions’ version above the original one:

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The repurposed poster misses a few tricks in the original: the pun on “Labour” not “working” is replaced by a bland personalization and a revisiting of Romney’s recent theme that President Obama should forgo playing golf and family vacations at the locations of his family’s choice because too many Americans—Mitt Romney being one—are currently unemployed.

The original poster has been credited with winning the election for Thatcher, and Campaign magazine voted it “poster advertisement of the century.”

But there’s one little detail Mittens’ team has overlooked. What happened to unemployment in the UK once this magnificently clever ad won the election for the Conservatives? Here’s a little graph:

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Oops.

Anyway, this is all so last century, Mitt. The word on the street in swinging London nowadays is “Austerity isn’t working.”

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 04/20/12 at 06:13 PM
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Froggy Bottom (Open Thread)

We have lots of frogs down here in Florida. I like frogs very much and enjoy encountering them on my own terms, i.e., outside, where they belong, and from a cozy distance.

See, we’ve had boundary issues, frogs and me. It’s been suggested in some quarters that perhaps I take these unexpected frog assaults a little too personally and have become a bit paranoid about their propensity for popping up to surprise me in unlikely places.

I’d like to see how these critics would react to this kind of scenario on their turf. What’s pictured below is the console of a sadly neglected exercise bike that lives on my back porch:

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And yes, that’s a goddamned frog coming out of a hole in the exercise bike console:

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Are there critters in your neck of the woods who pop out to surprise you? Discuss! Or talk about whatever.

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/20/12 at 06:26 AM
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Categories: Critters

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Cookies and Mitt

If Mitt Romney doesn’t become president (and I don’t really think he should), I think I’d like to see him in a Food channel program: On the Road Eating Stuff with Mitt. There has just been so much amusing footage of him interacting oddly with people in diners and eating breakfast and being weird with waitresses. I think it could be a hit. In the above clip, he is not digging the looks of those cookies.  I can’t wait to see how he reacts when he’s introduced to scrapple (a real authentic Pennsylvania treat).

Anyway, it’s more amusing than his other shtick, which is going places and fibbing about the economy to people who probably know better.

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 04/19/12 at 08:26 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12Mittens

the dumbist studey ive ever read a duzen tiems and stil cant queit get the jist of

Not contnt wiht aidng and abetinng the anti-vacine moevment, Hufngton Posst continuse to promot fring sceince. Do theese findngs make sense to anyoen? Also, do any of yuo kno how doornobs work? Im darwing a blank heer and the dog realy neesd to go to the bahtrooom.

Waht do you meen, “how did you REALY tare your rotatr cuff, gil?” I todl you alredy, I fell rolerbladng.

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Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/19/12 at 04:42 PM
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Categories: MessylaneousNews

Vulgarians at the Cake (Open Thread)

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Poor Mrs. Mitt. After 40+ years of back-breaking momming, the woman has earned the right to kick back and take it easy. And she could, too, if it weren’t for her husband’s compulsive need to cross “Be President!” off his bucket list.

So Mrs. Mitt is forced to endure serial humiliations, one of the worst of which must surely be the obligation to interact socially with a vulgar, embarrassing blowhard like Donald Trump. Last night, Mrs. Mitt was obligated to paste on a smile and ride the elevator to the 66th floor of Trump Tower to join Trump, his wife Melanoma and 400 other crass rich people (the only kind willing to share airspace with Trump) to raise $600,000 for the Mitt campaign at a “birthday party” for Mrs. Mitt. (66th floor + $600,000 - $599,994 = 666!)

And, because even though Trump was born rich, he somehow managed to avoid acquiring the good taste and manners that often make our plutocrats seem less overtly monstrous than they actually are, he exposed poor Mrs. Mitt to maximum tackiness, including a sugary image of herself astride a sugary Austrian Warmblood dancing horse, thus inviting unflattering comparisons between Mrs. Mitt and Marie Antoinette.

The Cake Boss dude, who constructed the monstrosity, chose to surround the horse and rider with stumps. Why? A subtle protest of Trump’s desire to clear-cut ancient Scottish trees to build vulgar golf resorts? It’s a mystery. And an open thread. 

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/19/12 at 06:18 AM
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Categories: CrittersPoliticsElection '12Mittens

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Mitt & Ann & Ted & Seamus

I’m hauling myself out of the phlegmy slough of a joyful spring dose of 24-hour flu here and desperately playing catch-up on work and breathing and stuff like that, so consider yourselves apologized to for the lack of bloggy goings-on. Anyway, I decide to check out what’s eating the blogosphere at the moment, and yup—it’s that dog again.

The old adage goes, “When you’re in a hole, stop digging.” But it seems Mitt and Ann Romney just can’t stop doubling down on that infamous dog on roof incident from way back in 1983. I’ve known a few Irish setters in my time, and they’ve by and large been soft old things, albeit bonkers. Judging by the Romneys’ response when ABC’s Diane Sawyer used an “exclusive” interview to raise the issue yet again, that may be a family trait:

Mitt Romney told Sawyer that the Seamus attacks were the most wounding of the campaign “so far” ...

Well, Mitt, it’s only April. Buckle up.

“The dog loved it,” Ann Romney said. “He would see that crate and, you know, he would, like, go crazy because he was going with us on vacation.”

Yeah, so you’ve both been saying since the story first emerged. Look, it’s an Irish setter—its threshold for “loving it” is pretty damn low. As for “going crazy,” from my experience with the breed, how the heck could you tell?

And here comes the usual TMI:

Adding to the left’s narrative that Romney had little compassion for the animal is a detail from the 1983 trip that Ann Romney confirmed to Sawyer. The dog became sick, defecating all over itself and the windshield of the car, leading Romney to hose them both off before they continued on the drive to Canada.

“Once, he—we traveled all the time—and he ate the turkey on the counter.  I mean, he had the runs,” Ann Romney said, laughing as she explained how the dog got diarrhea.

In a 2007 blog written during Romney’s first campaign for the presidency, Ann Romney said the dog rode “in an enclosed kennel, not in the open air” and compared the experience with a person riding on a motorcycle or roller coaster.

Remind me never to visit Disney World when the Romneys are there.

This all earned the couple another savaging from Dogs Against Romney:

Mitt Romney, when asked by Sawyer if he would do such a thing again, said “Certainly not…,” which would have been a fantastic answer had he not been compelled to add a totally narcissistic qualifier, “...with all the attention its received.”

I repeat: “Certainly not with all the attention its received.”

In other words, Mr. Romney still sees nothing wrong with what he did (despite the fact that 68% of Americans say it was “inhumane”) and the only reason he wouldn’t do it again is to avoid personal political backlash.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 04/17/12 at 12:00 PM
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Sunday, April 15, 2012

We Don’t Need No Education

North Carolina Rep. Virginia Foxx went on convicted felon G. Gordon Liddy’s wingnut talk radio show last week to denounce all these students and recent college grads who are bitching about their student loans:

I went through school, I worked my way through, it took me seven years, I never borrowed a dime of money. He borrowed a little bit because we both were totally on our own when we went to college, totally. [...] I have very little tolerance for people who tell me that they graduate with $200,000 of debt or even $80,000 of debt because there’s no reason for that. We live in an opportunity society and people are forgetting that. I remind folks all the time that the Declaration of Independence says “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” You don’t have it dumped in your lap.

Of course, the expense today’s students incur is a bit more steep than the cost of obtaining a Bachelor of Science in Dinosaur Husbandry during Foxx’s youth, even spread out across seven years. How much more? It’s hard to do a direct comparison since not all of the chiseled stone tablets used to record educational expenses in Foxx’s day have been digitalized. But here’s a chart that illustrates how tuition costs have risen since 1985:

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Could a near 600% increase have something to do with ballooning student indebtedness? Possibly! Here’s the punchline: Foxx chairs the House Subcommittee on Higher Education. Hahahaha!

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/15/12 at 08:25 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggery

Saturday, April 14, 2012

What If Matt Drudge Accidentally Told the Truth?

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My Rumproast co-blogger StrangeAppar8us used to do an occasional series on One-Scoop Wonder Matt Drudge. I thought of Strange when I saw the OOGA BOOGA headline below, so I decided I’d revive Strange’s regular feature.

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Here’s the story it links to, which covers Mittens’ NRA speech. In that speech, Mittens regurgitated the NRA’s own paranoid fantasy about Obama, which goes something like this: Obama does fuck-all about guns for four years as part of a fiendishly clever scheme to lull gun owners into a false sense of security and win a second term. And then, just as quick as his hand leaves the bible on his Second Inauguration Day, Obama orders jack-booted ATF agents to go door-to-door to forcibly disarm the populace.

Of course, Mittens himself was all for sensible gun control measures when he was running for and serving as governor of Massachusetts, and unlike the president, Mittens has actually signed gun control legislation. If the NRA were a bipartisan interest group, it would support the president over Romney for that reason.

But the NRA is actually a dismal, dishonest collection of Republican hacks and barrel-stroking, pinwheel-eyed lunatics who believe open-carry permits are required to protect them from rogue turkeys, so it’s entirely in the bag for Gun-Grabber Willard.

As for Mittens himself, who the hell knows what he really believes on the gun issue. He believes he should be president, and he believes there’s no lie too shameless to utter in pursuit of that goal. And his lies will be swallowed, digested and excreted as truth by fellow liars and hacks like Drudge, and the resulting turds will be polished to a high gloss by bottom-feeders like Halperin. 

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/14/12 at 01:50 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersElection '12MittensNuttersOur Stupid Media

Friday, April 13, 2012

Back to Mitt Romney—

I don’t know how everything got shifted over to how one person who isn’t a campaign spokesperson for President Obama said one technically true thing that didn’t sound right and then suddenly everything was about how Lefties don’t love Mom, the flag or apple pie. I’m sure a bunch of people who are White House and campaign spox are going through Message Discipline Boot Camp right now (Drop and give me twenty talking points!) But I have my ideas. It seems like the only card conservatives can draw is the Defense of Traditional Womanhood Card, just like they play the Defense of Traditional Marriage Card in another respect of the culture war.  In other words, they whinge, “Why are you attacking this tradition (by pointing out that others exist)?”

Thus, when Hilary Rosen made a specific point about Ann Romney’s privilege in being able to be a stay-at-home-mom, it was attacked as being about her choice to be a stay-at-home-mom. Honestly, I do not care if Ann Romney worked a day outside the home. It matters to me that Gov. Romney has decided that he will receive his communications from Planet Vajayjay from someone who is more familiar with Ladies Who Lunch than Ladies who can’t Catch a Lunch Break.

read the whole post »

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 04/13/12 at 10:59 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12Mittens

Open Thread

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I got nothing but a question: Will outrage over Hilary Rosen’s infamous assertion that a gazillionaire with a household staff embedded in multiple mansions might not be the best economic adviser on the affairs of ordinary American women continue, or will the blind hogs find another acorn today?

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/13/12 at 07:21 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12MittensOur Stupid Media

Thursday, April 12, 2012

“Do You Live in a Barn?” (Open Thread)

Well, kind of. This facility—with the darling little Poulet Chalet surrounded by a spacious, well-protected and partially shaded chicken run—is the future home of my seven hens:

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Right now, they are living in my office. Until their feathers come in. And you know what? Animals are gross!

Whoever it was who said when my adorable little chicks got older, they’d suddenly exude clouds of dust and feathers? You were right, my friend. There ain’t enough canned air at Staples to blow all the crap out of my electronics. And speaking of crap, when I went in to check on the chickens awhile ago, I noticed one of them had taken a fresh dump right on the feeder.

After delivering a short lecture on etiquette and basic table manners, I whisked the offending barnyard equipment out of the room to wash it. The chicken turd was fresh enough to slide off the plastic surface, and my two boxer dogs leapt over to lick it up the moment it hit the floor.

Jesus H. Christ, I’m catatonic with disgust. Can dogs get salmonella? This isn’t as bad as the present Tunch gave John last night, but fuck, animals are gross…

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/12/12 at 01:48 PM
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Categories: Critters

Internet comments led me to believe that typing one-handed would be a more enjoyable experience

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Thanks, kid, but you must be thinking of someone else, I wasn’t on “Cheers.”

Well, Parker’s home and recuperating from surgery, and I still can’t use my dominant hand for more than a few minutes at a time (to answer the obvious question, no, I did not have my Rollerblading accident prior to drawing that Geraldo Rivera cartoon, and to answer the other obvious question, no, Parker wasn’t with me when I ate it; our injuries are unrelated, not that I’m entirely guilt-free as regards his tripedalism). But the internet craves content, and this hilarious story (note: the Onion AV Club is not a satirical site) gives me a thin excuse to repost something I wrote a few years ago, back when I didn’t have a platform and toiled away in obscurity. Bush was president then, though, so don’t get all nostalgic for the good ol’ days.

—————

Mel Gibson: Chemical Interactions

Alcohol: Belligerent anti-Semitism

Absinthe: Belligerent anti-Sem… whoa. Get. The fuck. Out.

Lithium: An even keel but a sneaking suspicion that he’s just not Mel without the anti-Semitism

LSD: Incense and anti-Semitismints the color of time

Marijuana: Pro-snackism

Peyote: His vision-quest spirit guide isn’t a Jew, is it? Dingos can’t be Jewish, right?

Isoflourine: Comforting sense that the Jewish problem will work itself out somehow

Odor particles, own feces: Preening self-satisfaction, conflation of identity with that of heroes portrayed, plus he just likes the smell

Exhaust fumes: A perfectly serviceable Aussie B-movie (add mohawk dander to increase awesomeness quotient tenfold)

Tina Turner, whose charisma should be regulated as a controlled substance: Trapeze fights? The fuck?

Mennen Aftershave: GrrraaaAAARRGH! (pounds sink with fist, hyperventilates through clenched teeth, stares wildly at self in mirror)

Zyklon B: Belated acceptance of its existence/lethality

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 04/12/12 at 11:19 AM
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Categories: MessylaneousMoviesMovie News

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

GOP RNC Alphabet Soup Reince Priebus, also known as an obvious anagram, Doubles Down on Caterpillars

This is what Reince Priebus said again about the ladypeople:

i won’t walk back i’ll double down. this war of women is a fiction that the democrats have created. the real war on women is the war that this president has put forward on the american people by not following through on his promises. by having women disproportionately affected by the economy.

I know, I shouldn’t give much of a toss what Curb Eerie Spin says—it’s his job to pretend GOP policies don’t hurt women.  I also think Epic Rube Risen is kind of awful and funny and the shecovery vs the mancession and all that is kind of dumb, but the anti-choice stuff is obvious.

So grossed out by RNC. Obviously.

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 04/11/12 at 11:08 PM
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Categories: Politics

Okay, Herman Cain is just playing with us all, now.

“This is the average American taxpayer, feeding big government,” the ad’s narrator — the same girl who appeared in earlier Cain videos — says before showing the farmer being attacked by the chickens.

“Any questions?” she asks standing atop a skeleton dressed as a farmer.

~Via The Hill

Ooh, ooh, I got a question! Does that little’s girl’s folks much care that their kid is appearing in adverts that have a weird amount of implicit/explicit violence? Just wondering.

Anyhow, because I do think about these things, this metaphor regarding taxpayers versus government is the dumbest yet.  The taxpayer is depicted as a farmer feeding chickens. Farmers don’t keep chickens for no good reason—poultry is profitable. Chickens provide eggs and meat. So if we dealt with this metaphor in the actual relation of farmer to chickens, paying taxes is profitable because it yields dividends. Chickens don’t devour the farmer in real life—they benefit him with eggs and meat. We pay taxes, we get back roads and schools and military defense. And police patrols and fire houses. And a social safety net that includes health care for the aged and disabled. If you really got to thinking about it, government could be even more profitable than chickens if you had a say in how it was carried out—and it turns out, in a democracy, you do!

Huh. It’s just like paying taxes is exactly not like getting eaten by chickens.  It’s kind of weird that anyone thinks about getting eaten by chickens. Why is Herman Cain thinking about getting eaten by chickens? Does this relate to his fears about other people, who don’t know about serious business in the politics? ‘Cause that would be a cool story he could tell us more about, I think.

Or not. He could also just go away, and that would work for me, too.

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 04/11/12 at 10:16 PM
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Categories: Skull Hampers

Babysitt-AHGH

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One thing that’s always bugged the shit out of me is when a man says he has to “babysit” his children. It would annoy me if a woman said that too, but I’ve never actually heard a female use that term in reference to her own progeny.

I bet Mittens would have said it, had the situation ever presented itself. I can imagine a scenario back in the 80s in which the entire Romney Nanny Army was simultaneously stricken with food poisoning while the Missus was astride an Austrian Warmblood at some dressage (fancy horse-dancing) event and the kitchen staff, livery crew and gardeners all pretended not to speak English, leaving poor Mittens to “babysit” all five lads.

As yet another demonstration of his cool, crisis-free management style, Mittens may have simply lashed Snotleigh, Tagamet, Cumberbund, Fontleroy and Snoodle to the roof of his golf cart and kept his tee time with the Marriotts. This is all pure speculation, of course, but the Romneys provided a glimpse into their family life in a recent campaign clip titled, intriguingly, “Family,” and after viewing it, it’s easy to image such a madcap, screwball comedy ensuing.

Ruth Marcus over at Kaplan does a pretty good job of pointing out how the clip, meant to humanize Romney, might backfire with female viewers since it unintentionally portrays Romney as yet another hyperactive brat the long-suffering Missus had to tame between patronizing pats on the head about the importance of Motherhood:

“His consoling words were always the same: Ann, your job is more important than mine.”

This story is supposed to buttress Mitt’s bona fides as a supportive husband, and Ann is, no doubt, a more tolerant spouse than I am. But every time I hear that patronizing line, I imagine responding, “Great. If my job is more important, then you come home and do it and I’ll check into the nice room at the Four Seasons.”

Anyhoo, Marcus goes on to note that the contrast in styles between the Obamas and Romneys would tend to skew the female demographic in the president’s direction. True enough.

The gender gap has widened into a chasm, and because “Game Change” changed exactly nothing—people like Nicolle Wallace and Mark Salter are still running presidential campaigns—it wouldn’t surprise me if Mittens puts someone like Kay Bailey Hutchinson on the ticket. He badly needs an Ambassadress to Planet Vajayjay.

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/11/12 at 11:53 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '12Mittens

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