Saturday, December 22, 2012

Your Choice America: The Holy or the Broken Hallelujah?

(At the risk of “tailgating” the incomparable Mrs. Polly, whose ability to raise waves of impassioned commentary with a few well-spiked paragraphs is the envy of us all, I would like to add a few thoughts on “Wayne’s World” because a) this horse is not nearly dead enough yet and b) some interesting new twists have come to light that put an even finer point on Mrs P’s poisoned dart.)

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Posted by Bette Noir on 12/22/12 at 12:27 PM
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Categories: PoliticsNutters

Friday, December 21, 2012

What’s Not To Love About Wayne’s World?

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Ordnance-obssessed* yokels, the NRA has a jobs program for you, and it’s the gubmint what’ll bring it, for the sake of the cheeeeldrin! Put down your Gadsden flags and march yourselves right over to the nearest Board Of Education, and apply for the enormous new KiddieShield Jobs Program, which not only will pay you to skulk about your toddler’s school hallways with the firearm of your dreams, but will pay NRA instructors to train you in operation of same! Everybody wins! Not a single pedagogical center should be unsecured by this nation’s Nimrods, not if we care for our most precious resource—uh, kids.

Pity poor Wayne LaPierre: he cannot comprehend the lack of imagination displayed by the wayward lefty press, who cannot, for a moment, even picture how Sandy Hook might have been even a little bit less tragic if Adam Lanza had encountered a hail of gunfire from QuickDraw McArmedGuards like the ones who didn’t prevent Columbine. He also cannot comprehend the nation’s fervid imaginings of how very much less tragic Sandy Hook might have been if Adam Lanza didn’t have access to a gun that burps 6 bullets a second.

*correct spelling of “ordnance” h/t Quaker in a Basement….I missed my NRA Ballistics Terminology Seminar, because I wasn’t Raised Right.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 12/21/12 at 12:50 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

John Boehner is A Funny Duck, Isn’t He?

This was the Speaker of Nothing on Wednesday knowing he doesn’t have the votes to get shit done:

Huh.  It’s Obama’s fault that Boehner can’t get the votes to do shit.  So what happened on Thursday?

Well, he tried to get his guys to vote on a “Plan B” that was stuffed with things they should have liked.  And they said “No.”  Santa Boehner promised them a Christmas Tree, and didn’t get any cookies and milk in return. Thankless, this being Speaker of the House business.  Is there any answer to his Yuletide dilemma, besides “ho,ho,ho”? his way out of it, and try to make the deal a) sweeter to his non-coalition (tick tock) and b) totally unacceptable to the House Dems, the Senate, and the White House, completely revealing who is the problem around here? (And that’s actually probably his best choice if he likes this job?)

Or should he just toss the whole thing in the fuck-it-bucket with some ice and prosecco, say “shaft the speakership”, and let Obama deal with a new congress, (which I bet Obama already has plans to do)? (That would be an excellent “Take this job and shove it” option, and ideal in the face of what looks like a “no-confidence” vote.)

The sad thing was, Boehner’s gambit actually was a bid to get some leverage by saying he could get something done—if the White House and Senate would just work with what the House agreed to. Not getting that, his road ahead looks pretty rugged. It looks even crappier if one paid attention to his very short Wednesday presser.

(X-Posted at Strangely Blogged.)

 

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 12/21/12 at 12:40 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '12Election '14NuttersPolisnark

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Sic Semper Kenyensis

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“Thus to all Kenyans!” shrieks a diminutive Peter Parker wannabe in a picture Business Insider is calling “The Best Ever”. 

Fair enough: it’s a damn cute spider-kid, and an even cuter POTUS. But I grow weary of seeing Barack Obama constantly being threatened by web-shooters and children in brightly colored pajamas.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/20/12 at 08:35 PM
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Ed Ames, Cultural Warrior

First, he was a crooner in his brothers’ choral group. Then, he was Daniel Boone’s frontier BFF when he lost the audition for Mr. Spock to Leonard Nimoy. Finally, he ended up playing Johnny Carson’s late night talk-show mohel in a historical demonstration of puberty rituals. It doesn’t matter how much worse the Brazilian wax version of this is. You’re better off getting yanked than bladed.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/20/12 at 07:45 PM
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Ann Barnhardt, Financial Candystriper

Alas, still frames or photos never tell the whole story of just how weird a moving creature can be.

Brava, Ann. Party on, Tea-Totaller!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/20/12 at 07:10 PM
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Categories: CrittersKnee SlappersPoliticsNuttersTeabaggerySkull HampersYouTubidity

Silly People, Only Liberals Need To Be Informed!

Lately, a lot of gun nuts and trolls have been trying to derail the topic of gun control by making the claim that gun control advocates know nothing about guns, so they are unqualified to weigh in on the topic.  Even “well meaning liberals” have fallen into the trap of taking their B.S. seriously.  I recently posted about this on my eponymous blog, but didn’t post it here because I didn’t want to “step on” Vixen Strangely’s tribute to Sen. Daniel Inouye.  One benefit of working the graveyard shift is that it allows one to post when decent people are asleep or drunk… so here’s my rant about gun fetishists:

Have you ever read something by an author you generally respect that seems a little bit off?  In a recent column, James Fallows posts a letter from a reader who is a gun enthusiast, and the result is a pissed-off Bastard. 

I’ll post a couple of excerpts from this letter, then go on my tirade. 

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Posted by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 12/20/12 at 06:37 AM
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Categories: PoliticsNutters

Joe Biden Being Awesome

Rachel Maddow showed part of this clip last night from a 2007 Democratic presidential candidate debate. Candidates Biden and Richardson respond to a YouTube question on gun control from a Ted Nugent wannabe who fondly strokes his assault weapon, referring to it as his “baby” and asking how the candidates will help him protect his “baby.” Watch:

Richardson attempts a boilerplate response that won’t unduly alarm gun-fondlers. Biden questions the mental health of anyone who would refer to an assault weapon as his “baby.” I’m glad Biden is heading up the gun control taskforce.

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/20/12 at 06:30 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenElection '08NuttersYouTubidity

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Neither Of These Things May Be Available For Retail Purchase

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Roseate psychopath Ann Barnhardt and her powerful pink popgun formerly known as the AR-15 may be figments from our collective past should draconian gun laws and psychotropic drugs become the norm in 2013

Ann is a colorful Rumproast fave who appeared several times in previous editions of the blog. For those of you who missed these earlier incarnations of Ann, you can dine on what seems to be the terminal post in her wacky wingnut warehouse, SO YOU WANT TO SURRENDER ON SODOMITE MARRIAGE?

No Ann, we don’t…not if you’re the female lead in a heterosexual union.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/19/12 at 07:52 PM
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Categories: MessylaneousPoliticsNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

Is This The Missing Romney/Ryan TV Spot?

No, it’s actually just a stinger scene from Trey Stone and Matt Parker’s X-rated comedy classic Orgazmo. In it, Parker’s character Elder Young is mistaken by porn film producer Maxxx Orbison for that famous hunka-hunka burning love memorialized by Elvis Presley (or was that William F. Burroughs?).  In the same dangerous moment of misinterpretation Young’s junior missionary partner Ben Chepleski (Dian Bachar) is errantly ascribed the cheerful disposition and dual-purpose plumbing gear you’d expect from a fishnet-stockinged Robin.
Enjoy! If you get time and the opportunity, please treat yourself to three other South Park movies—Cannibal, The Musical; Team America: World Police; and South Park—Bigger, Longer, And Uncut.

Meantime, have a Shpadoinkle Day. 

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Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/19/12 at 02:52 PM
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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Child’s Fight For His Dream

Not every ill child can hope for charity intervention or a telegram from the Make-a-Wish foundation, but cancer victim Connor Michalek is proving that a child’s enthusiasm for a better, more significant life may be all it takes to make a difference.

Connor is a Pittsburgh resident with brain and spinal cancer, and a fatal, imminent prognosis. However, while Connor’s life is likely to be all too short, it may have at least one Capra-esque moment if he can meet his All-Star wrestling hero, Daniel Bryan.

This video went viral today, as more and more Americans meditated on the courage of children, and the wonderfulness of their dreams. Bryan is famous for screaming “NO, NO, NO” at athletic events. Let’s hope that this time a happy, glowing “YES” will escape his lips.

(*UPDATE: Happy glowy!—Mrs. Polly)

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/18/12 at 07:08 PM
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Categories: MessylaneousSportsYouTubidity

For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.  (Yeats)

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Over the years, I have developed a few cardinal rules, for myself, about writing.  Number One is: never write when your head is spinning—that includes alcohol-induced head-spinning, sensory overload and bouts of cognitive dissonance.  This rule means that I will rarely be the one to “break a big scoop” but, by the same token it, it has saved me from making a collossal ass of myself on quite a few occasions (other times, not so much).

Last Friday’s events made my head spin mightily and the public reactions of some of my “fellow Murkins” created a force-field that kept it spinning.

Like the college kid that lost his place-kicker position at the University of Alabama for this infantile tweet over the President cutting into a broadcast of the National Bloodsport to address a national tragedy:

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He was joined by 50-or-so other similarly-challenged oafs who evidently get a hard-on over saying the N-word.

And there were all of the other kinds of unhelpful American Exceptionals scoring points for their own constricted agenda:

Mike Huckabee, first out of the gate with his opinion that this tragedy resulted from not enough prayer in schools and was “amened” by Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association.

On Sunday, Pastor Sam Morris told his flock, in Tennessee, that sending kids to “government schools” is the problem.

Morris insisted that “humanism” in schools taught Lanza that he was God and “he can just go blow away anybody he wants.”

When I got in high school, man, I started learning all this kingdom, phylum stuff, all this junk about evolution. And I want to tell you what evolution teaches — here’s the bottom line — that you’re an animal. That’s what it teaches. So, you’re an animal, you can act like an animal. Amen.

So, here you are, you’re an animal and you’re a god! So, what are we going to teach you about in school? Well, we can teach you about sex, we can teach you how to rebel to you parents, we can teach you how to be a homo! But we’re definitely not going to teach you about the word of God! Amen.

Focus on the Family’s James Dobson opined that homosexuals and abortion are to blame.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Planet Xanax) feels that there are not enough guns in America’s classrooms.

TEA Party Nation warns that sex in the media, teacher’s unions and the federal bureaucracy are to blame and recommend home-schooling as a solution.

The only outfit that is eerily silent on the issue is the National Rifle Association, the very organization that has spent millions turning the idea of gun ownership into the holy grail of Democracy.  They must know what exceedingly thin and crackly ice they skate on.

I don’t know what the answer is . . . but, as a parent and grandparent I know the heart-stopping, ice-in-the-veins feeling when my own child was in mortal danger.  I know that even as a 60+ year old woman who doesn’t exercise enough, I could lift a car off my grand-daughter if need be.  There are some things that are so primal that our human minds will only admit those things that make perfect sense in such situations and screen out the rest of the noise.

It is time for sane parents who want to protect their children and make those children feel safe in their homes, in their schools, in their neighborhoods to drown out the voices of the yahoos, the politicians and lobbyists who tell us all of the reasons why we can’t do that.  And I mean ALL children.  Not just children in affluent neighborhoods but also the children who are held back, educationally, because they are afraid to go to school.

No one can persuade me that this country is the greatest country on Earth as long as there is one child who is afraid to go to school.

We need to search out the sane voices because they are certainly out there.

Charles Pierce has written a very sane case for the Free Market Profiteers’ role in this problem.  And by now, probably most of you have read the viral article entitled I am Adam Lanza’s Mother, written by a mother coping with her own 13-year-old son’s mental illness and the lack of resources, outside of incarceration, for people like her to keep her son and herself safe.

I listened to an interview on NPR, in the car, yesterday, in which an urban school counselor made the case, as diplomatically as possible, that shootings are so common in her school’s neighborhood that ten-year-olds can identify a weapon’s make by its sound.

But those shootings rarely make headlines.

Truancy is a real problem in her school, she said, because children have to walk through a “war zone” to get there.

Sanity really can prevail—here’s proof from this morning’s news:

Cerberus Capital Management, a private equity firm that owns a stake in Bushmaster, the gun manufacturer that produced the rifle used in the massacre of students and teachers at an elementary school in Connecticut, announced early Tuesday that it intends to sell that investment.

Over the past six years, Cerberus has amassed a holding company called the Freedom Group, which has purchased some of the biggest names in American gun manufacturing, including Bushmaster. The firm’s decision to sell off the interests in firearms companies and return the capital to its investors underscores how Friday’s shooting—which took the lives of 20 children—has reinvigorated the national debate on gun control, not just for activists, but also for investors.

Posted by Bette Noir on 12/18/12 at 11:44 AM
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Categories: PoliticsRelijun

Monday, December 17, 2012

You Know, I Used to Think Mike Huckabee Might Run For President Again

I don’t anymore, and this sort of ignorance is exactly why:

What the hell is “taxpayer-funded abortion pills”? Taxpayer dollars don’t fund any kind of abortions under the Hyde Amendment.  Now, because he is ignorant, he might have the singularly stupid idea not unpopular with   fundies that birth control pills are abortifacients—they are not. They are contraceptives in the sense that they prevent conception, which in turn means they actually prevent abortions. And yes, those are provided by government dollars under Title X and without co-pay as a part of insurance plans under the ACA. But even somewhat anti-science, also strong social conservative LA Gov. Bobby Jindal just recently published an op-ed endorsing over-the-counter birth control.  Now, of course Jindal’s op-ed is for the purpose of divorcing the birth control issue from government altogether so tax dollars are not even second or third hand involved—but at least he isn’t calling them “abortion pills”.

But listen again, and this is a very short clip, but packed dense with Kulturkampf dummkopf-ery, he is talking about things we “used to call disorders”, that we “now call normal”—whatever could that be?  I am pretty well-persuaded by my general knowledge about Huckabee’s bullshit that he’s talking about LGBT* people. It’s sinful that gay and trans folk are treated as regular human beings, he’s saying. That’s what I think he was getting at.

I know I’ve said this before, but really, ginormously hump a bunch of Mike Huckabee. But this time, I think I mean, there ain’t no poll numbers in 2016 gonna support no kind of Mike Huckabee. He is reinforcing his FOX Mushroom Farm cred, but really at the expense of anything in the way of political viability.  And if that is the way he feels, well—

Good. Happy death of political career to you. “Godspeed” you to irrelevance. Happy trails. And don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya, because that is probably some kind of sodomy, and stuff. And I care about Huckabee just enough to want to preserve his ass from understanding just how sinful he really is as a gluttonous grasping hypocrite so he’ll continue providing me with glurgy blogfodder. Forever and ever. Amen.

(X-Posted at Strangely Blogged.)

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 12/17/12 at 11:10 PM
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Categories: LGBTMessylaneousPoliticsBedwettersNuttersWar On WomenRelijunSkull Hampers

The Remarkable Service of Senator Daniel Inouye Will Be Long Remembered

Senator Daniel Inouye, the second-longest serving senator in the US Senate, has died at the age of 88, after a remarkable lifetime of service to his state and his country.  He lived in interesting times and lived up to their challenges with valor and integrity.  But at base, he was a really decent guy. Aloha,  Senator.

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 12/17/12 at 08:58 PM
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Categories: Politics

Sunday, December 16, 2012

President Obama Speaks at Interfaith Prayer Vigil

(Transcript)

Are we really prepared to say that we’re powerless in the face of such carnage, that the politics are too hard?

Are we prepared to say that such violence visited on our children year after year after year is somehow the price of our freedom?

You know, all the world’s religions, so many of them represented here today, start with a simple question.

Why are we here? What gives our life meaning? What gives our acts purpose?

We know our time on this Earth is fleeting. We know that we will each have our share of pleasure and pain, that even after we chase after some earthly goal, whether it’s wealth or power or fame or just simple comfort, we will, in some fashion, fall short of what we had hoped. We know that, no matter how good our intentions, we’ll all stumble sometimes in some way.

We’ll make mistakes, we’ll experience hardships and even when we’re trying to do the right thing, we know that much of our time will be spent groping through the darkness, so often unable to discern God’s heavenly plans.

There’s only one thing we can be sure of, and that is the love that we have for our children, for our families, for each other. The warmth of a small child’s embrace, that is true.

The memories we have of them, the joy that they bring, the wonder we see through their eyes, that fierce and boundless love we feel for them, a love that takes us out of ourselves and binds us to something larger, we know that’s what matters.

We know we’re always doing right when we’re taking care of them, when we’re teaching them well, when we’re showing acts of kindness. We don’t go wrong when we do that.

Something has to change. Something in his voice made me feel like he certainly will see to it something does.

 

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 12/16/12 at 09:45 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack Obama

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