Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Get a Job, DUDE!


This has been quite a busy month for ex-Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL) [possibly the busiest he’s been in two years?] On February 5, 2013, Walsh tweeted his intention to kick off the GOP version of Clash of the Titans:


He was, of course, referring to the launch of the Conservative Victory Project, a new initiative by the Karl Rove-linked super PAC American Crossroads to prevent TEA Party yahoos from blowing elections that the Rove-backed establishment yahoos could blow for themselves.

Meanwhile, Walsh has been firing off public teasers, responding to the [alleged] clamor from his constituents that he run for the US Senate, or maybe for Governor of Illinois, whatever.  Walsh also has a brand new Facebook and Twitter presence—Walsh Freedom—to keep his fan club informed of his “next moves.”

And, while he was busy “filing papers” for his new PAC, I guess he decided to clear up any other legal loose ends and “filed papers” to terminate his famous child support arrangement because . . . NO JOB!

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/12/13 at 04:49 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggery

Monday, February 11, 2013

Bye Bye Benny!

Wow, this just in! Pope Benedict will be stepping down at the end of the month.  It’s somewhat appropriate the Pope choose the day before Mardi Gras to step down, because he is, as I wrote two years ago, one of those insufferable “All Ash Wednesday, No Fat Tuesday” Catholics, much like professional scolds Ross Douthat and Kathryn Jean Lopez

Tragically, my first choice for the Papacy, a beloved figure from a country with a population that is 80% Roman Catholic died this weekend.  My second choice for the Papacy, the Monsignor of The Church of the Holy Spook would only get confused by the smoke emanating from the Vatican and wander off looking to score some hash.

So, who to elect pope?  Personally, I think the Roman Catholic Church should elevate one of the cardinals of Brazil to the Papacy.  Brazil is the world’s most populous Roman Catholic country, and has a diverse and forward-thinking population.  The past thirty years has seen the Roman Catholic Church take a hard rightward lurch as a mini “Counter Reformation” in response to the changes ushered in by the Second Vatican Council.  As Thunder put it in the comments on that long-ago post, the Roman Catholic Church in Latin America has maintained a tradition of actually helping the poor.  Tellingly, Benedict, while still Cardinal Ratzinger, condemned Liberation Theology.  Perhaps a Brazilian pope would bring a more progressive vision to the Holy See.  Mainly, I think nominating a Brazilian pope would be a great idea so we could have a pope who appears on the Vatican balcony in a Speedo.  Isn’t about time we had a sexy pope again?

Cross posted at my eponymous blog.

Posted by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 02/11/13 at 07:29 AM

Categories: Relijun

Sunday, February 10, 2013

2013 State of Disunity Address


Nothing says “fractured political party lumbering dumbly toward extinction” like two separate intraparty responses to the opposition president’s State of the Union address. 

That’s right, for the third year Obama Derangement Central will sponsor not one, but two, lame-ass hyperpartisan rants-that-nobody-cares-about in response to President Obama’s upcoming 2013 State of the Union Address.  Because that’s been such an inspiring morale booster in the past . . . Bobby Jindal!!1! Michelle Bachmann!!  Besides, right now, there are just so many “bright young things, waiting in the wings” of the GOP that it would be impossible to choose just one!

The plan (so far) is for totes legal immigrant Marco “Little Baby Jesu” Rubio (R-FL), newly annointed Republican Savior, to shred respond to President Obama’s SOTU and demonstrate his own considerable phresh presidential-ness and photogenicity [and, hopefully, none of his pockets of cluelessness i.e., his family’s history, climate change, age of planet Earth, etc.].

Personally, I felt that I already knew quite enough, thank you, about young Marco, and sort of agreed with Jean Williams who said:

If Marco Rubio, who recently dodged a reporter’s young Earth question by flippantly saying, “I’m not a scientist, man,” is the new future of the Republican Party, then their old, white, conservative GOP bible-belt constituency need not worry.

But if venerable old Time magazine is willing to go out on that spindly limb and pronounce Rubio the Republican Party’s Second Coming, I guess we all might as well hearken anew to what goes on in the windmills of his mind.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/10/13 at 08:00 AM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggery

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Trump vs. Bill Maher—Birther vs. Aper

Bill Maher reports on The Donald’s decision to sue him for $5 million for alleging on air that Trump’s the progeny of his mother and an orangutang. (There’s a short ad at the beginning, but you can skip it after 5 seconds or so.)

Trump fires back via TMZ:

Donald Trump has made it clear ... his legal war with Bill Maher isn’t just about the money ... it’s personal—telling TMZ the comic CROSSED THE LINE when he suggested Trump’s mom banged an orangutan.

Trump just appeared on “TMZ Live” and explained why he’s confident he’ll emerge victorious in his $5 million lawsuit against Maher ... claiming he doesn’t believe Bill was joking when he appeared on Leno earlier this year and challenged Trump to prove he isn’t the “spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan.”

Donald says he vows to defend his parents’ honor—telling us, “What he said about my father is disgraceful ... and what he said about my mother, who’s deceased, was in a certain way, even more disgraceful.”

“I’ve never heard anything like that said about my parents ... who were truly great people.”


Posted by YAFB on 02/09/13 at 12:31 PM

Friday, February 08, 2013

A Portrait of the Artist as a Man of Decent Hygiene

It appears that the Bush Family (yes, that one) got hacked recently, causing several personal emails and pictures to come floating out where people can see them. I don’t endorse this kind of thing, myself. I think everyone should be entitled to some privacy. However, I can’t resist commenting on the two works of the hand of former president George W. Bush because there’s something so solitary and bath-centered about them.

I’ve tried not to read other art criticism regarding the pieces because I like to keep my impressions fresh, and I’m sure there will be no small amount of speculation over the subliminal “coming clean” motif due to the pictures both involving Bush in the state of, well, becoming clean. It should be noted that as these are self-portraits, one might expect the painting to reveal something about the artist—I don’t know that it does. The bath portrait reveals legs mostly submerged in water.  The shower portrait is more oddly composed, giving the viewer the perspective of gazing over the subject’s shoulder, yet being able to glimpse his face at an odd angle in the reflection of a shaving mirror. It is hard to refrain from speculating about what this says regarding the psychological state of the artist, himself.  I will note that the bathroom is the one place where people can find themselves truly alone, the bath or shower where one finds oneself naked. It is a place where one performs daily rituals of hygiene, but it is also a place of vulnerability.

But the choice of the bath or shower for the settings of Bush’s self-portraits could also mean no more than that, in retirement, he’s simply taking a heck of a lot more showers and baths. He has the time to be clean now.  The inner self of the artist remains a puzzle. If it exists, at all.

I’m sure our Roasters can derive more insight into what is here than I have, however, so I’ll leave it to you.

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 02/08/13 at 11:45 PM

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Mad Scientists of the Laboratories of Democracy: Senator Stacey Campfield Edition


Ever since the Republican Party’s post-2012 election pursuit of sanity, some very peculiar things have been happening on the national level.

For example, taxes were raised, “Dreamers” were embraced and, just yesterday, in a somewhat jarring demonstration of Fellow Americanism, Rep. Eric Cantor (one of the older-and-wiser Young Guns) took the Republican gospel of self-reliance to “urban” schoolchildren (already on the right track because they attend a charter school).  Americans can be forgiven any cynicism regarding these measures, but, you know, at least they’re trying.

Evidently, remoter Republicans toiling away in the “laboratories of Democracy” haven’t received the memo yet because they are still displaying batshit-craziness that, if anything, appears to be somewhat amped-up.  Maybe they’re afraid the grown-ups will prevail?

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/07/13 at 12:36 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsNutters

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Their Own Private Idaho


Idaho is a marvelous state in the Northwest US, large and nearly empty except for its famous spuds and its less famous gemstones, ergo Idaho’s nickname “The Gem State,” which I’m sure we’ll all agree is a far sexier nickname than “The Potato State.”  All of New England could fit comfortably in Idaho’s footprint but the population is only 1.5 million souls, 89.1% of which are Caucasian and 23% of which are Mormons (about which we know considerably more than we used to).

Idaho is a great place to be all kinds of maverick-y and left alone by the pesky rest of civilization—the state motto is Esto Perpetua—Latin for “Let it be forever”—and it’s a terrific place to be trigger-happy.  The Brady Campaign which rates the 50 US states, on a scale of 0 -100, for their legislative efforts to prevent gun violence, puts Idaho at a 2, along with Kentucky, Louisiana and Montana.  The only states that have less gun control are Alaska, Arizona and Utah at zero.

For the sake of comparison, California comes in at a tyrannical 80, and New Jersey scored 72.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/06/13 at 01:39 PM

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersBqhatevwrNuttersTeabaggery

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Man-Handled (Open Thread)

Enterprise Florida, a public-private partnership that funds official state economic development initiatives, paid $380,000 for this logo:


Many lady Floridians are peeved about it since, aside from the period immediately following the release of the film Annie Hall in 1977, men’s neckties haven’t served as an inclusive symbol that encompasses both sexes.

The article linked above is all about the tie in the logo, but it also features this video publicized by the same outfit:

All the hands in the video appear to be attached to men, with the possible exception of the gloved hands, which look decidedly masculine, but who knows?

I can see how maybe one all-male piece of advertising collateral slipped under the radar (though a competent creative director should have caught it). But the all-male video too? Now it’s harder to see this as an honest mistake.

We Florida business ladies are being dissed! And did Enterprise Florida really pay $380,000 US dollars for that logo? (If so, I’d like to speak to them about some land I’m putting on the market, teeming with biodiversity and mere centimeters from the surface!)

This branding initiative was unveiled by Governor Voldemort, who slashed funding for the disabled and schools so he could attempt to zero out the corporate tax rate. Those tea-people really get financial stewardship.

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 02/05/13 at 03:30 PM

Categories: ImagesNewsPoliticsElection '10

Todd Kincannon: Profiles in Cowardice


Today I thought it might be instructive to introduce one Todd Kincannon, Esq., one of the Republican Party’s bright young things waiting in the wings.  Young Guns, I think they call themselves, as they noisily racket around trying to reinvent the GOP for the eleventy-eleventh time. 

By my reckoning the GOP change-meisters have managed—by hook or by crook—to drag the party into the 20th century and appear to be hell-bent on emerging into a solidly 1950’s mindset.  What next?

My guess is Todd Kincannon—store-front lawyer, Executive Director of the South Carolina GOP (for two months), Mama’s boy, world class sexter and Twitter enfant terrible—is the best the “New Republican Party” has to offer. 

A racist, homophobic, misogynist southern gentleman who is cutting a wide, bloody swath through human decency in the name of the First Amendment [I know.  I know.  Nothing “new” about that . . . ]

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/05/13 at 12:35 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsBqhatevwrElection '08The Late Slight HopeNutters

Monday, February 04, 2013

Senator McCain is On the Foreign Relations Committee, Right?

It is true that as far as flippant jackassery goes, Sen. McCain’s Tweet implying that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a simian astronaut probably isn’t as purely awful as his improvised song parody, “Bomb, Bomb Iran”, but it is up there, even drawing criticism from fellow Republican, MI Rep. Justin Amash, who Tweeted in return: “Maybe you should wisen up & not make racist jokes.”

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Posted by Vixen Strangely on 02/04/13 at 10:32 PM

Sunday, February 03, 2013

Have You Heard The One About The Second Amendment?


OK. It doesn’t happen often but I know the warning signs and if I don’t vent, right now, I’m liable to go stark raving bonkers right here on my skimpy little raft which is the only thing keeping me from drowning in a vast Sea of American Stupidity.

Inspired by my President, Barack H. Obama, who only has one term left and is currently refusing to play nicely with morons, I too am ready to stand up and howl for the survival of standard intelligence which is currently fighting a losing battle with pandemic nonsense.

When I was a child, Americans prided themselves on being intelligent, well-educated, open to new ideas and (literally) reaching for the stars.  Something awful has happened in the ensuing fifty-or-so years since then.  Some Americans seem to actually embrace life in the fact-free-zone, getting their information from an echo chamber and spending their leisure time dumbing down in places like The Creation Experience.  Or teaching schoolchildren from fairy tale books rather than science texts.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/03/13 at 01:26 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Slappin’ at Skeeters and Scratching My Head

I think it’s a sad day in journamalism when the question of whether President Obama really, really, for really truly and honest-to-gosh “goes skeet-shooting all the time” at Camp David is seriously fact-checked.  And yet I think it’s a hilarious day when Breitbart’s very own John Nolte questions why no one is questioning the fact checkers. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes, dig? Woodward and Bernstein once brought down a president with Watergate—but today’s lapdog press is blindly accepting photographic evidence debunking Skeetgate that was made in the very same seat of the powerful that brought us such sheer propaganda as….

I’m thinkin’....

Anyhow, he asks us to consider the evidence:

Today, however, the White House released a photo that purports to show Obama (love that tucked-in shirt) shooting skeet last August. Except… he’s shooting straight ahead, which means that there’s either a barn door somewhere in need of some patching, or Obama is such an awesome skeet shooter, he hits them as they come out of the firing device.

I keed, I keed. There are legitimate reasons that would explain the angle of his gun, but….

(I humbly submit that since there is smoke coming out the barrel, he has already shot and lowered the rifle, probably because it makes sense in the linear stream of things.  And I’ve watched many episodes of CSI. CSI: New York and Miami, too!) And of course, the press is only doing it to make the skeet-truthers look stupid!  Because…um.  Right.

Can anyone remind me again why this is supposed to matter? 

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 02/02/13 at 04:37 PM

Friday, February 01, 2013

You Won’t Have Hottie McAwesome to Kick Around Anymore


That’s right, Scott Brown will not run in the special election to replace John Kerry in the Senate.

Despite the fact that he remains popular in Massachusetts, the highly negative tone of his campaign against my hero Elizabeth Warren probably hurt him.  There are also speculations that he might be looking at a shot at the governor’s office.  That would be interesting!  Not sure that Scott’s prior experience posing nude for Cosmopolitan, working as a hand model or sashaying down the couture runways in pink leather shorts will necessarily provide the skillz set for a high pressure administrative job.

Posted by marindenver on 02/01/13 at 04:34 PM

Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsBqhatevwrNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

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