Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Yakkity Sax Goes To The Republican Unhappy Place

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Rape. It’s Mother Nature’s way! Even with background checks and all, the military has a hard time screening out sex offenders, because golly! It has to train its soldiers to fight their very own Mother Nature-installed hormones, what keep knocking up all those female soldiers, especially on aircraft carriers, where it is well known that women should be kept away from the manimals who serve our country. Thank heavens Big Daddy was never one of them, as the late, great Senator from New Jersey once pointed out.

Watching Chambliss (R [U Really Asking Which Party?]—PreCambria) apparently doing some equivalent of thinking aloud is instructive, if agita-inducing for Republican consultants:

Didn’t we tell’em wimmen soldiers was a bad idea? Who knows how many of them high-spirited young boys got a little too frisky? I have an idea—let’s investigate the baby-mamas! Honey, who did this to you? You can tell me—I’m your C.O.

On the one hand, at least Chambliss isn’t taking the Akin line. On the other, he’s just managed to further torpedo the rotting Republican vessel, in a week where College Republicans had already deemed it unseaworthy and Representative Marsha Blackburn ran it aground.

One thing Chambliss has managed to accomplish, though: he’s helped to show why no rising tide’s going to lift the GOP boat: no matter how many rats desert, it’s still full of Republicans.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 06/05/13 at 12:01 PM
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Categories: ImagesNewsPoliticsWar On WomenSkull Hampers

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Speaker Boehner’s Grace of God Caucus

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Remember last December? when Republicans were trying desperately to absorb the bad news that their despised nemesis, Barack Hussein Obama, trounced their Romney-bot and coasted to an unimaginable second term? or that their dream of retaking the Senate had gone up in a puff of smoke? and then, remember when they turned their guns on each other? [arguably the best part, at least the most entertaining].

One of the GOP fever dreams that surfaced, during those depressing days, was to mutiny against Republican House leadership and force Speaker Boehner to walk the plank.  Boehner’s reign as Speaker has been plagued throughout by the backwash of the 2010 TEA Party wave that he surfed in on.  You see, Republican leadership, in the House, come mostly from blue states making it expedient for them to be somewhat moderate and establishment-oriented.  The congressional newcomers, conversely, were elected for their extreme political positions and their outside-the-beltway bona fides.

Boehner came down hard on some of the most unruly members, stripping them of their committee assignments, thereby robbing them of re-election appeal.  These same members, predictably, care not a whit for congressional etiquette, tradition, seniority or parliamentary procedure.  Historically, both parties are able to handle such schisms internally, and with civility, while the country continues on, blissfully unaware.  Under normal circumstances the majority party’s vote for Speaker is a pro forma affair.

But this was different, and, at one point it seemed that a cabal of disgruntled freshmen might actually unseat the Speaker.  Approaching the date of the vote, about 17 defectors were needed to deny Boehner an outright majority. If those 17 or so could block the speaker on the first ballot, they could convene a conference and persuade someone else — maybe Cantor, Paul Ryan or Jeb Hensarling to challenge Boehner. Even if none of the party lieutenants agreed to go up against Boehner, winning on a second ballot would be humiliating enough.

So what do conservatives do when beset with such a thorny dilemma?  Well, a lot of them fall on their knees and ask God what to do; and so it was that God saved Speaker Boehner’s hash.

Rep. Steve Southerland II (R-FL), is a 47-year-old funeral home operator, elected in 2010, who hosted regular meetings for mutinous legislators at his DC townhouse.  Southerland recently explained for a Washington Post piece just exactly how God intervened in the matter.  The night before the vote, Southerland read the story of Saul and David, and about how the king of Israel tried to kill the future king. David wins and, with a chance to kill the king, decides to spare Saul.

Southerland reports that he woke up convinced that Boehner should be spared. Others, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said they, too, prayed before siding with Boehner.

“He’s not a God of chaos, he’s a God of order,” Southerland said.

Shortly after that, Republicans convened a “retreat” where they arrived at an internal peace treaty called “the Williamsburg Accord,” which:

. . . restored enough unity to permit the House to dodge a government shutdown, badger the Senate into passing its first budget in four years and open investigations of the Obama White House.

And nothing more.

Rep. David Schweikert (R-AZ), who was purged from the Financial Services Committee in November, had this to say, recently:

the thing you have to analyze is: Have we had a pretty good quarter because we stuck to the formula of Williamsburg? Or is it because we avoided the tough issues?

Good question.

Maybe, next, someone should ask God how to make Republicans a little more productive?

Posted by Bette Noir on 06/04/13 at 07:43 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersBqhatevwrNuttersTeabaggery

Monday, June 03, 2013

Wingnut Lawmakers, Steven Seagal Team Up to Fight Terror

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A Congressional delegation that included wingnuts Dana Rohrabacher, Steve King and Michele Bachmann visited Russian security officials and lawmakers last week to discuss dealing with terrorist threats and investigate the Boston bombings. Straight-to-video action movie actor Steven Seagal was credited with setting up the meetings:

[Rohrabacher] repeatedly thanked Seagal, who took credit for arranging the congressmen’s meeting at the FSB, and said it helped avoid the experience of past foreign trips when all of the meetings had been arranged by the U.S. Embassy.

“You know what we got? We got the State Department controlling all the information that we heard,” Rohrabacher said. “You think that’s good for democracy? No way!”

Seagal has special expertise in Russian foreign policy in general and relevance to the Boston bombings investigation in particular, having once played a former Russian mobster named “Ruslan” in the 2009 thriller “Driven to Kill.” Alert readers will recall that the Tsarnaev brothers’ outspoken uncle is also named “Ruslan,” making Seagal’s involvement a no-brainer for the US congressional delegation.

Sans the nanny squad from State, Rohrabacher found he likes the cut of Putin’s jib (perhaps peering into his soul as George W. Bush once did) and feels that Putin-backed Chechnyan strongman Ramzan Kadyrov has been unfairly criticized for torture, kidnapping and murder by namby-pamby human rights groups who don’t understand the nature of the enemy:

“Radical Islam is at our throat in the United States, and is at the throat of the Russian people…

“If you are in the middle of an insurrection with Chechnya, and hundreds of people are being killed and there are terrorist actions taking place and kids are being blown up in schools, yeah, guess what, there are people who overstep the bounds of legality.

“We shouldn’t be describing people who are under this type of threat, we shouldn’t be describing them as if they are Adolf Hitler or they’re back to the old Communism days.”

Seagal, who received “a lavish welcome in Kadyrov’s palace,” noted that the strongman has not been indicted.

Rohrabacher & Co. aren’t the first wingnuts to tap Seagal’s cinematic crime and terrorism-fighting expertise to address real-life issues: A couple of years ago, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio enlisted Seagal’s aid in an operation that successfully slew dozens of menacing chickens and a puppy at an alleged cockfighting ring.

Rest easy, America.

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/03/13 at 09:34 AM
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Categories: MoviesPoliticsNuttersTeabaggery

Sunday, June 02, 2013

Alfonso Arau—He Was Never Just “El Guapo”

Just like James Finlayson (the Laurel and Hardy foil who introduced British and American audiences to the catchword “D’OH!” as an indicator of exasperation, puzzlement or grief), Alfonso Araudid much much more than exclaim “I like these guys! Just kill one of them!” Among other things, he was the award-winning director of Like Water For Chocolate, as well as a yeomanly portrayer of onscreen Hispanic characters who were either less obnoxious or less finely turned than his wonderfully styled “El Guapo.” PS” Let’s never forget that he was also a mournful mime as well as a nutty comedic dancer.

This is my gift to my ‘Roaster pals tonight. Tis neither timely nor political, yet it’s the sort of rare find that always makes me smile, anyway.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/02/13 at 03:13 PM
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Saturday, June 01, 2013

Mr Norquist’s Excellent Jihad

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I have to admit that I didn’t see this coming but, thanks to Texan politico Cathie Adams, all of the frightening pieces are suddenly falling into place.  Speaking at a recent event hosted by the Far North Dallas Tea Party, Adams shared her concern that America is currently in thrall to secret Muslim infiltrators carrying out a stealth jihad.  Some of the high-profile jihadis that Ms Adams has exposed are: Grover Norquist, Karl Rove and possibly the current head of the CIA, John Brennan.

The evidence? Mr Norquist has a beard and is married to a Muslim woman.  Karl Rove is his BFF.  The investigation of Brennan is ongoing so Ms Adams couldn’t share much about him but one sinister thing that we do know is that Brennan speaks Arabic fluently.  But then he’s CIA so he would be too smart for facial hair or a Muslim wife.  And, of course, the Muslim-in-Chief needs no introduction—case closed.  That’s why we find ourselves, today, crawling with stealth jihadis and Ms Adams wants to know: “Where is the outcry!!?!”  The one American that Ms Adams is sure is not a stealth jihadi is Sen. Ted Cruz for whom she gave thanks to God, on this particular occasion. 

Now, you may remember that it was Cruz who warned us about the 70% - 80% infiltration of Communists in Congress, which would only leave about 20% left for stealth jihadis, but maybe he was confused.  Cruz was a newbie to the Senate, at that time, and perhaps he mistaked Communists for Muslims?  maybe they were the Baltic-Chechen-crossover-type Muslims easily mistaken for Communists? At any rate, I’m sure Cathie Adams will be briefing him on that.

read the whole post »

Posted by Bette Noir on 06/01/13 at 09:23 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrNuttersFriends of HumusTeabaggery

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