Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Bachmann Wields Her Terrible Swift Sword

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Well Michele Bachmann (R-MN) won’t be afflicting the body politic in any official capacity much longer but the woman’s a trouper and, despite being a tad punch-drunk, she’s still in there flailing away. 

Holding court at last week’s CPAC, La Bachmann shared, in a radio interview, her still raw anguish over Governor Jan Brewer’s decision to veto Arizona’s “right to discriminate” law. 

Rep. Bachmann is especially aggrieved over the bullying that she and The American People are suffering at the hands of teh gayz:

And the thing that I think is getting a little tiresome is the gay community have so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don’t.

She added that gay people and “activist judges” are trying to take away her freedom: “If you want take away my religious liberties, you can advocate for that but you do it through the constitutional process and you don’t intimidate and no politician should give away my religious liberties or yours.”

 

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Posted by Bette Noir on 03/11/14 at 11:50 AM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsNuttersRelijun

Monday, March 10, 2014

What The Frack, Senator Paul?

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Rand Paul is doing what all earnest young job-seekers do—padding out and fluffing up his resume, an item that, let’s face it, is a little thin if Senator Paul is serious about the Oval Office.  Twenty years an ophthalmologist; head of the Baylor U chapter of the Young Conservatives of Texas; Best Boy on Dad’s presidential campaign; and half a US Senate term probably wouldn’t make it off a headhunters’ desk if we did anything as sensible as professionally vetting candidates for one of the most demanding jobs on the planet.

One of several executive experience areas in which Paul the Younger is noticeably lacking is foreign policy, so Sen. Paul has been toiling away at foreign policy op-eds, interviews and world leaderish big ideas sound bites.

Yesterday, for the benefit of Fox News’ dwindling audience, Paul closed his eyes, held his nose and took a deep dive into the shallow end of “if I were President” foreign policy wonkery and came up dazed:

I would do something differently from the president,” Paul said. “I would immediately get every obstacle out of the way for our export of oil and gas, and I would begin drilling in every possible conceivable place within our territories in order to have production we can supply Europe with if it’s interrupted from Ukraine.

What a boyishly endearing but naive and foolish idea that is.  First of all, to get the job done in our lifetime, I have to assume that President Paul would be forced to use his “pen and phone” to circumvent the hundreds of “laws of the land” that address such autocratic impulses to rape the environment to score geopolitical points.

And then, of course, there’s the “executive powers” fallacy in which President Paul learns, to his utter dismay, that presidents don’t get to direct export destinations to the Free Market and, if they did, they would probably choose the much more profitable Asian markets because . . . duh.

Solve that glitch and then you’re faced with logistics.  Moving usable gas is not like sending data packets over fiberoptic networks. 

As the killjoys on The New York Times editorial board point out:

The [Energy] department could speed up its review of export applications, and Congress could help by easing restrictions on exports to American allies. But even if the government approved more exports, setting up more facilities to liquefy and ship gas would take years and cost billions of dollars. Moreover, unlike Mr. Putin, American officials will not be able to dictate to energy companies where they sell their gas and at what price.

It’s also unlikely that Comrade Putin would pack up his gas and go home if President Paul suddenly jumped into the ring with cheap Liberty Gas to save Europe.  Putin would simply discount his prices to hold onto his market share like any other self-respecting free marketeer.

Personally?  I’m with the eminent Doktor Zoom who says:

. . . you have to admire Sen. Paul’s can-do spirit, which would literally drill every conceivable possible place to get oil and gas to Europe right away within a couple years of this crisis, after which there had better not be any more international crises involving fossil fuels, because then we’d have to start drilling in the inconceivable places.

Of course, one of Sen. Paul’s main objectives in bringing this up was to demonstrate how ineffectual the current president is for not attempting any of this unhelpful silliness, himself.  Sometime soon Sen. Paul will realize that, if nominated [a HUGE “if” BTW], he will not be running against Barack Obama.

Should he find himself running against the presumptive Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton, well, see that’s a problem, too . . . because Secretary of State Clinton actually set up a Bureau of Energy Resources to do something like what Paul suggests—only in a real world way and better—so this particular issue might not be a terrific choice for future debate

Posted by Bette Noir on 03/10/14 at 12:04 PM
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Sunday, March 09, 2014

CPAC 2014 Selects Rand Paul As Candidate Least Likely To Succeed

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Well, it hardly seems possible that it’s already been a year since the last time Rand Paul won the CPAC Candidate Least Likely to Succeed pageant but, there you have it.  The straws have been counted and Sen. Aqua Buddha is the overwhelming favorite out of a packed field of conservative firebrands and luminaries and a few leftover kooks for old times’ sake . . .

See for yourself:

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Not to burst Sen. Paul’s bubble or rain on his victory parade but the results of the CPAC straw poll mean squat in real world politics.  Furthermore, I could have saved the American Conservative Union a whole lot of time and money spent pursuing this meaningless outcome by telling them last year around this time, or ditto the year before, what the result would be.

See, for better or worse, CPAC which started in the early ‘70s, has been converted, over the last few years, into a Libertarian Lovefest

Notwithstanding GOP pollster Tony Fabrizio’s enthusiastic cheerleading:

This is a sampling of people from all 50 states who are at the forefront of the conservative moment.

Well, sorry Tony but you know, and I know, the CPAC straw poll is no such thing.  It is, rather, a barometer of what’s going on in the highly exclusive club of earnest young white men, 18-25 years old, with the inflexible intransigence and uncompromising conviction of fresh converts. 

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Posted by Bette Noir on 03/09/14 at 11:42 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '16NuttersTeabaggery

Friday, March 07, 2014

Listen Up, Poors!  Feed Your Souls!

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(h/t Big Bad Bald Bastard - what a swell idea!)

OK Poors, maybe you can’t afford to go to CPAC to feel the love, in person, and learn all of the great ways Conservatives can change your lives but that’s where Rump Roast can help by reporting the Good News (wouldn’t a nice hunk of rump roast taste really good right now?). 

Fahgeddaboudit! Poors.  Feed Your Souls, you silly moochers.  So what if your parents are welfare-sucking meth heads who haven’t gotten dressed since 2006 and who are too busy feeding their heads to put apples in brown bags for you?  Stay hungry!

Jesus and the GOP love you.  And Paul Ryan has spent a lot of time and taxpayer dollars flying from swing state to swing state to investigate your plight and he now has a shitload of Poor Ideas!

P.S.  Remember Poors, it’s not the policies that suck, it’s the word choice.

RYAN/POORS 2016

And for even more #RyanFail please visit yr Wonkette.

Posted by Bette Noir on 03/07/14 at 07:49 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrElection '16Paul Ryan

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Bad News, Poors!  Paul Ryan Wants to Take Away Free Lunch at Schools!

So you will be free to once again lurve your children.  Speaking at CPAC he opined:

He then told an anecdote he said was relayed to him by Eloise Anderson, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s (R) Department of Children and Families secretary.

“She once met a young boy from a very poor family, and every day at school, he would get a free lunch from a government program,” Ryan said.

“He told Eloise he didn’t want a free lunch. He wanted his own lunch, one in a brown-paper bag just like the other kids,” he continued. “He wanted one, he said, because he knew a kid with a brown-paper bag had someone who cared for him. This is what the left does not understand.”

Yes we libs think having kids get a free hot lunch at school (not to mention breakfast) is the height of parental neglect and lack of caring.  And not, you know, maybe lack of food and neat brown bags in the house.

Why does Paul Ryan hate the Poors he’s trying to save so much?

via

Posted by marindenver on 03/06/14 at 03:03 PM
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Mama Don’t ‘Low No Dreamers Round Here

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Meet Rep. Diane Black (R-TN) who is livin’ the dream.  According to Black’s congressional bio she has risen from humble beginnings:

. . . the middle daughter of working-class, Great Depression era parents, Diane saw firsthand their efforts to create a better life for their children through their pursuit of the American Dream.

Diane was the first member of her family to graduate from college degree when she earned a nursing degree from Anne Arundel Community College in Maryland, in 1971.  She then married a doctor, David Black, who went on to build a drug-testing empire known as Aegis Services.

Diane Black worked as a nurse for a while, then decided to try her hand at legislating because . . . YOLO!  Mrs. Black got herself elected to the Tennessee House and served for 6 years, then became a state senator in 2004.

In 2010, Mrs. Black caught the TEA Party wave and surfed into Congress where she insists on being addressed as Congressman and just happens to be one of the wealthiest members of Congress.

How’s that for a success story?  Why, I’d go so far as to say that Diane Black personifies what the American Dream is all about.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 03/06/14 at 01:08 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrNuttersTeabaggery

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Good News, Poors! Paul Ryan Vows To Win the War On Poverty

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According to some conservative observers, Paul Ryan is ripening nicely into an even more serious fellow and Big Thinker than we might have guessed, based on his previous performance in Romney/Ryan 2012.

In a departure from his earlier Conservative Tough Love position, Ryan’s most recent philopsophical meanderings have led him to investigate the plight of America’s Poor and how sadly the bleeding-heart-liberals’ Big Government War on Poverty has failed them for so long.

As he shared with his fellow Big Thinkers at The Wall Street Journal:

For 50 years, we’ve been going in the wrong direction, and liberals want to march on. Some in Washington insist that you’re concerned for the poor only if you’re committed to a path that has failed the poor. But the question isn’t whether we should do more or less of the same. It is which new direction will work best.

The MSM editors at Bloomberg Review beg to disagree:

Ryan paints the past five decades of fighting poverty as a lost cause. He is mostly wrong: Presidents from Johnson to Reagan to Clinton all made their contributions, and evidence shows federal programs reduce the poverty rate by almost half. At the same time, it would be a mistake to call the welfare state an unmitigated success. Its programs must be constantly re-evaluated, and its failures terminated.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 03/04/14 at 03:23 PM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersPaul Ryan

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