Palin, the former half-term Governor, current-nothing and future-even-less, charmed the all-Republican audience with her folksy folksiness and her homespun homespunnery. Atypically, Palin was wearing clothes that she had paid for herself. At the end of the event, she shared her recipe for mooseface pie.

In response to Palin’s attack on Rep Grayson, Grayson actually complimented Palin. Grayson praised Palin for having a hand large enough to fit Grayson’s entire name on it. He thanked Palin for alleviating the growing shortage of platitudes in Central Florida. Grayson added that Palin deserved credit for getting through the entire hour-long program without quitting. Grayson also said that Palin really had mastered Palin’s imitation of Tina Fey imitating Palin. Grayson observed that Palin is the most-intelligent leader that the Republican Party has produced since George W. Bush.

Oh snap! He also described the Frozen Cheesecake Goddess as a “chillbilly” and said, “I look forward to an honest debate with Governor Palin on the issues, in the unlikely event that she ever learns anything about them.”

At the end of the post on Grayson’s website, there’s a button labeled “Tell Alan What You Think.” I think I want to have his Baby Graysons.

I have no idea what I clicked to get here, but now I can’t contain my excitement at the prospect of looking this professional and empowered, for only a penny-per-month more than the cost of a Glenn Beck-style Survival Seed Garden.

Plus, who could fail to be ensnared by compelling, hypnotic ad copy like this?:

A professional website design establishes you as a serious contender, and catches the eye of your supporters (and, likely, your opponents). More importantly, it gives you credibility. You know you are running a professional campaign, but the world needs to know it too.

Yes, by God, I AM serious…and the world MUST know who I am! Where do I sign…and does this deal include that Tweetie thing?

With a Stiff Spine America Must Stand Against Obamacare
Today at 11:24am

If Senator Reid, Speaker Pelosi, and President Obama get their way, soon our country will be changed forever. Using every partisan parliamentary trick in the book (including some they invented just last week), Washington’s Left intends to ram through their takeover of our health care system regardless of the consequences.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but if I have to oppose Obamacare with a stiff spine, I might as well oppose it with my enlarged liver, predisposition to diabetes, diminished lung capacity and melon-sized prostate.

Snark aside, Sarah’s new Facebook emission is chock-full of warmed-over, debunked BOILERPLATE FAIL, which she has apparently recycled in an attempt to remain relevant to somebody, somewhere. I encourage you to read it, if only for the fun of hunting down the implied-Death-Panel “Easter Egg” she has cleverly hidden in the plastic grass of her crouton-padded word salad.

As is often the case in times of rapid momentous change, Twitter has stepped up to the mark in the face of these developments you may already have heard about:

It’s been a brawl for years, this education culture war that seems to take on a particularly vicious turn in the heart of Texas. The latest and most important round, a drastic revision of the social studies curriculum standards to put a conservative spin on history and economics textbooks, was given preliminary approval after a series of heated meetings of the Texas Board of Education that didn’t do much to improve the image of the nation’s second largest state as a sometimes small-minded political and educational backwater.

In a matter of days last week in Austin, the majority of the 15-member board, insisting they were only trying to offset liberal bias in textbooks, questioned Darwin’s theory of evolution and the constitutional principle of separation of church and state; debated hip-hop and genocide in Darfur; deleted Albert Einstein and Thomas Alva Edison from textbooks; emphasized Christian teachings and fundamentalist values; adopted conservative articles of faith like American exceptionalism; promoted right-wing leaders and organizations like Phyllis Schlafly and the National Rifle Association; and refused to give adequate attention to Hispanic and African American contributions to U.S. and Texas history.

Mining a rich vein of comedy that stretches back beyond the work of humorist Gerard Hoffnung, whose famous “Advice to Tourists” visiting London included

All London brothels display a blue lamp.

It’s customary to shake hands with everyone on entering a Tube carriage.

and

Do try the famous echo in the Reading Room of the British Museum.

Twitter now offers the trending hashtag texastextbookfact.

Random samples of the newly uncensored knowledge on offer at time of posting include:

The Vagina Monologues was a show about patriotism performed by Ronald Reagan and Señor Wences.

Recycling is when you make clothes out of bed sheets.

After agreeing to help build America, Africans were flown here first class.

If God wanted Mexicans in America He wouldn’t have invented the Rio Grande.

The best way to teach killing is wrong is to sentence people to death.

Anything can be deep-fried. Even air.

God bless Barry Goldwater 4 keeping Arizona off of this blasphemous socialist time scheme.

Maybe you can add your own.


* Jk. Or indeed, 300 years if you’re on the Texas Board of Education.