2013 State of Disunity Address
Nothing says “fractured political party lumbering dumbly toward extinction” like two separate intraparty responses to the opposition president’s State of the Union address.
That’s right, for the third year Obama Derangement Central will sponsor not one, but two, lame-ass hyperpartisan rants-that-nobody-cares-about in response to President Obama’s upcoming 2013 State of the Union Address. Because that’s been such an inspiring morale booster in the past . . . Bobby Jindal!!1! Michelle Bachmann!! Besides, right now, there are just so many “bright young things, waiting in the wings” of the GOP that it would be impossible to choose just one!
The plan (so far) is for totes legal immigrant Marco “Little Baby Jesu” Rubio (R-FL), newly annointed Republican Savior, to
shred respond to President Obama’s SOTU and demonstrate his own considerable phresh presidential-ness and photogenicity [and, hopefully, none of his pockets of cluelessness i.e., his family’s history, climate change, age of planet Earth, etc.].
Personally, I felt that I already knew quite enough, thank you, about young Marco, and sort of agreed with Jean Williams who said:
If Marco Rubio, who recently dodged a reporter’s young Earth question by flippantly saying, “I’m not a scientist, man,” is the new future of the Republican Party, then their old, white, conservative GOP bible-belt constituency need not worry.
But if venerable old Time magazine is willing to go out on that spindly limb and pronounce Rubio the Republican Party’s Second Coming, I guess we all might as well hearken anew to what goes on in the windmills of his mind.
For an altogether different perspective, some sect of the TEA Party [unclear which, at the moment] will be presenting the Anti-Establishment Thoughts of the Aqua Buddha. That’s right! good old boy Rand Paul (R-KY) will be holding forth on how much he disagrees with Obama [and also too, maybe some of the shit his father says].
What’s that you say? You thought Rubio was TEA Party? Yeah, well there’s TEA PAR-TAY! USA and tea party, right? There’re cons and neocons and theocons; there’re social conservatives and fiscal conservatives . . . there’s room for all of it under the GOP Bigtop.
Notably MIA from this gaggle is Paul Ryan (R-WI), or, as Charlie Pierce refers to him these days, “Palin with Barbells.” I guess Republican apparatchiks feel that there’s still too much of the stench of loser-dom about Boy Blunder.
And that’s just the kickoff. I’m willing to admit that maybe it’s a little too early to look for signs that the GOP is wising up, but, looking a bit further out to, say, 2014? there are even fewer signs of any intelligent design emerging.
The way things seem to be shaping up, the Senate is going to be in the center ring for the next two years. TEA Partiers who made their bones in the House are itching for promotions. For example, Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Minn) who just barely held on to her seat in 2012, by fewer than 5,000 votes [probably the ex-gay vote] has decided that the people [and God] just might think that this would be a primo time for her to move up to the Senate—look out, Al Franken!
And Bachmann BFF, Steve “Mad Dog” King (R-IA) has decided to launch his own Senate bid, despite the fact that he’s about as popular as cooties with establishment Republicans and many Iowans, as well. I, unlike Karl Rove, am wishing King godspeed because the Iowa race is such a classic set-up for a Democratic win [and Rove knows it].
In a primary, King would get the Iowa far-right and name recognition votes, sucking votes away from the more moderate GOP contender Tom Latham. Latham runs 3 points behind the likely Democratic opponent, Bruce Braley, but is still the best bet for a GOP win. If King steals the primary, all of those moderate votes for Latham go to Braley.
Joe “Not a Deadbeat Dad” Walsh may have been benched last year when Tammy Duckworth ate his lunch, but that doesn’t mean he’s shutting up. He’s publicly called out Karl Rove’s Conservative Victory thingy, promising to set up his own Super Colossal PAC (or something equally ambitious) and, this week, he slipped in a classic Walsh-ian diss of FLOTUS for attending a hometown child’s funeral just to show his heart’s still inside the Beltway.
But even before all of that, in December, Walsh threatened to run for Senate because “real people, activists, conservatives and every day Republicans all over the state” asked him to.” And why not? after all he has those two illustrious years in the House under his belt . . .
Walsh’s would be opponent in that race, Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL), Asst. Senate Majority Leader hasn’t yet decided to run for a fourth term, but his campaign manager told reporters that if Durbin runs in 2014, he’d be “delighted” at the prospect of a potential contest with Walsh. I’ll just bet, Dick.
But maybe not. Maybe Walsh’ll run for Governor, instead, because Illinois “needs a Scott Walker.”
And, oh my goodness, we can’t forget Paul Broun who’s setting his cap for Saxby Chambliss’ seat in Georgia.
You might remember that Dr. Broun famously admitted doing his medical training in “the pit of Hell”—
All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell.
Maybe that’s why Dr. Broun receives a 0% rating from more than three quarters of health issues interest groups.
Nevertheless, according to GOP political calculus, such views make Broun a perfect fit for the seat he smugly warms on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology, as well as chairmanship of its Subcommittee on Oversight.
Last month, Broun declined to vote for John Boehner’s re-election as Speaker of the US House of Representatives, instead nominating outspoken Allen West (R-FL), even through West lost his bid for re-election in November 2012 and was no longer a member of Congress. Thanks to Broun, we learned the American History Fun Fact that the Speaker of the House need not actually be a member [so there are still ways to make the House even more dysfunctional than it already is.]
Broun is also the goober who recently accused the president of upholding the “Soviet constitution.”
Back in 2009, Broun was one of three House
Republicans Islamaphobes who went after CAIR (the Council on American-Islamic Relations) accusing CAIR of trying to plant “spies,” based on a CAIR memo indicating that they “will develop national initiatives such as Lobby Day, and placing Muslim interns in Congressional offices.”
Broun further implied CAIR had involvement with terrorism, stating:
If an organization that is connected to or supports terrorists is running influence operations or planting spies in key national security-related congressional offices, I think this needs to be made known
Moreover, Broun is one of those “radioactive” Republican candidates that Karl Rove would love to eliminate from the running.
Sean Sullivan of the Washington Post reports:
He’s an outspoken conservative with a knack for stoking controversy with his public statements . . .
Georgia is a red state, but it contains some Democratic strongholds and moderate voters who might opt to go with a conservative Democrat over a controversial Republican. With the right Democratic nominee and the wrong GOP one, Democrats may stand a chance of surprising a lot of people.
GO! Dr. Paul . . .
Looks like the 2014 Senate races are going to be the fun part. Republicans need to pick up six Senate seats to retake the majority so let’s hope that the Bonkers Caucus runs hard to keep that from happening. And Ashley Judd will take care of the rest.