The One After 297* (Updated)

From the Chambre de Rumper:

Via TPM, sad wingnut tries to cloak himself in anti-jihadist glory, but is not an hero after all.

Comment by Lawnguylander on 12/05/09 at 08:52 AM

(Update: Sorry, I had to run some errands. Then I had to stomp around in the snow because mentally, I’m 9.)

As you’ve probably heard by now, there was an incident on an AirTran flight that some intelligent and not at all prone-to-pants-wetting-humanoids branded a dry run for a terrorist attack. What I didn’t realize is this story was the product of a not at all well man named Tedd Petruna. In an e-mail that he sent to his friends and family, Petruna claimed that he, along with a “large Texan,” helped throw the scary, porn watching Islamoterrorists off the plane.

Immediately some skeptics began to ask the usual egg-head questions you’d expect from LIEberuls. For example: If Petruna was in Business Class, how did he know the scary terrorists at the back of the plane were watching porn? Because he has a special porn detector. Shut up!

Other pansy girly men were doubtful of his claims that Islamoterrorists are allowed to watch porn before jihad. Look, everyone knows this! And they all want to fuck our women! Shut up!

Thank God for Debbie Schlushbrain! She knew this story was absolute proof that the people on Flight 247 had come close to death by horny brown devil:

Another Muslim Hijacking Dry Run?: If True, Tedd Petruna’s My New Hero; UPDATE: CONFIRMED

Go get ‘er Tedd. Just don’t try to get there on AirTran.

Now, I wasn’t surprised to find the story isn’t true. However, I experienced a moment of WTF when I learned Petruna wasn’t even on the fucking plane. That’s pretty damn reality divorced, even for the fReichtard crowd. Here’s AirTran:

After conducting additional research into this situation, we have verified, according to flight manifests (legally binding documents) that the individual that allegedly created a first-hand account of events on-board AirTran Airways flight 297, a Theodore Petruna, was never actually on-board the flight.

You can read AirTran’s entire press release, including a paragraph-by-paragraph disembowelment of this fucknut’s swarthy brown man and large Texan wrasslin’ fantasy, by clicking on the second link Lawnguylander provided. But I must say to whoever wrote this (emphasis added):

Since the flight and initial media reports, several blogs and Internet sites have recounted the incident as portrayed by a passenger originally scheduled for the flight. Below is that passenger’s account (unedited in any way including spelling and grammar), as reported on several blogs. Highlighted between the passenger’s account, are the factually accurate circumstances surrounding this incident.

Will you marry me?

I’m sure Mr. Petruna has a totally convincing explanation for this. And it involves angels, and a Christmas miracle and special sweater Sarah Palin made from Glenn Beck’s pubes. In the meantime Tedd, take comfort and joy in the fact that Deb’s standing by you:

It’s no surprise that AirTran, the TSA, and other authorities are circling the wagons and claiming that Petruna’s and, now, Dr. Robinson’s, accounts aren’t true. That’s what they always do. Attack the messenger to block the truth. But I believe Petruna and, now, Robinson. AirTran and the authorities have every motivation to lie. They acted in the best interests of . . .? Well, certainly not their passengers.

Because TSA stands for Terrorists are Special Always.

*The Blog Post Formerly Known as The Funny, it Kills.

[xp 300]

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 12/05/09 at 01:49 PM • Permalink

The DickSpuzz lunatics were all over this story, too.

Debbie Schlussel says AirTran is lying to save the airline industry from ruin.

Red State agrees. That’s good enough for me!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Tedd-Petruna/1513776725

Since Petunia or whoever that is rather awkwardly wasn’t on the flight, Debbie “That’s my story” Schlussel found herself a chaplain who aaaaalllllmost saw all that! Yes, he was almost an eyewitness when the Flying Imams evidently put on a show for the people!

One gentleman confronted the gate agent demanding his luggage be removed from the flight. As I spoke to him he related that when Flight 297 left the concourse the first time it began taxiing to take off when approximately 12 men of Middle Eastern appearance stood up and began dancing and singing in an Arabic dialect.

The chaplain goes on to relate even more astonishingly,

It is my understanding that their luggage was removed and checked. Then, ten of the men were allowed to get back on the plane. That’s when the 12‐15 passengers decided that they wanted to get off that plane and take other flights.

The chaplain’s understanding is certainly alarming. And, more astonishing, when the ten men were allowed to get back on the plane, the chaplain got on with them!

Oh, there’s more. So much, much more, breathlessly related in breathless, I-was-nearly-there manner:

With much concern I was allowed to go down the jet way to the plane. There I encountered a man claiming that he was from Homeland Security to assess the situation. I related to the Homeland Security man about the claims of the photos and the shooting hand gestures related by the first man to exit the plane and I told him that I was a Senior Chaplain familiar with Critical Incident Response and would wait to help him should the passengers need my help. He said, “Thanks.”

Terse alleged Homeland Security man, you express the thanks of a grateful nation, for after the chaplain got on the airplane with the remaining Flying Imams, nothing happened at all!

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