A Horse in Every Pot

Speaking of Kaplan hacks, Kathleen Parker wants you to know that Ann Romney’s dressage horses are actually elaborately upholstered, living physical therapy appliances, rather than impossibly expensive playthings for a useless rich lady. Therefore, if you have a problem with the Romneys’ deducting more than you made last year for expenses associated with their part ownership of a fancy dancing horse, you’re a bad person who probably finds the sight of orphans on crutches and in wheelchairs hilarious.

Why this war on success, you guys? Parker really wants to know:

And why this war on success? People who are struggling through rough economic times didn’t suddenly become stupid, and surely most see through this absurd, sustained attack on the Romneys, whose only apparent sin is having been successful.

Romney’s opponents seem to be aghast that he has made money for investors (aren’t we all investors?) [uh, no, you idiotic, out-of-touch fuck, no…—ed.], though they studiously ignore other greed-less facts: He never took a dime in salary for heading the Olympics in Salt Lake City nor as governor of Massachusetts, to mention a couple.

Jesus god, really? How did the Romneys manage to feed themselves, their livestock and the Mini-Mitts without the Olympics and gubernatorial salaries? Oh right, they were already gazillionaires before Mittens got those gigs, which were essentially rich dude hobby jobs. Parker somehow forgot to mention that Mittens claims he didn’t inherit any money from his father either, which makes him a Self-Made Man. I’m sure the fact that his father was a multimillionaire CEO of General American Motors and governor of Michigan didn’t grease the skids for the Marquis de Mittens a bit.

We’ll soon get to test Parker’s theory about the plebes’ ability to see through “absurd, sustained attacks,” alright. But rather than discerning if the manifestly out-of-touch, fuck-you rich Romneys are indeed manifestly out-of-touch, fuck-you rich people, the plebes will demonstrate whether they’re capable withstanding the tsunami of bullshit Rove & Co. will funnel through their TV screens shortly.

This fall will witness the ultimate test of the American people’s gullibility as we see if unfettered SuperPAC cash can sell Little Lord Fontleromney as a bootstrapped businessman and cast a moderate president who continued the bank bailouts and attempted to reform the private insurance industry as a Kenyan commie. The obscene gobs of cash necessary to fund this test are being raised right now by the Romneys’ fellow out-of-touch, fuck-you rich people.

And more than an election is on the line: The slender moorings that link things we call “words” to their corresponding concepts will be tested as well. I’m not all that optimistic. Rove was able to sell a not-so-bright, daddy-supported ex-cheerleader and serial fuck-up as an unassuming cowpoke, and that was before he had unlimited KochBucks at his disposal.

However, Parker ends her column on a more optimistic note, hoping that if Ann Romney becomes First Lady, she’ll use her influence to prevent retired horses from becoming “circus or zoo meat.” A worthy goal indeed. But by widening the wealth inequality gap even further, Mrs. Romney’s hubby might inadvertently direct that sad protein elsewhere. Romney-Ryan 2012: A Horse in Every Pot!

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/23/12 at 10:31 AM • Permalink

Good ol’ Kathleen—always ready to take a bullet for her boy Mitt. Like when she claimed that he gave away 42 percent of his income to charity while Obama only gave away 1 percent. Or when she issued this laughable apologia for his history as a vulture capitalist, in which she invoked the same “you just hate him because he’s successful” bullshit seen above—a meme which Matt Taibbi eviscerated last year, by the way.

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