America’s Backseat Driver™ critiques Obama’s speech

Shorter America’s Backseat Driver™:

Only a post-American Kenyan would move America the Exceptional out of the driver’s seat and into the back of the bus. What the heck is this bombing thingie anyway? An intermission? A squeamish? Oh, and “North Star” is totally MY catchphrase, darn it!

[H/T: StrangeAppar8us for the spot-on “America’s Backseat Driver™” title.]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 03/29/11 at 07:14 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

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Why did I click that? WHY?

@Mr. Whipple, ‘coz you’re a masochist?  I’m not getting off that boat NO HOW. I trust Betty’s shorter.

Nothing to worry about, people, now that Michele Bachmann is sure to be the Republican candidate for President in 2012.

If Betty can do it, I can do it. She shouldn’t have to bear the burden alone. I’m going in.

I can’t do this! Shhh. Yes you can. Hang in there. Close your eyes and think of Rumproast.

0.13 Greta: “Good evening Governor, what is the reason that you understand—”
Good question! I may survive this. But who is this “Governor” person? All I see is Roberto Duran in a wig.

0.15 “—as to why we’re participating in Libya.”
So disappointing. Greta almost asked what we’ve all been asking since 2008.

0.18 “Disappointing! Dodgy and Dubious! Chaos and Questions!” I believe in Amurkin Alliterationalism! Perhaps our foreign policy should rhyme, also, too.
Ow, my ears. And brain. And soul.

1:39 “Some inconsistant humanitarian effort”
Interview paused to soak up some of the acid dripping from that phrase with a haz-mat kit. I don’t know if I can make it, Betty.

1.46 “Why not North Korea?”
Another example of what I call “Questions That Answer Themselves.” What is this strange sensation? It’s as if fire ants are being poured in my ears…brain…burning…

...and then, I knew no more….

@J, why do you hate me so?  And, America.  Too, also. 

@Mrs. P, nae!  It cannae be!  We cannae lose ye, too!

Nope , not gonna do it! My delicate constitution can’t handle Word Salad on Half Wit this early in the day.

Yes, breaking news, indeed.

Up next, we’ll hear half-Governor Palin’s opinion on Billy Walters taking Sally Pilgrim to the Prom!

Ha, ha, Mrs. P., I got to about exactly the same spot and frantically groped for the mouse to click the “off” box.  Fortunately I managed to retain coherent thought processes long enough to turn the creature off.  Hate to even think how many brain cells I lost listening as long as I did.


I keep meaning to let you all know that the title “America’s Backseat Driver” made me spontaneously combust the first time I read that here. Since you took the time to thank StrangeAppar8us for the most brilliant contribution to political discourse, I want to, too: OMG!

Thank you!

She really did say “squeamish” or “squirmish” or something instead of “skirmish.” Wonkette has a short clip (via Crooks & Liars) with that part for those of you who can’t handle the full-metal stoopit.

So when is Greta going to recuse herself from interviewing Palin? The conflict of interest just reeks.

RED ALERT: Washington Post pundit Colbert I. King just said several mean things about Palin and the rest of Fauxsnooze re: Libya. Please don your earplugs and stay away from windows.

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