An Open Letter to the Supreme Ruler of the Planet of the Cream Cheese People
Dear Supreme Ruler of the Planet of the Cream Cheese People:
Oh, I get it. Alien-sisters Cindy McCain and Callista Gingrich were causing trouble on your planet, so you decided you’d just dump them here. Well, let me tell you something, Your Excellency: Earth is not your dumping ground!
While we do appreciate the consideration you showed by discontinuing the sisters’ ability to shoot death-beams from their eyes prior to their exile, the point remains: Earth is not your dumping ground!
The sisters may be unable to burn Washington DC to the ground like they torched your capitol city of Phillyopolis, but they’re still intent on world dominion. With their death-beam capabilities neutralized, they’ve turned to Republican politics instead, hooking up with ambitious, loathsome white-haired toads to get their mitts on the White House and the planet’s most fearsome nuclear arsenal.
You can’t treat Earth like some Devil’s Island to which you can freely exile your troublemakers. We have to live here too, sir. Surely some compromise is possible?
Here’s my proposal, Your Excellency: Since Cindy McCain is obviously the “good” sister, we’ll keep her, but you have to take Callista Gingrich back. Also, you have to take one other Earthling, either Sarah Palin or Newt Gingrich.
It’s true they’re just as horrible as Callista. But they have no deadly powers that we’re aware of, so you have to admit it’s a fair trade.
In closing, I’d like to remind you that now that we know what you’re up to, we’ll be watching carefully to make sure you don’t try to dump any more alien riffraff here. Please consider this proposal and reply at your earliest convenience.
Respectfully, etc.
Posted by Betty Cracker on 03/05/11 at 01:19 PM • Permalink
Categories: Politics • Election '12 • Election '08 • St. McSame • Bedwetters • Nutters • Teabaggery • Polisnark •
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