Best Camille Paglia take-down since Molly Ivins

As noted before in this space, Molly Ivins, god rest her soul, issued the seminal take-down of pretentious, tedious, self-aggrandizing twit Camille Paglia here.

However, Salon reader Susan Wood may have just eclipsed the master with this response to Paglia’s most recent pool of sick. Full text after the jump…

Here it is:

More Big Think from Petunia Fieno

What a grim and ominous autumn this has been! Obama is at a crossroads, approaching his Rubicon, and in danger of facing his Waterloo if he doesn’t fire his entire staff, who are obviously giving him bad advice, and start listening to wise people like me.

What a humiliating defeat it was for his health care bill to pass the House with such a small margin! How could he possibly hope to leave any mark in history without getting AT LEAST 75% of the Republican vote on this measure? And to think that he promised bipartisanship, an area in which he has failed dreadfully. This is the most humiliating thing to happen to him since he got the Nobel Prize.

And what a faux pas for him to say in public that Fox News isn’t a real news station! I’m sure that even Obama’s fellow Democrats like Mark Foley, Larry Craig, David Vitter, John Ensign and Mark Sanford would condemn his thin-skinned, wimpy sensitivity to abuse. Of COURSE Fox News is a real station, why else would someone of my towering intellect watch it every day?

And I know their information is correct because I hear the same stories on talk radio, which I listen to constantly, thanks to my genuine and earthy working class creds which keep me in touch with the little people. Who says I can’t do fact-checking? I always double check what Rush says against what Glenn Beck and Michael Savage say. That’s how intellectuals do research, you peasants.

Doesn’t Obama know that he’s acting just like Richard Nixon, who kept a list of political enemies to be harassed with tax audits, wiretaps and secret investigations? Or like Mao, who would not tolerate dissident newspapers, and used to send the Red Brigades to break down their doors, smash their printing presses with sledge hammers, and then send them off to re-education camps or the firing squad? Well, Obama is doing exactly the same thing, except for the part about the tax audits, wiretaps, investigations, Red Brigades, sledge-hammers, re-education camps and firing squads. He’s on a slippery slope to fascism, which we can expect to happen any minute.

How utterly unprecedented! Can you remember a time in recent history when a President would have presumed to manipulate the news like this, or dared to speak out against a news outlet that expressed its opposition to him?

Well, now that 2012 is in the bag for the GOP, it’s time to think about candidates, and I’m really excited about a Palin-Bachmann ticket. Unlike Obama, whose speeches, to my practiced English teacher’s eye all look like first drafts, Palin has the poetic daring and imagination to compose her zero-drafts on the fly. She has the eloquence, the mastery of dramatic imagery, and above all the boobs for a Presidential run. And the lovely Michelle Bachmann would make a scrumptious wing-man.

On a related note, I was at Joe’s Greasy Spoon with my partner Dora Matte, ordering Buffalo wings and a Bud Lite when the shocking news came in through ESPN that Rush Limbaugh had been cruelly and tyrannically deprived of his Constitutional right to own a football team. Don’t these idiots in the NFL know that the First Amendment guarantees freedom of speech without consequences?

And the only reason it doesn’t include a clause also guaranteeing the right to own a football team is that football hadn’t been invented yet. I understand the thinking of the Founding Fathers, and am absolutely certain that they would have wanted that language in the document. I can’t imagine a more flagrant and egregious example of government interference in the right of free speech than the decision of this business consortium to exclude Rush Limbaugh from their group just because all the best talent on the Rams was threatening to go elsewhere.

This is a downright Communist interference with free enterprise. Rush is an American treasure, a man with the eloquence of a Cicero, the moral passion of a Tacitus, and the earthy yet articulate skill with idiomatic English of a rap star (nudge nudge – see? I did it again, elegantly combining my knowledge of high and pop culture. When I’m not reading the classics bound in leather, I’m out at places like Joe’s, being true to my humble roots by rubbing elbows with the great unwashed). Anyway, Rush was right, Donovan McNabb is a poopyhead, nyah nyah.

As you notice, I know all about football, which is my favorite sport. I have no patience with wimpy, pasty-faced liberal bleeding-heart types who say it’s like watching 20 bus collisions, and who worry about things like brain injury from repeated concussions. They don’t understand the inborn masculine imperative to fight for dominance, like mighty stags locking horns over a doe while the beta males look on in awe. Of course, every now and then one of those sneaky beta males will quietly sidle up to the doe while the dominant males are fighting and ask her, “Honey, my glade or yours?” But that’s beside the Darwinian point.

This all reminds me of one of those great classic songs from the golden days of my youth, Donovan’s “Inna gadda da vida, baby,” which seemed to make excellent sense at the time, although I haven’t been partaking of the same herbal substances lately. So long for now, more Big Think next month.

— Susan Wood

Brava, Ms. Wood. Brava, ma’am.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/11/09 at 10:18 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsOur Stupid Media

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Paglia’s most recent pool of sick

Perfect.

I think I’m in love.

I am in love, particularly when it’s morning Wood with Susan. That’s about as close to the target as one can get when dealing with a dipstick like Paglia.

If Salon had any sense they’d can Paglia and hire Wood.

I had never read that piece by Molly Ivins.  Damn, I wish we could be reading her eviscerating Sarah Palin and the teabaggers.  I really dislike Camille Paglia, and it is beyond me why she is still taken seriously by so many people.  She’s a goddamn birther-clown.

Anyway, Susan Wood’s letter is pretty great.  I still have to give Ivins the edge on this one, though, just because.

What a grim and ominous autumn this has been! Obama is at a crossroads, approaching his Rubicon, and in danger of facing his Waterloo if he doesn’t fire his entire staff, who are obviously giving him bad advice, and start listening to wise people like me.

See, Paglia probably would have worked Thermopylae into the mix as well.

ZOMG, that was so full of win that I want to take a slice of it and eat it in a sandwich.

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