Blowhole Awareness

Some anti-seagoing mammalist has stickered most of lower Manhattan with these. Just one of the many things you didn’t think you had to worry about, but if you like paddling about with large gray rubbery bottlenosed mammals, don’t say you weren’t warned!

Either that or it’s just another NYC company trying to sell you T-shirts suitable for that upcoming Thrash concert. They may be unwittingly doing dolphins a favor, even while slandering them: wild dolphins are beginning to turn tail and flee after the umpteen bazillionth encounter with starry-eyed Flipper fanatics.

In any case, I ain’t swimmin’ with ‘em again. Not after that time in ‘96. But I can’t say any more; I accepted a lot of herring to keep my mouth shut.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/31/11 at 08:22 AM • Permalink

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You know when you swim like that, you’re just asking for it.

Dolphins might assault you sexually, but they didn’t do it on porpoise.

Okay, that’s not just odd, that’s ODD. Does this mean I should eat more tuna? I haz konfuzed.

Submitted without comment.

Comment by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 10/31/11 at 12:36 PM

Just a matter of time before the first dolphin-human hybrid is born.

Does all this defining rape down help the forced-pregnancy movement?

OK 4B, now you’re just freaking me out….

Just a matter of time before the first dolphin-human hybrid is born.


Comment by Oblomova on 10/31/11 at 01:52 PM

I saw that on an episode of KING OF THE HILL.

It was only a matter of time before the Tuna Liberation Front hired Karl Rove.

Too funny.  I was swimming with the dolphins last week in the highly manufactured environment of the Atlantis hotel in Dubai.  We were very clearly told not to touch their eyes, blowholes or naughty bits. 

Oh, and by the way, “” is a banned domain in the UAE.  Will capture a screenshot of that when back in a few weeks.

Thanks ever so much, AntonovBureau; we wondered what had happened to our Abu Dhabi traffic, or as Herman Cain would have it, Abu Dhabi-Dhabi-Dhabu-Abu-Dhabi-Dhabi (said the dolphin to the shrimp).

And, more importantly, AB, was it wonderful with our bottlenosed buddies? Or did you need to protect your eyes &etc;.?

I have read that dolphins are rather doglike in disposition, in which case some of the unfortunate incidents might be akin to having an enormous, gray-rubber Lab humping your leg.

I swam with dolphins at Discovery Cove in Orlando a few years ago, and we too were told not to touch the eyes, blowholes or naughty bits. We had to actually hitch a ride on a dolphin for about 25 yards or so by placing an arm over it and loosely holding the dorsal fin as it sped from one buoy to another.

I didn’t really want to do it as I am vaguely opposed to treating highly intelligent animals as carnival rides. I would have preferred to just feed it some herring and leave it at that. But peer pressure, you know…

Anyhoo, it was kind of scary—they are exceptionally powerful critters, and I was aware at every second that the dolphin could make short work of this pasty tourist had it chosen to do so. Luckily I wasn’t aware of the rape thing…

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