Board It Up: Di Fara’s

A $5 plain slice?!? Are you fucking kidding me?  Gah!!!!

Listen, I love pizza. If I had to pick a last meal, chances are pretty good it would solely consist of or at least include pizza.  I would have sex with a well-made pie if it had a hole in it. I LOVE PIZZA THAT FUCKING MUCH. But I’d never ever pay $5 for a plain slice regardless of where it was made.

And let me tell ya something very few people are willing to admit (because they’re assholes),  Di Fara’s pizzeria is probably the most overrated eating establishment in all of the five boroughs. Don’t believe the Chowhound message boards, home to some of the most loathsome, crumb-covered, head-butt-deserving douchebags in the world, where Di Fara’s is adored and fawned over like a cheesy Holy Grail. DI FARA’S IS NOT WORTH IT. Getting there is a pain in the ass (even if you live in Brooklyn), the whole ordering process is about as pleasant as getting a colonoscopy, and the resulting pie, which you NEARLY HAVE TO DIE FOR, ain’t all that.  It’s way too oily, the crust is overly-charred, and even the goddamn fresh basil (fresh=grown in the window of a decrepit Brooklyn pizzeria), which Domenico meticulously (and slowly ... SO FUCKING SLOWLY) cuts over each pie with a pair of scissors, is really nothing more than the equivalent of an erratic BeDazzling.

I mean, look at this pie that I had to shoulder-out a sneering Russian day laborer to get for nearly a half hour (after already waiting twenty minutes at our dirty table) AND I ORDERED THE DAMN THING:

image

Inappropriately burnt crust, enough olive oil on it so that I could slip ‘n’ slide my way home instead of taking the bus, expensive as shit (before this latest price increase), an ordering process that’s just plain fucking cruel (TAKE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ORDER? WHY WOULD THE DI FARA ZOMBIE STAFF WANT TO DO THAT?!?), and, on top of it all, look at the crap basil job I got from Dom, the only person allowed to touch the pies at Di Fara’s BECAUSE HE IS JESUS H. CRUST. If I’m going to wait even longer for basil to be slowly scissored over my pie a) I want it all cut and b) I want it somewhat evenly distributed.

So thanks to the vastly (and, obviously, maddeningly) overrated Di Fara’s, plain slices in NYC will probably be $3 by the end of the summer. And I can’t even enjoy a $2.25 slice now, while it still exists, because I’m on a goddamn diet. SO I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE NOW.

The end.

Posted by Kevin K. on 07/31/09 at 08:04 AM • Permalink

Categories: FoodNYC EatsNew York CityBrooklynNews

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Did you get a Diet Coke with that?

You know, it is with deep regret that I had to start ordering my pizza cheese-less, but it has been revelation.

Without the crutch of a gooey mess of cheese, the crust, the sauce and the ingredients all become supremely important.  You pay more attention to those things.

It’s not exactly the same as a sublimely cheesy pizza, but in the right hands it can be quite good.  And you don’t have that leaden feeling in your stomach afterwards.

I’ve lost 30+ pounds to boot.

I was also trying to think what was the Texas equivalent of over-rated pizza. 

Maybe Chicken Fried Steak.

dewberry, yeah, I have slightly high cholesterol, so I have to watch how much dairy I consume.  I don’t care about milk or butter, but cheese is like oxygen to me, so that one hurts.

They opened a Pepe’s about fifteen minutes drive from my house.  The pizza is as good as the original in New Haven.  Two people leave stuffed for about twenty bucks.  The sevice is fast and friendly.  Never more than a fifteen minute wait.  Honestly, I cannot imagine pizza being better than Pepe’s.  I’ve been on the same poorly managed diet for the last ten years, but this pizza is too fucking good to be considered fattening.

They opened a Pepe’s about fifteen minutes drive from my house.  The pizza is as good as the original in New Haven.  Two people leave stuffed for about twenty bucks.  The sevice is fast and friendly.  Never more than a fifteen minute wait.  Honestly, I cannot imagine pizza being better than Pepe’s.  I’ve been on the same poorly managed diet for the last ten years, but this pizza is too fucking good to be considered fattening.

You are one lucky man.

We had a discussion about how overrated the pizza is in NYC in the Rumper Room. I’ve had some fine pies here and I still need to check out Lucali’s in Cobble Hill and Totonno’s in Coney Island, but CT has three of the best pizza joints I’ve ever eaten in: Pepe’s, Sally’s and the sadly long-gone Corky’s.

Do you remember Corky’s, Rick? They shut down in 1995, but I just saw that they reopened in TX of all places.

I do remember.  I seem to recall a story about the owner of Corky’s succumbing to the lure of born again christiandom.  The demands of his looney church soon made it impossible to continue feeding heathens high quality pizza.  Texas must be more hospitable to God fearin’ pizza makers.

I’ve always been a fan of Patsy’s. Always tasty, there are like 5 of them in Manhattan so there’s not an inordinate wait.

Now I live in western Mass, which has many things going for it but pizza is not one of them. I’m always asking people what they’re favorite local pizza is. When I try it I feel sad for the person who made the recommendation because they’ve obviously never had real pizza.

So I take it you’re not going back to Di Fara’s?

There is a local chain here called Anthony’s which makes pizza that is very equivalent to the street pizza in NY (which most of the time is pretty good!).  Other than that Denver either has Dominos like garbage or high end designer type pizzas that are pizza in name only and not worth the money.

I seem to recall a story about the owner of Corky’s succumbing to the lure of born again christiandom.

Yeah, I remember the menus said “We Proudly Serve the Lord” and the window on the swinging door to the kitchen was shaped like a cross.

There’s a definite lack of great ‘za in DC, but we did have a New Haven-style place open up last year. I haven’t been yet, but some friends from CT have raved about it.

Of course, my idea of good pizza is the stuff I had in college, so it may be completely wasted on me.

Now I live in western Mass, which has many things going for it but pizza is not one of them.

Yeah, I’ve heard complaints about pizza in MA. And to be clear (Reilly, you can attest to this)  not all CT pizza is great. CT was/is plagued with Greek pizza joints, which are truly horrible, horrible things.  Their “specialty” is the mushy horror known as the moussaka pizza.  God, I’d forgotten how much I’d hated Greek pizzerias until a recent road trip that took us through CT and, desperate for a place to eat, we nearly ate at a Greek pizzeria.  As we were pulling in my head exploded (I was driving) and as I spewed a fiery rant about moussaka pizza, I sharply turned the wheel and sped out of the parking lot, screaming that I was saving everyone in the minivan from unimaginable suffering.

So, yeah, that happened.

I’m beginning to have second thoughts about your taking the wheel on our coast-to-coast Rumproast Road trip, Kevin. Winnebagos do not corner well. On the other hand, we can stock the refrigerator with fresh basil, so it may come off all right.

In addition to Posto, there’s a thin-crust place called “PIE” on 4th ave. They sell by weight (the pizza; otherwise, I’d have walked in and heard “NO PIE FOR YOU!”), so I don’t know how much a slice would work out to exactly. It’s attended by the young, who do not mind sitting on translucent frosted plastic mushroom chairs. Aside from this, (or possibly because) it’s worth a try, I think.

Now I live in western Mass ... When I try it I feel sad for the person who made the recommendation because they’ve obviously never had real pizza.

I take it you’ve been to Mimmo’s in Northampton, then?  I live down the street from that place.  Largest cheap ass slices of pizza I’ve found anywhere, but is it good pizza?  Eh..  I just remember it’s cheap and stop complaining.

Yep, tried Mimmo’s, tas, not horrible for street pie but not brick oven either. Luna in Northampton isn’t bad, but it’s a pale imitation of a NYC brick over place.

Kev, I agree with you on the Greek pizza. Strangely enough, the place in the town where I live makes italian type pie but slices it greek style into squares.

Besides friends, Pizza is the thing I miss most about NYC. Oh, that and a good deli-style chicken cutlet sandwich, but that’s another story.

“Jesus H Crust” is fucking hilarious.  Permission to steal next time I get into a pizza related flame war? 

And I’d put 2 L.I. joints up against any pizza places in NYC or CT.  Umbertos in New Hyde Park serves the standard issue NY pizza but with the tastiest crust and the best sauce.  Which BTW need not, no must not, be overloaded with herbs and or spices.  Just flavor it with beef, pork, 3 small onions and some garlic sliced so thin it liquefies with just a little oil in the pan.  But please no more than a pinch of that nasty, foul, putrid oregano.  You thought I was going to start ranting about the C word, the anus of herbs, didn’t you? 

And Salvatore’s Brick Oven in Port Washington.  Great sauce and ultra thin crust.  I think there’s a family connection to Patsy’s because there’s all these photos of the place on the wall.

“Jesus H Crust” is fucking hilarious.  Permission to steal next time I get into a pizza related flame war?

It’s all yours. I was pretty proud of that one.

My, my. Someone is passsssionate about his pie.

I can be as well.  I spent the first 28 years of my life in northeasten NJ and had a favorite for years - thin crust, spicy-sweet sauce, and hand-shredded mozzarella hand-tossed by the same unassuming Italian family that had been doing it for decades.

Then I moved to Maine.

For 8 years I suffered through thick-crusted messes (“personal pizzaz”) that made Dominino’s (the only chain in the area at the time) seem like real pizza.

Every visit back to Jersey had me making a beeline right to that pizzeria - before unpacking, saying “hi” to relatives or anything.

For the past 13 years I’m back in Jersey, but near Philly.  I have found some passable pizza around here.

And don’t even get me started on the northern New England Chinese food.

“We Proudly Serve the Lord”

Jesus prefers the Margarita, with a side salad.

And don’t even get me started on the northern New England Chinese food.

The only northern NE restaurants worth going to are seafood places.  Even then, make sure it’s on the water or forget it.

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