If someone hits your car with a golf club, and that causes the car to slam into a tree, does that call for shouting “FORE!” or “TIMBER!” ?

As if we needed more evidence that our empire is in steep decline, the Tawainese come up with the definitive Tiger Woods golf club vs Escalade reenactment. Hoard your Confederate dollars, friends and neighbors. We are so 1999.

Obviously, “Car & Driver” is a confusing concept for non-native English speakers.

Notice how the first animation is the “cover story,” while the second clip is a lurid “what really happened” dramatization with no physical resemblance to the actual street layout.

Fantasy recreations of unwitnessed events rock!

Escalade or Escapade?

The real scandal may be, if this hyperfictionalized and unfounded animated Taiwanese account is to be believed, that Tiger Woods is behind the wheel of a minivan!

It takes a whole lot more compensation than just a bionic model mistress in overfilled white tank top waving the world’s scariest carpet cleaning attachment, you should pardon the expression, to make up for that sort of humiliation.

Um, P-whipped.

Putter?

Dear, dear.  It appears Tiger has now semi-confessed to a dalliance.  Who’da thunk it?

Marin, after all that effort to keep the brand bland! He might as well have had a political conscience and opinions and everything!

Oh, “conscience.” That is the rub, isn’t it.