Re-elect Obama in 2012 - Do It to Piss Off That Asshole You Hate

Obama 2012: Because poutrage makes the world go round.

If there’s anything I hate, it’s an inadequate, wet-behind-the-ears thug who doesn’t even know you shouldn’t be in the pocket of the victim whose knees you’re breaking.

The Fourth International?  Trotsky’s buddies? 

Well, glad to see somebody’s keeping the flame of dangerous naivete alive.  I guess…

The Fourth International

Just to be clear, this report comes from the International Committee of the Fourth International (International), not the International Committee of the Fourth International (Perpetual Global).

These are the ice-pick guys, not the Trotskyites.

I was wondering about which International Committee of the Fourth International that was!

And doesn’t being an International Committee of an International actually make you a local?

And doesn’t being an International Committee of an International actually make you a local?

Fookin’ brilliant, Mrs. P.

BTW, what ever happened the Popular People’s International of the Fourth International?

No, ice pick guys were the THIRD International, aka Comintern.  All Fourth International claimants are at least partially Trotskyite in makeup, though some did decide the ice-pick guys weren’t so bad after all, something I’ve no doubt Trotsky appreciated.

Communism.  Just like a whiny schismatic collection of fan clubs.  Only with people getting killed

@John Ball—I stand humbly and earnestly re-educated. Thanks!

@Strange: it stood to reason, which was definitely my second mistake right there. But thank you!

@John Ball: TrotskyIST, if you please. So insisted a former bf otherwise known as my first mistake. What fun days those weren’t!

I can imagine.

A quick guide to the Internationals.

The First International, 1866

Various Socialist Leaders: Let’s come together and form an international council to help each other out!  It’ll be great!  YAY!

1876

VSL: We’re broke, our membership is down, and we all hate each other now.  Time to call it a day.

The Second International, 1889

VSL: Let’s try it again!  We’ve got real political parties now!  Thing’s will be different!  This time it will work!  YAY!

1916

VSL: Hey!  Why are you supporting your nations during this war instead of helping us keep up a united front?

OVSL: Why are you supporting yours?

VSL: Jerks!

OVSL: Assholes!

Third International, 1916

Lenin: Clearly this shows I was right all along!  New International!  And this time I’m in charge!  Go Bolsheviks!

1917

Lenin: We conquered Russia!  Holy shit!  I mean—all goes according to plan!  Go Bolsheviks!

Trotsky: Yay, team!

Second International, 1920

VSL: Okay, glad we got that out of our systems.  First order of business—apologies all around.  Second order of business—Lenin is a doodyhead.

Third International, 1920

Lenin: I heard that, and I don’t care!  Russia’s the first real communist nation!  And you can’t share with us!  So suck it!  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have kulaks to persecute…

Trotsky: Death to the Whites!  Go Bolsheviks!

Second International, 1920

VSL: Let’s ammend that to ‘big, stinky doodyhead’.

Second and a Half International, 1921

OVSL: Guys—guys… Let’s all calm down, and see if we can’t work something out…

Second International, 1921

VSL: Schismatics!

Comintern, 1921

Trotsky: We’re the real deal, you’re all fakes, and we’re going to take over everything, and dance on your bourgeois accomodating graves!  In your face!

Second and a Half International, 1922

OVSL: What a bunch of assholes.  Umm—can we patch things up?

Second International, 1922

VSL: Yeah, we’re cool.

IWA, 1922

Various Anarchist-syndicalist Leaders: You guys have all lost track of what communism is all about.  It’s time to go back to basics!  First International!  All over again!  Yay!

Second International, and Second and a Half International, 1923

VSL: ...Yeah.  You go do that.

OVSL:  Umm, so—we getting back together?

VSL: Yep.

OVSL: Great!  We hereby proclaim we are the Labour and Social International!  And that Comintern SUCKS Donkey balls.

Comintern, 1923

Trotsky: Oh, yeah!  Well so does your mother! And she’s fat!  And—umm, what was that, Iosef?  Pardon me guys, I have to handle some—internal affairs to see to…

(momentary silence.)

Stalin: Sorry for the delay, gentlemen.  Now then, to continue in the vein of my colleague—who I respect, but has been overtaxed of late, and is starting to get behind some questionable ideas, if you know what I mean—and I had sex with your mother.  In her vagina.  For a long time.  Heh.  And he acted like this was tough.

Left Opposition, 1923

Trotsky: Stalin sucks!  He’s an oppressive dick, and he sucks!  Let me oppress you instead!  I don’t suck!  Also, there will be candy.

Comintern, 1929

Stalin: We rock, you all suck, and Trotsky is a pathetic asshole who sucks as much as it is possible for someone to suck.  Which is a lot of suck.  Also—here’s a beet.  Beets are just like candy.  Actually, they’re better than candy.  Any denying the superiority of beets to candy will be shot. 

Left Oppostion International, 1930

Trotsky: Stalin is a bureaucratic stooge!  And he SUCKS!  But don’t worry!  I don’t suck, and as soon as you all rise up, kick him out, and support me, things will be different.  Also—beets ARE candy.

Comintern, 1930s

Stalin: Trotsky is a sucky traitor, and we’re throwing him out of the party, as well as anyone who associates with him.  And anyone who we think might be associating with him.  And that guy, who just looked at me funny.  He did!  Also, long live the revolution.  But not Trotsky.  Who is trying to kill me.  I saw him underneath my bed last night.  Look—I know I can be a dick sometimes—but—it’s Trotsky, you undertand?  He’s everywhere!  He’s in league with the Fascists!  He beat up my mother!  Trotsky! TROTSKY!

Fourth International, 1938

Trotsky: Okay… Comintern is completely corrupt, because of Stalin.  And the LSI are still in the pockets of the Capitalists.  So—NEW INTERNATIONAL, people!  This time, we’re doing it right!  It’ll be just as pure as the October Revolution!  Only no Stalin.  Who is, as we all know a dick.

LSI, 1940

VSL: Umm—right.  Having trouble meeting up what with all this—warfare going on.  Let’s hook up again when this is all through, all right?

Comintern, 1940

Stalin: Just like to give a shout out to my homey, Hitler.  I think we can all agree fascism isn’t so bad after all.  Also, Trotsky sucks.  And soon he shall suck graveyard dirt.  Bwahaha!  Death to kulaks!

Fourth International, 1940

Trotsky: What the hell did that—URK!

Comintern, 1941

Stalin: Yes! In your face, Trotsky!  Also, death to Hitler.

Comintern, 1943

Stalin: Death to Hitler!  Also, I’m dissolving Comintern.  Have a beet!  They’re candy!

Now that’s how I like to read history!