Crazy Horse Meets Willy Wonka

No doubt about it: falling off a horse is as easy as falling off a horse. And no amount of fake Amerindian Juju can save you. In yesterday’s scene from the new Lone Ranger film, Johnny Depp played iron-jawed sidekick Tonto wearing pancake make-up, black leather chaps and a stuffed crow on top of his head…but none of that was enough to coax love and mercy from the skittish pinto he was navigating through the Western Plains.

This was the first news story I heard today. I didn’t find out until 5 PM that the Deppster not only survived the fall and the hoof-dance, but courageously appeared on Letterman later in the day (wearing a tasteful wardrobe selectton from the 80s’ TV series “Maude”) to review the miraculous circumstances of his surprisingly non-tragic undemise.

God bless and vaya con Dios, Johnny D. You were the best Hunter S. Thompson since the real one. I’m hoping against hope that the new Silver Bullet Express completely erases my memory of the last Lone Ranger movie from 1981…except for the part where Christopher Lloyd was his arch-foe Butch Cavendish.

Oh, and lest we do forget—Thank You, Masked Man!

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/19/13 at 06:24 PM • Permalink

Categories: Geek SpeakI Don't Know Much About Art, But I Know What I LikeMessylaneousMovies

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I loved horses a a kid; started with a pony (yes, a real pony) and then graduated to a horse.  I only got tossed/stomped a few times, but I have a groove in my skull from my hairline to right orbit that I only recall waking up from with my horses nose in mine, trying to figure out why I was on the ground like a sack of potatoes.  Ah, childhood head injuries. 

I still love horses, but I prefer to just look at them and pet them.  They react first, think later (if they bother to think at all), and one can end up seriously injured.  Johnny D is lucky it didn’t get any more real than that.

LOL, I rode horses as a kid (and now and then as an adult) and got tossed off more than once.  You have to just yell at them that they can’t do that shit and mostly they come around.  Horses are amazingly intelligent animals but ruled mostly by their right brain.  You have to get their left brain engaged to communicate with them.

Never read “Fear and Loathing” although my husband did and was a huge Hunter Thompson fan.  Johnny Depp is, well, an interesting choice for the role (he’s Hunter, right?)

Off topic, I just heard about James Gandolfino’s death from a heart attack.  That is truly a sad, sad thing.  I loved the big guy and have a hard time contemplating life going forward without him.  So, as far as a Soprano’s movie - guess it will have to start with the fact that Tony did die.

Honest to gawd, when I saw stills of Johnny Depp w/ that bird on his head a yr. or so ago I couldn’t effing believe it.

And thanks for the “Mask Man” reminder. Lenny, more relevant than ever!!

@M. Bouffant:

Indeed, it was going to take a really heinous bit of pop culture folding and spindling to erase my memory of Clinton Spilsbury (!??) as the Masked Avenger.

As it turns out, that bloodcurdling violation of good taste and authentic Indian totemism turned out to be Johnny Depp in vaudeville make-up with a dead bird stapled to his head.

Quoth the totem, “Nevermore.”

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