Creative Pitches I Wish I’d Been In On #1: Kegasus

Nothing says “The Sport of Kings” like a shitfaced man-horse who runs one and three-sixteenths miles, then throws up at the finish line while trying to light the wrong end of a box of Newports. But that seems to be the image the Preakness promoters are going for this year, in an attempt to win back hard-partying groundlings who bailed on the race after BYOB was banned from the infield in 2009.

Behold “Kegasus,” the Preakness’ 2011 mascot, who toots his mighty stag-flask to alert the thirsty world of 18-25-year-olds that just because you have to leave your home-brew in the car doesn’t mean you can’t mud-wrestle a dwarf while sucking down a $20 bottomless beer purchased on the premises. Oh, and there will also be a horse-race afterward.

For the sake of mythological accuracy, of course, Kegasus should be a drunken winged stallion who plummets into the grandstand after strafing the infield crowd with enchanted road-apples. But my guess is that concept didn’t make it past the first focus group.

[UPDATE:] Totally righteous Kegasus TV spot below the fold.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 03/30/11 at 04:41 PM • Permalink

Categories: Geek Speak • News • Skull Hampers • Sports •

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To be honest, the two hooved penii are a bit of a turn-off.

Comment by sean on 03/30/11 at 05:00 PM

The linked Baltimore Sun article says Kegasus has an “ample beer gut.” That word “ample.” I do not think it means what they think it means.

Back in my misspent yoot, I once attended the Kentucky Derby for the infield party. It was like a concert without a band. I don’t think I saw a horsey all day. But mint juleps? Oh heavens, yes. Saw plenty o’ them!

Comment by Betty Cracker on 03/30/11 at 05:51 PM

Strange, when Beck finds out you’ve stolen the cover art for his next novel, he’s gonna be pissed!

Comment by Oblomova on 03/30/11 at 07:07 PM

@Sean ~ I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw “boy parts.”

Comment by Elisabeth on 03/30/11 at 08:44 PM

To be honest, the two hooved penii are a bit of a turn-off.

Speak for yourself, mortal!

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 03/30/11 at 08:55 PM

I’m 12 years old and what is this?!?!

Comment by arguingwithsignposts on 03/30/11 at 09:32 PM

Centaurs were notorious drunks.

Hercules and Pholus (cf. English ‘foal’) got into a drinking match that wound up with Pholus dead, along with a whole bunch of his fellow centaurs, though it was Hercules’ fault in the first place for insisting Pholus wine him (from analogy with ‘Beer me, bro!’) against P’s better instincts.

And they got liquored up and wedding-crashed the Lapiths, too.

So it’s not a reach, actually.