EXCLUSIVE!! McCain Campaign Talking Points on the Issues
We’ve secretly obtained a copy of the McCain campaign’s talking points. Boy, is Obama in trouble:
Health care: John McCain experienced government controlled health care – for 5-1/2 years, the communist North Vietnamese government provided John McCain’s medical treatment as he endured brutal torture in service to the country John McCain always puts first. That’s why John McCain is committed to protecting the American people from universal health care.
The sanctity of human life: As John McCain was shot down over Vietnam, he was sucked out of the cockpit of his Navy fighter jet, much as viable fetuses are sucked out of wombs in abortion clinics every day. Therefore, John McCain will protect American fetuses by appointing legal thinkers in the mold of Alito and Scalia to the Supreme Court.
Immigration: John McCain knows what it’s like to be surrounded by foreigners—he spent 5-1/2 years being beaten senseless by Viet Cong captors. So John McCain can understand why the American people don’t want to be surrounded by gooks gabbling on like, “bong wang wong fu kong,” all the time. John McCain’s personal hero, Ronald Reagan, whom John McCain served as a foot soldier after he (John McCain) was released—from a Vietnamese prison camp—said, “Tear down this wall.” John McCain says it’s time to build a wall.
Judicial philosophy: When you spend 5-1/2 years in a Viet Cong prison camp with no access to trial except for a kangaroo commie court like John McCain did, you learn the value of judicial oversight. Therefore, John McCain will appoint judges who protect embryonic life, unlike John McCain’s commie captors, who tortured John McCain in a Viet Cong P.O.W. camp. And in stark contrast to John McCain’s Viet Cong captors, John McCain will make sure hard-working white Americans are protected from torture like the 5-1/2 years of brutality John McCain endured when John McCain was a P.O.W. in Vietnam.
Technology: During his 5-1/2 years in a Viet Cong prisoner of war camp, John McCain wasn’t able to pass the time between beatings with bamboo sticks by “surfing” “online” or playing “Pong” like elitists in exotic, foreign places such as Hawaii. But John McCain recently got help “logging on” to the “World Wide Web,” so John McCain is aware of the ”internets” and all associated traditions.
2nd Amendment: As John McCain was rotting away in a P.O.W. camp for his country, he often wished he had a double-barrel shotgun he could use to blast his filthy gook torturers to smithereens. For this reason, John McCain strongly supports the right of all Americans to keep and bear arms.
Agricultural policies: One of the ways John McCain used to pass the time when John McCain was locked in a tiger cage in a Viet Cong prisoner of war camp was to imagine eating homegrown American food. All the gooks gave John McCain and his fellow American patriots was rotten rice and weevil sauce, which John McCain got tired of after 5-1/2 years. So John McCain will support American agricultural activities.
[CROSS-POSTED AT BETTY CRACKER]
Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/22/08 at 08:52 AM • Permalink
Categories: Politics • Election '08 • St. McSame • Barack Obama •
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