Failure to Launch


Combining a Mike Gravel-style campaign ad strategy and a Giulianian focus on winning states that start with an “F” and end with a “lorida,” the Huntsman 2012 campaign is a juggernaut:

“How cool is it to be making history: the first Republican presidential campaign to be headquartered in Florida,’’ the former ambassador to China told more than 100 people gathered to see him at a downtown Orlando office building.“Florida is where this race is going to be won by the Huntsman campaign.”

Jeebus. Didn’t anyone warn Huntsman about launching a campaign in Orlando during the “Tot Mom” trial?

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/24/11 at 07:01 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsElection '08Giuliani is a JerkElection '12Our Stupid Media

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Aieeee! The anamorphic memento mori looming over that little manniquin is masterfully rendered, but to see such a terrifying thing here on Rumproast is a shock to the system, I tell you!

more than 100 people

What a loser…“Tot Mom” can get more than a hundred people camping out at 3 am in the courthouse line.  During a lightening storm.

@ Mrs. P—It appeared in my nightmares, so I figured I’d share the horror.

@ lmc—that is the god’s honest truth:

ORLANDO, Fla.—Halfway through the third week of Casey Anthony’s murder trial, people from all over Florida are still lining up outside the courthouse for a chance at a courtroom seat.

Although people cannot officially line up until 5:30 a.m., people began arriving at 1 a.m. Wednesday with coffee and energy drinks in hand.

Kayla Pender, of Lake City, drove with her friends in hopes to get a courtroom seat.

“We’re kind of emotionally attached,” Pender said. “We prayed for Caylee to be found.”

Karen Wright, a mother from Tampa Bay, arrived outside the courthouse at 4:30 a.m.

“As a mother, it’s almost unbelievable that something like this could happen,” she said.

One person who bloggers began commenting on last week, nicknamed “neck brace guy,” was seen sprinting last week to get in line.

On Wednesday morning, that man, identified as Brian Maher, of Orlando, had the first spot.

“I’m out of work the next five to six months,” Maher said. “I just get tired of sitting around the house.”

The Anthony case has been covered extensively in Orlando for three years. The case has people attached, Mark Jigarjian, of Orlando, said.

“It’s a walking, living soap opera,” Jigarjian said. “All the characters from the prosecutors, defense attorneys, to the people giving testimony are almost like celebrities; to be part of it, I think I’ll always remember it.”

Lives. These people need to get one.

Go check out the campaign staff neglected to cover all the bases.  Hysterical.

Here Behind the Zion Curtain (Eu-taw), Huntsman is not so popular as his staff would like you to think.  To get elected, he put a right-wing hack from Utah County (reddest of the reddest; think rednecks from the south but wearing Magic Underwear) on the ticket as his Lt.Gov, then Jonny boy bailed on the state to become ambassador.  So now Utah is stuck with a GED-educated, real-estate developer fellating, payola-paying reich winger for gov.  In less than two years Herbert, the gov of Utah, has paid $13 million in hush money to a contractor; taken a $10,000 check from a coal company so they could open a strip mine near a national park; and just fired the state archeologist because he objected to building a strip mall over the oldest archeological site in the state. Thanks, Jonny, for sticking us with this maroon.

Am I the last person in the US to have never heard of the tot mom? I think someone here mentioned it once before, but I sort of skipped over it, since I had no idea what it was about.

@rdale — The only full night I ever spent in Utah, a stripper had been discovered in the Devil City of Moab. It was practically the only thing on the Salt Lake TV news.

I’ve always wondered, did they let Moab remain in Utah, or did they push it over the border into Colorado?

I’ve always wondered, did they let Moab remain in Utah, or did they push it over the border into Colorado?

They kept it - here in Utah there’s this weird tension between wanting to be a complete theocracy and realizing that all that sweet, sweet tourist cash would wither if alcohol were illegal and there weren’t any strippers. Moab is a big tourist town these days, but that doesn’t stop the prudes from wigging about it all. The real center of the ungodliness is Park City, where all the rich out-of-staters go to get their coke and indie films.

Understood. I sensed a certain schitzy vibe. I made the mistake of ordering a drink in a restaurant in Salt Lake. I had to visibly eat my dinner while the hostess made the 30-minute slog to the bomb-proof underground booze vault, but a drink did eventually arrive…and I have the eye-laser burns to prove it.

Yup, that’s how it’s done. You can’t outlaw the sin, you can just legislate mandatory harrassment for anyone partaking.

I went to hear John Waters speak once.  He said his hobby was attending famous murder trials and that he would see the same people in attendance at various trials.  At the Cullen Davis trial in Texas people began bragging about the different trials they had seen and one guy shut everyone else up by saying, “Oh yeah?  Well I was at Nuremberg.”

@ rdale & Xecky—I once had a job that required me to attend a yearly conference in Utah (SLC and Park City). It’s a beautiful but deeply weird place. “Yes, I want ALCOHOL in my bourbon.” Geesh.

@ MikeJ—Count your many blessings. Name them one by one.

“Yes, I want ALCOHOL in my bourbon.”

By State order, all bottled liquor is pre-watered for your safety, Godly (If Straying) Citizen.

I spent a summer in Cedar City, Utah, about a thousand years ago.  So beautiful.  The Cedar City kids I knew were good Mormons, but they were on some kind of undefined Mormon rumspringa or something.  We’d get together and drink weak, nasty beer and smoke cigarettes, and they’d get all angsty, because their rebellion wasn’t nearly as fun as they’d imagined it to be.  They’re probably busy with their grandkids’ weddings now.

Oh, and this line:

“Florida is where this race is going to be won by the Huntsman campaign.”

This has got to be the most pathetic, uninspiring, passive declaration ever.  I’d mark it up in red Crayola and send it back to him for more work.  Or to rephrase, this statement is what is going to come back to who wrote it having been marked up by a Crayola that is red, by me.

Translation: Pay no attention to the fact that I’m a Mormon from Mormontown, Mormonia and I once worked for the evil Kenyan pseudo-president. And I speak a furrin language, also!

“We’re kind of emotionally attached,” Pender said. “We prayed for Caylee to be found.”

My kingdom, my kingdom for a license to hunt pathetic ghouls!

Huntsman: “Twice the Man and 3.5 Times the Father Tim Pawlenty Is”

Someone has to say it: Your image makes it look like Nancy Grace’s impassioned reporting on the Tot Mom case will go down on history.

“How cool is it to be making history: the first Republican presidential campaign to be headquartered in Florida,’’

Well, sure, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t seem like much. Still, we shall overcome.

Wait, I thought the Tot Mom case had something to do with all opening and summation arguments had to be delivered in palindromes.  Non?

Huntsman is counting on Gov Scott’s coat tails?

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