Fainting Goats for Freedom

03-07-2009 11;49;31PM
In these tough times, it’s difficult scraping up the funds to support Dentist/Lawyer Dr. Orly Taitz’s heroic struggle to bring down the nauseatingly popular usurper, British-Indokenyan Muslibertheosocialazi Barry Dunsoeterror.  Dr. Orly understands. But having no money shouldn’t stop you from making sure her coffers are filled:

(Cross-posted at Snarkopolitan)


Defend Our Freedoms Foundation

Want to help out but don’t have money to donate? Defend Our Freedoms has partnered with Breederville.com. By registering at “this link”, you can set up a business store, hold an auction, sell your products and sell livestock while supporting Defend Our Freedoms.Not only do you promote yourself and earn money for your own business; but you earn money for Defend Our Freedoms. Defend Our Freedoms makes money from the Breederville.com auction fees. So you don’t need to do any additional steps.

No Ebay cookie jars here. These auctions are for a Redder State crowd.  Breederville’s categories run more to Ratites (Emu, Ostrich, Rhea), Camelids, Waterfowl, and all the more usual animals and farm implements. Other than exotic fish, urbanites would have trouble participating in Orly’s auctions.

There is a Studding, Semen, or Embryo category.  A vial of Semen is small enough to go right in even a dorm-size refrigerator, but sadly, nobody is auctioning off any Freedom sperm. Nor are most of the really enticing sections of the livestock universe represented: no Fallow Deer, no Alligators, no Byelorussian Harness Horses, and, especially disappointing, no Tennessee Fainting Goats. I happen to know of at least one sure customer for a Tennessee Fainting Goat.

But you can bid for rabbit meat. ““High Quality Rabbit Meat”” at that. You can also bid for three different kinds of worms, including live colored wax worms. They come in seven frighteningly neon shades, and they are live, not wax. You can also get a compartmented plastic WaxieTaxi, so you can take them wherever you go, segregated.

I looked into the waxworm world, and I learned how to raise them, how to color them, how they differ from mealworms, how long they will keep their color underwater (up to one hour, but if your worm is still there after an hour, you have more problems than impermanent worm dye). What I didn’t learn is why. Why dye them seven colors in the first place? But this might be one of those instances of “If you have to ask why, you’ll never understand.”

Dr. Orly’s followers are also raising crickets and crayfish for her, and you can bid on bison bratwurst for the cause. So if you can’t find a place in your life for a pound of neon wax worms, there’s no reason to despair. You can still participate in Dr. Orly’s Auctions. They’re the only satisfaction she’s ever likely to find from a gavel.


Posted by Mrs. Polly on 03/07/09 at 11:04 PM • Permalink

Categories: I Don't Know Much About Art, But I Know What I Like

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All right, KnotK, perhaps I was too soaked in Orliana to realize that the auction scheme wouldn’t be graspable, so I added some information and a link to the Great Spitcup that is Defend Our Freedoms, Orly’s site.

On the other hand, “Huh?” is entirely a natural reaction, no matter how soaked one is in Orliana.

“Soaked” is definitely the operative word.

Breederville?  Seriously?  At first, I thought it might be a heterosexual dating site run by gays, but further reading showed it to be even more awesome.  Anyone who thinks she can support a bizarre legal crusade by asking her online supporter(s) to hold livestock auctions, and doesn’t immediately dissolve in helpless laughter, is truly beyond help.  Thank you for bringing this wonderful nugget back from the depths of pumadom.

Comment by sean on 03/08/09 at 08:41 AM




Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

I hope to hell she’s done some market research to determine how many DoFFs have a few gallons of bull semen they need to get off their hands. Maybe she thinks a lot of people have already gone Galt.

Totally love the portrait.

Perhaps Oily Taint should become a Mary Kay distributor to fund her crusade.  She seems to take her makeup tips from Mimi on the Drew Carey show.

You really have to see her in action on the YouTubes. That was when I realized she had painted-on Kabuki eyebrows hovering halfway up her forehead way above where her real eyebrows would have been.

I don’t mean to condemn people with luxuriant hair, but she, Blago, and assorted Balkan meanies all have frighteningly forceful locks springing from their brows. Perhaps there’s interior storage.

Or perhaps they’re forming horns.

OK, I just have to ask this.  Do the goats really faint and why would that be a desirable trait in a goat?

They don’t actually faint. When they’re startled, their muscles stiffen and they fall over. Then they get up after a minute or so.

I don’t know why Tennesseans think this is so fabulous. I’ve been to Nashville; there’s lots to do in Tennessee besides watch goats faint.

BTW Mar, I just heard your show: you and Betty were great! You sounded relaxed, funny, and who knew Colorado could out-crazy Florida and Texas?

The clown holding the fainting goat is for you and Betty. Salut!

They don’t actually faint. When they’re startled, their muscles stiffen and they fall over. Then they get up after a minute or so.

Funny, I have the same problem—but it only affects a single muscle.

I don’t date anymore, but I still enjoy the cigarette after the fainting spell.

Maybe we should try startling you more often, Strange.

Not at today’s price for a pack of cigarettes, Mrs. Polly.

I can’t think of anything outside of that, that would startle you, Strange.

Must lead to some awkward scenes at the Tobacconist.

Oh. My. God.

I thought this was a joke. 

I guess when you’re site is too shitty to make money from online ads, and your readers are all too retarded to have any money to donate, this is how you monetize a site.

Actually, I think it probably works better than Heidi Li’s incessant begging for donations by flogging woman-lynching.  And it’s certainly more tasteful than her “give me money and I’ll make sure your best wishes get relayed to Justice Ginsberg, through my college roomate’s best friend’s cousin’s fiance.”

Now, how can Stupid PUMAs! get a piece of this online-livestock-auction-affiliate action? Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!

BTW, everybody should run to Yes to Democracy and read Strange’s bravura blow-by-blow description of an Orly/Berg/Obama Wrestling Match Extravaganza. It’s more than echt Strange.

I am easily startled, Mrs. Polly….hence the affliction of chain-smoking, my reliance on strong spirits and my fondness for a particular piece of art deco indulgence that accommodates all of my vices, simultaneously.

To my mind, all subsequent technology was redundant or unnecessary.

Comment by StrangeAppar8us on 03/08/09 at 06:48 PM

It’s well named, for when I saw it I trilled, Oh! Oh! Oh!

Makes me wish I still smoked. I used to live in North Carolina, and cigarettes were a dollar a pack. It would have been STUPID not to smoke!

Honestly, Mrs. P—the name says it all.

There should be one in every room, by law…and TWO in the master suite if you have a queen-size or larger bed.

And don’t tell me about $1-a-pack smokes. I swore I’d quit when they went to 50 cents. Now, I either have to switch to heroin (which is cheaper) or move to the Sioux res at Pine Ridge, where a certain erstwhile medicine man owes me a black leather trenchcoat and a rebate on a sweat-lodge that went terribly awry.

for a particular piece of art deco indulgence

That is utterly cool.  I am not a smoker but I love these kinds of art deco pieces.  I think I was born in the wrong era - I really wanted to live in the jazz age of Scott Fitzgerald and trade witty repartee while chain smoking and drinking martinis when nobody knew it was bad for you.  Of course the lifestyle ruined Fitzgerald’s marriage and killed him at the age of about 42 but still . . .

I remember back in the early 70’s when my husband, then boyfriend, was in the Air Force (due to that thing called The Draft) the BX sold cartons of cigarettes for $1.

I’m glad you enjoyed the radio show Mrs. P.  Receiving a compliment from you on the funny scale is a compliment indeed.  And as far as CO being able to outcrazy TX and FL - the fact is once you leave Denver going east on I-70, you enter Virtual Kansas almost immediately.  Not to mention Colorado Springs being the home of Focus on the Family and Ted Haggard.  Oh yeah, we can outcrazy just about any state here.  Happily we have the crazies temporarily in submission but there’re still a lot of them lurking out there.

Tobacco “works” are ever so much nicer than heroin works, though I suppose a rococo silver chased repoussé spoon would liven things up somewhat. But really, can it compete with a hubble-bubble?

I’m not sure all of us were meant for sweat-lodges, Strange—

Some toxins are best left on the inside.

OK, Richindenver and KCindenver need me to correct the missimpression that he got drafted into the Air Force.  He entered voluntarily.  So he wouldn’t be drafted into the Marines or the Army.  Plus his Dad was a career AF officer.  To me it makes no difference but they are standing over me demanding that I correct the record.  Sheesh.

Mar, you and Betty sounded as if you’d been doing radio all your lives.

I stopped congratulating myself on living through the experience, though, after I heard four-year-old Caitlyn doing her Clint Eastwood thing in one of Scooter’s archived Caitlyn and Daddy shows. She comes in on her Daddy talking to Satan, insults Satan’s cheesy red outfit, and then pops him.

Scooter: “I think he’s still breathing, Honey.”
Caitlyn: (BANG BANG BANG): “Not any more!”

I loved that Scooter opened with the Redneck edition of Caitlyn and Daddy’s mailbag. I understand she’s fifteen now, but what a memory album that’s going to be for her.

Mar, you and Betty sounded as if you’d been doing radio all your lives.

Well, I don’t know about Betty but I’ve been laughing at our Red Pols for about 30 years now so it just came naturally.  Plus it was nice to open up in a venue where people weren’t just rolling their eyes at another one of my rants and actually were in agreement!

If Caitlyn’s 15 now she is probably not loving her Daddy playing her 4 year old musings on the air.  But I thought that segment was really funny, especially when she was reading the list of 15 things a redneck would never say.

Orly Taitz showed up on Betty Jean #####’s radio show on blogtalk radio a few days ago. It was hilarious. As expected, she embellished and exaggerated her question to Justice Roberts. The audio is available so its easy to verify. Harriet Christian called in too. Orly has her own definition of a naturalized citizen.

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