In which America’s favorite unkillable psychotic backwoods mongoloid sets aside his standard arsenal and adopts your weapon of choice, the ukulele.

Rick Perry plays ukulele?

Well of course Jason would play a CUTaway!

O gil, O gil, how I regret the wasted hours spent under the piano, nursing my flask of negronis, when you had posted this swell bit of footage! I can only plead profound ignorance of everything temporal; I’d no idea what today was, even after breaking that glass this morning, the one with the little pattern I never noticed till sweeping up the shards, because I CAN NEVER SEE PATTERNS UNTIL IT’S TOO LATE. Someday, a goon in protective headgear will lay waste to me for that failing , I am sure. ;o}

Sorry about the glass, Mrs Polly. Was it half empty or half full?

Having watched countless Slasher films, I can share some tips.

If you’re alone and the phone rings, get out of the house because THE BAD MONSTER IS IN THE HOUSE ALREADY.

When you are running away in blind panic, avoid rocks, twigs, tree roots and fallen branches because you will invariably feel the urge to trip and fall at least once, twisting your ankle and soaking the front of your nightshirt in a conveniently located puddle or stream.

Don’t grab the largest carving knife from the kitchen drawer before you flee. THE MONSTER GUY will simply knock it out of your wimpy hands and those big knives aren’t good at stabbing anyway.

Don’t bother rifling the drawers or your jacket pocket for your cell phone; you will have a dead battery or there will be zero reception. Don’t even think about calling 911. It won’t go through.

So, review these helpful hints and don’t be caught in a Jason-type situation. No sexual antics in the boathouse, no sexual antics in the laundry cabin, and don’t even think about taking a shower.

Good luck!

No sexual antics in the boathouse, no sexual antics in the laundry cabin, and don’t even think about taking a shower.

Way ahead of ya!