Game of Drones:  Paranoid Patriots About To Scare Themselves To Death

What happens when you put a bunch of unemployed conspiracy theorists, low-info vigilantes and well-armed paranoiacs out in the desert sun to dry-roast for a couple of weeks?

SHIT! happens!  that’s what.

The Fantasy Justice League members that have #occupiedcowtown this month to protect Cliven Bundy’s inalienable right to suck the government teat dry, are starting to show obvious signs of PTSD following the anticlimactic Battle of Bundy Ranch.

The Battle itself took place a few weeks ago, without a shot being fired, but militia-types from all over these great United States were having so much fun on maneuvers, using soldier lingo and walkie-talkies, that they decided to hang out with the Bundy family indefinitely, to make sure that Bunkerville, NV is rendered safe for democracy.

But then the Oath Keepers went AWOL and all hell broke loose.  According to some reports, the Oath Keepers contingent have had their problems with a possible “mole” in their midst, along with accusations that they are the moles in somebody else’s midst. 

But then they received word, from “a source of intelligence of high value” that DoD had leaked info that Eric Holder had been given permission to send a “hot drone” to the Bundy Ranch.  From what I can gather, a “hot drone” is soldier talk for a drone with a bomb, as opposed, I suppose, to a “cool drone” that is merely a curiosity/annoyance.  Anyways, that’s when #shitgotreal.

After receiving that sobering news, the Oath Keepers decided that the soldierly thing to do would be to “redeploy off the X in anticipation of the potential drone strike.”  Apparently that is soldier talk for dispersing to local motels for showers and steaks and, maybe a little Keno, to make themselves less conspicuous targets.  The local troops called sissy on that strategy or, to be more explicit, called the OKs “yellow crud” which I understand is soldier talk for sissy.  Some even suggested that perhaps the OKs were working for “the other side”.

The Oath Keepers were saddened and dismayed that their superior strategic move was taken as a sissy move so they explained themselves on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.  They were only taking a break to baffle “the enemy” and, of course, they were not traitors—“OK is still on site and on mission Direct from the BoD.”  [Is that soldier talk for Board of Directors?]  As one commenter on Facebook opined, explaining their evasive tactics on social media sort of robbed their superior strategy of some of its superiority.

None of that matters, though, because the local Bundyites, who are still at the ranch, have vowed to ignore the OK’s apologies and explanations and the OKs are no longer welcome to take part in any further war games.  And they’re just lucky they didn’t get shot in the back while they were deserting to the Motel 6 because that’s how Real Constitutionalists deal with treason.

Thanks to Daily Kos’ TeamSarah4Choice, who seems to be enjoying the Bundy diversion every bit as much as myself, for the lovely video of the latest Bundy sitrep—that’s soldier talk for situation report.

So far the 48-hour hot-drone alert has come and gone without incident but, I see this morning that a new 24-hour one is now up.  And “Dr. Chaps” Klingenschmitt is pretty sure that the government is going to return to the Bundy ranch in the coming months, kill all the protesters, and dump their bodies in a mass grave.

But, in the meantime, there’s a little “friendly-fire” problem that has cropped up.  Apparently the patriotic citizens of Bunkerville and environs have had just about enough of delusional gunslingers in their midst so they did what disgruntled Americans have been doing since aught-six—they called their Congressman, Steven Horsford and told him to do something ASAP to get the gun nuts and their unconstitutional checkpoints out of their town.


Horsford heard his constituents and has now issued an order to the Clark County Sheriff Doug Gillespie [poor man] to get the militias out of town because people don’t feel safe anymore.

And, if you can still manage a little hilarity you really should play the song at the top of this post while reading through a few of the DailyPaul threads where this issue is being debated.

Posted by Bette Noir on 04/29/14 at 12:29 PM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersSports

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Those idiots are so paranoid about the eeebil gub’mint getting their names from gun registration lists yet they happily parade them around for the cameras. You just know the FBI is assembling a big file of these yahoos.

Apparently that is soldier talk for dispersing to local motels for showers and steaks and, maybe a little Keno, to make themselves less conspicuous targets.

It’s a pre-emptive strike on the all-you-can-eat buffet at Caesar’s Palace… or a reconnaissance mission to the legal brothels.

This is turning out to be a real “People’s Front of Judea vs Judean People’s Front” moment.  From the top (Jones/Beck) to the bottom (Oath Keepers/Bundybots), the entire movement is sinking into fear and loathing. 

Luckily, I have an eighteen-wheeler full of popcorn on it’s way.

It figures; they didn’t get the apocalyptic confrontation they wanted with the feds, so now they are turning on each other.  An who didn’t see that coming?

Oh my, you are a writer and a half with this material! That was beautiful.

Dear Mom,

I know you’re scared, me being on the front lines of the Last Stand Of Freedom, but it’s not that bad.

Bubba Fett, the leader of the Red Dawn Regiment, Roadhouse Co, has arranged for an air drop of Bud Light Lime and Corn King hotdogs. The women at the barricades have stopped wriggling so much. We have paint guns to find and identify the stealth drones.

Mr. Bundy, he’s given us permission to call him Cliven but he’s really like one of the founding fathers, without the fruity wig or learning, so I’d be uncomfortable being so familiar and all, he’s here upwards of a half an hour a day, keeping spirits up with his negro jokes and his bravery in the face of the BLM drones. He’s promised to support us in our fights, after we crush the feds here in Bundkerville. Like Hank next door - his still gives Gamma her corn allergies, he’s gonna pay hard, let me tell you.

Don’t worry mom, I’m stealthy, never go anywhere without my camouflage. Might even bring home a wife.

Love, Lynyrd

I’ve been wondering about how well prepared Bundy’s ranch is for all these “guests”.  Unless they are allowing in the local Port-o-potty concessionaires, there is likely to be a public health hazard a-brewing.  Ah well, its not something a cholera outbreak or the coming of the sizzling Nevada summer won’t take care of eventually.

@  S. cerevisiae,
No no no! The FBI is not assembling files on these guys! They are Right-Wingers ergo they are Patriots!

The FBI can only document and photograph left-wingers, women and minorities who become uppity and don’t recognize America is For White Males.

This group of right-wing domestic terrorists would be scary if I wasn’t sure a bunch of firecrackers thrown into the middle of them would result in a circular firing squad.

This group of right-wing domestic terrorists would be scary if I wasn’t sure a bunch of firecrackers thrown into the middle of them would result in a circular firing squad.


Is it a bad thing that this actually sounds like a good, if suicidal, idea?

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