German High Court Rules CERN Supercollider Not Liable for Apocalypse Damages

In an encouraging sign that science may yet survive vigorous efforts to replace it with “common sense,” Dan Brown novels and radio call-in shows, Germany’s Federal Constitutional Court has ruled that the End of the World, should it occur, will likely be initiated by something other than CERN’s Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The Court rejected an appeal in the case of a woman who was seeking to halt operation of the LHC in order to avert the Earth’s destruction, possibly as a result of the accidental creation of a localized Black Hole, or some other damn thing that only happens in cartoons and Star Trek movies.

Despite the Court’s decision, scientists at CERN remain concerned that the project may yet be shut down by its own Meddling Arrogance boomeranging backwards through Time...or possibly at the insistence of God, who is by His own admission a Jealous Guy.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 03/10/10 at 01:10 AM • Permalink

Categories: Geek Speak • Politics • Nutters • Skull Hampers •

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You spelled hadron correctly. How disappointing.

Comment by Johnny Pez on 03/10/10 at 01:36 AM

The Court rejected an appeal in the case of a woman who was seeking to halt operation of the LHC in order to avert the Earth’s destruction

Dr. Orly Taitz, Esq. sure gets around.

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 03/10/10 at 06:33 AM

It’s simply a relief to have a new excuse for self-sabotaging behavior; it isn’t me, it’s the Higgs particles!

OTOH, if I knew the LHC wasn’t going to create a universe-ending black hole, I’d have been more careful about paying into Social Security.

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 03/10/10 at 08:18 AM

I think Professor Cox might have some hints for climate scientists on how to deal with kooks:

But Prof Cox, ex-keyboardist for 1990’s pop group D:REAM, dismissed the hysteria in rock-star style.

“Anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a tw—,” he said.

The part about the woman’s case not having an “coherent account” of how the world would end does sound very Orly-esque. I just hope she gets stuck with the court costs.

Comment by sean on 03/10/10 at 08:38 AM

Laugh all you like, people. But who will be having the last laugh as we’re all being sucked into the may of that Swiss black hole and crushed into a singularity?

The end is near(er)!

Comment by J. on 03/10/10 at 11:01 AM

I prefer to call the LHC the"Large Hardon Collider.” or “CHUB” for short. The fuss in the German court by that insane woman brings to mind the related HADES project, High Acceptance Di-Electron Spectrometer (Hadron Physics Experiment at GSI Darmstadt) which was thought to be responsible for awakening “The Old Ones.”