Getting Raped By Your Crazy Uncle And Being Forced To Have The Baby Even If It Kills You, For Jesus!

(Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Bobby Jindal)

Hello, Rumproast! It is such an honor to join this blog. I’m sure you’re wondering what that shocking blog post title is all about, so let’s get to it!

Legendary exorcist Bobby Jindal, also known as Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, is apparently the 2012 Republicans’ version of Barack Obama, because I guess he could be mistaken for black from a distance?

Steve Schmidt, who just successfully managed John McCain’s bid to pathetically lose the presidency and any last shred of his dignity says:

“The question is not whether he’ll be president, but when he’ll be president, because he will be elected someday.”

Take that to the bank! But don’t expect to withdraw any money, because there isn’t any left in America!

Anyway, getting back to the shocking title of this blog post, about getting raped by your crazy uncle and being forced to have the baby even if it might kill you (for Jesus!), it turns out that Bobby Jindal really, really hates abortion. I mean really, really, really, really hates it. And if he ever became president, you could never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, have one:

...social conservatives like what they have heard about the public and private Jindal: his steadfast opposition to abortion without exceptions; his disapproval of embryonic stem cell research; his and his wife Supriya’s decision in 1997 to enter into a Louisiana covenant marriage that prohibits no-fault divorce in the state; and his decision in June to sign into law the Louisiana Science Education Act, a bill heartily supported by creationists that permits public school teachers to educate students about both the theory of “scientific design” and criticisms of Darwinian evolutionary concepts.

There’s a whole host of crazy in that paragraph about which one could write an entire book, but I’ll just deal with the abortion part.

This man will never be president if he is against abortion without exceptions. Just think about it. No exceptions. Not rape. Not incest. Not life of the mother being at risk.

Attention women of America. Consider this: You have been raped. By your crazy ass uncle Bobby (no relation). If you have the baby it will likely kill you. Is there any way you could have an abortion, to literally save your life? Not if Bobby Jindal is president, because apparently he believes that you getting raped by your uncle and suffering a painful death while giving birth to your rapechild is all somehow part of God’s glorious plan for you.

Don’t you feel better knowing that Jesus loves you?

Seriously, even Sarah Palin had the decency and wisdom (I can’t believe I just typed that) to make an exception for abortion when it came to the life of the mother being in jeopardy. And Sarah Palin? Everybody hates Sarah Palin!

There, now Bobby Jindal will never be president. My work is done.

(Cross posted at The November Blog)

Posted by Noah on 12/01/08 at 02:55 PM • Permalink

Categories: Politics •

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I don’t know. I think a healthy dose of “Christian Scientist! No transfusions! No surgery!” advertising might put a hitch in his giddy up.

I’d definitely donate to that cause, I can tell ya. Also.

Comment by Ripley on 12/01/08 at 04:27 PM

I could be wrong about this, but I don’t think Jindal could swing the GOP nomination, so his views on abortion are hardly likely to become an issue in the general election. Despite the fact that we have our first African-American president-elect, there is a hard-core percentage of people in this country who will not vote for a non-white person. I don’t know if it’s 5% or 15%, but whatever the percentage, virtually 100% of them are Republicans, and I don’t see how Jindal gets the nod without them.

Comment by Betty Cracker on 12/01/08 at 04:41 PM

I have actually seen a few people speculate that he’s the “Republican Barack” (snort, wheeze, gasp!) unlikely as it seems. But, as you said, Noah, there’s a whole lot of crazy in his political views. I don’t see the pendulum of the country as a whole swinging that far right anytime soon. I think it went about as far as it would go in the late 90’s which led to Bush’s election and the prominence of the religious right. I don’t think even then someone as hard core crazy as Jindahl could have been elected. In fact Bush had to play down his evangelical side to appeal to enough moderates.

Comment by marindenver on 12/01/08 at 05:24 PM

Take that to the bank! But don’t expect to withdraw any money, because there isn’t any left in America!

Awe. Some.

Jindal/Palin ‘12!

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 12/02/08 at 12:31 AM

He’s got 8 years to remake himself as a moderate and hitch a ride while Louisiana recovers along with everyone else, thanks to heaping helpings of Federal (ie: Dem) support. Then he runs as a centrist who reached across the aisle in a Democratic state to get things done in his own legislature and recover from years of Democratic abuse. Think that story line is a bit too unplausible? That there’s no way Americans could have such short attention spans, or attribute the successes of the national economy to an individual states’ actions? GW Bush would disagree. And 2016 is a loooong way away. Think where the Democratic Party was in 2000.