Green Eggs and Spam With a Side of Chumpbait


Well, the P.T. Barnum of the US Senate let his freak flag fly last night in a pre-season campaign talkathon and damage-control session.  Cruzilla had maneuvered himself into hot water with a large majority of the sane inhabitants of the Free World and had to prove that he was not just all . . . well, talk.

So it is that the Gentleman From Texas took himself off to Harry Reid and asked for permission to stage a faux-filibuster in the US Senate during off hours.  Of course, Harry’s nobody’s fool and figured if this troublemaker wants an audience while making an even greater ass of himself, well, there aren’t any Senate rules against that as long as he clears off in time for a Wednesday test-vote that should spank him good and proper.

Others have covered the details of Cruz’s overnight “program” in detail.  Suffice it to say that it included little homilies about Neville Chamberlain appeasing Nazis—a conservative staple, introduced during the first 30 minutes—the ever-inspiring story of Cruz Sr’s immigrant dish-washing days, a weird riff on White Castle, a Rand Paul walk-on, and a brief—now famous—interlude in which Ted Cruz, family man, read Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham for his daughters’ bed-time story.

Cruz may have graduated from Princeton and Harvard, but that doesn’t mean that he “gets” Green Eggs and Ham.  Cruz, of course, tied the story into Obamacare, explaining how Americans “do not like it in a box, with a fox, on a train, etc” proving to the wonderment of the pre-school set that he completely missed the point of the story which is “try it, you might like it.”

Oh well, I guess his brain is just too crammed with Ivy League stuff [and none of that “Lesser Ivy League” stuff, either.]

While Ted blathered on about Obamacare rending the fabric of society, the Department of Health and Human Services released the initial report on expected premiums when open enrollment begins next week.

Here’s that news:

Individuals will have an average of 53 qualified health plan choices in states where HHS will fully or partially run the Marketplace.

....Premiums before tax credits will be more than 16 percent lower than projected. The weighted average second lowest cost silver plan for 48 states (including DC) is 16 percent below projections based on the ASPE-derived Congressional Budget Office premiums.

....Tax credits will make premiums even more affordable for individuals and families. For example, in Texas, an average 27-year-old with income of $25,000 could pay $145 per month for the second lowest cost silver plan, $133 for the lowest cost silver plan, and $83 for the lowest cost bronze plan after tax credits. For a family of four in Texas with income of $50,000, they could pay $282 per month for the second lowest cost silver plan, $239 for the lowest silver plan, and $57 per month for the lowest bronze plan after tax credits.

Oooh, SCARY!

But the funnest part of the Cruz stunt, aside from the feathers flying on Twitter, is the tantrum being thrown in the conserva-sphere over the media treatment of Ted Cruz vs. Wendy Davis.  Of course, Wendy Davis staged a real filibuster that had a real effect while Cruz is staging a fake-filibuster that will have no effect.

And if we’re all realllly lucky, Wendy Davis will become governor of Texas and Ted Cruz will join Rick Santorum, Joe Walsh, Allen West, Todd Akin and Sarah Palin in the GOP Hall of Lame.

Posted by Bette Noir on 09/25/13 at 09:43 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsHealth CareNuttersTeabaggery

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Trust a conservative to get Dr. Seuss wrong.  Note, however, that Charlie Pierce thinks the Tedster scored a savvy victory:

Comment by Mr. Wonderful on 09/25/13 at 10:16 AM

@Mr. W: Seen as a move in the 2016 primaries, no doubt Mr. Pierce is right. Sorry for Marco Rubio, but not very intensely. Neither of them will ever be president though, I promise. The main thing is that the performance in no way threatens the ACA.

I am pimping my special Cruz edition of Green Eggs all around the block: at ruz-referencing-dr-seuss.html

@Yas Brilliant!  I’m now a subscriber.

I do not like them, Ted-Is-Me,
I do not like white rage and tea!

Some of Pierce’s commenters are shitting themselves over this. I can’t imagine why. “He rose to prominence so fast!” Well, so did Paul Ryan. So did Rick Perry. So did Herman, and Bobby Jindal, and Rand Paul. These guys get a new messiah about every other month.

Ted Cruz is smoking some high-grade quality crack if he thinks he can take the Obama route: do a few years in the Senate, then hit the campaign trail to a victory as the Republican nominee for president, then beat the Democratic nominee for president. He is higher than fuck, because there are a large number of people that will vote against him or just stay home to let the other person win. It would be fun to see a Cruz-Clinton matchup in 2016 though, but I have no doubts at all that if either Rand Paul or Teddy-boy are selected, Hillary Clinton will definitely be the next president of these United States. The only one I can foresee giving her a run for her money is the fat, mysogynist, douchebag-bully himself, Chris Christie.

@D Johnston - not to mention Sarah Palin.  They all make the fatal mistake of opening their mouths and emitting speaking noises.

@Yastreblyansky - That is genius.  Thank you!

@Stentor - And the bottom feeder base of the Rethugs (i.e. the ones who come out for the primaries) ain’t never gonna vote for Christie’s Obama-hugging ass so he’s really not much of a threat.

The bottom feeder base is going to make damned sure that Christie is not the nominee, of this we can be certain.  Which non-electable wingnut id gets their nod is all a guess right now, but Cruz and Paul look like the most likely at this point.  Does FSM really love us enough for that to happen?

@Mar, @SOAS, Hey that’s fine with me, let’s pop up some popcorn, get out the Jujy Fruits, make sure our sodas are topped off, & then prepare to watch the entertainment. I want to make sure we see all of the wailing, rending of garments, & gnashing of teeth when the wingnut candidate loses yet again, & the men in the white suits have to come for Sean Hannity to measure him for a jacket with extra-long sleeves because he’s off in a corner of the Fox News studios gibbering to himself. Should be a riot!

Well, I guess after that little performance, the Senator is now full of green eggs and spam??

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