Glass-Mandible Act

At a minute past the closing of the South Carolina polls, your ace Rumproast Primary coverage team, consisting of Mrs. Polly, her modem, and a 1998 Panasonic (19”, don’t envy!) entirely are certain that MSNBC has forecast the winner: NOT MITT!

The dropsical Speaker is experiencing a surge that may last more than four hours. So much for solid family values in the Palm State~~oh, it’s Palmetto? Dear dear! My mistake.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 01/21/12 at 07:15 PM • Permalink

Categories: ImagesKnee SlappersPoliticsElection '12MittensNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

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Newt has his own unique methods for courting that all-important lady vote.


For some reason, Mitt had to do an urgent underoos wash.

Stung by Defeat, Romney Considers Adultery polls-romney-considers-adultery/

Comment by Itchy Brother on 01/21/12 at 07:28 PM

Brit, I believe those may have been his debate pants Mitt was washing out. No wonder he wanted to do the laundry himself.

I’ll have fun pointing out to wingnuts that Jeremiah Wright is morally superior to Gingrich.

Although that’s not exactly a high bar to clear.

AAAAAaannnd…Romney’s ahead, by 700 votes, but NEWT’S TOTALLY the WINNER.

I guess the Hoverround Republicans made it through the bad weather after all.

SA, that would be a Jeremiad, wouldn’t it?

Well, with most of the networks and the AP already declaring the result, downticket looks more interesting—will Paul or Santorum take third place?

Over at Freeperville, where Jimbob earlier threatened yet another purge if people kept badmouthing Newt, he’s cock-a-hoop:

FOX News calls it for NEWT!! WOO HOO!!

Posted on 22 January 2012 00:14:20 by Jim Robinson

FOX News calls it for NEWT!! WOO HOO!!

His incisive cabal of political analysts is on top of its game:

Sarah Palin’s endorsement was Game Changer for Newt, ofcourse Monday Debate did major work.

Oh, and while I was over there, if your cup isn’t already runnething over with GOP hilarity, here’s one for the calendar:

BREAKING: Herman Cain Delivering Tea Party [Express] response to the State of the Union

Dear Friends, We are excited to announce Herman Cain will be joining the Tea Party Express in Washington, D.C., on Tuesday January 24th to deliver the Tea Party response to the State of te Union!

If Noot would only make $arah his VP pick in waiting, he would be unstoppable! Or maybe unspeakable. Anyway, one of those things…

Betty, I think the word is..deth-PICKABULL.

Mitt’s conceding, but he’s going to the state that suffered so terribly under the failed policies of skeletor President Obama.

No word on whether he’ll debate Monday.

C4P is a bit of a microcosm of some of the tensions within the GOP:

Here we go with the Establishment projecting a winner with less than 1% of the vote counted.

Yes, it will be good if Mittens loses and Sarah Palin is giving Nikki Haley the what for on WHO is boss, but still…

Oh…what the hey, MITTENS LOSES BIG!!


Mittens will debate. If he wants to win Florida, he’ll show up Full-Metal Wingnut!

Every righty blog is trumpeting Newt as the winner (some through gritted teeth, some not). Althouse is, as usual, ahead of the pack:

Did Gingrich win?
I’m hearing reports that he’s the projected winner (in South Carolina), but it looks even with 1% reporting.

After some “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” goings-on in the comments, she appends:

AND: I know, I know. Exit polls. But remember exit polls in 2004? Here’s what I wrote that strange November evening:

Followed by a long screed involving wine.

Also. Seal and Heidi Klum are getting divorced. This gets co-billing over there.

Also. Seal and Heidi Klum are getting divorced.

WTF? What in the sphincter of hell is happening to this world?

Gah. Also. Is Ron Paul drunk? Would it be better for the world if he actually got drunk?

Good lord. This reality is utterly confounding.

Althouse should pay attention. The little mad gynecologist is giving a victory speech. The Cause has won, Liberty has won, and nation-building is right out.

And forget the Fed. RonPaulStillSkin is going to spin it into Gold.

And furthermore, in a world where Seal and Heidi are getting divorced, and serial adulterer Newt Gingrich is winning primaries while his sister Candace cannot get married legally, do we have any other choice but to make heterosexual marriage illegal?

Okay. I am going to walk away from both the keyboard and the television.

The Guardian‘s Richard Adams can be very tart:

Ron Paul is resplendent in a lovely blue sweater with a nice striped tie. The words coming out of his mouth include “fiat money”, “gold standard” and so on.

“We are the next generation,” says 76-year-old Ron Paul.

Rickie Santorum is proud to be a coal-miner’s grandson. It’s like being a veteran’s son, but earthier.

The dignity of work should be respected, not coddled with such indignities as minimum wages and safe working conditions!

I’d say this is an overlong speech for a third-place finisher, but Santorum is entitled to one victory speech, so this is for you, Iowa!

The little mad gynecologist is giving a victory speech. The Cause has won, Liberty has won, and nation-building is right out.

That settles it.  I’m now prepared to officially announce my endorsement of… The People.

Sarah Palin’s endorsement was Game Changer for Newt,

Of course it was!

Heidi and Seal, eh?  Never saw that one coming.

So when does Mitt trot out an extra-marital affair?

Here’s my theory of why Newt won the woman’s vote. Years ago a friend asked her boyfriend why men like to watch Lesbian Porn. He responded “More for me.” That’s my theory about Newt and the SC ladeez Club.  They look at him and see a hound dog who always has room for one more wife.  They don’t identify with the wives he left behind, they identify with the next one. Also, at the rate he’s going, he can be every American woman’s back up plan if her first husband dumps her.


As usual, the Onion has the answer,

Comment by Tracy on 01/21/12 at 09:40 PM

aimai, they like chitlins down there, too.
Mymymy, Newt is painting Otherness in great dripping brushstrokes tonight.

Whhhhrrrrp! Whhhhhrrrp! Whhhhhhhrp!

Newt’s speech is going over well in the canine community.

Also Alinsky also. And too.

from MSNBC

More than half the voters told exit poll interviewers that they’d decided in the last few days for whom they would vote and Gingrich overwhelmingly won such late deciders, getting 44 percent of them to Romney’s 22 percent.

You know considering how many people do that, why does the run for nominee so flippin’ long?  They could cut it down to three months and get the same results!

Less educated voters also favored Gingrich

I’d never had guessed. 

Three out of five voters interviewed in the exit poll said that it mattered somewhat or greatly whether a candidate shared their religious views and Gingrich beat Romney by better than two to one among such voters.

and here was me thinking adultery was an anti religious view.

Newt’s rabid speech reminded me of Palin’s ‘08 GOP Convention speech. I think the only note he missed (or maybe I missed, as I didn’t catch the whole thing) was “community organizer *hack putt*.”

I hope it’ll galvanize some folks on the left like Palin did, no matter who the eventual GOP nominee is. With Romney as the frontrunner, sure he can get snippy, but he has people to do the real dirty work for him. Newt’s a demagogue who lives to wallow in the mire. He’s also a ridiculously arrogant asshole, and not the most disciplined of campaigners, so it could be an interesting ride.

Oh, and I just saw this Tweet over at the Guardian:

jcstearns Fox News exit poll: 99% white. Really. #scprimary

@ YAFB—I was also reminded of Palin’s convention speech. Gingrich was heaving great, dripping chunks of red meat all over the place. And yeah, “ridiculously arrogant asshole” is about right, perhaps rising to the level of pathology. Popcorn futures!

Well, a quick scan of DU—something of a bellwether for me as all sorts of folks from firebaggers to Kosites to DU natives post there—and tonight’s result does seem to be having a certain unifying effect (for now).

To put it all in perspective, Booman (who I usually turn to when in need of that) points out that the results from the three primaries so far are much as one might expect:

A religious conservative won in Iowa, a Massachusetts moderate won in New Hampshire, and a Georgian demagogue carried his neighboring state of South Carolina. That’s basically what we all would have expected twenty years ago. Candidates used to have a lot more regional appeal, and perhaps the pundits are discounting how persistent that trend really is. I think Romney got too much credit for winning New Hampshire, and it’s completely possible that Gingrich is going to get too much credit for winning South Carolina.

And I’m sure somebody can improve on “ridiculously arrogant asshole.”


C onservatives
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Comment by Bob Stanley on 01/22/12 at 12:15 AM

When the primaries are held on Uranus, or maybe Nevada, Ron Paul will win one.

@fivethirtyeight Nate, you’re good with math. If you & SuperPac spend $4.7m, and get zero delegates, how much did you spend per delegate?

And, Santorum friends and fans, a mere ten sawbucks will get you a genuine, soft, absorbent cotton Santorum sweatervest.

Laundering instructions included, one hopes.

Woah. Predictably, Jim Hoft’s humping this result like a chihuahua in heat. His commenters aren’t of one mind with him. Well, Jim Hoft’s not of one mind, but here’s a few of their comments:

Krauthammer is right. Gingrinch is Obama’s late Christmas present. An unelectable candidate.

Wait until the real skeletons come out.

Newt is unelectable and will never beat Obummer.

Kind of hard to predict what will happen. Newt’s response at the last “debate” won it for him. Attacking the press is ok, but Newt doesn’t really have much else.

Lol…hahahaha….Newt? OMG…you statist big government “conservatives” are about as bad as the idiot liberals. Lol, Newt is a jack-a-lope if anything. Lol…..burn baby burn.

Newt is John Edwards with different speech writers. We ask how anyone could vote for John Edwards, Newt is John Edwards. He’s also made his millions off us taxpayers and Washington lobbying, etc. Anyone but Newt. I cannot stand a dirtbag, immoral person like that being on our side. No thanks.

The constrast between Obama the family man and Newt the amoral pig will swing the independent votes to the democrats.

The man who recently sat on a couch with Nancy Pelosi and called for cap and trade to fight global warming, and who dismissed Paul Ryan’s reforms as “right-wing social engineering” is no conservative.

Anyone who thinks Newt is a real conservative is a fool. As is anyone who thinks the wider American electorate will choose him over Obama.

A.S.S. (Americans Supporting Santorum) is behind the moneybomb.

C onservatives
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S aul Alinsky
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When the primaries are held on Uranus, or maybe Nevada, Ron Paul will win one.

I don’t think he’ll have to go that far - he’s sure to clinch it on that floating Galtopia out in international waters.

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