Happy Chemtrails To You
Sometimes it’s just so hard to decide whether or not science is a friend or foe of mankind. For example, when science tells us that we are damaging our planet because we are greedy capitalists squandering resources like spoiled children? Totally Foe. But if science or pseudoscience can be tortured into supporting our weakness for magical-thinking and political chicanery, well then! better living through chemistry, yo!
So it is that when certain denizens of Arizona tired of puzzling over the mysteries of the Sedona Vortex, or searching the Superstition Mountains for the treasure of the Lost Dutchman Mine, they cast their eyes to the skies to scan for UFOs . . . and Chemtrails!
We are all used to seeing the condensation trails or “contrails” exhausted from jet airplane engines. Then, one fine day, someone with a lot of imagination and not enough to do made the startling discovery that contrails don’t disappear as fast as they used to back in the day. I suspect that, somewhere on theplanet, some specimen of Homo sapiens has dedicated him/herself to timing the vanishing point of contrails because . . . intellectual curiosity?
At any rate, it wasn’t long before some members of the Wingnut Illuminati construed the true meaning of the non-disappearing chemtrails as evidence that some sinister force, committed to world domination, [probably the United Nations] is constantly bombarding Earth’s atmosphere with chemicals disguised in the contrails of high-flying jets.
To what end? one might ask. Why, for any number of fanciful reasons—[ahem, we’re not scientists]—perhaps for solar radiation management, or psychological manipulation, or human population control, or, OMG! to create climate change. Others believe these are testing for biological or chemical warfare, and that the trails are already causing respiratory illnesses and other health problems.
There are web sites dedicated to the Chemtrail Conspiracy theory. In some of the accounts, the chemicals are described as barium and aluminum salts, polymer fibers, thorium, or silicon carbide. Other accounts allege that the skies are being seeded with electrically conductive materials as part of a massive electromagnetic superweapons program based around the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP).
Scientists and federal agencies have consistently denied that chemtrails exist. Indeed, as the chemtrail conspiracy took flight, federal officials were flooded with angry calls and letters so a multi-agency response to dispel the rumors was published in a 2000 fact sheet by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), which, of course, convinced true believers that the Chemtrail Conspiracy is a fact.
But good conspiracy theories never die so we now have the Arizona State Senate spending Arizonans tax dollars to help other Arizonans get past their conspiracy theories.
Sen. Kelli Ward, who happens to be a physician, has called for a public meeting, to be held at the Board of Supervisors Auditorium in Kingman, Arizona, because she had heard from “a lot” of constituents who feel that their concerns over the possible effects of chemtrails on the weather and on their blood chemistry are not being taken seriously.
One of those constituents, Jennifer Cramer, of Havasu, said she’s noticed chemtrails in town for about two years.
Every time they do chemtrailing there is some dramatic change in the weather. I noticed it this weekend and then it got very windy. I’m not a scientist and I don’t know what’s in the (chemtrails). I think we have a right to know instead of worry about it every day.
Something tells me that Jennifer probably wouldn’t really accept any other answer than “You got us, dead to rights, we’ve been dumping chemicals on you for donkey’s years and you are doomed.” I certainly don’t think she’d be satisfied if she were told to get a life and try not to be so paranoid.
Sen. Ward, recently returned from a goodwill tour of the Bundy Ranch, evidently has a soft spot for nutters.
Ward said she is confident that the air and water in Mohave County are safe and pointed to naturally occurring minerals that could account for heightened levels of mercury and other minerals in blood tests. Sen. Ward is apparently sane.
Nevertheless, they may be annoying wingnuts but they’re her wingnuts so, at a time when Republicans are stealing candy from babies and gutting public education, they are still happy to spend money indulging the fever dreams of their fringier base.
Meanwhile, it’s probably a good idea to keep a few bucks in the state coffers to lay in supplies for Electronic Armageddon Strikes [see Sen. Farnsworth (R-Mesa) SB 1476].