Happy HOLIDAYS, goddamn it!

Thers at Whiskey Fire detects a new smugness in seasonal mercantile greetings:

So this afternoon MollyI&I went to a diner, and as we were getting the check the waitress said “Merry Christmas.” Which was nice. But she said it kind of smugly, which was weird.

“Gosh,” I wondered, “did this woman genuinely wish us well, or did she say to us, ‘take THAT, SECULAR PROGRESSIVE ENEMY!’”

Either way, thanks, Fox News, for deliberately using Christmas to make Americans resentful and suspicious of each other over bullshit.

I’ve noticed this too. The cashiers at an ostentatiously Christian local grocery chain were wearing badges this week that declared, “It’s OKAY to say ‘Merry Christmas,” and some at that retail outlet as well as at other establishments delivered the greeting with an unnerving (and un-Baby-Jeebus-like) note of triumphalism.

I’m sure none suspected that they were addressing a godless proponent of militant secularism in me since I appear to be a garden-variety, middle-class Southern lady with all the cultural markers that implies. (Boy are people surprised when they get to know me!)

But Thers is right: The propaganda arm of the conservative movement is screwing up its audiences’ always absurd sense of victimization to lofty new sticking points this year. You’ll find no better example than self-appointed General of Christian Soldiers Sarah Palin, whose bizarre comments about President Obama’s holiday greeting card and follow-up in-yer-face-heathen-scum Facebook screed embody the true spirit of seasonal evangelical grievance-mongering.

Oh well. In the certainty that we will indeed “remain resentful and suspicious of each other over bullshit” into 2012 and beyond, I offer a hearty “Happy Holidays” to Palin and the rest of the Christian-supremacist crybabies. And I offer sincere season’s greetings and best wishes to the readers of this here humble blog. Dog bless us, every one!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/24/11 at 09:24 AM • Permalink

Categories: Politics • Bedwetters • Nutters • Sarah Palin • Our Stupid Media •

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This kind of reminds me of an uncomfortable exchange I had this week. I’m a customer service phone agent, so I do have to sometimes engage in odd smalltalk when I’d rather just deal with whatever technical issue is at hand, but I got asked:

“So are you ready for Christmas yet?”

The presumption being that a) Of course I celebrated Christmas and b) that I had to do anything about it. Dozens of responses, inappropriate and not, flooded my brain, ranging from, “Sure, I’ve laid a beartrap for Santa under the chimney with care,” to “Say what?” I settled on “I’m never really ready until the 25th.” (I at least know when Xmas is!)

She followed up with, “Oh, you must not have ten grandchildren, then.”

Uh. No? I really must not. (Assumptions about age, marital status, etc….sheesh. I did not say, “Well, not that I know about.”)

Comment by Vixen Strangely on 12/24/11 at 10:07 AM

Setting up a golf date yesterday, my friend ended our conversation with a “Happy Holidays!” I knee-jerked, “Merry Christmas!” After we hung up, I wondered if I’d made a foo-paw - she could be Jewish!

Worry, worry…....

Comment by crystalclear on 12/24/11 at 11:52 AM

Vixen—

The hardest part of your job must be not fungo-ing these lobs out of the park just for the sport of it. E.g., “Oh, you must not have ten grandchildren, then,” makes me want to say:

1) “Actually, I have twenty, and they’re all Hindu.”
2) “Do you? You only sound old enough to have six.”
3) “I have nine. Is that enough?”
4) “I do. And they’re all in prison. Thanks for reminding me.”
5) “I don’t have any. I’m a Lesbian, if you must know. And how about you? What is your sexual orientation?”

At any rate: Happy hols to Rumpers, Roasters, and us who appreciate them.

Comment by Mr.Wonderful on 12/24/11 at 12:33 PM

The Jewess Steel, when she worked in retail, reported the combative “Mary Crismiss!” from the 50 and up crowd.
I’ve never gotten one. Maybe it’s because I’m a grown-ass man? I think there are all kinds of irritations and inconveniences I don’t experience by virtue of white, middle aged dude…but don’t tell the freedom fighters over at Reason that.

Comment by Jewish Steel on 12/24/11 at 12:39 PM

I’m an atheist but I love the tinsel, the eggnog, the feast, the lights and everything to do with Madison Avenue’s greatest success: Christmas! Any excuse for a celebration is A-okay with me.

I’ve been cheerfully wishing everyone I talk to a Merry Christmas for weeks.

My point is, there is barely a soupcon of religion in Christmas so why shouldn’t atheists embrace it with full bacchanalian ferver. Plus, there’s the added bonus of irritating the fundies who think they own it.

Comment by Glix on 12/24/11 at 01:22 PM

Hekk, Glix, it’s our pagan day. They can take their plastic Jesus and head on down to church, that’s the only thing they added to the day.

All else, the tree, tinsel, lights and gifts are ancient traditions. I’ve thrown in a “happy Yuletide” here and there just to get a reaction but I have no trouble tossing out a hearty Merry Christmas.

Now I go wassailing!

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 12/24/11 at 01:51 PM

Merry Christmas Betty ! Or Happy Holidays !

I’m hip with both.

Season’s Greeting to all Rumproast bloggers, thanks for entertaining me.

Comment by zerostress on 12/24/11 at 02:37 PM

My point is, there is barely a soupcon of religion in Christmas so why shouldn’t atheists embrace it with full bacchanalian ferver.

That’s basically my take. There is no historical reason for celebrating “the birth of Jesus” on what is now December 25, so I’m all for reclaiming Christmas from the Christians, Christmas trees and all (find them in yer Bible, Sarah, let alone the apparently now traditional Bristol blowing a snowball).

In the the darker climes of the northern hemisphere at least, we desperately need something to carry us through the cabin fever, foul weather and darkness, and a prompt to be at least civil if not generous with each other, and there it is—conveniently ready-packaged and widely observed. Just like Christmas itself was borrowed and overlain on pre-Christian solstice celebrations.

So Merry Christmas, or whatever you choose to celebrate, one and all! Have a good ‘un.

Comment by YAFB on 12/24/11 at 04:12 PM

It’s Saturnalia!!!

Comment by Grung_e_Gene on 12/24/11 at 04:42 PM

“It’s OKAY to say ‘Merry Christmas,” and some at that retail outlet as well as at other establishments delivered the greeting with an unnerving (and un-Baby-Jeebus-like) note of triumphalism.

There’s no oppression more satisfying to overcome than one that never actually existed, I always say.

Merry Whatevermas from this agnostic to ALL of YOU!

Comment by Xecky Gilchrist on 12/24/11 at 05:22 PM

I always carry a bag of gelt around to remind people to say happy Chaka Khan.

I don’t believe in the religion of any of the major holidays, but you can deflate the militant xtianists if they think you’re one of those people that have top be around for Jesus to kill when he comes back.

Comment by MikeJ on 12/24/11 at 05:51 PM

I had a very nice conversation with a very Indian fellow on snowshoes today; I was skiing out from my favorite back country playground and he wanted to know exactly how I could climb uphill with skis on. We had a discussion regarding my stuff, which is maybe about 1% of the total skier market (I never ski at ski areas, but to ski down anything I have to climb up it first).

We had a lovely talk and I suggested some other good snowshoeing places for his future plans; he wished me a merry Christmas in the most melodious of Indian accents. It made my day.